Our Place Upon the Ashes
by letzigprincess
Summary: After a traumatic upbringing, Edward is left on his own to care for his younger sister. When his sister starts sixth grade, Bella enters their lives and changes everything. Doing what he can to keep distance between himself and Bella, he discovers it's easier said than done. Will Bella become just another one of his many sexual conquests or be exactly what he and Lanie both need?
1. A Fresh Start

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**WARNING- If you've read other stories of mine, you know I don't deal only in fluff and happiness. Dark themes underly most of my plot lines and this story is no exception. It is M for a reason. There. You've had your warning. ~Now you can enjoy it~**

**Chapter 1**

**A Fresh Start**

"Fuck, Eddie, it smells like sex in here," Jasper Whitlock cringed as he walked over to the window and pulled the curtain wide, letting in the crisp, fall air.

Edward Cullen couldn't help but smirk as the girl he was currently holding to him grabbed the blankets and pulled them up over both of them. He wanted to tell her to calm down but he couldn't remember her name. Jasper just shook his head and walked back out of the room. "Don't forget! You told Lanie you'd pick her up at ten!"

Irritation hit Edward as he got out of bed without so much as a hello to the naked blonde and stalked naked over to the hallway. Not giving a shit that he was in his birthday suit, he glared at Jasper. "I fucking know when to pick her up! I have forty-seven minutes and traffic won't be too bad."

"Oh my, God. You're married..." the girl muttered as she dug around in the bedsheets for what Edward figured was some tiny article of clothing.

"I'm not married," Edward frowned, pulling on his pants and running his fingers through his hair to try to tame it. It never worked.

"Girlfriend, then?" she asked, now dressed in her tank top and jeans.

"Nope."

This allowed her to relax a little and shake her head. "Then who the hell is Lanie?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Do you have a kid?" the blonde asked incredulously, as if that was the last thing she would have expected.

"Do you need a ride home?"

"No. I'll take a cab," she spat, shaking her head. Guilt touched Edward for all of about ten seconds while he watched her storm past Jasper and walk out the door.

"You are going to _end up _with a kid..." Jasper began, shaking his head.

"I don't need a lecture."

"You need your own place to do this shit at...oh, wait, you have one!"

"I can't take girls back to my place. What if something happens and Lanie catches me? Besides, we were roomies for almost two years before shit hit the fan. It's not like you haven't seen me naked..."

"Still, it would be nice not to have to see you naked before I even get a chance to eat my breakfast. Your friend, though...I mean...where did you find that one?"

"Church group," Edward smiled, grabbing a cup of coffee off the counter.

"Edward!"

"Kidding, kidding. The bar. Tanya's been a piece of work lately. I couldn't get a hold of her so I found someone else."

"Edward, Lanie's going to be eleven years old in a few months. She's not stupid. She's going to think something is up."

"I have to go. If I'm a second late, she'll lecture me the whole way home."

"Oh, now you act like picking her up is your top priority! Here, take her some muffins. Alice made them yesterday afternoon."

Edward grabbed the bag Jasper was handing to him and set it back down long enough to put his shirt on and take turns with his feet as he stuck them each in a boot and tied them up. Without another word, he grabbed the bag and his keys and headed down to the apartment lobby. After fighting with his car for about three minutes, he finally got the damn thing to start and pulled out into the Sunday morning traffic.

Lanie, his ten year old sister, was staying at a friend's house on the other side of the city. As soon as he found a parking place, he remembered who he would have to deal with in the process. The little girl's mother was an...interesting...character. If it wasn't for the fact that Lanie didn't have that many friends since the incident, he wouldn't have let her stay there at all. The night before when he dropped her off had been bad enough.

Bracing himself, he knocked on the door and waited. Seconds later, the door opened to a strawberry blonde trophy wife who was wearing black stilettos and a silky robe. "Hi, Edward."

"Good morning, Mrs. Nichol," he said as politely as possible while only slightly emphasizing the 'Mrs.'

"Eddie!" a shrill voice from behind the woman called out.

While the woman stepped back, he was aware that she was staring at him. "So, Mrs. Nichol, I hope she was good. Thanks for letting her stay. She loves playing with Sarah. Hopefully they didn't keep you and your husband up all night."

"She's a total angel. Besides, Andrew's away for the next week or so."

_Go figure_. "Alright, Miss Lanie Bug, let's hit the road. Ally sent you muffins..."

"Mmm! Bye, Sara. Bye, Mrs. Nichol!"

"Bye, Lanie," the woman said, smiling warmly before looking at Edward. "I know that being a single parent can be hard. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to stop by."

Swallowing hard, Edward tried to keep a civil smile on his face. "Erm...thanks. Come on, Lanie."

"Why does Mrs. Nichol always wear high heels when you come to pick me up?"

"I don't know," he sighed. He hated lying to her but there was no way in hell he was touching that question with a forty-foot pole. "Eat your muffins."

"I really like Ally," she said as she thoughtfully chewed a piece of her muffin.

"So do I, kiddo."

"Are you her boyfriend?"

Edward coughed a little before laughing. "No. She's Jazz's girlfriend, remember?"

"Then why do you have muffins from her in your car?"

"Lanie, I am not Ally's boyfriend, okay? I hung out with Jazz last night and he brought them over for you. I just left them in the car by accident."

"Do I have to go to school on Monday?"

"Yes, Lanie," Edward sighed.

"I hate school."

"I know. Just try, okay? The state says you have to go to school...I can get into a lot of trouble if you don't."

"Dad never cared if I went."

"Alana, enough. We're not talking about dad."

"You never went to school."

"I never went to _college_. I _finished _high school."

"Isn't the point of school to get ready for college? I'm not going so what difference does it make?"

"Who said you're not going?" When she looked away from him and stared out the window he asked again. "Alana, who said you're not going to college?"

"I don't like school," was all she replied.

"Don't give me that. You're smart, your teachers like you, and I thought you wanted to be a vet? You can't be a vet without going to college."

"You're smart."

Edward had no idea how to explain this to her. He'd done his best when she was growing up to not let her know about all of those nights he'd have to drag his mother home from the bar or beg his father to quit with the drugs-at least around Lanie. How did he tell a ten year old that he didn't go to college because he had to make sure that she was taken care of? "I work on bridges. I don't need a degree for that."

"I heard you tell Em all that time that you hate it."

"I don't hate it," he lied. Shaking his head, he decided to keep going. Lying, as of late, was his forte. "Remember when me, you, and mom went to the zoo? We were coming over the Veteran's Bridge and we had to get back off because of the detour? You even said it looked like fun to work the crane. Remember?"

"Yeah," she whispered as if she was lying just as much as he was.

"Lanie? I want better for you than what I have. I want you to be happy. I want you to be able to do anything you want."

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

"Would Uncle Jazz be mad if Ally came to visit us tonight, even though you aren't her boyfriend?"

"I think he'd be cool with it. You can call her when we get back to the apartment, okay?"

Bella's feet shuffled along the newly-paved sidewalk as her family's full-grown Siberian husky took her for a walk. When they had gotten Luca, he was only about two months old and already weighted fifteen pounds. Now, at two years old, he weighed one hundred and ten and had completely forgotten that he was the one on the leash. The neighborhood was safe at least, so if the dog pulled her where she didn't want to go, chances were they'd end up in a hockey players driveway or some doctor's yard. Once, he had plopped his pooch behind down on a local dentist's porch and absolutely refused to budge. Thankfully, Dr. Daniel's wife was a sweetie and had brought her out a glass of water.

He was still a beautiful dog, the image of what most people thought of when they thought of huskies. He had white and gray coloring with light blue eyes and black around his mouth that made him look like he was smiling. His calm demeanor put people at ease instead of making them anxious given his size and Bella had considered him a useful tool. The kids at the school she used to work for absolutely loved him and thankfully there were no allergies among her students. Once a week, as a treat for good behavior, Bella's dad would drop the dog off in the afternoon in front of the school and she and the kids would play with him on the manicured lawn of the schoolyard.

For some kids, it was their only chance of having a pet and they would use their free time to make things for him to play with and even write him letters. She knew, though, that this upcoming school year would be very different. Since her students had scored high on their PSSA scores, she'd been sent a letter by the State Board of Education asking if she would be willing to participate in a loan reimbursement program. A few neighborhood's over, in a place she _wouldn't _feel comfortable walking her dog, there was a school that needed some help. There were a lot of low-income students who Bella felt deserved a chance at a good life, even if their parents weren't there to help them. If she worked there for a few years, the interest rates would be lowered and some of them forgiven.

Her mom worked as a bank manager in a branch only a few blocks away from the school and always made comments about how many people came in to cash government aid checks. Most of the families that lived in the area were more involved in the drug trade than making sure their children got to school. Now, as she was pulled along by Luca, she thought about her parent's reaction when she told them she wanted to try and do it. Her mother was shocked but her father had been very upset, livid even.

Her father dealt with some of the same people her mother did because he was a police officer. He couldn't understand why she would want to leave her cushy job where she was now to work with, as he put it, 'low-life's.' Bella still didn't know why she wanted to do it. She didn't expect to go in there and be this heroic, miracle teacher. She just wanted to try to make learning a little more fun for the kids, maybe inspire them to want to at least want to show up.

So, she was leaving in a few hours to spend the evening in her new classroom just to make sure everything was in order for the next day. She was excited. A new group of students meant new stories, new challenges, and new lessons. She had decided to take the job as the sixth grade reading and history teacher. After reminding her father that she wasn't going to be working at the high school, or even the middle school, he finally backed off and let her alone about her decision. Still, as she walked with Luca towards the front of her driveway, her dad was leaning against the squad car. "You headed down to the school?"

"Yeah."

"I'll take you."

"Dad, I don't need a police escort..."

After putting the finishing touches on the bulletin board above her desk, Bella sat down and pulled out the big file folder that she had already gone through twice. Of her class of twenty-four, seven of those students had IEP's. The Individual Education Plan's were helpful and she knew that she had to do her best to stick to them but she didn't want to consider them the end all of what those kids needed. Only a few of her students in the previous two years that she taught needed IEP's and even then they were just pulled out to work with someone one on one in certain subjects for an hour or so a day.

This year she would be dealing with students who needed help and she was all the help they would have offered to them. Feeling overwhelmed, she flipped to the back of the folder where each student had their own page with a little bit of history on it. A few weeks ago, she had sent postcards to each family welcoming their child to her classroom. She knew that for some kids, the first day of school could be overwhelming and she didn't want them to be worried when they arrived. Three of the students were even altogether new to the district.

Her buzzing phone made her jump and she quickly reached into her purse to grab it. "Hey, Rose. What's up?"

"Nothing much. I have some news, though."

"What?"

"I have a date!"

"A date? I want the details!"

"His name is Emmett...I never did catch his last name...but anyway...I almost ran him over and when I went to check and make sure he was okay..."

"Wait! You ran him over?"

"I _almost_ ran him over," Rosalie Hale stated, as if it were no big deal.

"Explain."

"He's a construction worker and he was holding that turny slow and stop sign thingy. Well, I was going too fast and I didn't see him..."

"Rose! My dad can only get you out of so many tickets! It's dangerous! You could have hurt this guy!"

"Well, I didn't. I went back and checked, remember?"

"Oh my, God," Bella muttered, planting her face on her desk.

"So," Rose continued, completely ignoring her friend. "He's really cute and after giving me a lecture, I asked if I could make it up to him by paying for dinner some night. He smiled, and yes he has dimples, and actually turned me down if he couldn't get to pay. So, we're now having dinner this Friday. He's even paying!"

"Well, gee, I'm glad the guys not _dead_..."

"Bella, don't be so dramatic. I _almost_ hit him, remember?"

"That makes it better," Bella pretended to agree while rolling her eyes.

"So, whatcha doing? It's Sunday night...are you going to stop by?"

"I'll probably be here for a while."

"Where are you?"

"The school. First day is tomorrow, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Aren't you scared?"

"No. You sound like my mom. They aren't criminals."

"Yet."

"Rosalie Hale!"

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't imagine working with kids who's parents are drug dealers and alcoholics."

"Not all of them are like that. In fact, I've had two responses to my postcards. Two parents actually sent me a letter to say hi and to let me know that they'll help with anything I need. There's hope."

"Still, not all of those parents are going to be that easy to deal with."

"I know. It's really sad, Rose. I have kids who are in foster care, I have kids who have emotional behavior problems...I mean, there's one parent who, if I'm understanding this right, had to have had this little girl when he was like fourteen."

"Well, that's what you're there for. Try to give them some type of positive authority figure while you can... Hey, I have to go. My mom's calling me."

Sitting back in her chair, Bella rubbed her temples. She'd been best friends with Rose for as long as she could remember. They were next door neighbors and had even gone off to college together. Rose's dad was a surgeon and her mom was an oncologist. Needless to say, the only Hale child didn't have the kind of debt Bella walked away with upon graduating. Still, as flighty as the blonde could be, she had always been there for Bella and was dearly loved by the Swan family.

As Bella realized how alone she felt, it wasn't the first time that she wished she could meet guys like Rose could. The girl could give Megan Fox a run for her money. Bella hated Megan Fox. She was too damn pretty. There was nothing very remarkable about Bella. She was about average height, with typical brown eyes, wavy mahogany hair, and was as clumsy as hell. Yep, she was a real keeper.

Forcing herself to focus on the task at hand, Bella pulled her glasses from her purse and popped them onto her face. Before the students arrived in the morning, she would have everything she could memorized about them. Still, one child's file still confused her. The legal guardian's birth date was April 6, 1988. That made him twenty-four years old, the same age as her. She couldn't imagine having a ten year old daughter. Shaking her head, she pushed on to another child's page and settled in for a long evening. Bella prayed that this wasn't going to be as bad as everyone was making it out to be.

**As always, it means a lot to me when I receive reviews from my wonderful readers. Reviews are my payment after all the time I put into these stories and the motivation for me to keep writing. I beg of you, please leave me some feedback. If you enjoy it, share it. I have many wonderful ideas for this story but I also need to know that I have the fan base to keep it alive. So, please, leave me some love! Letzy xx**


	2. Teach me I dare you

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 2**

**Teach me. I dare you.**

"And now, Miss Lanie Cullen sporting her designer jeans, complete with butterfly rivets," Alice paused a moment for dramatic effect, "and a matching butterfly and glittered shirt!"

Edward watched his sister parade down the tiny hallway as if it were a four foot long catwalk. While he was smiling, he was still worried. He wished that he could have bought her the clothes she really wanted. There was some kid's clothing store that she liked to walk around in whenever the two of them tagged along with Jazz and Ally for mall trips. She never once asked him to buy her anything from there. They weren't poor. The money that came in from the government for her was put into a savings account for her for school...and sometimes for food if shit got bad. It usually didn't. His job working construction paid the bills and left them with enough money for groceries, fuel, and sometimes spending money.

He wouldn't lie about his going out to the bars, though. When there were rare times that Lanie was with a friend, like the night before, he went out with Jazz or Em. Still, if it came down to making sure Lanie had a roof over her head and food or going out, he'd choose to stay home every time. He wouldn't go to a place that had a cover to get in, he only drank two drinks all night, and he'd gotten himself down to just a pack of cigarettes a week. That was what set him apart from his parents. He'd been helping to pay the bills since before he graduated high school. So, when push came to shove and he had to step up or watch his baby sister go into the system, it wasn't too much of a shock to _his s_ystem.

While Lanie laughed and went along with Alice's little fashion show that featured the clothes he, Alice and Jazz had helped her pick out at a local thrift store, he couldn't help but wonder about the practicality of them more than their style. With each long-sleeved shirt he wondered if they would hold up from numerous washings. With each pair of jeans, he wondered how quickly she'd grow out of them. With the one winter coat they bought for her and two fall jackets, he wondered if they were warm enough.

After the thrift store trip last weekend, the four of them had gone to the mall after so that Alice could stop at the photography place she worked at and pick up her check. While there, the girls and the guys split up and went there own ways. He found out later that Ally had taken her to the store she liked and picked out binders, pencils, erasers, a pencil sharpener, and even colored paper to load her book bag with. Edward had been picking up not-so-cute items like those that would suffice throughout the summer but he was ridiculously grateful to Alice for doing that. While he hated handouts, he wasn't going to deny Lanie those little pleasures that every little girl seemed to enjoy. Still, when it came to clothes, he knew he could find those same clothes for her at local thrift stores-and he knew Ally knew that, too.

"Well, we better get going," Alice said, standing up from her spot on the floor and cracking her back. "It's getting late and you have to get ready for tomorrow."

"We want a full report on how awesome it is!" Jasper said, giving her a high-five and Edward a wink. Alice and Jasper were both very aware of her dislike of school. He suspected that was part of why Alice gave her those gifts.

When they were gone, he told her to go brush her teeth and he'd let her stay up for about another hour if she did it without complaining. When she was planted in front of the TV, he hopped in the shower and then grabbed the bright pink store bag he had under his bed. For as much as he splurged on it, he hoped Lanie would like it. Before Alice left, she and Lanie had set out clothes for the next day and he knew she had carefully packed her school supplies in the beat-up blue book bag that used to be the one he took to high school. Not wanting her to be up all night messing with what he had to give her, he headed into the living room.

"Whatcha watching?"

"Blue Crush."

"Surfing, huh?"

"Yeah," she said, completely distracted.

"Surf's up," Edward said in a 'surfer' voice.

That got her attention. "Edward, never do that again."

He just laughed. "Okay. That _was_ kind of creepy..."

"Very."

"Did you make sure you read that postcard from your new teacher?"

"Yup."

"What color will her dress be?"

"Purple."

"What do you need to bring?"

"A pencil and a good attitude."

Edward smiled. He liked this teacher already. "Are you sure you have everything that Ally got for you packed up and ready?"

"Yeah," she nodded, getting back into the movie.

"What do you say we go through it one more time. Are you sure you have your glasses?"

"I already did. Twice." He knew she was getting anxious and decided to go another route. He'd let her stay up the rest of the hour, out here watching the movie-which would be over right on time. Then, he'd give her the present. Fifteen minutes extra wouldn't kill her.

Finally, she went into her room to change into pajamas and he gave her a few minutes before knocking on her door. Usually, she called for him when she was ready but he was excited. With the bag behind his back, he waited for her to tell him to come in. She was in bed, her long, bronze hair falling down her shoulders. "I...um...I have something for you. Just something that you could use for school. I want you to see that school is a good thing and that you can go for as long as you need to ensure that you get to do whatever you want. You can be a vet, a chef, even a rodeo clown if that's what makes you happy. I don't ever again want to hear you say that you _can't_ go to college."

With a frown, she picked at her comforter. "Mom told me that I wouldn't make it. She said you didn't and I was too much like you..."

Fire burned in his heart as he stared at his little sister and tried to calm himself down. He couldn't believe his mother had actually said that her. The woman liked to tell him, when she was drunk and angry, that neither of her kids would get anywhere in life because they 'were too damn worried about following the rules'. Apparently, she would have respected him more if he'd made that money for the bills by selling drugs to kids that were the same age as him...or younger.

"Lanie, look at me. Mom said a lot of things she shouldn't. She just meant that we were better than her and dad. She meant that we wouldn't do the things that they did. She was right. I know you knew that mom drank too much and dad did things he shouldn't. Have you ever seen me do those things that hurt them? No. I'm not going to let that happen to myself and I sure as hell am not going to let that happen to you."

His voice softened as he remembered he was holding his hands behind his back still. "Are you ready for your present? If you don't like it, please just tell me. I have the receipt and it's returnable. I can get you a new one..."

Handing her the bag, he watched her eyes light up just from seeing the design on it. She recognized the store's logo. "Edward!" Ripping the bag open, she pulled out a brand-new bright blue book bag with the same monkeys and pink designs that her school supplies had on them. When she saw it, she took a minute before responding. He worried that she didn't like it but then she launched herself at him.

Being that she was ten, it was rare for her to show that kind of affection with her big brother. She loved him but she was never the hugging type and he really wasn't either. When he felt her shoulders shake, he realized she was crying. "Lanie? I'm sorry. I thought..."

"I love it! I saw it there a long time ago but I didn't want to ask you to get it for me...but I love it and I want it. Ally said I could have any school stuff I wanted. I picked that same monkeys and I really wanted the book bag but I knew it was too expensive! It's expensive,"she said, pulling away and wiping her eyes. "Are you sure it's not too much money?"

Edward's heart snapped in half. "Absolutely not. I don't want you worrying about stuff like that, okay? You let me worry about that and you just enjoy being in sixth grade, deal?

She nodded her head, though he knew she wasn't stupid. "I'll do good in school this time, Eddie. I'm going to try really hard."

Kissing her on the forehead, he stood up and lifted his old, beat up book bag off the floor and set it beside her. "Better get your new one packed up. You have fifteen minutes starting now and then it's lights off. If there's light under this door when I check in twenty minutes, you're losing a half hour tomorrow night. Okay?"

She nodded with a wide smile on her face. "Thank you, Eddie."

"You're welcome. Goodnight, Lanie Bug. I'll see you in the morning. We're having pancakes. The real kind...not the freezer kind."

Bella smiled to each kid as they came into the room. Most of them had the look of a typical ten year old. They were not fans of school and just seeing you in the morning made them want to go home. With her fourth graders the year before, they had been all smiles and still like babies. These kids were like young teenagers who were just looking at you like 'Go ahead. Teach me. I dare you.'

She could pick some of the students out just by their descriptions in their files. Most of them were dressed very nicely but some of them looked like they could use a good bath and a new pair of clothes. As the day progressed, she got to know them a little better and knew each kid by name. One of the kids that surprised her was the little girl with the young father. She was very well put together, her hair brushed and shining,and her book bag and school supplies were obviously brand-new. The girl unloaded everything carefully before sitting down and taking out the small pair of glasses she needed to read the morning work which sat on her desk.

While she was one of the twenty-one students in Bella's class that qualified for free lunches, Alana May Cullen carried a lunch box. Bella spent her lunch with the kids in the cafeteria so she could keep an eye out for any trouble and get to see how the kids interacted socially. Sarah Nichol was obviously good friends with Alana because the girls went right to each other and picked a lunch table. Alana's lunch box had a good balance of food, not at all like the junk some of the other kids brought if they had a packed lunch. Her sandwich was missing its crust, she had a baggy of carrots and celery, she poured milk out of her thermos into the little cup that detached from it, and her dessert was a granola bar.

By the end of the day, Bella realized that the little girl was the last kid she needed to worry about. The sixth graders switched classes and that meant she had her homeroom all morning for reading and social studies and then the students went to the room across the hall after lunch for math and science. Her homeroom would end up back with her for the activities period at the end of the day. There were serious behavior problems in the class and she was already searching online while the kids were waiting for their buses to be called for some good classroom management ideas.

A positive reinforcing marble jar sounded like a good idea and she was just thinking about what all needed to be bought at the store for it when the last bus was called and she made sure all the kids were where they had to be. By sixth grade, they knew the drill and those that didn't were paired up by Bella with kids that did. Every student was gone, walkers and bus riders alike, but Alana Cullen.

Walking over to the window where Alana was staring out into the parking lot, Bella asked, "Did you miss your bus?"

"No," Alana said quietly.

"Do you walk?"

"Yeah. I don't actually walk, though. I get picked up since he can't make it home from work to get there before the bus does. He must have had to work late tonight."

"How late do you think he'll get here?" Bella was honestly just curious, she really wasn't in a rush to leave.

"I don't know. It's usually not long."

"Well, would you like to help me until he gets here? I have papers to pass out for tomorrow and a board that needs erased."

"Yeah. Okay."

Once Bella got her set up, expecting her father to be a while, she was surprised to look out the window and see a beat up car pull into the lot right outside her door. "That him?"

"Yeah," Alana said, dropping the sponge back in the water, squeezing it, and then continuing to wipe the board.

"You can stop, honey. He's probably waiting for you."

"I'll finish this and then I'll go."

"Okay... Well, I'll go tell him to come in. He doesn't have to wait out there."

Bella tripped on the carpet in the hallway but eventually made it to the double doors for the entrance. "Mr. Cullen!" she called loudly, waving to him.

The man who was getting out of the car was nothing like she'd expected. While most of the parents of her students were typically older, she remembered that he was her age. His face was chiseled with a sharp jaw line and perfect cheek bones. Mr. Cullen's hair caught the light and she noticed it was the same color as Alana's, only his was as untamed as hers was nicely brushed. His gray muscle shirt was tight across his broad chest and his muscular arms led up to even broader shoulders. He was tall but definitely not lanky. Bella swallowed hard, unable to look away from his green eyes.

"Hi," she breathed, just as he came up to her.

"What's wrong? I'm sorry I'm so late..."

She realized then that he was genuinely worried and genuinely regretting not being on time. Snapping out of her trance, she swallowed hard and forced air into her lungs. "Everything is completely fine. Alana's just finishing up wiping down the chalk board for me."

"Really, uh, I'm sorry about not being here sooner. I know I'm like fifteen minutes late. My boss needed me and...I know that's no excuse. It won't happen again..."

"Honestly, Mr. Cullen, it's fine. I'm usually here until about four anyway. Besides, she's helping me out. Your daughter is a total joy to have."

Alana just finished her job and handed the sponge to Bella. She wasn't the happy child she was before, though, and she wouldn't make eye contact with Bella. "Thanks, Miss Swan."

"No problem, Alana. You can stay after and help me anytime."

"Can I talk to you in the hallway a minute?" her father asked, looking anxious.

Bella couldn't help but stare at him again. He really was gorgeous. "Sure."

Once they were out of Alana's hearing range, he lowered his voice. "Look, I know it's kind of a fucked...I mean...weird situation but I just want you to know so it doesn't upset Lanie. I'm not her father. I'm her brother..."

"Oh, God. I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen..."

"No, it's fine. Both of our parents are no longer living and it's just me and her..."

"I really am sorry for that."

"Don't be," he said with an eerie tone to his voice. "Everything happens for a reason. Anyway, some of the kids picked on her because of our situation last year and she isn't a fan of school anymore because of it. I'm not trying to be difficult or ask that you treat her any differently but just try not to call me her dad in front of her or the other kids. It really upsets her."

"I swear that I'm never going to make that mistake again. I honestly didn't know. I'll even keep an eye out for anyone who says anything to her about it. That's not okay in my classroom. I don't tolerate bullying and especially not over something like this. She's in good hands here. In fact, she's one of my better students."

"Thanks. For...all that. Really. I worry about her all the time. I felt sick when I realized how late it had gotten. I don't want her to think I don't care. My parents weren't...good parents. I don't want to be like that for her. I'm sorry...you really don't need to hear all this..."

"No, it's absolutely fine. Honestly, I'm here until four anyway, sometimes later. I'll make it seem like you and I talked and you knew you'd be late on days when you aren't here right away. Really, it's fine."

"You have no idea how amazing that sounds. Call me Edward, by the way."

"Bella," she smiled, holding her hand out.

Edward shook it with a shy smile. "Alright, Bella. I better get her home. She's got to be hungry."

Heading over to her desk, Bella listened as Alana got her things ready. "Well, Lanie bug, how'd it go?"

"Good. I like this class. Edward, can we have leftover pancakes for dinner?"

"Lanie, we just ate that for breakfast. That's way too sugary with the syrup. How about we have burgers?"

"Can I help?"

"Heck yeah. I need someone to make those patties. Are you ready to get squishy, Lanie May?"

Alana giggled as Edward picked up her book bag and gestured to the door. "Ladies first."

Bella watched them leave, fully aware that she was watching Edward's butt on the way out. She needed to stop this. Lanie was a student of hers, not a way to pick up a date. Besides, getting attached like that would be a horrible idea for everyone involved. Still, there was more to him than just looks. She was completely surprised that it really was just him and Lanie considering well cared for she was. Biological parents could be a hell of a lot worse in the parenting department than Edward was.

Questions swirled in her head as she watched them drive away. What had their parents been like? How long had Edward been taking care of his little sister? Where did they live? Was he as happy with his life as he acted? Bella also wondered why she still felt like she couldn't breathe and why her hands were all clammy. There were many questions she had about him but those green eyes, without question, were going to haunt her for quite a while.

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I'm very pleased and may update more than once a week if it keeps up. (If you haven't noticed, this is a few days early as well.) Some of you wanted to know about an updating schedule but all I can say is that I won't be going more than a week without updating and Friday, I believe, will become the official update day. That is subject to change...but I will do what I can to update at least once a week. Those who have read my previous stories know that I stick to that pretty faithfully. There were a few questions that I answered through the reviews and I believe I have replied back to almost everyone that left one. Please keep it up. Also, if you like the story, rec it out to some friends :) **

**For teasers of upcoming chapters, updating information, and other fun stuff, check out my twitter page! letzigprincess **

**Lots of love, Letzy xx**


	3. This Is Going To End Badly

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 3**

**This Is Going To End Badly**

Over the next few weeks, Bella _tried _to put Edward Cullen out of her head. Still, it was hard when Alana, who she now referred to as Lanie with the girl's permission, was in her classroom everyday. She was even a little disappointed with herself when she hoped that Edward would arrive late so she'd get to see him when he stopped in to pick Lanie up. To her frustration, and slight surprise, it was going into October and he had yet to arrive late since that first day.

Lanie always came in to school very well put together and always with her homework. This was a lot more than what could be said for some of her other students. The kids themselves were pretty great to work with, although there were some attitude problems Bella had to nip in the bud. The attendance sucked, which she had been warned about before school even started, and the parents were definitely enough to make her want to pull her hair out. One little girl was now up to two days of in-school suspension because she hadn't stayed after for detention. After school detention was only an hour long and they only got it when they didn't do their homework three times. It gave the kids a chance to catch up and to have one on one help with the teacher if that was the problem.

This particular little girl had missed ten detentions, all because she said her mom got mad when she wasn't home right when the bus was supposed to come and she didn't want to get into trouble. After three phone calls home, Bella just decided to have the girl complete her time that she missed in school during the day. It wasn't worth adding more stress to the child's situation. She felt awful for some of these kids.

There were also stories of some of the other teachers finding things in kid's book bags such as pocket knives and even a baggy of marijuana. None of her kids ever had any of that stuff on them and if they did, they were very good about keeping it hidden. She watched certain students like a hawk. No one was treated differently, though. She tried to get to talk one on one with each kid at least once a week about things other than school and some of them did have really great homes and families.

October meant Halloween and costumes but Bella quickly learned that for a lot of the kids, trick-or-treat wasn't exactly their number one priority. They were a little older than the fourth graders that she was used to and a lot of their parents weren't up for spending money on costumes. Rosalie volunteered to come the day of the party and help the kids make their own things to wear. Bella had found pretty cheap foam board for the kids to decorate like grave stones and they were going to make their own cemetery, using names and dates of dead author's to tell scary stories in the classroom.

With plans for the holiday in effect, Bella had finally let Edward Cullen out of her system and began to focus on the work she'd have to put in within the next few weeks. In return for Rose's help, she had even offered to go along with Rosalie to a dinner that Emmett was having at his house. Apparently, he invited a few of his friends and told Rose to bring a friend with her. Bella had no idea what to expect from it and after Rosalie begged her and volunteered her time, Bella couldn't say no.

The day before the night of the dinner, Bella secretly smiled to herself as she and Lanie were left alone in the classroom. The students had been researching their authors and there were pages of little biographies that she had to check. Glad for some company in her room, she asked Lanie if she'd help bring in the foam boards from Bella's car. Lanie happily agreed and they headed towards Bella's new Jeep. It was a little pricey...okay, so it was a lot pricey, but she was living with her parents and working full time. The only bills she really had were her cell phone, car insurance, and school loans. She had decided to splurge over the summer and get the vehicle she wanted.

"I like your car," Lanie said as Bella lifted the back and started pulling out the supplies.

"Thanks, Lanie. I have a big dog that takes up a lot of room. It's nice to be able to put him in here and not have to worry about him fitting," laughed Bella, remembering the times she tried to shove Luca into her little two-door car.

"I always wanted a dog."

"Did you ever have any pets?" Bella asked, slightly distracted.

"No. Edward said our apartment was too small for a dog and kitty litter would make the place smell bad. I would have been okay with a hamster but he said he didn't think it was a good idea."

"Well, maybe I'll bring some pictures in of my doggy, Luca."

"Okay."

As the girls' arms were loaded up, Bella tried to carry as many of the boards as she could while Lanie only had two. Being clumsy was quite normal for her and sure enough with ten boards stacked in her arms and a curb coming up under her feet, she wasn't surprised when she fell face first into the sidewalk. "Miss Swan!" Lanie called, dropping her foam boards on the sidewalk and running back over to her. Bella couldn't see it but she felt wetness running down her shin. She was definitely bleeding. Tears stung her eyes as she fought to keep her pain from being evident. Her ankle hurt when she tried to stand up and she ended up back on the ground, her dress splayed out around her.

"Edward! Help!"

Bella's face instantly turned red when she realized that Edward must have pulled in and Lanie was calling him over. When she turned, he was jogging towards them. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm just clumsy. I fell. It's no big deal."

As she went to push herself up again, she bit down on her lip and realized there was blood on her dress where the hem was. Her ankle felt like it was on fire and she had to keep from crying out when she put weight on it. "She's bleeding, Eddie..." Lanie said quietly, as if she didn't want to upset Bella.

Bella tried to shrug it off and limp over to the boards. "I'm fine, Lanie. Really..."

Edward was looking around as if trying to figure out what to do. Finally, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Let me help you back into the room and we'll see if the nurse is still here. Can you walk on it at all?"

"Yeah," she breathed, fighting against the bad ankle.

Soon, though, all her breath rushed out of her lungs as she felt a solid, muscular arm wrap around her waist and pull her into a hardened chest. She wanted to tell him it really wasn't that bad but her words were lost and Bella realized she'd let him lead her anywhere at that point. He smelled like aftershave and a hint of sweat. It was amazing. Thankfully there were no stairs for them to climb and Edward helped her settle into the chair by her desk once they made it to the room.

"Can you just hand me my cell? I'll call the nurse. I doubt she's still here, though..."

He grabbed her phone and handed it to her while walking over to the sink that was built in to her counter. She watched as he grabbed a bunch of paper towels and wet them before turning back to her. "Hello?" the nurses voice came across, pulling her back to her task.

"Hey, you're still here," Bella said in relief. "It's Bella Swan, I...um...fell outside and I think I might have sprained my ankle."

"I'll be down. Are you still outside?"

"No. I'm in my room. A student's brother helped me get back in but it's pretty painful."

While she hung up and waited, Edward awkwardly looked down at her leg and handed her the wet clump in his hand. "I figured you might want to clean up your knee. It's still bleeding."

"Thanks for your help..."

"I'm going to run out and get the stuff that was dropped. I'll be right back. Lanie, come on."

Two seconds after they left, the nurse came in and frowned. "Yikes."

"Yeah. It hurts like a bitch." The nurse just laughed and bent down to check her out. As she got to work checking her over, Edward came back in with the boards. Lanie was just carrying one and had a bag of markers on top of it.

"Well, I think you might have sprained it. Let me wrap it up for you but I'd see a doctor tomorrow if you can. Try to stay off of it for a few days. At least today's Friday."

"Yeah," Bella frowned. "Edward, Lanie, thanks for your help. I'll be fine. Thankfully it's not the foot I need to drive with."

"No problem. I'll, um, see you around."

"I hope your foot's okay, Miss Swan."

"Thanks, Lanie. Have a good weekend."

When Saturday evening came around, Bella was so not in the mood to meet a new group of people. Her ankle was wrapped up, not for the first time, in thick, tan gauze. She was walking with a limp and her knees were bruised and swollen. Opting for a thick pair of tights to cover her knee and hide the brace a little, she threw on a jean skirt and a long sleeved, gray sweater. Flip-flops finished off her attire as regular shoes couldn't fit around her brace. As she made her way out to Rosalie's car, her friend gave her a look of approval. "Lose the limp and you look adorable."

Bella just gave her an annoyed look and then sat back in the leather seat. "So, I finally get to meet Mr. McCarty, huh?"

"He's adorable, Bella. I'm telling you."

"I'll decide that for myself, she teased. "Let's get going. We're going to be late."

The whole way there, Bella held onto the door handle for dear life, wishing she hadn't said that last sentence to Rose. The girl was way harder on both the gas and the brake than anyone ever needed to be. When they pulled up out front of the townhouse, Bella had to smile and approve. He didn't seem like the stuck up rich guys that Rosalie usually went for. Hopefully, he'd actually be nice to the both of them. There were a few cars parked out front but Bella had no idea whose were whose and there were a number of townhouses around them that they could belong to.

Emmett stepped outside just as they made it up to the door and pulled Rose in for a hug and kiss. "Em, this is my friend Bella. Bella, this is Emmett McCarty. Isn't he cute?"

Bella just laughed and bit her tongue, completely agreeing with Rosalie but refusing to say that in front of the man in question. "I'm grilling steaks out on the back deck. Come on. Almost everyone's here."

When they got to the back of the house, a petite girl with short hair and an excited smile waved and introduced herself as Alice. Another guy, who was also rather muscular but had blonde, curly hair, shook her hand and introduced himself as Jasper. There was another girl standing in the corner with one heeled boot propped against the deck's railing. She wore ripped, black tights under a bright yellow skirt and had enough eyeliner on to make a raccoon jealous. Her bright lipstick clashed with her tan skin and platinum blonde hair. Also, she seemed completely unapproachable and didn't bother to even smile a hello their way. Bella was fine with that, wanting to avoid the girl. She was not getting a good vibe.

"Where is he?" Jasper asked, aiming the question playfully towards the mean looking blonde. She just kicked off the wall and shrugged.

"Where's who?" a familiar voice asked from behind Bella. Spinning around, she came face to face with Edward Cullen. Of course, the spin caused her to almost lose her balance and she grabbed onto the railing to keep herself vertical.

"You," Jasper laughed. "Had to drop off Lanie?"

"Bella," Edward greeted her before glancing down at her leg and completely ignoring Jasper's question. "Feeling okay I guess?"

"Yeah. It was x-rayed this morning. Slight sprain. The knee looks worse."

"Well, I'm glad it wasn't too serious..."

He reached down and grabbed a beer from a cooler before nodding a hello to everyone else. "Bella, aren't you going to introduce me to you friend?" Rosalie asked coyly.

"Oh, um, he's a student's brother. He was the one who had to help me after that embarrassing spill I took yesterday. Rose, this is Edward. Edward, Rose."

Suddenly, Miss Raccoon decided she wanted to be a part of the group. "And I'm Tanya Denali," she said, stepping around Bella and wrapping an arm around Edward. Bella tried not to let the girl see that it bothered her. She didn't quite understand it herself. She'd only been dreaming about the guy for a month or so now...

"I'm sorry. It's nice to meet you," Bella said politely.

"Edward, man, you could have brought Lanie. You know she's always welcome here."

Edward shrugged, "She wanted to stay at her friend Sarah's again. She hasn't seen her outside of school since school started. I gave her the choice and she wanted to go there."

"So, that means we're going out tonight?" Jasper asked with a smirk.

"If you want. I'm game."

"You girls should come along," Emmett said with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm sure it will be a blast," Bella heard Tanya mutter under her breath. The way she was clinging to Edward gave Bella a vibe of a whole lot of back off. Bella had done nothing to this girl and it really started to piss her off.

"I thought you couldn't make it..." Edward said, pulling away from her and walking over to a spot at the umbrella covered table.

"I changed my mind."

"Well, Bella, would you like to go?" Rosalie asked, pretending to ignore how awkward things had just gotten.

"Yes, I'd love to," she replied with a wide, very fake smile.

Edward shifted in his seat, completely uncomfortable with the current situation. He wasn't stupid. He knew what Tanya was trying to do. He wanted to pull his hair out and scream at her that he was not her boyfriend and she was being a royal bitch to Bella. He shot Em a text asking why Tanya was even invited. Emmett just said that he felt like she should have been since they were seeing each other so much lately. Edward wanted to gag. The only thing the two of them had between them was good sex. Up until now, it had remained uncomplicated, which was exactly what he needed-despite a few drunken discussions about the horrors of her past.

"So, Ally," he began, trying to ignore the fact that Tanya's hand was running up his inner thigh. "Did Lanie tell you about her Halloween costume?"

"Yes. That's all she has talked about since you bought it for her. She said you were going to try to make one but she talked you out of it."

"Um, yeah. I realized that I had no clue what I was doing and she was picked on enough last year. I couldn't resist the costume we found,either. It was used but in really good shape."

"Yeah, I could only imagine you trying to sew her a costume," Tanya chuckled. "Real manly, Edward..."

Even though her comment pissed him off, he was trying to ignore it when he looked up to find Bella literally glaring at Tanya. She was definitely not as willing to let it go. "Edward is doing what he can to be a good parent to her," Bella stated, looking right at Tanya.

The back and forth that happened next never would have been expected but he was damn glad it happened. Bella rallied for him. Hard. As soon as Bella made the comment, Tanya sat up a little straighter with a satisfied smirk on her face. Edward would soon realize it was because she thought she knew something about him that Bella didn't. "He isn't her _parent_. He's her _brother._ Their parents are dead."

"I didn't call him her _father,_" Bella responded through gritted teeth, setting her fork down. "He is still the parent in the relationship. He is 'parenting' her. He's really very good at it."

"Who the hell are you to say that to me?" Tanya threw back. Obviously, this was no longer about Lanie.

Having enough with Tanya's arrogant remarks that seemed to say she had laid claim to him, Edward cut in."She's Lanie's teacher, Tanya. Remember? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"With me? She's the one who comes here acting like she knows you so damn well. Well, obviously, she doesn't. Unless she considers you a great parent _after_ knowing that you like to fuck girls but never once bring them home to meet your beloved baby sister..."

Emmett looked pissed and Jasper just kept his eyes on his food. Alice looked like she wanted to cry. Emmett never should have invited her. "Look, Tanya," Emmett spoke up. "I invited her because she is close friends with my girlfriend. If you don't like her being here, then you can leave."

"Fine. You must be the little bitch Edward brought home the last time he didn't have the kid. He'll forget about you soon enough, too."

The sound of heels across the wooden floor of the deck got further away and no one spoke until they watched from their spot on the deck as she pulled away in her beat up Blazer. Bella had yet to pick up her fork again and she was just staring at her lap. "Bells, do you want to go?" Emmett's new girlfriend asked, leaning in towards her friend and frowning.

"No. I'm fine..."

"She's a total bitch, Bella. I don't know what the hell Edward sees in her..." Alice put in.

"I know what he sees in her," Em smirked, causing him to get an elbow to the ribs from Rosalie.

Edward wanted to apologize but was still slightly confused. He knew the girls weren't exactly going to become friends but he couldn't figure out quite what the reason was for the cat fight. Bella was just Lanie's teacher. It wasn't like he was sleeping with her. Then again, to Tanya, she thought anyone that looked at him sideways was sleeping with him. He figured it best to keep his mouth shut and eat his steak. A more relaxed atmosphere had set in after Tanya left and he wanted to enjoy it.

When dinner was done and the girls were drinking wine from plastic cups and chatting away, he walked over to Em and Jazz. "Hey, Edward, sorry about that. I didn't think it would be a problem and you said you probably wouldn't have Lanie so I assumed you'd hook up with her tonight anyway."

"Em, it's fine. Tanya knows I sleep with other girls. I think she's getting a little attached, though. I don't know how much longer I want to be with her. I sure as hell don't love her."

"She does have a point, though, Eddie," Jazz put in. "You have not had one serious relationship in your entire life. You do sleep with girls but you always bring them back to your _old_ apartment. You never take them home. Never introduce them, on a nice Sunday when sex isn't even in the equation, to Lanie. I mean, shit, regular sex with the same girl who you actually like won't _kill_ you."

"I'm not ready to bring a girl around Lanie. Sexual partner or not. I don't want her to feel pushed aside."

"Please," Jasper snorted. "She loves Ally."

Edward just raised an eyebrow. "Dude, I'm so not getting into the girl sharing swinger shit with you..."

"Shut up, asshole. Like I'd really let anyone, even you, get that close to Ally. I just mean that if you brought a girl home, who you actually like as more than a fuck buddy, it might be nice for Lanie. You _aren't _her father. It's not like it's not normal for you to be with girls. In fact, it's_ not_ normal for you to act like you don't want to be around_ any_ girls."

"Bella's a bit of a pistol, ain't she?" Em asked before Edward could respond, looking over at the girls.

"The girl's a teacher. She has to be quick on her toes to deal with the kids at school. Yeah, though, I kind of like that she stood up for me. I couldn't bring Tanya home to Lanie. You know that. If it were up to Tanya, I'd put Lanie in foster care and never look back. She hates that I have this responsibility."

"You're not happy, though, Edward. At some point, you have to find someone who you want to be with. Someone who you might want to settle down with," Jasper pushed, his tone had softened though and Edward wondered when Jasper had become the spokesman for monogamous relationships.

"So, what? We could get married and have a kid? I'm already there, Jazz. I don't regret it but I can't afford another one. Not unless I cut back even more and that's really not fair to the kid I already have."

"Well, then, this is going to end badly," Emmett frowned, shaking his head dramatically.

Jasper looked over his shoulder at the girls and then laughed as he looked back. "Oh yeah. She seems like a nice girl, Edward. Don't fuck with her..."

"What the hell are you two going on about now?"

"Oh, come on. You've been checking Bella out since you showed up and every time I look over there, she's looking at you. If you don't want a relationship, then you'll sleep with her still and it's going to be worse for Lanie because that's her teacher."

"I'm not going to sleep with her," Edward muttered, looking over to Bella and seeing her turn away quickly. "Has she really been looking at me this whole time?"

Emmett just smacked his own forehead. "I need another beer."

"It's going to be soooo bad..." Jasper agreed again but to himself as he followed Emmett.

A few hours later, he was walking into the club by himself, trying to seek out the group. After leaving Emmett's, he decided to try to track down Tanya while everyone else headed out to party. As was normal, there was a discussion based on him reminding her that they weren't in a committed relationship and if he wanted to see other people he could. He also made sure she knew that Bella was not his latest bedroom conquest and he hoped to keep it that way for Lanie's sake. Jazz and Em were right about that part at least, it could definitely hurt Lanie There was no crying or guilt trips from her, she just simply shrugged him off and acted like it didn't bother her. It was better that way for both of them.

"Edward!" Em called, waving him over. The group was piled around a big table in the back that was close enough to the pool table to play but not close enough that they'd get bumped with sticks all night.

"Hey."

"Everything okay?" Alice asked, probably figuring he left because of something to do with Lanie.

"Yeah. It's fine."

After everyone slid over a little, he climbed in and sat down beside Alice. There weren't a whole lot of people there but there was a group of girls closer to the bar that had been eying him up when he first walked in. After telling the group about his hell day the day before at work, he slid back out so that the girls could go off and dance. Seeing Bella limping behind Rosalie and Ally made him want to...well, he didn't know what he wanted to do. It was hard for him to see her in pain. He felt itchy in his skin. It was definitely time to go chat up the girls at the bar.

He never bought girls drinks but he did like to dance and as he lead a tall blonde over to the dance floor, he felt himself loosen up. She was pretty but nothing really special. In fact, he'd had his sights set on the shorter brunet who happened to be 'best friends' with the girl who was currently grinding into him. He knew that unless he got them both home with him, or at least to the apartment he used to share with Jasper, there was no way he could switch them. In his experience, 'best friends' didn't take kindly to that.

Just as the girl put her lips to his neck, he caught sight of someone else across from him on the dance floor. Bella was limping back over to the table with the help of some tanned, muscular guy and he had no idea why that made him grit his teeth. As he was starting to lose the feelings he had for the girl in front of him, he pulled her into him tighter and pushed out every emotion that was going through him. Just as Tanya had no claim to him, he sure as hell had no claim to Bella. Jazz and Em may have been right about more than it just turning out bad for Lanie. Seeing that guy with his hand on the small of Bella Swan's back really pissed him off and he suddenly wanted to grab her and do the things the blonde was now whispering to him. The realization hit him hard and he _hated _when his friends were right. Edward Cullen was hot for teacher. There was no way in hell this _couldn't _turn out bad.

**Oh my gosh! I am loving the response I'm getting for this story! It definitely has me motivated and I have a lot written for it already! I can't wait for all of you to get to read the whole thing :) I must wish everyone a Happy Twilight Weekend to those of you that follow the movie world as well as the book. I'll always love the books better but seeing Rob in the flesh makes me world go around! As far as the movie goes, all I can say is WOW! Tonight was the second time I've seen it and I already want to go again! Anyway, I have a job interview in the morning so enjoy this chapter and leave me some love...I'll need it if things go badly tomorrow :) You mean the world to me! Letzy xx**


	4. A One Night Thing

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 4**

**A One Night Thing**

Edward glanced over at the bedside clock as he began to thrust harder into the blonde he'd picked up at the club. As was normal, he'd completely forgotten her name but he truly didn't care. He still felt twitchy, like he was experiencing withdrawal symptoms or something just as enjoyable. Thinking about Bella leaving with that guy from the club made him angry and he was trying to find a way to channel that into what he was currently doing without hurting the poor girl on top of him. She seemed nice enough.

He wondered what Bella would look like under those conservative clothes she wore and how her skin would feel against him. He wondered if she was a screamer or just quietly enjoyed the ride. He wondered what that deep, red dress she'd been wearing the day before had underneath it. More than anything, though, he wondered if that asshole she left with was getting to find out first hand. As anger hit him again, he sped up his pace, desperate to forget about the teacher he couldn't have. The girl must have been enjoying it because he felt her fall apart above him and soon she was laying her chest against his. Poor girl. He'd worn her out.

Jasper and Alice would be back any minute and he knew they'd want to have their own fun so he rolled the girl off of him and laid there panting for a few moments in frustration. A sexual release was apparently not in the cards for him and as he heard the steady breathing of his new friend, he slid out of the blankets, pulled off the sticky condom, and threw on a pair of sweatpants he still had in one of his old drawers. While Jazz had seen him naked, Ally hadn't and he'd like to keep it that way. Few things made Jasper angry but when it came to his Ally, Edward never saw the guy so damn protective of someone or something. Edward would like to keep his limbs tonight.

Washing his hands first, he decided to wash his face and then stared at himself in the mirror for a good, long while. It wasn't until he heard Alice's laughter come through the front door that he headed out to the couch in the living room. "Uh-oh," Alice breathed as Jasper hugged her from behind and bit her earlobe. "What's going on, Edward? We saw you leave with that girl."

"Yeah, she's asleep in the room. I'm going to just hang out here til morning."

Jasper seemed to pick up on his friend's mood and frowned. "Want some company?"

Edward knew his sorry ass was the last person Jasper wanted to spend the night with so he shook his head. "You two go do your thing. I'll be fine."

"There's leftover pizza in the fridge! Help yourself!" Alice called out as Jasper picked her up and carried her back to the other bedroom.

About an hour later, Edward was helping himself to the cold pizza and watching a rerun of South Park from the couch when he heard one of the bedroom doors opening. When he turned and craned his neck to see who it was, he had to hide his frown from the poor girl peeking out and looking around. The girl wasn't drunk when he brought her home from the club. In his eyes, that was a violation. If they didn't know what he was actually doing, or too out of it to enjoy it, that was crossing a fucking line.

"Edward?"

It took him two tries to clear his throat and call out to her that he was in the living room. She tiptoed in, pulling her sweater shut and wrapping her arms around herself. "Um...hi."

"Hi." He had to smile at how sweet she seemed.

"Are you going to...um...are you having trouble sleeping?"

"Kind of. Look, if you can't sleep either, I'll take you home..."

"Yeah...okay."

Edward just turned off the TV and realized he'd never felt more awkward in his life-and a lot of awkward shit had happened throughout those twenty-four years. As she put her shoes on and he grabbed his keys, he decided Jazz wouldn't really question things if Edward wasn't there in the morning. "So, about tonight..." Edward began.

"It was just a one night thing and I'll probably never see you again. No, you don't want my number and you won't give me yours or if you do it will be a fake and I'll just get a shady Chinese restaurant if I try to call it."

Okay, she'd obviously been hurt by some guy who had done that same thing before. "Look, Kayla..."

"It's Jackie."

"Right. Shit, I'm sorry. I just...have a lot going on. You don't want to be a part of it. I promise you, it's better this way."

"What is it? A wife? An issue with a custody battle? A fiance you don't really love?"

"No. None of those things." Edward couldn't believe how blunt this girl was. He liked her honesty, it was refreshing. Still, he could tell this wasn't the first awkward car ride for her either.

"Well, whatever is fucking you over, I wish you well," she smiled as he pulled back into the club's parking lot.

"Thanks," he smirked as she got out of the car and headed towards her own. He made sure she found her keys and waited for her to get in. She really was nice and definitely pretty. "Hey, Jackie!"

She turned in surprise just as she went to climb into the Volkswagon Beetle, "Huh?"

"You're better than this! This one night stand shit? You're way too out of that league!"

She just shook her head and smirked back in return. "So says the guy who took me home. If that's not the pot calling the kettle black... I'd tell you go to go hell right now but you'd give me some sob story about how you're already there. So, I guess I'll just say fuck off."

"Goodnight, Jackie," he nodded respectfully, a shy smile on his lips.

She just let out a little laugh. "Goodnight, _Matt_. It was fun."

Playing along, though he knew she had 'forgotten' his name on purpose, he feigned insult. "It's Edward."

"Oops..." she chuckled playfully.

He watched her slide behind the wheel of her car and waited until she had it turned on. Even if he didn't have feelings for her, there was no way he was just going to drive away and leave her with a car that wouldn't start in the middle of the city at...three o'clock in the morning. He pulled out after her but headed the other way back to his own apartment. The whole way, he wondered if maybe things could have worked out between him and the blonde he'd just dropped off. She was very honest, had a good sense of humor, and she didn't seem to be the clingy type. Still, as always, he had Lanie to think about. Emmett and Jasper were definitely just as wrong about one thing as they were right about him being attracted to Bella Swan; he was not ready to bring a girl home to Lanie.

Around four am, he finally got himself comfortable in bed when his phone went off. Cursing, he grabbed it off the bed stand and flipped it open, assuming it was Mrs. Nichol telling him Lanie needed picked up. It was like that with Lanie once in awhile. She'd go to stay at a friend's and get a little home sick. It frustrated him but he'd never tell Lanie that. Still, he really didn't want to deal with her friend's mother at this point in the night.

"Hello?"

"Edward, hey, it's Emmett." Rubbing his face, Edward stifled a yawn and managed to ask what was wrong. Emmett was more of a texting person and he _never _contacted him this early in the morning.

"So, that didn't take long did it?" Emmett laughed over the phone, causing Edward to become more pissed off at the situation.

"Em, seriously, I'm too fucking tired to deal with your shit. What are you talking about?"

"Bella. Look, I know she's a little different from the other girls as she's kind of a friend of mine now and I typically wouldn't have called and bugged you but Rose is freaking out a little."

"Emmett. What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Talking. About?" Edward asked, really getting annoyed.

"Sorry, geez. Rose and I ended up leaving the club before you and Bella did to um...go back to my place..and when she went to go back and pick Bella up a couple hours ago, she couldn't find her. I assured her that she probably left with you and Rose said Bella wouldn't do that. So, all you have to do is say she's passed out sleeping beside you, because we both know she is, and I can get Rose to get some fucking shut eye."

"You mean that she never called Rosalie?" Edward managed to say after what Emmett was assuming finally sunk into his exhausted brain.

"No. I mean, did you tell her to? Shit, man. It's really none of my business and I really don't give a shit if you got all caught up in the moment or whatever but I just want to reassure..."

Something made Edward feel a little sick to his stomach. It wasn't indigestion from the pizza. The bastard had ended up taking Bella home. "She's not fucking here, Emmett."

"Dude, look, if you two hooked up, I won't say a word to anyone. Rose is really worried about her. She didn't even tell Alice goodbye. I know you don't want it to get out because of Lanie."

"Fucking Christ, Em, I didn't bring her home with me! I left with someone else and the last I saw her she was talking to some asshole up by the bar."

There was a long pause and then Edward heard Emmett curse under his breath. "Alright. Okay. Sorry. Maybe...I don't know...she walked home or something..."

Edward heard Rosalie in the background. "She's not with Edward?"

"No..." Emmett began but Edward cut him off.

"She wouldn't have fucking walked home! She has a sprained ankle. Remember?" He couldn't understand why he was so pissed off. He'd brought tons of girls home with him. Hell, if Bella hadn't been Lanie's teacher, he probably already would have tried for her.

Rosalie continued on her side as well. "Emmett, I've called her five times! If she walked home, she'd still be answering her phone!"

"I'm telling you. She didn't fucking walk!" Edward replied to Rosalie even though she couldn't hear him.

Finally, Emmett let out a groan and a loud, "Enough! I am just trying to help and all you two are doing is yelling at me!"

"What the hell is Edward yelling about?" Rosalie asked, momentarily distracted.

Edward just shook his head and told Emmett he'd talk to them later, that he really needed sleep. He really had no idea why the fuck he was yelling and tried to tell himself it was because he was just too tired to function properly. Still, if Rosalie was this upset, and the girls seemed pretty damn tight, there might be more to the situation. Closing his eyes against the images going through his head, he attempted to sleep but eventually gave up. Picking up his phone, he sent Emmett a text asking him to let him know when Rosalie found her. He could only imagine Emmett smirking and muttering what a 'sorry asshole' Edward was.

Bella woke up Monday morning and knew the day was going to be bad. She still felt hung over, though she didn't know if it was because of the alcohol from Saturday night or Rosalie's verbal..and almost physical...bitch slap Sunday afternoon. Okay, so she deserved it. Had Rosalie just left with some random person and not told her, she'd be hysterical too. Bella could recall Rose telling her that she and Emmett would be back and to call if she wanted to leave earlier. She'd promised that she'd pick up Bella if she called. After a couple shots and watching Edward leave with that stupid girl...and then another round of shots...she didn't remember much.

Thank God the guy she was with was at least nice and not a creepy perverted asshole who would be willing to take advantage of her. Before Bella knew what had happened, she'd thrown up in the bathroom, stumbled out into the crowd, and asked Jacob if he wanted to leave. Jacob Black, as she learned was his name the next day, had honestly been trying to help her. She wasn't exactly being demure about it either, she was pretty sure she was licking her lips and said it in a way to let him know she didn't want to go to her house...but to his. Never in her entire life had she ever gone home with a stranger. It was stupid and she was lucky that Jacob was actually a nice guy. He asked her what section of the city she lived in when they were driving but Bella didn't remember that...or apparently what her address was. So, he took her to his place like she'd intended.

After choppy clips up until that point, Bella remembered absolutely nothing except that she woke up in a bed the next morning that she was not familiar with and she was...completely alone and fully clothed. She was lying there, totally ashamed for a few minutes but grateful that her clothes were still on from the night before, when Jacob came in and handed her a cup of black coffee. She muscled it down while he told her what happened and formally reintroduced himself. By the time she got past the guilt, she realized Rose was probably livid. Sure enough, there were eight missed calls and about ten texts. Each text had more and more bold, capital words as her friend obviously became more and more pissed off.

As she stumbled into her classroom on the lovely Monday morning, her ankle screamed at her, her knee throbbed, her head pounded and her pride was nowhere to be found. The kids must have sensed it because all day they were wound up and acting out. She was counting the minutes for school to let out so she could slip out early and go home to her bed. There was no reason for her to have done what she did on Saturday and she knew she was solely responsible. If she was honest with herself, she hadn't been acting like she normally did ever since the claws came out between herself and Tanya.

She still couldn't believe she'd said those things to a girl in front of people who were more that girl's friends than they were hers. Rosalie had been shocked and it seemed everyone else had been too. Emmett was nice enough to stand up for her but Bella knew she had reacted in a childish way. She didn't even know the girl. There was no reason to start a fight.

Then, when they'd gotten to the club and she'd danced with the girls and watched as Edward danced with that other blonde model-type, she just wanted to forget the night altogether. She would have called Rose to take her home but didn't want to interrupt her friend and Emmett, figuring they were probably in the middle of something...personal.

When the time finally came for her to send the kids home, she found that it would be another day of waiting for Edward. She usually didn't mind, usually she welcomed it, but her body just wanted to climb into bed and shut down again. Since they had to wait for him, Bella grabbed some sidewalk chalk from the book closet and smiled at Lanie. "Want to wait outside?"

While they played tic-tac-toe on the pavement, Bella noticed that Lanie seemed a little more reserved than she normally was. "Is everything okay? Did something happen this weekend at Sarah's?" Bella asked, wondering if something had actually happened with Edward but not wanting to ask outright.

Lanie's face just twisted in confusion and she looked at Bella suspiciously. "How'd you know I went to Sarah's?"

"I, uh, heard Sarah telling someone you were there," Bella lied.

"Oh. No. Nothing happened at Sarah's."

"Then why do you seem so sad?"

Lanie just shook her head and drew a butterfly beside their latest game. Just when Bella thought she wasn't going to say anything, Edward pulled in and Lanie sighed. "I hope he's better today..."

"Better?"

"Yeah. He's sad I think."

"Sad? What..." Bella didn't have time to get out her whole question because he was walking towards them at a clipped pace.

"Lanie, come on, let's go grab your stuff." Edward just said hello to his sister with a forced smile and totally ignored Bella. Until all the chalk was cleaned up and they were heading for the classroom, Bella realized she was being avoided. On purpose. Very rudely.

Edward didn't even so much as look at her when he grabbed Lanie's book bag and all but ushered her towards the door. Bella was not in the mood for the rudeness and was definitely a little insulted. Usually, he was at least nice and grateful that she'd be willing to keep an eye on Lanie when he was running late. Then, she remembered her defending him against Tanya on Saturday and just decided to let her inner bitch out to play a little. She did nothing to deserve this. She could only figure that he was mad that she'd been mean enough to get Tanya to leave.

"Edward, can I talk to you for a minute? Out in the hallway?"

He stopped abruptly and turned to her, his eyes were almost burning. This was not the Edward she had come to know and like. This was a man who frightened her. Swallowing hard, she put her big girl panties on and kept her head held high. "Lanie," he said, "why don't you hang here for a minute. We'll be back."

As soon as they were out in the hall, Bella pulled her cardigan tighter to her as Edward asked, "What's wrong, Miss Swan?"

Wondering what happened to him calling her Bella, she frowned and said, "I don't know what your problem is but if this is about what I said to Tanya, I won't take it back. She doesn't seem very nice and I was just trying to defend you. I'm sorry if I pissed off your girlfriend but don't treat me like shit after how nice you were being before. I don't deserve it."

"Tanya's not my girlfriend," Edward spat, lowering his voice to match Bella's. "By the way, I'm glad to see that you're alive."

"What are you talking about?"

"The little four am wake up call I got from Em on Sunday morning because Rosalie was upset when she couldn't find you."

"Why the hell would Emmett call you?" Bella threw back in another half-whisper.

Edward just shook his head. "He thought you were with me."

"Why?"

"What the hell were you thinking, Bella? Did you at least know the guy that you left with?"

Appalled, she tried her best to refrain from slapping him. "That is none of your business. None of this is your business! Besides, I heard your friends...Alice and Jasper...talking about you to Emmett. I watched you leave with that blonde. Don't act like you're any better than Jacob..."

"So you did know him?"

"What the hell does it matter to you? And no. I didn't know him but he seems like a nice enough guy."

"Well, you're lucky," he shot back, even more pissed off.

"What? Why?"

"How do you know he wasn't some sort of rapist or perverted..."

"Obviously, he's no different than you. Oh, wait, he actually has the balls to take his girls back to his own place! You know what, this conversation is over. I've done nothing to deserve this from you...I hardly even know you. Rosalie already bitched me out so you can just leave. My personal life is none of your business, you hypocritical piece of..."

"You could have been dead! Dammit, Bella, you live this perfectly cushioned life where your daddy's a big shot whatever and your mommy's a woman who bakes you cookies when you have a bad day and you just have all the resources you need to succeed and you just think that nothing can ever touch you because your whole life has been one big fucking fairy tale! Well, guess what, murderers and bad guys are real, sweetheart!"

Bella felt like she'd been the one who was slapped and she physically stepped back a few feet. "You don't know me."

"Well, after hanging with my friends and standing up to the girl you thought was my girlfriend...and offering to keep an eye on my sister after school, maybe I just thought you might be fucking interested in me. Obviously, I was wrong because you were groping that asshole and leaving with him..."

Bella's blood was practically boiling. "You arrogant... You left with that girl first! I was the one to watch you walk right out the door with her! Why the fuck would I think that there was even an inkling that you'd be interested in _me_?"

"I left with the girl because I wanted a quick fuck..."

For whatever reason, that tore through Bella's heart and before she even knew what happened, she closed the distance between them again and her palm made hard and fast contact with his right cheek. The skin on skin noise was satisfying as he cursed and grabbed her wrist. Still whispering harshly he got close to her face and shook his head. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Am I not good enough for even that?"

"Look, Swan, you are obviously fucking insane..."

"Answer the damn question, Edward!"

"If I could, I would have bedded you thirty ways to Sunday that night. You wouldn't have even known what hit you. It's just that I can't so I won't. Do you have any idea how fucked up that could make things for Alana? Do you have any fucking clue how complicated that could get?"

Bella couldn't believe what happened next but it was her body that did it. Grabbing his shirt, she pulled him towards her and crashed her lips to his. His were soft with a slight taste of spearmint gum and a little sweat from a hard days work. When she realized that they were still at the school and there were cameras around, she pushed herself away from him and frowned again.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked, still whispering in that pissed off tone.

"I don't know," she breathed, totally shocked with herself, and feeling embarrassed.

"I need to go. I have to stop for groceries on the way home. Lanie's waiting in there for us."

Bella blew out a breath and grabbed his hand before he could open the door and go back in. "Call me Bella. No more Miss Swan. I like your friends and still plan to hang with them once in awhile so learn to deal with it and..and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left with Jake. I'm not sorry that it happened but I realize I should have at least called Rosalie. I never meant for them to bug you over it."

"It's fine. It's just...Lanie never finds out about this kiss, okay? Like ever."

"Deal."

When he finally opened the door, Lanie was playing with her notebook. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, absolutely not," Bella smiled widely.

Edward just smiled and agreed. "We were just talking about how great you were doing and how big of a help you are. Why don't we get pizza for dinner tonight?"

**This Thanksgiving, I was thankful for all of your AMAZING reviews! Please, please keep it up! I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day...even if you don't celebrate I still hope your day was awesome :) While I'm not a fan of Black Friday in-store shopping, The Writer's Coffee Shop is offering their ebooks at a reduced rate of $4.99 per book! Just thought I'd give those of you not on Twitter a heads up! There are a lot of amazing books on there! Speaking of Twitter, you can always follow me on there letzigprincess. (remove space) I typically put up a little teaser each week for this story and there's always lots of somewhat fun drabble about Rob or other Twilight related topics. Let me know what you thought of the chapter! The next one is a nice little Halloween one and I may consider updating it along with chapter 6 since it's kind of in two parts. Review! Lots of love, Letzy xx**


	5. Far From Virtuous

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 5**

**Far From Virtuous**

Edward got Lanie home after that interesting encounter with Bella Swan and tried his damnedest to keep things as normal as possible for her. Still, his body was like a tuning fork, ringing and unable to calm itself. For the first time since all the shit with the funeral was over and he'd forced himself to accept the fact that Alana was his responsibility, that he had to just deal with that fact as best as he could, he truly felt frustrated over the situation. As he thought of his parents, the way they had always left him to pick up the pieces of their actions-even after they were dead, he felt angry. Anger was never good and after putting away groceries and forcing down some pizza with Lanie, he did something he hadn't done in months.

Jasper answered on the first ring, as if his best friend just knew something was up. "Edward, how goes it?"

"Not so great. I...um...need a favor," he said quietly, slipping out of his bedroom window and dropping himself onto the steps of the fire escape. He knew Lanie was caught up in some TV show on Nickelodeon.

"Okay. What's going on?"

"I...shit...I need you to maybe just take Lanie for a little bit tonight..."

"Hey, it's not a problem. I'll call Ally...take the girls for ice cream..."

"Thanks, Jazz. I'll bring her over."

"Edward, what's going on?" his friend asked with a no-bullshit attitude.

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. Yeah. See you guys soon."

After getting Lanie into the car, he headed over to his old apartment and found Jasper and Alice holding hands and waiting outside the complex. The anger came back and he bit it down. "Alright, Lanie May, I'll pick you up in a couple hours. Have fun, okay?"

"Okay."

As she got out and waved a goodbye, he knew that she knew something wasn't right. He did his best to keep things consistent for her and this was not a typical Monday evening for them. He didn't know how to handle the feelings pumping through him. Usually, he would head to a bar, find a girl, and get lost in the physical. This time, though, it was a Monday and the bars would be pretty empty. Besides, he didn't want to deal with girls, not after that kiss with Bella. He went back home instead, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniel's that was there since his mother had been alive and that he'd kept hidden all that time from his sister. He never wanted her to see him drink. He didn't want to have her think that he was turning into their mother.

With a frown, he slammed down a mouthful and leaned his head back on the head board of his bed. The apartment was the same set up but a floor up from where everything had gone down. The apartment was identical to the one below and that meant it had only two bedrooms. When Lanie was old enough to not be able to share a room with him-when she was no longer a baby and it became awkward, he'd moved onto the couch in the living room for awhile before eventually going to live with Jasper. It was easier than dealing with his dad. After they died, he could sleep in_ their_ bedroom but not after what he had seen, so he moved floors so that Lanie didn't have to deal with a huge change. As always, he'd picked up after his parents. It wasn't fucking fair.

Taking another swallow of the bottle, he felt guilty for only a couple minutes before he realized he was gripping the bottle so hard he was surprised it didn't shatter in his hand under the pressure. He wondered what it would feel like, letting the glass splinter and eventually shatter into tiny slivers that would cut into his hands. Another gulp and he felt the warmth in his chest. He stood, stalking over to the drawer that held the picture he had found of his parents' wedding day.

Edward couldn't look at it. A part of him had slight feelings of love for his mother but his father could rot. Slamming the picture down, the glass broke and he didn't bother to clean it up. He loved his sister but lately things felt wrong for him. Unhinged. He realized that for the first time in his life, he was wondering what it would feel like to hold an actual lover against him as he slept.

That was what wasn't fair. It wasn't Alana's fault yet he couldn't seem to figure out a way to not internally blame her for his not getting the chance to be with someone in that way. Jazz and Ally were great together but seeing them today just added fuel to the fire. Putting the bottle to his lips, he tilted his head back and took several pulls from it. He thought of Bella's lips on his instead of the bottle and realized he wanted her in a way he never wanted anyone else. He wanted to hunt down this Jacob kid and rip him limb for limb just because she'd said his name.

Feeling ashamed of himself as he looked at the nearly empty bottle in his hand, he threw the damn thing against the wall and was a little disappointed when it didn't make a satisfying sound. The bottle stayed intact, putting a dent in the wall and landing with a thud on the floor. Tears came from the frustration he felt. This was not his baby sister's fault. His parents were the ones who had her when they didn't want her. They were the ones who died in selfishness because his father was too damn proud and his mother was too damn obsessed. They were the reason he wasn't with a girl he loved, contemplating marriage...talking about starting a family of his own. They were the reason he wasn't still living the bachelor life with Jasper and living away from here, away from the memories...away from the nightmares.

Images of his parents lying on the bed with those blue lips and blood stained clothes came to his mind unwanted. It made him sick to think that they'd hurt him even more when they were alive. _Those_ images made him nauseous. He closed his teary eyes against them, trying to shut them out, trying to convince himself that this was better. Things were better for him and Lanie both now that they were dead and gone. That now he had the opportunity to give his sister a life he never had. She hadn't asked to be born and he wasn't about to let her suffer because of his selfish whims like his parents had for the first few years of her life.

He had to forget Bella. He had to re-accept the fact that he was meant to be on his own. He was still meant to pick up the pieces left behind by his parents and the biggest, most important piece was that little girl. He refused to let her down. How could he possibly bring Bella, or any other girl around her, after she had seen their parents fight nearly every night since she was born? Why should she become connected to a girl that he liked just so when the relationship didn't work out, she'd lose someone else who she'd come to love? No. He wouldn't fucking do that to her.

Feeling like a total pussy, he curled himself into a ball and let the tears flow freely. As his pillow became soaked and his fists gripped the comforter, he dug his face in and yelled. A muffled sound was all he could hear, just like what his life was destined to be. He would forever be a shell of what he could have become. Like the day he accepted guardianship of Lanie, he was reminded that she had to come first. For the hundredth time in his life, he had to step up and be the parent. Hell, he had to be better than just a parent because he had to make up for the sad excuses of parents he and Lanie both had to deal with for most of their lives.

Jasper called around eight and asked if he wanted them to just keep Lanie for the night. He said no, only because there weren't any clothes for her for the next day and he didn't want her there if Ally was sleeping over. Yeah, he sounded like an old church lady over that shit, but she knew Jazz and Ally weren't married and he didn't want her to get any ideas. Forcing himself to man the fuck up, he cleaned up the broken picture, put a hamper in front of the hole in the wall and hid the last few gulps of Jack.

After his little breakdown Monday, Edward fought hard to put everything out of his mind that had a part in causing it. He threw himself into helping Lanie with a science fair project that was going to be judged at the school, made sure he was on time to pick her up to avoid running into Bella and though he felt like an asshole for it, he avoided Jasper when he was around Alice. That night, though, he was planning to take Lanie trick or treating and knew that there was no way he could avoid his friends. Alice was almost as excited about going as his sister was.

There was another small issue that he knew he needed to man up and deal with. Jasper had gone behind his back to get his parents to keep an eye on Lanie the next day. Jasper's brother had two kids that were around her age and they were coming from a couple of hours away to stay with Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock. Jasper arranged it so that Lanie was excited about it and his parents had already made plans to take the kids to the park and to get ice cream. Of course it wasn't because Jasper wanted his niece and nephew to make a new friend, he didn't want Edward to have any excuses for missing the costume party Jasper and Emmett had found out about at a club downtown.

Bella Swan was going to be there and he knew he had to deal with the situation in the most responsible and mature way possible. He was going to cool it with the other females, knowing that she obviously felt something for him and he didn't want to hurt her, and he was going to try his damnedest to stay the fuck out of her way. In fact, even though Jasper had told him Lanie should stay and have a sleep over at his parents', Edward planned to be home by midnight in his own bed. Alone.

Going through the neighborhoods that were a little safer and gave out better candy, Jasper and Edward hung back in their jeans and t-shirts while Alice and Alana knocked on doors and had their fun. Lanie's costume was pretty awesome, she was going as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and even got to carry around a stuffed Toto in a basket. Alice had come over right after school got out to braid Lanie's hair, just like she had the night before the school's Halloween party.

As their group got further up the hill, the candy got bigger and better and the house's got more and more expensive looking. Just before the houses started to look like mansions, on a block with a lot of fancy brick and stones, he saw Alice wave frantically to someone on a porch. Jasper stopped mid-sentence to see who it was and Edward laughed at his friend's jealousy for a minute before realizing who she was actually waving to. Emmett stood on the other side of a white picket fence, on a nice green lawn, and swung the gate open for them.

"Well, hello, Alice. Who do we have here?" he asked then, peering down at Lanie.

Lanie just rolled her eyes and Edward knew she was too old for what Emmett was trying to pull. She was too nice to point that out to him, though. She just half-attempted to play along. "It's me, Emmett."

"Miss Lanie May! What a surprise! Well, we have lots of candy left..." he smiled, dumping almost half the bowl into her bag.

"What about me?" pouted Alice as she held out her own bag with a smirk on her face. While they joked, a figure came out of the house and Lanie stood up a little straighter and waved. "Hi, Miss Rose!"

"Hey there, Alana! I love your costume. It's very cool."

"Thanks. Edward helped me pick it out and Ally did my hair."

Rosalie Hale looked up at Edward awkwardly, like she was trying to pretend he wasn't there. "Well, it looks as awesome as it did at school."

"This is a nice place," Jasper complimented with a smile.

"Oh, it's my parents. I can't really take credit. I wished we could have decorated a little more but my parents are rarely home and I didn't have time this year. Bella's place looks pretty awesome. Her and Renee went all out."

Edward swallowed hard, realizing he was now going to see her a day earlier than planned. The house beside Rosalie's did look pretty spirited...pun intended. There was spider web draped up the driveway, a little cemetery in the front yard, hay bales and scarecrows on the porch, and even a couple coffins against the garage. Inside the open coffins were fake skeletons that glowed in the dark.

"Can we go over?" Lanie asked excitedly, bouncing on her toes.

After a few quick goodbyes, the group headed over to the Swan residence and he wondered if this was just her house. Then again, Rose mentioned someone named Renee. Maybe that was Bella's sister. As they headed up the driveway, something big came rambling over from the cemetery and Lanie walked into the grass to go greet it. The creature had a large sheet over it and Edward realized it was a big dog. Jogging over to them, he put his body between the beast and his sister, images of the dog biting her neck tearing through his mind. Instead of attacking, though, the dog just sat down lazily and began chomping on a fake bone.

"Luca! How many times do I have to tell you leave the bones by the graves. Here. This one is at least not plastic," Bella's voice sounded as she came towards them. It wasn't until she apologized to them and assured them the beast didn't bite that she looked up at Edward and her eyes widened.

"Hey, Miss Swan!" Lanie chimed. "Is this your house?"

Bella was dressed in a tight, black dress with gray, ripped material draped over it. As was normal for her, there were leggings underneath, only they were torn and her boots were like the ones he'd only seen at places like Hot Topic. There was white face paint and black lipstick: her pink tongue was very noticeable against the black, as she was standing there staring up at him with her mouth open. "Um, yeah," she managed to get out in response to the question.

"Bella, why don't you bring everyone up here? I just have to run in real quick to grab some more candy!"

Bella smiled and yelled an okay to someone at the front door. "Come on, I'll show you to the porch. I really think your costume is awesome, Lanie. Did you tell Edward it was voted the coolest by your classmates?"

"Yeah. We hung the ribbon in my room."

"Very cool."

"Can I pet Luca?"

"Sure," Bella smiled as they all made it to the area with the hay bales. Reaching down, Bella pulled the sheet off the dog and revealed one of the prettiest dogs Edward had ever seen. Still, it was big and made him nervous.

"Lanie, be careful with him..." Edward began.

"He's fine. I would take him to the school I used to teach at. The kids would play with him all day if Id let them. He's very tame."

"Is he a Husky?" Alice asked.

"Yup. Pure-bred. He's big but he acts like a lap dog. It's rather...uncomfortable." Bella giggled. That sound did something funny to Edward's more...private...parts. "By the way, your costume is adorable. I love the fairy skirt."

"Thanks. Yours is great. I love the tights. You're coming with us tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Rose insisted I pick out a different costume than this one to wear. It's a little less appropriate to hand out candy to neighborhood families in."

"Ah, I see," laughed Alice. Edward just swallowed hard.

Suddenly, two people who he guessed were her parents stepped out of the house. "I've got more candy," the woman said.

"Guys, this is my mom, Renee, and my dad, Charlie. Mom, dad, this is Lanie, her brother Edward, and his friends Alice and Jasper. Lanie's one of my students."

"I like your costumes," Lanie mused, looking towards Bella's parents.

Renee just smiled warmly and motioned to her witch get-up before gesturing to Charlie. "Mine is just a costume but Charlie's is the real thing."

Charlie just smiled and laughed, "I think the witch costume suits you well..."

As the girls yelled at him and Renee playfully hit his arm, Lanie asked, "Are you really a police officer?"

"Yup. I'm just heading out to the station now."

Edward wanted to die. Not only was the girl he couldn't get out of his head his sister's teacher, her father was also a cop. Things were just getting better and better. Clearing his throat, he spoke up. "Alright, Lanie, we have more houses to hit. Bella, I'm sure we'll see you around. It was nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Swan."

"Rose, I'm a whore," Bella said deadpan, staring into the mirror the next night.

"No. You're an angel."

"With a ten inch long skirt and a tiny corset that doesn't come past my belly button. How am I _not_ getting struck by lightning right now?"

"Well, you want to look good for Jacob, right? What if he's there and you run into him?"

Bella frowned. Jacob was not the man she was worried about seeing. "I already went home with him last weekend and I'm pretty sure the _costume_ isn't the reason he thinks I'm a total slut."

"Bella, come on. Just one night, don't you want to let go of all your fears and...teacher clothes. I mean, they're cute but I forgot you even had boobs until you put that on."

"Well, now they're in my face so they're kind of hard to miss," she muttered under her breath.

"Well, we should go. Emmett's waiting. How do I look?"

Bella had to laugh despite her irritation. When they'd been costume shopping, Rose had begged her to get something revealing and completely out of character for her. When she lectured Bella on 'no more teacher clothes', Bella had found Rose's current outfit and all but threw it at her. Rosalie was wearing a white, button-up shirt tied at her breasts and a plaid skirt as short as Bella's. A pair of thick-framed glasses and a messy bun topped off the frazzled, yet sexy, teacher look. "Like if you'd come into my classroom, I'd recommend you talk to Hugh Hefner about a job, not the Dean of Students..."

Rosalie just smiled triumphantly. "Perfect. Let's go. Emmett's going to love it!"

Bella grabbed a long sweater from her closet and wrapped herself in it. "What the hell are you doing? You can deal with the cold for ten seconds. Besides, where are your wings and halo?"

"They're downstairs. Where my dad is. He's a _cop_, Rose. I'm not leaving the house in this costume if he sees me in it. By the way, I'm wearing the wings but not the halo. It's uncomfortable."

"Fine. Just come on!"

After Emmett picked them up, Bella leaned into the weekender bag Rose had packed so she could stay with Emmett over night as she played with the lacy wings on her lap. Bella planned to take a taxi back to her placed after she got bored at the club and decided to leave. She knew she'd be drinking and didn't want to deal with having a car if she ended up having to call a cab anyway. Emmett's friends were waiting for them at the doors. Alice had on her butterfly costume from the night before while Jasper wore what looked like fishing waders and carried around a net. They looked cute together. Emmett was dressed as a 'nerd'. One pant leg was rolled up, he had on a shirt with a pocket protector and wore fake glasses like Rosalie, only his were taped. His hair was gelled back and Bella thought their costume ideas were perfect: sexy school teacher and geeky student.

She was on her own, no couples costume for her, and Rosalie had insisted she leave the sweater in Emmett's car with promises that she'd get it back someday...after the party. As they headed to the bar and ordered drinks, also putting their names in to win prizes, Bella caught sight of a guy across the bar. He was so familiar she had to smile. With a gray muscle shirt, a pair of torn, stained jeans, and a ratty pair of work boots, she'd recognize him anywhere. Some people may have thought he was just someone stopping in for a drink after work. She knew Edward Cullen had decided to go as a construction worker because she knew he didn't work Saturdays.

When he looked at her, she looked away and fiddled with her straw wrapper. Seeing him brought back all the guilt she felt for lying to Rosalie and telling her that she talked a little with Jacob during the week. The truth was she'd ignored every text he'd sent her, all six of them. "Come on, Swan! Let's go dance!"

As Rose and Alice pulled her towards the dance floor, Bella was glad her wings were condensed and not bumping into everyone. Her feet hurt like hell as the white stilettos pinched her toes and made her already hurt ankle scream in protest. Rosalie had let her borrow them and her friend was currently sporting a matching pair in black, only Rose had knee-highs on that offered a little cushioning. Done with her drink and feeling like her feet were numb, she stalked over to the bar and set down her empty glass before seeking out the restroom. When she came back out, she saw Edward still in his same position at the bar but at least he was talking to the guys now.

She didn't want to bother him even though she still felt the need to talk to him about what happened Monday after school. She needed to tell him she was sorry and that it was inappropriate. Still, she desperately wanted to just ask him to be with her. Just once. She couldn't get him out of her head. Neither of them were in a committed relationship, he was obviously okay with one night stands, and she was craving it more than anything she'd ever wanted before.

Deciding to find a table off to the side where she could relax for a minute, she stumbled over and plopped herself down. How Rosalie walked around in the damn things all the time completely baffled her. "Here, you look like you could use it."

Bella's head snapped up as she realized Edward had left his friends and pretty much come over to the opposite side of the bar altogether. She couldn't even see them from where they were. Taking the bottle of water, she smiled. "Thanks. Want to have a seat?"

"Sure. Thanks. Um...about Monday..."

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that, too." She hated that they had to scream over each other. She was also more than shocked by where her mind and words started to take her. "Look, I would never treat Lanie differently if we were to...yeah..and I've never done this before but I've been told that it's not like you haven't been a fan of one-night stands..."

"What?" Edward asked, trying to lean in closer to hear her over the music.

Frustrated, she shook her head and stood up, motioning towards the doors. Once outside, she sighed. "I said that if we slept together, I wouldn't treat Lanie any differently than I do now..."

"Oh, um, okay. Thanks?" He seemed confused and she felt mortified.

"Never mind. I just...I can't...I can't quit thinking about you and it's really starting to piss me off." Edward just laughed and she wanted to cry. She'd never been this forthcoming before and regretted it immediately. "Look, you like one night stands, right? Let me just get this out of my system and we'll both move on and I'll just be Lanie's teacher and you'll just be her brother. What do you say?"

He had completely quit laughing and was looking at her like she was prey. It was better he treat her as prey than as a crazy person. When he spoke, though, it was with leveled control. "Sex complicates things. We have the same friends. It's not like you're some random girl."

"Then pretend. If that's all you want than just pretend. I swear I won't even speak of it to Rosalie."

"Bella, I just...I don't know if it's a good idea. Why don't we just hang out?"

"Alright. Okay. God, I sound exactly like I look tonight, don't I?"

"Like an angel?" he asked, a wicked grin on his face.

"No. Like a whore."

"Hey, don't say that."

"I like your costume by the way," Bella smirked.

"Yeah? I think we match rather well..."

"An angel and a construction worker?"

"The devil comes in all forms, Miss Swan. You give me far too much credit."

Heading back in, Bella felt him tap her on the shoulder and, when she turned, he was nodding towards the upstairs. She'd never been up there before even though the club was multiple levels. Biting her lip, she decided to follow him up and listened as techno music pumped through the walls as they got closer. Edward lead Bella in and pulled her close to him. She was momentarily stunned, her breath stolen, before she could ask him in confusion, "What if someone sees us like this? I thought you said we should be just friends."

He leaned down and spoke into her ear, "They won't come up here. As far as the other part, I just watched you walk the fucking steps in that outfit after you asked me to have meaningless sex with you. I'm not Superman, Bella. You can't tease me like this and not expect me to want you."

As she breathed in even deeper and reveled in his warm breath on the side of her neck, she did something that was just as shocking as asking Edward to sleep with her. If Rosalie, who kept telling Bella to let loose a little, could see her now, her friend would be taking her to the hospital thinking something was wrong with her. Lifting her head, she licked her lips and then took the tiniest nip at his neck before biting his earlobe and pushing herself into him more. A groan vibrated through his chest and she could feel how hard he was.

Just as she was about to tell him that she wouldn't be able to forget about him after this, that she was an idiot for suggesting the quick fuck, he pulled away a little. "You need to clear your head for a sec..."

"Why?"

"I decided to say fuck it and take you home if you're still game. You should have a clear head when you make that decision..."

"Yes," Bella replied even though she was shaking her head. This was a horrible idea. She was going to kick Rose's ass for all those 'throw away your worries and go after what you want' lectures. "What should I tell Rose?"

**Over a hundred reviews in just four chapters! Woot! I'm loving this and if it keeps up, I'll be throwing Chapter 6 out there a lot faster than just a week...and I think you're going to like it...a lot. On another positive note, I'm officially a second grade teacher and am starting this Monday! Thanks for all the well wishes about the job...they paid off! Well, lovelies, leave me some love! PS I hope you twitter followers enjoyed the two teasers for this chapter. I hope it was everything you hoped it would be! If you haven't followed me on there yet, find me! Letzigprincess (remove space) Lots of Love, Letzy xx**


	6. A Night of Firsts

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 6**

**A Night of Firsts**

"We shouldn't be doing this," he whispered as they cut through the crowd but he was dying to touch her and knew that no matter what he said, he wouldn't be able to talk himself out of what was about to happen. She didn't seem to slow down at all either, walking as quickly as she could towards the doors of the club.

As soon as they were in the parking lot, he finally let himself touch her again and practically pulled her with him to his car. As if on instinct, he pulled out and started to head for Jasper's before realizing they could easily be caught there. He couldn't believe he was about to do this but he needed to get that damn tiny skirt off of her and feel her skin against his. He wanted it so badly he was shaking. Making a u-turn at the next light, he headed toward the apartment that he lived at with his sister.

"What did you tell Rosalie?"

"That I was meeting with Jacob. At least that way she won't stop by or try to call my house." Edward felt irritated with that answer but figured they didn't have much of a choice. "Did anyone see us leaving together?"

"I don't think so. Emmett thought I left with a girl a little while ago. Jazz and Em both seem pretty occupied."

When they got to the familiar brick building, he was surprised to feel her pull him towards her and as she began to gently kiss his lips, he knew he couldn't remain in control much longer. Her tiny top that just barely held her breasts was twisted a little and her skirt was riding up her thighs even higher. All he had to do was turn his head a little and he'd see her panties...which he'd caught a glimpse of earlier. They were pure white. When he took the chance of tasting her with his tongue, he was surprised when she sucked it into her mouth and intertwined it with hers.

Before he knew what was happening, she'd somehow made it into his lap, her pussy just inches from his dick. All he had to do was...yup. That was it. She groaned as he pushed his hips up and caused friction in the place he knew she needed it. A deep moan escaped her lips and he had to refrain from grinding harder.

Pulling away from her mouth, he kissed her cheek, her ear, her neck...when he got the tops of her breasts and he felt her push her own hips down to join them even more, he grabbed her ass and moved her up and down. He felt like he was in high school again, dry humping through clothes at his girlfriend's parents' house. "Baby, we gotta go inside soon or this is going to end up happening out here."

Smoothing her skirt down as far as it could go, which wasn't far, she got out of the driver's side and waited for him to grab his keys and follow her. With an arm around her waist they took off into the building with him leading her and her still panting from earlier. Bursting into the apartment, he picked her up over one shoulder and cave-manned it back to the bedroom. The second she was on the bed, his hands went under the skirt and grabbed the tops of the tiny piece of material between her thighs. She moaned and moved her hips in anticipation.

The second they were off, he took hold of her legs right behind her knees and gently spread them apart, which had been bent with her knees to the ceiling. He could tell just by looking that she was wet and ready for him. He wanted to taste her, to take things slowly and learn every inch of her. He wanted it to last for hours so he'd have time to memorize and remember her for when this was over and they both had to leave each other alone. He couldn't wait a second longer, though. His pants, boxers and shirt were all off within a few seconds and as she lay there, exposed and welcoming with her skirt over her hips, he knew he had to take her. Now.

With a quick pull, he brought her to the edge of the bed. He looked at her as he lowered his body to hers, those brown eyes low lidded and her lips parted as she breathed deeply. "Edward..." she whispered but it was more of a demand than anything.

The second he entered her, he nearly came apart. For a second, he had to stop and get himself back together before he allowed himself to thrust. She put her head to the side, her back arching, her breasts straining against the corset. Then it hit him. He wasn't wearing a condom. As quickly as he'd entered her, he pulled back out. "Bella...I..."

"What is it?" she asked, trying to catch her breath.

"I, um, I'm sorry..."

"For what?" Bella managed to utter. She sat up so that she was resting on her elbows.

"I forgot a, um, a condom."

"Oh. I'm on birth control?" She said it in a way that told him she wasn't sure if she should be worried about that part of it or something a little more life threatening. He hated himself.

"I've never not used one with anyone else. I've never had like a blood transfusion or anything...but I guess there's a lot of trust involved in that... Do you want me to take you back to the club?"

"Do you_ have_ a condom?" she asked biting her lip.

"You still want to?"

"We agreed to one night. I want my one night, Edward Cullen. Please."

Unable to refrain, he leaned forward and kissed her softly. He felt her smile against him and wrapped her in his arms. Pulling her to the head of his bed this time, he took his time getting her corset off and pulling off her skirt. He couldn't tell her but this was definitely a night of firsts for him. She was the first girl in his own bed-not just his old bed at Jazz's. She was the first girl he didn't use a condom with and the first girl who he actually took the time to actually _see _before taking her. He studied her as he slid on the condom that he had pulled from the drawer of his bedside table. With a contented sigh, he entered her gently this time and buried his face in her neck.

After a few minutes, he realized she probably felt crowded and lifted himself above her, still moving in and out. Bella wasn't having it, though. As soon as he was a few inches from her, she grabbed him by the ass and pulled him closer again, her nails scoring his flesh. Soon, she was meeting him thrust for thrust and let out a loud moan. "Come for me, Bella. Let it go."

Arching underneath him and panting, Bella let out little mewling sounds as he took one of her nipples in his mouth and sucked gently. Her body started to shake and she let out a loud cry. As the pull inside of her body brought him closer to the brink, he felt her lean up and gently suck his neck. Unable to stop the groan that tore through his chest, he felt himself release and rolled off of her because he simply couldn't hold himself up and didn't want to crush her. Only, when he rolled onto his back, he felt Bella reach down and pull off the condom. His member kicked, like it was surprised at the contact and she climbed up onto him and laid her head on his chest. He stiffened at first but couldn't find the gumption to move her. "Is this okay?" she asked softly, her fingers running along his chest.

"Yeah," he panted.

"You're going to hate me..."

"Why?" he asked, still not really able to think much after the sex.

"I think...I might be... Edward, I shouldn't have done this. I love the way you stepped up and took care of Lanie. I love how you do everything you can to make sure she's happy and cared for. I know that's why you do this. Why you bring girls home and then make sure it's over after one night. Since I knew that, that's why I shouldn't have done this. I'm sorry."

Edward was paying attention now. Not only did only one of those girls from his past even know about his sister, that one girl hated that he had that responsibility. "Bella, I have seen one of them more than once...at least since high school."

"Tanya," she guessed, nodding her head with a frown.

"Yeah. Tanya."

Bella didn't say anything for a long while but when she finally looked at him again, he felt it, too. The want to stay with her in bed for the rest of his life. He needed to see her again. Never in his life did he ever feel that for anyone, even Tanya. "I should probably go."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I've never brought a girl back here. I would always go to Jasper's. We lived together for a little while before my parents died and I had to take care of Lanie."

Bella gave him a sad smile as she pulled on her barely-there costume and shook her head. "It's only because you didn't want anyone to find out. I'm just going to call for cab to take me home."

"What about Rose? Will she be looking for you?"

"No. I told her not to worry about me tonight. She's staying with Emmett and she'll probably think I decided to just crash at Jacob's." The pain stung him again. He didn't want her anywhere near that guy, regardless of how nice she said he was.

"Let me at least give you a ride home...or..."

"It's fine..."

Edward felt a desperate need to keep her there with him. Seeing her in his room, in the apartment he shared with his baby sister, he wondered for the first time in his life if it was possible to do the relationship thing with his sister involved. It really was a night of fucking firsts. Big ones. "Just stay. I don't want you to leave. I...want to try.."

"Try what?"

"I want to...I know it might be a bad idea...you have to promise me you won't treat her differently. If we break up or things just get bad, you have to be nice to her and treat her like the rest of your kids."

Bella stood gaping at him, her shoes now hanging from one hand. "Break up? As in..."

"I want to be with you. I really fucking want to be with you." He wondered if he sounded as flustered to her as he felt.

"Is this really happening?"

"Yeah," he breathed out. "I think it is."

Dropping her shoes, she grabbed his shirt off the floor and turned around to take her costume back off. As if in a trance, she pulled the shirt over her head and climbed onto the bed beside him. "I'm scared that you're going to change your mind. I don't know why you decided you want this all of a sudden."

"I've been trying to pretend that you meant nothing to me for over a month now. I thought you were adorable when I first met you back in September. I was so worried when I pulled into the parking lot and saw you on the curb and Lanie's face told me something bad had happened. I wanted to stay until I knew there was absolutely nothing wrong and if there was something wrong, I wanted to be the one to help you fix it." He could see that she was smiling widely so he continued.

"I was really fucking scared when I got that call last weekend from Emmett, asking if you were with me because they couldn't find you. I knew you left with...that guy...and it made me angry. You say he was nice but I couldn't have known that and..."

"It was a mistake. A big one. In my defense, you left with a girl and I wanted to try and forget that. I wanted to be with you myself and it made me...I don't know. It just...I didn't like it. I won't apologize for hooking up with someone else but I will apologize for making everyone worry."

"I'm sorry that I was so mean to you on Monday. I was just upset over the situation."

"I'm sorry that I kissed you. It was very inappropriate..."

"I loved it."

"I didn't mean it that way. I just shouldn't have done that at school, with Lanie in the room beside us. That put you in a bad position and I could have gotten in trouble."

"Then kiss me now."

Rising to the challenge, she leaned into him and touched her lips to his. "If you haven't figured it out, I'm staying. You can quit apologizing for things now."

Bella woke up and felt...warm. She quickly realized that it wasn't because her beast of a dog had climbed into bed with her. Opening one eye, as if scared it was a dream, she let out a contented sigh when she decided this was really happening. Thinking back to the night before, there was nothing she could chalk this up to. She hadn't been drunk. She hadn't been coerced. She had somehow found the courage to do something she had never done before. She had put herself out there, hoping for the chance to be with the man she couldn't get out of her head for months. There was something about him, something she couldn't point out, that made her want to just be beside him. Now that it was morning, she felt exposed, as if she couldn't hide in the shadows. There was no costume to hide behind now.

When she looked at the clock and saw that it was almost nine in the morning, she sat up and looked around. They'd had sex three times the night before and Edward's snoring was definitely a sign that she had tired him out. Sliding her legs out from beneath the blankets, she crept into the hallway and found the bathroom. It was a small bathroom but it was evident that Edward went out of his way to make it his and hers. There were even pink crates stacked up that had kids' shampoo, fun-shaped sponges, and even bubblegum toothpaste. Figuring it was time to wake him up, she headed back to the bedroom and straddled his hips.

"Edward, it's getting late..."

Immediately, his eyes shot open while his hands grabbed her waist and gently pushed. She could have sworn she saw a hint of fear. Finally, he sighed and gave her a smile. "I like this wake up call..."

"I need to go. When are you supposed to pick up Lanie?"

"Um...I don't know. I think Jasper and I are both supposed to go over to visit with everyone for lunch. Lanie's at his parents' house visiting with his little cousins."

"Well, my own parents are going to be worried about me if I don't at least call them soon. They should be home from church in about an half hour. Rose will cover for me if they call her but I should..."

As she went to go, he sat up behind her and grabbed her waist again, this time pulling her towards him. "I want to tell everyone about us but if I'm going to try this, I need to do it my way. God, last night was...everything. Still, I have the parental responsibility of an eleven year old little girl and I can't just throw her into this because that's what I want. If things have changed for you since last night, then okay. I just want to take this slow...well try to take this slower...until we know it's what we both want. I won't bring someone into Lanie's life who is going to end up leaving a couple days later."

"I've been thinking about you a lot, Edward. I'm obviously attracted to you but I also think you're really, really sweet. When I was with Jacob..."

"Do we have to talk about him now?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "I didn't want him. I was a little bit angry at you and as stupid as it sounds, I was a little hurt. I was also very drunk, so I guess what I was feeling could have been a little bit swayed because of that but I have never regretted anything more than going home with him. I never really wanted to sleep with him."

"Good..."

"One more thing. I'm not the girl you think I am. The mousy school teacher who would rather stay in and read books on the weekends is who I've always been. I've only ever slept with a couple guys besides you."

"Who were they and how long ago?" he asked playfully but Bella knew he truly wanted to know.

With a shake of her head she gave him a coy smile. "When you compose a list of all your...friends...that you've slept with and the dates that it happened, I'll share that information."

Edward seemed to think about this for a minute. "Do you really want that list?"

"No. It would kill me."

She felt him touch his mouth to her hair and breathe in deeply. "I want you to stay here but I should really be getting you home. Your dad is a cop, after all."

"Yeah, well, I have nothing to wear over that costume and I'm probably going to be arrested for indecent exposure."

"Did you only sleep with me so I'd post your bail?" he asked, propping his head on his hands as he leaned back against the headboard and watched her pull of his shirt and put on the tiny scraps of material.

"Damn," Bella said, turning around playfully and throwing up her hands, "you've figured it out, Cullen."

After a quick goodbye, Bella wobbled out of Edward's car in her ridiculous shoes and made her way into the house. She saw that her mother's Nissan wasn't in the driveway and breathed a sigh of relief as she snuck up to her bedroom and quickly changed before stuffing the costume into her underwear drawer-where she could try to forget about it. Halloween made people do crazy things and she was pretty sure what had just happened was the craziest. Pinching herself as she skipped downstairs, she smiled and reminded herself that it wasn't just a dream.

She sat down on the couch and tried to get comfortable as she was a little sore from the activity the night before. Luca threw his big body onto the couch beside her and laid his huge head across her lap. Stroking the dogs face, she fell asleep while watching some stand up comedian. Just as she really was dreaming about Edward, knocking on the sliding glass door brought her head up and caused Luca to start whining. It had to be Rosalie. No one else ever came to that door.

"Hey! Emmett said something about meeting up with Edward and Jasper at Jasper's parents' house so I decided to cut out a little early and pay a visit. You know, find out how last night went..." her friend winked, bumping Bella with her elbow.

"Rose, stop. Not here. I don't even know if my parents are home yet. They must have gone somewhere after church. Let's go upstairs."

'I can't wait to meet this guy! Honestly, I thought for sure you had decided to just skip out early and come home but you look exhausted...and I know you rarely have trouble sleeping so...did you two do it?"

"Do it? What? Are we back middle school?"

"You did! I can tell! You're like...glowing!"

"Rose, come on..."

"So, Jacob is the guy I saw you with last weekend, right? The one you went home with...only you didn't sleep together. It's too sweet that he waited because you wanted to..."

"Rose, I really don't want to talk about this, okay?" Bella begged, hating having to lie to Rosalie but not trusting her to not mention the actual events from last night to Emmett.

"Fine. Fine. Well, I have news."

Bella's eyes widened. Rosalie had a good, steady job, happily married parents, a good financial future, a good home life, and now the perfect boyfriend. Bella had no idea what the big news was...and she began to worry. "I swear to God if you tell me you're engaged or pregnant I'm going to puke."

"No! I'm not either of those things. Bella, I'm actually...I mean really...I think I truly love Emmett."

Bella was aware that her jaw was possibly sitting on the ground because she couldn't believe what Rose had just said. She'd be less surprised with the pregnancy news. This was much less scary but just as insane. In the years and years that Isabella and Rosalie had been best friends, Rose had never once admitted to truly loving anyone. Rose wasn't a whore but she definitely was not the type to settle down with one particular person. Of course, during high school, she'd say 'I love you' back to the poor suckers but she always confided in Bella that she never really meant it. This was a huge deal.

"Rose! Hi!" Renee said, standing in the open doorway to Bella's room. "We just got back from the store. Want some brunch? We've got fruit and tons of artery clogging goodies..."

"That would be great," Rose said.

"Rose is in love, mom," Bella blurted.

Renee just smiled at Rose's big smile and Bella got the weird feeling like she should be smiling, so she forced her lips in that direction. Renee sighed, "I'm happy for you, sweetie."

"Thanks, Renee. Oh, and, did Bella tell you the news? Our little Bella has a boy toy of her own..."

"Really?" Renee asked, her smile now blinding Bella.

"Rose, it's not like that..." Bella blushed, so not wanting to continue with this conversation.

"What's his last name?" Rosalie asked absently, looking down at her phone.

_Cullen. _"Um, Black..."

"Is he one of the guys from trick-or-treat?" her mom mused.

_Yes. _"No."

"Ah, here he is! Cute Facebook pic, Bells! Are you friends with him on here?"

"Um, no..."

"Let me see it!" Renee practically shouted.

Bella wanted to melt into the carpet. She never lied to Rosalie and almost never lied to her mom. She'd been away from Edward for a couple hours and she already had to bite her lip and keep the truth to herself. This was not as easy as she thought it would be. Rose showed the phone to Renee. "I wonder if it says who he did last night...I mean what he did last night..."

Bella truly wanted to kill her best friend. "Rose!"

Renee either chose to ignore the comment or never heard her. "I don't think it will let you see his wall. It's set to private."

"Bella, aren't you friends with him?" Rose asked.

"Not on there. I haven't been on mine in ages."

"I know, I sent her a message a couple days ago and never got a response..." Renee frowned. Yes, Bella's mother was on Facebook.

"Can we please just go have some heart attacks on a plate?" Bella whined a little.

"When do I get to meet him?" Renee continued.

"I don't know. When I know him a little better. It's not like we're getting married..."

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! You have no idea how much they mean to me! Well, they finally..."did it". ;) I hope you all enjoyed it...or were at the very least a little amused. Let me know what you thought and I'm sure some of you have your opinions about the condom thing and her lying to Rosalie. Hopefully the truth comes out fast so everyone could live happily ever after. (As if _that_ would make a good story...) ;) Letzy xx**


	7. Little White Lies

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) I played a lot with this one...so all mistakes are my own ;) **

**Chapter 7**

**Little White Lies**

"Will you marry me?"

"Holy shit," Edward heard Emmett mutter to his left.

"Emmett, that's a bad word..." Lanie whispered from Edward's right.

"Yes!" Alice cried from in front of him.

Well, Emmett had the answer to his question. Apparently, the shindig at the Whitlock residence that morning had been commenced for a specific occasion. Jasper was getting married. Edward felt a little dizzy. He was happy for the guy...but holy shit. He and Emmett had been there since eleven thirty, hanging out with Jasper's family and enjoying a cook out. Em had picked Edward up and on the way they wondered about why Emmett had been asked to come over. Em and Jazz were friends but it seemed more of a family gathering than one that would include friends. Edward's sister was there, which is why he hadn't questioned his invitation. Now, though...just...holy shit summed it up well.

Putting his hand over Lanie's eyes as Jasper and Alice began to kiss and hug each other a little more than was necessary given their particular audience, Emmett looked at him with a 'What the fuck just happened here?' type of expression. Edward still didn't have the ability to speak. When the happy couple finally remembered there were other people in the room with them, they stepped away from each other and the chaos began. Mrs. Whitlock and Jasper's sister-in-law nearly tackled Alice, Jasper's dad and brother punched Jasper on the shoulders and gave him man hugs. Then, they all switched and the girls started to cry as they hugged Jazz. At least the guys didn't treat Alice the way they had Jasper. Although, Edward would have thought it was comical.

When Alice pulled Lanie in for a hug, she looked over at Edward and hugged him as well. "Mind if we use your sister? We have a flower girl and ring bearer but we would love a junior bridesmaid..."

"I don't know," Edward said, pretending to be serious.

"Edward!" Lanie yelled, obviously upset.

"I'm just kidding, Lanie. Of course you can be in the wedding."

"What about you, there, Eddie? Free that night?"

"Um...I'll have to check my calen... Yes!"

Jasper laughed and turned to Emmett. "Okay, you two. You get to duel in the yard to see who can be best man..."

Alice just shook her head, "We'll figure out a way to make that both of your responsibility! As long as you two are there! Dave, you too," Alice smiled, hugging her future brother-in-law again.

"I'm going to go call everyone!" Jasper's mom laughed.

Edward watched the woman skip away and glanced at Alice. Despite how happy she was, Edward knew that Alice hadn't spoken to either of her parents in a long time and the sadness was evident on her face. They didn't approve of her career choice, wanting her to become a dentist like her father. She had chosen fashion and they resented her for it. He felt for her. It sucked not to have someone on your side of things to back you up and be happy for you.

"Well, this calls for an engagement party," Jasper's dad announced, putting an arm around Ally. He must have noticed her mood, too. "Two weeks from now. On Friday. We'll do it here."

"Sounds wonderful," Alice agreed with tears in her eyes. "That means so much..."

"Edward?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"Who do you think will be your partner in the wedding?" Lanie asked as they made their way into their apartment a few hours later.

"How do you know how weddings work?" Edward asked, rather amused and curious.

"I'm a girl. We spend, like, our entire lives planning them..."

"Oh, really?"

"Yup. So, who will it be?"

"I don't know. Probably a friend of Ally's."

"I bet she'll be a model and you'll think she's pretty and fall madly in love with her!"

Edward just smiled and shook his head. "Do I have until midnight before she turns back into the servant girl? Honestly, Lanie, I think I'd prefer the servant girl. There are many pretty girls that don't look like models."

"Like who?"

There was only one girl that Edward could think of. "You're the matchmaker. You tell me."

"Well, Ally's pretty...but she's marrying Jazz. Oh, and there's a girl down the hall from us...but I think she's still in high school so you're probably too old for her. Then, there's only two more girls I can think of. The girl that was with Em, that pretty one with the blonde hair and high heels, but ya know, I think she_ is_ a model. The only other girl I know is Miss Swan. She's very pretty. She's a little clumsy, though..."

Edward nearly peed his pants he was laughing so hard by the time she was done. "Yeah, Ally's definitely out of the dating game and even if she wasn't, I don't think Jazz would like me too much if I dated her. High school girls are definitely...a very _bad_ idea. Rosalie is the girl you're thinking of and I don't think Em would like me with her because that's _his _girlfriend...and she's not a model. Miss Swan is...a very nice girl. If I ever dated someone who was clumsy, that would just mean I'd have to be extra careful with her."

"Well," Lanie shrugged, "maybe you'll meet Belle instead of Cinderella..."

"What?" he asked, surprised by Lanie's use of Bella's first name..

"Yeah, you know, cause you're scary looking when you don't shave. You look like the Beast."

Edward realized what she was talking about and smirked. "The Beast, huh?"

"Yup."

"Well, the Beast is hungry and you have homework to finish before tomorrow. Get working and I'll find us some good Halloween candy."

Edward made sure she was settled at the kitchen table and working on math problems before going into his room. He'd realized he didn't have Bella's number and wanted to tell her that his sister thought Rosalie was a model. Instead, he sent the text to Emmett. They'd had a good back and forth over it until he realized Lanie probably needed to eat some actual dinner before scarfing down a couple Kit-Kat bars.

As he got to cooking, he thought of the night before and how tired he still felt. Bella was a fiesty one and after they had fallen asleep after the first time, he felt bad nudging her awake for the second one. She surprised him by waking him up a few hours later ready for round three. He already craved her and they'd just been together the night before. He wondered if Lanie was serious about thinking Bella would be a good person for him to date. Also, he made a mental note to have Ally talk to Lanie in a few years about why it was a bad idea for a twenty-four year old to date a high schooler. He shuddered to realize Lanie would be in high school in less than three years.

This Monday was going much better than the previous one. Besides the fact that she still lied to Rose this past weekend, she had no other regrets. Her feet hurt her a little from the shoes and her ankle was killing her again. It was probably a stupid idea to wear the damn things with a recovering ankle. She should have realized that's why she couldn't walk right in them as well. Her knee was much better, though. At lunch, Lanie had told her that her brother's friends, Ally and Jazz were getting married and she and her brother would be in the wedding. Bella was happy for all of them but felt a tinge of jealousy when she thought of Edward being paired up with some girl she didn't even know.

Rosalie was also taking this Jacob Black thing way too far. She was happily in love with Emmett McCarty and felt the need to share the love. Bella wanted to slap her. On her prep period in the afternoon, Bella sent Rose a text about Jasper and Alice and was sent a text back saying Rosaelie already knew and that Emmett had told her to invite Bella to the engagement party in a couple weeks. Also, she had a surprise for Bella. This worried her. Greatly.

Edward was late to pick up Lanie and she suspected he may have done it on purpose. When he walked in, she knew he had. His face lit up like a Christmas tree..one that was on fire...and Bella couldn't hold his lateness against him. She was happy to see him, too. "Miss Swan, how are you today?"

She just smiled. "A little sore, Edward. I had a strenuous Saturday."

"I bet. Um, Lanie and I are working on the science fair project and I was wondering if I could get your number or something so I could reach you if we have any questions."

"Of course. Here ya go. That's my cell. Lanie, make sure he doesn't lose that. I'm always here if you need help with something, okay?"

"Thanks, Miss Swan."

After they left and Bella managed to start breathing again, she looked down and saw she had another text from Rose. Shutting off her lights and closing the door, she swung her purse over her arm and read the message. Rose told her not to make any plans tonight because they were going out. Bella frowned and rolled her eyes before calling her friend. "It's a school night," she muttered by way of greeting.

"Don't worry. We'll get you home before your bedtime."

"Where are we going?"

"Don't you worry about that. It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises."

"Oh, don't be a party pooper. We're just going clothes shopping. The stores close at like nine so we'll be back in time for your curfew." Rose knew Bella didn't have a time restriction, she just hated to be surprised by things. This, she supposed, was one she could deal with. If this was the surprise Rosalie had planned for her, she could deal.

Over the next few days, Bella never did hear from Edward but she heard plenty from Rose. After shopping on Monday, they'd gotten together and watched movies on Tuesday. This was kind of normal except that they were all sappy love stories. Three movies in, Bella was pretty sure she'd heard every corny, lovey-dovey quote known to man. On Wednesday, Rose had plans with Emmett so Bella relaxed on her own and walked Luca. When she came home and headed upstairs to bed, she decided to check out Facebook for the first time in weeks. There was a friend request from Jacob. Cringing, she accepted it.

The next morning, things started to get interesting. She'd gotten back on Facebook to see if Edward had a page, which he didn't, and saw that she had a new message. She'd checked them all the night before. When she scrolled over it and saw the name, she bit her lip. It was from Jacob. "Hey, Bella. Rosalie told me I should friend you on here. How have you been? I was kind of hoping you'd call me last week but I'll see you later." It was a weird message and Bella wondered why the 'I'll see you later' felt more like a promise than a goodbye.

School went quickly and she got to help the kids start setting up the gym for the fair. They were excited and the sixth graders were the ones actually putting it together and being judged. The younger students were allowed to show a project but it was just for fun. Her students actually seemed to even be getting their parents involved. Edward had sent her a text that morning to say hello and she texted him back pretending she didn't know who he was. When he sent her a 'Sorry. I must have been given the wrong number.' she felt awful and sent him a text back.

"Sorry, sex three times in one night kind of fries a girl's brain." That was as far as she got because then it was time for the kids to come back from the gym.

There was a text waiting for her after school that said she was mean and here he'd thought she was an angel. Before she could respond, she got a call from her mom asking if she could pick up a couple things from the store on the way home and she got distracted. As soon as the bags were handed to her mom, she headed upstairs and nearly screamed when she found Rose unexpectedly on her bed. "Jesus!"

"Thanks for the compliment...but no. It's just me. I picked this out for you. Put it on. You're going to blow him away..."

Bella's stomach dropped as she looked at the cute dress laying on her bed. "Him who?"

"Jacob! Surprise! I set you two up on an actual date! The little trysts you two had over the past two weekends don't count!"

"Rose," Bella asked cautiously, "what did you say to him about those two nights?"

"Nothing. Calm down. I just told him that you were my friend and when he said he remembered you and he remembered seeing me at the bar, I told him you'd love to double date with Em and I. This way, I can meet him in person and you won't feel so uncomfortable. It'll be like in high school. I know you get nervous but I'll be right there..."

"Rosalie, I don't know about this. Really. I'm not feeling well and..." _I'm in love with someone else._

"It'll be fine. See, you're already nervous. Just relax and get changed. Emmett and Jacob are meeting us at the restaurant in an hour. We have to do your hair yet."

"How did you even get a hold of him?"

"Facebook," Rose shrugged.

Bella shut herself in the upstairs bathroom and stared at the dress she had put on. This was so wrong. Emmett was Edward's close friend. It was going to get back to him. Still, she had promised not to tell a soul. There was no way she could tell Rose the truth and not have that get back to Emmett, either. Maybe she could just go out with them tonight and nicely let him down in front of her and Emmett. Edward would believe that she had just gone along with Rose if Emmett mentioned it to him. This was bad.

"Jacob, hi," Bella smiled, feeling like a total fake and then remembering that she was.

"Hi. You look amazing," Jacob said, flashing her his perfect smile. The clothes he had on were designer and Bella knew the man had to have money. When he and Emmett started talking about his BMW, she was sure of it.

Rosalie had her phone out and was laughing as the waitress was helping her pick out a good mixed drink. The guys were talking away about cars. Bella wanted a mixed drink as well...or maybe twelve of them. When the waitress left to put their drink orders and appetizers in, Bella sipped her water and tried to pretend she was enjoying herself. It took her a full minute before she realized Jacob was talking to her. "...a school teacher?"

"Yeah. I teach sixth grade," she answered like a robot.

"I give you props. I couldn't work with kids all day. They definitely aren't my thing."

"Oh. What do you do for a living?" she asked, hoping she at least sounded interested in his life.

"I'm a lawyer."

As Bella felt herself wanting to hit her head off the table, she heard Rosalie let out an excited squeal. "A lawyer? That must be exciting!"

"It's a lot of reading," Jacob replied to Rosalie even though he was still looking at Bella.

"I like to read," Bella blurted out pathetically.

Jacob just smiled at her and laughed at the monstrosity the waitress had put in front of him. Whatever drink Rosalie had ordered for each of them looked like something out of a movie from the future. "Wow, this is...showy," Jacob grinned. Bella realized the man had a constant freaking smile on his face. It was so annoying.

The waitress made a joke about it just as Rosalie snapped a picture of Jacob and Bella with the crazy concoctions in front of them. Bella would have to remember to tip the waitress well, she'd made Bella smile her first genuine smile since school ended earlier that day. Dinner went on and Bella stood up to use the restroom, really just needing a chance to get herself together so she could nicely turn Jacob down without hurting his feelings. When she returned to the table, she noticed he was missing. "Where'd Jacob go?" she asked, seeing the money laying beside his empty plate.

"Oh, he got called into work. He said to tell you he was sorry and he owed you a proper first-date kiss. Not that you haven't already done the kissing thing..." Rosalie teased.

Emmett just shook his head, "So you two hooked up last weekend?"

"And they almost hooked up the weekend before," Rose added. Bella just bit her lip and forced down the rest of her food. Now that the horrible date was over, she was going to just pretend it hadn't happened at all.

"What do you think, Bella?" Rosalie asked her expectantly and Bella knew she had zoned out again.

"About what?"

"Going to Jasper's engagement party. It'll be awesome!"

"Um, yeah. When is it?"

"Next Friday night."

"Sounds great," Bella smiled again, figuring Edward would be there.

"I have to go out of town next week or else we totally could have gotten pedicures!"

"Alice wouldn't mind if you called her," Emmett suggested. "She moved here from somewhere a couple hours away and she doesn't really talk to anyone back home. She'd enjoy having a friend to hang out with."

Bella shrugged, "I'll ask her. It sounds like a good idea."

The next week was pretty uneventful and she hadn't gotten much chance to talk to Edward. It was obvious he wasn't one for texting and it was hard to talk when Lanie was with him. That weekend, he told her he was heading out to celebrate Jasper's engagement with the guys and wouldn't be around much, Alice was keeping Lanie for him. Bella thought about calling Alice to see if she wanted to hang out but didn't want to overstep her bounds with Lanie. Instead, she spent Friday at the high school football game where she met up with some other teachers, went shopping and to a movie with her mom on Saturday, and attended church and worked on lesson plans on Sunday. By the time she was typing out her last one, she couldn't resist any longer and sent Edward a text.

**Did you survive last night? xx**

There was no response for almost two hours but around nine he finally sent her a response. **Yeah. Barely. Alice is taking Lanie dress shopping Thursday. Do you want to meet up somewhere?**

**Absolutely. **

**I'll pick you up at the school around four.**

**I have something we need to talk about anyway.**

**Bad news?**

**You won't like it but not really.**

**See you then.**

Bella chewed her lip, wondering if it was really a good idea to wait. Jacob was obviously a sore spot for him. Still, it was better that she _said _something rather than him finding out from a text message. She wanted to be able to explain that Rose had set it up and she would have let everything out of the bag if she refused. Biting her lip, she headed downstairs to find her mom and see if she wanted to go get ice cream when she realized that Rosalie would be back on Thursday and had asked Bella to hang out that night. It would be earlier in the day because of her seeing Emmett later on. With a sigh, she realized this lying thing was getting more and more complicated.

**Thank you so much for your continued support! I will update again in a few days as long as it keeps up! I apologize for not getting to respond back to them but I could spend a lot of time that I just don't have doing so. If you have a question, please let me know and I'll do what I can to get back to you. This week was my first week having my own classroom and starting in the middle of the school year is no easy feat. Please be patient with me! I'm pulling 11 hour days at the school and coming home to do more school work. Fanfiction is my escape and something I do for fun. :) Leave me some love and I'll try to get a new chapter up soon! Love, Letzy xx**


	8. With All Due Respect

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 8**

**With All Due Respect**

Edward looked at his phone and wondered if maybe he should just text her and ask the big question. It was something he'd heard from Emmett and that had been bothering him since Saturday night. As he had avoided the topic of Bella altogether, Emmett brought her up when the guys were making their last stop of the night on their bar crawl journey. Apparently, not only did Emmett have photographic evidence, he had been there. Bella was seeing Jacob. He felt like he was splitting in two, being ripped in half. He had never let himself get invested in a girl before and now that he had, it really fucking hurt. He wasn't angry but he sure as hell was upset.

He'd told Emmett he was crazy, unable to tell him that he was the one who was seeing Bella, but Emmett had one-upped him. Messing with his phone, Em pulled a picture up and waved it in front of his face. There were two pictures of her on Rosalie's Facebook page. One was her happily laughing as she sat beside the man he recognized as Jacob Black. A second showed her standing beside his chair with a small grin. Her dress had been tighter than what he was used to seeing on her and it had made his jealous feelings flare even worse.

Edward had finally decided that he could not spend the rest of the week upset about the situation with Bella and Jacob so he'd been trying to forget about it since Monday night. It was childish and he needed to man the fuck up and give her the benefit of the doubt. He knew she had been with him this past Saturday and the one before that she had no reason to lie about. Still, those pictures... There was no denying that she was with Jacob that night.

Shaking his head as if to clear it, he picked up a road cone that had been hit and waved a goodbye to the guys. It was finally Thursday and he couldn't wait to see Bella. It wasn't even about the sex. It was about the talking, the clearing of the air, and the reassurance he needed from her. Knowing Alice would be picking up Lanie, he went home to change and clean up a little before heading towards the school. He was glad he got there when he did because Bella was trying to balance herself with one leg on a plastic chair and another on the counter. Of course, when he'd closed the door, she jumped and fell backwards. He was there in seconds, pulling her into him and righting her. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she blushed. "Sorry."

"Do me a favor."

"What?"

"Don't ever do that again. If you need something put on the top shelf, ask someone to help you, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay..." she breathed, obviously still a little shaken. Just as she grabbed her purse from behind her desk and a tote full of papers, she nodded. "I'm ready."

"Ready for what?" Rosalie Hale asked, coming through the door and sliding her sun glasses up into her blonde hair. "Are you ready to... Edward? Um, what's going on?"

Bella's jaw dropped and Edward knew shock was registering on his face. Knowing Bella still wasn't recovered enough to speak, he gave her a sad smile and shook his head. As if she knew exactly what he was silently telling her, Bella looked away like she was devastated. He'd never felt so good and so horrible at the same time. She really, truly wanted to spend time with him. Still, he was wondering why Rosalie was barging in and ready to go off somewhere with her friend. Self-doubt resurfaced.

The words were almost painful as they came out but he shook his head again and went for it. "I forgot that Alice was picking Lanie up from school. I had a question about the science fair and figured I'd just stop in and ask Bella...Miss Swan...since I was here."

"Yeah," Bella snapped out of her trance. "So, just use some more salt and everything will be right as rain."

Edward wondered if she always turned into a nervous, Southern-sounding belle when she was faced with awkward situations. "Edward, I forgot Rose was meeting me for dinner tonight. I'm sure we'll run into each other tomorrow at the party, right?"

"Yeah. Right. Have fun."

Bella looked upset and frowned at Rosalie. Then, like she had second thoughts, she sighed. "Actually, I didn't forget about dinner with her. I told her I had a meeting to be at around four and yet here she is..."

"Oh, come on. You and I both know you hate going to school board meetings. Let's go, Swan. We have reservations."

Edward frowned even though he knew that Bella had tried to dodge the un-dodgeable Rosalie. He wondered if he'd ever be able to afford dinner at a restaurant where you had to call ahead on a Thursday at four in the afternoon. Bella turned the lights off and Rosalie headed out the door first. Mouthing a sad, "I'm sorry," to him, she looked like she wanted to cry. That was the only reason he forced the smile on his face and nodded. She seemed a little relieved that he wasn't mad but she didn't look totally appeased.

He watched her get into Rosalie's convertible and took off in his own car, one with more rust spots than any car he'd seen before in his life. A text from Jasper came seconds later. **Where are you?**

Edward frowned and waited until he was out front of his place to text him back. **Home.**

**No you're not. I'm standing outside your apartment. **

Confused, he took the steps two at a time and squinted when he saw his friend. "What's doing?"

"I brought beer and the latest Transformers movie. Figured you didn't really have anywhere else to be. I assumed you'd maybe decided to go find yourself a girl for a few hours when you weren't here..."

Once they were inside, Edward just shook his head. "Nah. I just had to run to the bank after work."

"Is that why you went home to change after your shift was up?" Jasper asked with a strange expression.

"Um, no. I spilled soda on myself on my way to the bank."

"You okay? You seem...I don't know...on edge... If you ever need to talk about shit, about your parents or something with Lanie, you know I'll listen, right?"

"Yeah. I know."

"I just worry about you being alone so much..."

"Okay, okay, Dr. Phil. The girls won't be gone forever. Pop that movie in."

As he sat back on the couch and grabbed a beer-as he knew Jazz wouldn't drink more than one, he sagged a little in relief. If Rosalie hadn't whisked Bella away, he would have brought her back here. Jasper would have immediately known what was going on and that wasn't a good thing. He really needed to figure out what the fuck he needed to do now that he and Bella were trying to do this. He was close with his friends and lived with his sister. Someone was going to find out what was happening sooner rather than later. The best thing would be to talk to Lanie about things before the party after school the next day. At least that way he could be with Bella at the party and let everyone else figure it out for themselves.

Hesitation bloomed in his chest again and he decided to wait until after the party. His friends had been hounding him for a long time to find someone to date and keep around a little more, it was why he suspected they tried to tolerate Tanya even when he himself couldn't, and he knew they would make a big deal if he so much as held Bella's hand. It was supposed to be Jasper and Alice's night, and because of that, he needed to keep things under wraps for a little while longer.

"Okay, so here is her dress for tomorrow and here are her shoes..." Alice chattered, handing him a garment bag and a box a couple hours later.

"How much do I..."

"Shh. That's not your concern. Anything that she needs for the wedding will be bought by Jazz and I as a...thank you gift...for her being in it. Don't worry about that. Now, do you need help picking out something to wear?"

"Uh..."

"Come on," Alice sighed, grabbing his arm and pulling him down the hallway to his room. As she went through his closet, she finally found a pair of black pants, a button-up blue shirt and a tie. When Edward frowned at just the prospect of wearing the stuffy clothes, she frowned as well and nodded. "Right. Okay, so no tie."

He had to laugh and was slightly grateful that he wouldn't have to figure out what to wear for the thing. Alice was amazing. Jasper was a lucky guy. Feeling like he and Alice had a bit of a connection due to their parents, he cleared his throat. "Have you called and told them the news?"

With a sad smile, she shook her head and picked at the lint on the pants she was currently holding. "No. I know I should but I can't. They'd never approve of Jazz and it will kill me to hear them cut him down..."

"Alright, you two," Jasper's voice came down the hall. "This isn't seven minutes in heaven..."

Alice slapped his arm and shook her head but Lanie popped into the room and looked up at Jasper. "What's seven minutes in heaven?"

Edward could have killed his best friend and Jasper's entire face was now red. Alice was stifling her laughter. "Something you absolutely have no reason to worry about. Ever," Edward replied, wishing he could see the humor in it. I mean, sure it was kind of funny, but he couldn't bring himself to laugh. Her high school years were really going to be a problem for him.

"Yeah, Lanie, let's go hang your dress up. Why don't we do your hair like mine tomorrow?"

"Yours is short!" Lanie laughed.

"Do not cut her hair, Mary Alice!" Edward called into the hallway after the girls.

"I wouldn't dream of it!"

Edward looked back over at Jasper, who was studiously studying the clothes Alice had set on Edward's bed. "Hey, man, come on. She's yours. She just wants everything to be perfect for tomorrow. You know how details are like...her entire life. Besides, I would have just shown up in jeans and work boots if it were up to me."

"I know. I just really wish you'd tell me what the fuck is going on in your head. I'm not stupid. You've been avoiding me when Alice is around and I don't get it."

Edward felt sick at what his friend was suggesting. "Jasper, seriously, what's happening with me has nothing to do with Alice. She loves you, man. Hell, I fucking love you. Don't over think shit."

"Yeah, I know." Then, after a long pause, he breathed out. "I'm getting married, Eddie. After all these years and all those girls...I'm picking her. Forever."

"I bet it feels good," Edward smiled, clapping his friend on the shoulder and wishing he knew how it felt first hand like Jasper did.

The party was set up beautifully and Bella was actually comfortable in what she was wearing for once. She found a dress that was basically a plain, tan dress that had beautiful black lace covering it. Her heels were tiny, nothing like the stripper shoes she'd worn on Halloween, and she wasn't walking like a penguin in them. Her hair had even managed to go the way she wanted it to. The only thing more she could hope for was that she and Edward could sneak away for a few minutes to just be together. They needed to talk but there would be time for that. For now, she just wanted to dance with him.

Telling herself to dream on, as his sister and friends were all there to witness it, she stepped into the house and began her hello's. She was handed a fluted champagne glass and she sipped it carefully to test if she liked it. It was a winner. "There's Emmett!" Rosalie cooed, scooting away from her to find the big stud. Lanie was actually the first party-goer she spoke to.

"Miss Swan! I love your dress!"

"And I love yours!" The cream dress with sequins and swirls was adorable on the girl.

Looking around for Alice, her eyes locked with Edward as Lanie went on and on about the shopping trip she'd been on the night before. Edward looked stunning, not as uptight as some of the other guys there but definitely prince charming material. She knew she was smiling and he was definitely checking her out, which made her excited for other reasons. Just about to ask Lanie if she'd walk over with her to talk to Edward, someone stepped into her line of view and that thought was completely tossed out the window. It wasn't a good thing. Bella was close to hyperventilating.

"Bella! You look gorgeous tonight!" Jacob Black said, shooting her one of his million bright, white smiles.

"Um, Jacob, hi."

She noticed Lanie take a step back from them like she felt how uncomfortable Bella was with him. Knowing he wasn't dangerous and not wanting to upset Lanie, Bella took a step toward him and forced herself to be nice. "Lanie, this is my...friend...Jacob. Jacob, this is Lanie. She's one of my students."

"It's nice to meet you, little Lanie."

Before he could shake the little girl's hand, Edward was right behind Jacob. "Lanie, Alice wants you up at the head table. We'll be eating soon."

"Okay...see ya, Miss Swan."

"We're all sitting up front at the table over there. I think Emmett saved you a seat, Bells."

Bella was taken aback by the nickname, Edward had never used it before, and looked to Jacob. "Well, it was nice..."

"Bella, Jacob, come on! They're getting ready to do the toast!" Rosalie interrupted, yet again. "I saved you two seats."

Due to the table set up, Bella ended up right between Edward and Jacob and she tried to just stay calm. Surely Edward could be civil to him during dinner. Still, when Jacob filled her water glass with the pitcher on the table, she saw Edward make a fist out of the corner of her eye. The toasts were very sweet, given mainly by Jasper's parents and friends. Bella understood what Emmett meant about Alice not having that many girl friends and Bella felt awful for never calling her to get pedicures. The food was good and typical: fried chicken, parsley potatoes, the usual catered food.

As the night went on, she tried her best to keep Rosalie, Jacob and Edward away from each other. Still, it was getting harder and harder to be around all three of them at once. The lies were getting more elaborate and Bella had never been good at it anyway. When music began to play, Jacob took her by the hand and pulled her towards an open area where there weren't that many people. Bella went to tell him she wasn't a very good dancer, hoping to deter him, when he leaned in and kissed her. She froze, her body shutting down, and then she felt it. Edward walked past and bumped her hard enough to nearly knock her down. It wasn't a hit or something that would hurt her and he played it off as just bumping into her as he tried to get through the crowd, still Jacob frowned at him and told him to watch where he was going. Bella wanted to die.

It was clear as the night went on that even if she was avoiding Jacob, Edward was avoiding her. That hurt. She would have loved to know that he realized what all the lying had caused. If it were up to her, Jacob would never have been there and she'd be in Edward's arms all damn night. For him, she'd pretend she knew how to dance. At the end of the night, they were all standing around and talking. Most of the guests were long gone and it was just Edward's immediate group of friends and a guy Bella had learned was Jasper's brother, David.

Lanie was in the house playing with Jasper's relatives and watching a movie so that the adults could talk more freely. To her disdain, Jacob had yet to leave. This was so not how she envisioned her night going. Little did she know, it was bound to get worse. "Well, Bella, I should head out. I have a client to meet with in the morning. It was great seeing you again."

"Bella, why don't you see if Jacob wants to give you a ride home?" Rosalie asked as Emmett and Edward joined them and Emmett asked Rose if she was ready to go. "We're heading out, too, and Jacob said he lives like five minutes from us..."

"That's not necessary," Bella argued, just wanting this whole damn night to be over.

"It's no problem," Jacob said.

"Yeah, Bells, you two obviously get along. It's not like you haven't been between the sheets with the guy..." That was Rose-always tactful. Not.

"Rose!"

"To your friend's credit," Jacob confronted Rose, "we have not been between the sheets together..."

"Yeah. Okay. So maybe not the first time but that's not what I heard about last weekend."

Bella felt herself go into full panic mode, Edward seemed frozen even. Bella was not one who liked any sort of confrontation. She wanted to yell and cry at the same time. Rosalie was looking confused and Jacob wasn't any better off. "What happened last weekend?" Jacob asked. "I was in Eerie with my cousins... Bella?"

Stepping away from him like that would make everything okay, she shook her head and opened her mouth only to hear Rosalie's next comment. "I'm sorry, Jacob. I didn't mean to offend you. I must just be confused."

Bella was fully aware that Rosalie was glaring at her despite her calm, kind tone with the man who was currently upset with her as well. "Jacob, I think she just got confused," Bella agreed. "Really, though, I can get a ride home a little later. I want to tell Lanie goodbye..."

"Yeah. Okay. I'll, um, wait to hear from you. See you guys.'

Bella watched him leave, knowing he knew something strange was going on and he really didn't want to have anything to do with it. Rosalie waited until he was in his car to break the silence. Thankfully, Jasper and Alice were in the house and it was just Emmett and Edward there to witness it. "What the hell was that? I'm a hundred percent sure I didn't get confused..."

"Rose, I'm sorry..."

'No. Why would you lie about something like that? I thought I was helping you out! You made me look like an idiot!"

"I...I.. Can we not do this here?"

"Bella, if you weren't into Jake why didn't you just tell her? I mean, you seemed happy when we all went out together. He even paid for your dinner before he left and he said about the kiss..."

Bella was silently willing Emmett to shut up when Edward spoke up. Unfortunately, Jasper and Alice had just tuned in. "Em, leave her alone."

"I'm not trying to be mean," Emmett said, defending himself. Turning back to Bella, he continued "It's just that Rosalie went through a lot to get you two together again and I'm just confused on why you lied about seeing him last weekend. Rose, I told you not to push her to stay out. Is that why you did it, Bella?"

"No...I...Rose, I'm sorry."

"She wasn't with Jacob last weekend because she was with me," Edward blurted. "We left the club together and went back to my place."

"You weren't at our old apartment," Jasper muttered in confusion as Alice gasped at Edward's admission.

"I didn't want you and Alice to know, Jazz. I'm not sure about things because of Lanie...and I also didn't know about this dinner Bella apparently enjoyed so much..."

"That's not fair!" Bella frowned, turning to him. "I did this because..."

"It was my idea. I know. Rose, really, I think she only went along with the Jacob thing because it was a way to keep you in the dark about us. Be mad at me if you have anyone to be mad at."

"I'm not mad...I just...I thought we were close enough that she wouldn't have to lie to me about something like this!"

"I'm sorry," Bella said again.

"Edward, why would you keep this from us, though?" Alice asked, obviously feeling a little offended.

"Ally, I'm sorry, too. We just got caught up in things. Obviously, we both weren't on the same page. So, yeah. Look, I need to take Lanie home..."

"I'll come with you," Bella said, stepping forward. "I want to tell her goodbye."

"That not necessary, Bella." It wasn't what was said but how it was said. Despite the fact that he stood up for her, he was obviously mad. Bella could see why. Still, things were _not _ending this way. She didn't care if she had a whole damn audience or not.

"You are being horribly mean right now!" she called after him, stepping past Alice and Jasper.

He turned around and shook his head. "You still could have told me about going to dinner with him! I know why you went along with it but it would have been nice to be in on the situation."

"You take the words right out of my mouth," Rosalie agreed.

"Edward, I'm still shocked over this. I mean, you could have told me. I've been worried about you..." Jasper continued.

"Look, just forget it. Everyone just forget it. There you go, Cullen. Go back and hide behind your little sister! Keep using her as an excuse to never love someone! Rose," she said turning to her friend, "I'm deeply sorry. I should have known better than to lie to you. I don't have feelings for Jacob. I'm in love with Edward and I should have told you but I knew he was uncomfortable with it and didn't want everyone to know."

"I know, Bells," Rose said quietly, a frown on her face.

Bella had no idea if Edward was still standing there or not but she opened her clutch and pulled out her cell. "I need to be alone. I need to go for a walk. I'll call a cab when I get closer to downtown..."

"Bella, let me take you," Rose argued.

"I'll be okay. I just...I need to think."

She was fully aware that they were all probably watching her as she made her way onto the main road. Not one of them tried to stop her and they were smart for it. She waited until she was out of their line of sight before letting the first sob rip from her chest. Edward Cullen did not love her and now she'd made a fool out of her best friend. She'd never felt more ashamed in her entire life. Her breaking heart was just like pouring salt into her wounds.

What felt like hours later, Bella pulled out her phone and saw that it had only been about twenty minutes. She'd also realized she hadn't seen anybody's cars going past. When a car pulled up beside her, she expected to find Rosalie and turned to relent and get in for a ride. Instead, it was Alice. "Bella, get in. We need to talk."

"Alice, with all due respect, nothing can be said to fix this. Edward hates me, Rosalie's hurt because of me, and I feel like I'm dying. I'm not good company."

"Bella, please, just get in."

With a deep sigh, Bella stepped closer to the car, pulled the door open, and climbed in. "What does it matter to you? Not that I don't appreciate the ride but I didn't realize you and Edward were close enough that this would matter..."

"I love Jasper with every ounce of my being. Edward has been his best friend for years. That makes all of this my business because if Edward's unhappy, so is Jazz."

"I'm the last thing Edward needs right now. You saw how upset he is with me."

"Bella, _with all due respect_," she playfully mocked, putting the car into drive and pulling away, "you're the _only _thing Edward needs. It's official, we discussed it after you left."

"We?"

"Em, Jazz, Rose, and I."

Bella looked at her new friend with a curious expression. The girl was definitely a little strange but she was saying exactly what Bella wanted to hear. She wanted Edward back. Still, she wondered how things possibly could turn out differently for them. When she realized they were getting farther and farther from Jasper's family home, Bella asked where they were going. Alice just shrugged, "I'm taking you home."

"But Edward..."

"Needs time to cool down and come to his senses. Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him back." With a new found sense of hope, Bella rested her head on the seat and took a few deep breaths. As much as she wanted to stay angry with him, she had a feeling he was the type of guy she would have to swallow her pride and give him time to realize his own mistakes. Any other guy, she would have said 'fuck it' and moved the hell on. Edward was different, though. He was just...different.

**Uh...I'm so tired. My apologies for this being a little late. Your support is still wonderful and I'd like to recommend a book to you. It was originally a fanfic and is now available for purchase as an original story. I read A LOT and it's one, if not my favorite book, of 2011. If I could buy you all Debra Anastasia's book _Poughkeepsie_, I would. I'm telling you, if you haven't done so already, go read it. :) Review and let me know what you think of the chapter! It will motivate me to keep editing the rest of this beast! Love, Letzy xx**


	9. Ice Cream, Steaks, and Pinkies Up

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 9**

**Ice Cream, Steaks, and Pinkies Up**

"Alice, really, you can go. This is you and Jasper's night. I really just want to...I don't know. I'd say think but I'd give anything to forget about all of this."

"Will you meet me tomorrow evening? We can get dinner and talk. Bring Rosalie."

Sniffling, Bella held her crushed tissue in her hand and nodded. "Yeah. If she'll still talk to me and if she doesn't have plans with Emmett."

"Either way, how about we just order pizza at my place? I'll send you the address."

"Um, okay. Thanks for the ride and the...pep talk. Alice, can I be honest with you, though?"

"Yes."

"I don't think it's going to work out between him and I."

"I think you both need to just sleep it off and maybe try to work things out. Did you two...sleep together?"

"Yeah," Bella whispered, picking at the robe she had put on after she and Alice had headed up to her room. The only good thing about the night was the fact that her parents were out of the house.

"You said you love him. Is it love or lust?"

Bella sighed, "I don't know, Alice. I want to be with him. I think about him all the time. I hate that he's so hurt right now but I feel like he won't talk to me. I don't want to make things worse for him but if he thinks that it will be bad for Lanie, I don't want to push this. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

A knock on the door frame brought both of them to turn. Rosalie stood there, a container of ice cream and a bottle of wine in her hand. "I'll take it from here, Ally, unless you want to join us. I've got plenty..."

"I should be getting back. Why don't both of you come by my place tomorrow. I told Bella I'd order pizza."

"That would be great. See you then."

"Thanks for everything, Alice," Bella smiled sadly as the girl switched places with Rosalie before leaving.

The second they were alone, Bella brought her robe covered fist up to her mouth and let the tears come again. "I was so stupid. And horrible. I'm so, so sorry, Rosalie. I never meant to..."

"Shh. Hey, I'm not that upset. I just wish you would have been honest with me. You really didn't have to bring Jacob so far into this."

"You can't tell me you weren't being _way_ pushy about this, though. You were practically throwing us together."

"Okay, so maybe I should have minded my business and let you come to me... Hey, you lied to me, didn't you? Yesterday after school. You didn't have a meeting did you?"

Bella just shook her head. "Alice was taking Lanie shopping for a dress to wear tonight and we thought we had time to see each other."

"I didn't mean to interfere. I didn't know. Had I known, I would have..."

"Told Emmett?" Bella asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Probably," muttered Rosalie. "Anyway, why don't we put a movie in. Do you want to stay here or go over to my place? My parents are away this weekend."

"Yeah. That sounds good...but what about Emmett? I thought you were supposed to be staying with him tonight."

"I was but I told him we'd have our slumber party tomorrow night. I'll meet up with him after we're done at Alice's. Besides, he wanted to go with Jazz to talk to Edward. Jazz said something about having his parents keep Lanie tonight so Edward could clear his head. They both worry about him. A lot."

"Do you know what happened to his parents?"

"No. I don't and Emmett won't talk about it. He always says that it's something Edward doesn't want people to know. It's more the responsibility of taking care of Lanie that he gets frustrated with sometimes. He must really love her, though. Apparently, the state tried to take her after their parents died. They even had a foster home for her lined up but Edward fought to keep her. Hard."

"Can we go over to your place? I don't want to deal with telling my mom what's going on when they get home."

"Yeah. Come on. We'll take Luca with us, too."

The girls decided on the movie Thor, not only for the simple fact that there was serious eye candy, but also because it wasn't too lovey-dovey. Just as they were all settled on Rosalie's bed with Luca between them, Rosalie's cell phone made it's usual chiming sound to alert her that there was a message. This time, it wasn't a text from Emmett. "Uh, Bella?"

Bella had a mouthful of ice cream so she looked to her friend in a way that asked her what was wrong. As Rosalie just shook her head back in forth in a bit of shock or possibly disbelief, Bella's stomach started to drop. Suddenly, it was hard to get down the gulp of creamy goodness. "Hm?" she managed to mutter against her gag reflex. She had seen Edward when he was upset before and she prayed that he hadn't over reacted and done something to hurt himself or Lanie.

"It's Jacob..."

"What?"

"Yeah, um, he sent me a Facebook message..."

Bella tried to grab the phone from Rosalie but she held it away from her and kept reading. "Out loud, Rosalie!"

"Hold on!"

"No. You two have done enough back and forths without my knowing. No more secrets between us. We both suck at it anyway."

"Fine. I'll start from the beginning. There's no salutation, he just jumps into it. It says, 'I'm really confused about what happened tonight. I don't know what all Bella said but I'm pretty sure she must have confused you or something because nothing happened between us. Look, I'm not trying to beg her or anything but I'd really like it if maybe she called me. I really like her and feel bad for how I left things tonight. Here's my number.'"

Bella didn't know what to say as Rosalie read off the number. She had been sure that Jacob was ready to walk away and think she was a total lunatic. With a groan she leaned her head back and shook it. "I thought this was over."

"Well, you have to give me credit. The guy at least likes you enough to put up with the crazy awkwardness that was tonight. _He's not an asshole_."

"I can't see him."

"Maybe you should at least send him your own message back."

"Why would he send that to you?"

"I'm pretty sure he thinks you never want to see him again."

"Why _doesn't_ he feel that way about _me_?" Bella asked in frustration. This guy was not going to be let down without a fight.

"Bells, don't lead him on. If you don't want anything to do with him, you should at least...kindly...let him know that."

"Well, he's nice and very considerate. He's good-looking. He has no baggage, that I've really heard of. He's a lawyer so that probably means he makes good money..."

"Then there's Edward," Rosalie said dryly. "He's a manwhore who does have a nice body and must be good in bed. He is going to be tied down with a kid for at least another eight years or so and they live in a tiny apartment that he works a not-so-great paying job to keep. I don't know, Bella. Em obviously loves your boy but doesn't Jacob just seem like more of a...logical choice. Everyone's kind of pulling for you and Edward now but..."

If anyone else had been saying this about Edward, she would have ripped them a new one, but she knew Rosalie was just being her blatantly honest self. "Rose, you barely know Edward. That's not fair."

"How many times have you and Edward been together?"

"Like, hanging out in the same place?"

"No, like just the two of you where you could talk and get to know each other."

"Once, I guess. Two weeks ago, the night we were all dressed up for Halloween."

"That was it? I thought you two were together more than that."

"He didn't want Lanie to know and he has her all the time. We were supposed to be meeting up last night but you swept me away after school."

"So, did you guys do a lot of talking the night you managed to be together and alone?"

"We didn't really... There was _some_ talking involved. We agreed to be in a relationship, or at least try to be in one, but we, um..."

"Weren't there to talk. Yeah, I get it. Was it good?"

Just to mess with the smirking blonde who said some not nice things about her man, Bella smirked back. "Yup. All three times."

"Edward, please. Let us keep her," Jasper begged as Edward stubbornly crossed his arms and refused for the hundredth time to let Lanie stay at the Whitlock's again. Jasper's brother and sister-in-law were there for the party and spending the night with their kids there. Lanie was playing board games with them upstairs.

"Jazz, she doesn't have clothes to sleep in or a tooth brush."

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'm taking her home."

"Man, come on. She's having fun. The kids have extra clothes here and I'm sure we can find something that fits her. She won't lose her teeth if she goes one night without brushing."

"Yeah," Emmett added, "and Rosalie went to stay with Bella so that we can all go back to my place and chill. We can fire up the grill. Do a little fourth meal thing with some beer and steaks. What do you say?"

"How did Bella get home? I thought she came with Rosalie."

"She did," Jasper shrugged but then he frowned. "She, uh, decided to walk."

"She fucking walked back to her place?" Edward blurted.

"No! I picked her up after giving her some time to get herself together," Alice said coming through the doorway and dropping her car keys on the Whitlock's kitchen table.

"I was stupid, Ally. I never should have thought this would work. It's my fault."

"You _were_ kind of an asshole. All she wanted was for you to stop and talk to her but you said your part and then high-tailed it out of there. You keep saying about Lanie and say things won't work because it would get awkward for her but all Bella wanted to do was tell her goodbye and you made it clear that it wasn't okay with you..."

"Jasper, I get it. I'm a dick. Let it fucking go. It's not a news flash, people!"

"But you're not..." Alice sighed.

"Tell that to all the girls I've slept with. Tell that to all those girls that I told I'd call and never did. Tell that to my old man those nights we came to blows..."

"Edward," Jasper cut him off, "that's bullshit and you know it. Do you hear yourself? You're agreeing with that asshole who..."

"There's only so many times you can hear someone say something about you before you start believing it. Look, let me just take my little sister and go the hell home."

"She's having fun. Are we really going to keep going in this circle? Steaks. Beer. My house," Emmett chided.

"I don't really want company right now."

"Why?" Jasper asked, getting closer to him. "You say Bella means shit to you but you're the one who brought up how many women you've bedded. Why is she different? Why do you want to be alone now that it's her who you cut out?"

"Don't push me, Jazz," Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Answer the question."

"Why the fuck do any of you care?"

"You have feelings for her. That's why."

"And she has feelings for you," Alice whispered with conviction.

Edward's gaze shot over to her and he rubbed his face. "Ally, I'm sorry for ruining your night."

"You didn't. Jazz and I like the idea of you and Bella together. This was good news."

Shaking his head, he leaned against the counter. "Em, I don't want to drink tonight, alright?"

"Fine with me, man. Whatever you need."

"It's just that...fuck...that was the way my mom...that was how she coped."

"We can fucking make tea and drink it with our pinkies up. Come on, I got a night to myself and I'd hate to be alone..."

"Fine," Edward sighed. "Jazz, you stay with Ally, though."

"I was planning on it. Come on. Come tell Lanie goodbye."

"She's really pretty, man. It makes sense why you'd want to hook up with her "

"Yeah," Edward breathed, looking away from his friend and out over the deck railing to the trees beyond it.

"I'm confused on why you're so mad at her."

"I'm not. I'm mad at what I did. I manipulated the situation. I should have known better than asking her to lie to everyone. I still don't understand what happened with Jacob Black. I mean, he was a guy she went home with but she told me she had feelings for me and that she didn't want to be with Jacob. It was just an almost one-night stand, which according to her, she's never done before."

"Well, hey, I can kind of help you with that," Emmett said as if he were proud to be of help.

"Really?"

"Dude, Rosalie is the one that orchestrated the dinner. I told you that already. I mean, I don't know the entire story but Bella seemed...different that night at the restaurant. Usually she's like happy and kind of strong willed in her shy-sort of way but she seemed really uncomfortable the whole time."

"Yeah, that's what those pictures showed..." Edward responded sarcastically.

"Did any of them show them making out or cuddling or..."

"Enough, Em," Edward warned, not wanting to imagine those things.

"Alright, fine. What if that was a picture of you and Lanie in place of Jacob and Bella? Would you think anything of it? No. It would look like two people who knew each other, who went out to dinner and laughed at something as their picture was being taken. Hell, that could have been you and Rosalie or you and Ally. They didn't seem romantically involved to me. Look, I love Rosalie but she can be pushy..."

Edward took a sip of soda before glancing over at Emmett and saw that his friend was kind of in a daze. When the sentence was obviously going to go unfinished, Edward cleared his throat. "You okay?"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"About Rosalie being pushy? Yeah? What about it?"

"No...I...never mind. Anyway, she didn't give Bella a choice to go with us.'

"I guess I do owe Bella an apology, don't I? She couldn't very well tell Rosalie the real reason she didn't want to date anyone. That was my fault."

"You were also kind of an ass to her earlier. She seemed really upset."

"She was hurt."

"Yeah."

"Because of me."

"Yup."

"I'm an asshole, Em."

"No, you're not. This is the first girl you've let into your bubble since...I don't even know when...and you're afraid. You just need to talk to her. That is, if she doesn't give up and go to Jacob."

"Gee, way to be positive."

"Edward, he was much nicer to her tonight than you were. You told Jazz and I both she was just a hook up who you're a little more attached to than the other girls. If she thinks that and has Mr. Lawyer to be all cuddles and romance, you need to stop her from going to him. You need to say you're sorry," Emmett said with conviction, reminding Edward of an elementary school teacher-which brought his thoughts back to Bella.

"What's with you, man? All this touchy, feely advice on my fucked up love life...it's just not you."

"I don't know, Eddie. I like Bella and don't want to see her with Jacob. He's a tool in my opinion. Besides, she's Rose's friend so that makes me care about her, too. You deserve someone nice like her for a change."

"Rosalie is making you different..."

"I think I might be falling for her, like love her."

"Have you ever said that to anyone and meant it before?" Edward asked with a laugh.

"Hell no! I mean, besides my family.'

"What is it with these two girls?" Edward marveled.

"I have no fucking clue but it kind of scares me. With Rose's audacity and Bella's book smarts, the two of them could take over the fucking world."

"You'd be good for Rosalie. Sure you have your own shit behind you but nothing that isn't said and done. Bella, though, she deserves better than the shit I have going on. Lanie is my life and you know that but there's a lot of baggage, Em."

"Did you tell her about your parents? What really happened?"

"No. We really haven't had that much time together and that was the last thing on our minds. We didn't talk much at all that night to be honest."

"Okay, well, I think you should sit down and talk with her. At least talk about what happened tonight." Then, with a half smile, half frown, he asked, "Do you think you two could refrain from getting between the sheets long enough to at least do that?"

Edward just laughed and shook his head, "Emmett, I want your honest opinion. Is this fair to Alana?"

"I can't tell you that. It's going to depend on how you handle the whole situation. I think you should just talk to her, though. She's going to be eleven. She'll kind of get it. I think..."

"I have a lot of talking to do in the next couple of days, don't I?" Edward asked with a sigh.

"You sure you don't want anything stronger than a soda?"

**Even though it's a little early, I wanted to take a sec to say MERRY CHRISTMAS to those who celebrate :) I hope you have a great Christmas season! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter :) Please let me know what you think! Reviews make me update faster ;) Letzy xx**


	10. Oscar the Grouch

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 10**

**Oscar the Grouch**

"I have cheesecake, wine, strawberries, chocolate sauce, angel food cake, and Sprite to make spritzers...pizza's on its way," Alice gushed as soon as she opened the door and saw Rosalie on the other side. Bella had already been there for almost fifteen minutes and already indulged in way more chocolate dip than she should have.

"Wow, Bells, you look like a bundle of fun, tonight," Rosalie proclaimed sarcastically which caused Bella to frown even more.

"I really don't feel like celebrating right now. I don't know how to manage this situation and with Jacob trying to talk to me and Edward refusing to talk to me, I'm very much not into dressing up in a cute little outfit and dancing around like some cliche slumber party..."

"Wow. Anger," Rosalie mused.

Shaking her head, Bella rubbed her face and then tucked the wisps of hair escaping from her messy bun behind her ears. All she really wanted was to go back home and immerse herself in literature. Her ebook of Wuthering Heights was literally screaming at her from the bag at her feet. "I'm sorry, Alice. Honestly. I want to be excited but this is...is it ridiculous of me to be so fucking confused about this situation?"

"No. It's not," Alice said softly. "He's being stubborn. Has he still not talked to you?"

"I don't think he will. You saw how he stormed off last night, Ally. He wouldn't even let me go inside to say a quick goodbye to Lanie."

"He told Emmett..." Rosalie began but then let her voice trail off as if realizing it was probably something that was told to her in private.

"What? Rose, come on. We agreed to no more secrets," Bella reminded her.

"He told Emmett that he's upset with himself over what happened. He's not mad at you. This isn't about you..."

"This has everything to do with me!"

"You really are totally in love with this guy, aren't you?" Rosalie asked, shock clear on her face.

"It might just be lust but...I'm like _really _upset about what happened. I just wish he would freaking call me. Is that so hard?"

"Give him time," Alice reasoned.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Please tell me you have the girliest chick flick ever. Preferably one with hot men..."Bella pleaded.

"Oh, yes," Alice exclaimed, hopping over to the television. As the girls settled in and began munching on the food, Bella began to feel herself relax a little. There was still a chance Edward wanted to be with her, still a chance he'd call and they could work things out. She tried to stay positive but she also had Jacob hanging over her. He seemed so nice and she knew she was eventually going to have to face the music and talk to him. Edward, though, may never come around and where would that leave her? Her best friend was seeing someone who Bella could honestly see her being with for a long, long time. Alice was getting married in less than a year. Here Bella was, alone and mopey, when she had a perfectly well-paid handsome lawyer calling on her. Trying to focus on the movie, she forced thoughts of Edward out of her head-or at least tried. Her life could definitely be worse.

The fateful party had happened two weeks ago yet Bella still held out hope that Edward would call or at least contact her in some way. She couldn't contain her frustration with the situation. The overwhelming feeling to talk to him really hit her hard on this particular day because she had walked into her house to find a vase of flowers sitting on her kitchen counter. When her mom came downstairs, all smiles, Renee bounced on her feet and asked Bella who they were from. There were two options and Bella had a fifty-fifty chance of being completely crushed when she opened the card. Crushed it was.

"They're from a friend." Bella faked a smile, not really lying about the person. Jacob's note was short and sweet, asking her to meet him for drinks that weekend. After her mom seemed pleased enough with that, she stomped upstairs with the card in her hand and pulled out her phone.

"Hello?" her best friend asked breathlessly.

"He fucking sent me flowers!" Bella whispered in frustration so her mom couldn't hear.

"Edward?"

"No! Jacob!"

"Oh. Em, hold on..."

A thought struck Bella and she began to blush. "Rose, are you seriously, like, fucking Emmett right now? Why would you answer your phone?"

"I saw it was you. Don't get mad because you're not getting any..."

"Shut up. What am I supposed to do?"

"Find a guy or you could take care of matters yourself..."

"About the flowers! Focus!"

"I need details. What type of flowers?"

"Red roses."

"Tacky and bad news."

"Ya think?" Bella said sarcastically.

"Are you not interested in him at all? Jake, I mean. Do you see him as a potential boyfriend?"

"I don't know."

"Alright." There was some shuffling around on the other end and then Rosalie's voice was back, "you need to call Edward."

"No. I don't. It's obvious he doesn't want to see or talk to me."

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Then quit being a hard-headed idiot and call the man. I can easily do it for you."

"I think you've done enough setting me up on dates."

"You're still hung up on him, aren't you? Like you really, really want to see him again?" Rosalie asked as if she were accusing Bella of something.

"Rose, I have to go..." Bella hung up and plopped down on her bed. Throwing her head into her hands, she began to cry. It had been like this for awhile now. She'd go into work hoping to hear something from Lanie about him or maybe even see him after school, but it never happened. Instead, she'd come home, lay down, and have a good cry before dinner. Yes. She was feeling as pathetic as she obviously actually was.

What worried her was that Lanie was becoming a little withdrawn at school. Her school work was still okay but she didn't seem happy. Maybe the little girl was picking up on Bella's mood. Either way, if it continued after the holidays, Bella was going to break down and call Edward. Lanie had to come first. That was a promise she'd made to Edward before all this shit began and she wasn't going to go back on it now.

Bella had turned down Jacob's offer for drinks and spent the weekend trying to pretend she was happy being single. Her mom wanted to paint the living room and Bella dove into the project, excited for something to do. On Sunday night, after scraping the paint off of her arms, she noticed Luca scratching at the door, desperate to go out. Grabbing his leash, she threw on some sensible shoes and let him lead the way. After he peed for what felt like hours, she let him head for the sidewalk to go for a walk. That's when she remembered what Lanie had said. The girl wanted a pet, which was normal for most kids, but it was obvious Edward didn't want one at the apartment.

With a smile, she had called Rosalie and that night they'd loaded Luca into the Jeep. The three of them were headed to Petco. After he picked out a toy for himself, the girls and the large dog headed to the small animal section. "What about a goldfish?" Rosalie asked her, obviously trying to dissuade her from the plan.

"The kids can't play with a goldfish. Plus, we'd be coming here every night to buy a new one after the other one dies. They don't survive too well."

While Lanie had specifically mentioned a hamster, Bella had another idea. Hamsters were smaller, so they were easily lost. They were also prone to bite. For this reason, she stopped in front of the guinea pig enclosures and bent down. Luca looked at her in confusion and Rosalie groaned. "I'm not picking that thing up."

"You don't have to. I just need you to help me pick out a cute one...and it's nice seeing you once in awhile."

"Fine," she muttered, bending down beside Bella. "I like that one."

"The white one? It looks...not very friendly. What about that one?" Bella pointed out a brown one with a black ring around it's eye and white spots on it's head. "He's cute."

"For a guinea pig, I guess."

After purchasing a cage, bedding, food, treats, and a water bottle, Bella showed the worker which one she wanted and they boxed the little guy up for her. Due to Rosalie's disgust and Luca's eagerness to eat the poor thing, Bella drove home with the white cardboard box on her lap and received a look of amusement from her mother as they hauled everything upstairs. The cage was easy to put together and once the critter was content in a pile of what looked like saw dust, Bella smiled to herself and thanked Rosalie for her help.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Yes. The kids are going to love him. I'll let them pick out a good name for him."

"Don't ask me to babysit him during the summer. He's all yours."

The kids came in the next morning looking like they were zombies. Lanie, which was unusual, looked just as wiped out as everyone else. Bella remembered Edward saying that she was into school more this year than last year. Maybe the novelty of school and her new clothes had worn off. Bella decided then and there to give Edward a call whether he liked it or not. This couldn't keep up or else she worried Lanie would start skipping. Her attendance record was a little better the past couple years but when the girl was in second grade, she might as well have not even been enrolled.

She wanted to see how long it would take the kids to figure out there was an addition to the classroom and they almost made it to the Pledge of Allegiance before a boy in the back of the room heard the critter shuffling around in its cage and he turned to see what made the noise. He looked shocked as he turned to Bella questioningly. By then, a lot of the kids were noticing the new pet and Bella cleared her throat. "Boys and girls, this weekend, Miss Rose and I found a new friend for you. He'll be kept here and during recess, as long as I'm around, I'll let you hold him. I had him out for a bit last night and this morning and he's very calm. He doesn't bite but he is an animal so you have to be gentle with him or he might."

The lecture went on as Bella used that as a segue into how to treat animals. These kids weren't little anymore and they had probably heard the warning a million times but she wanted to make sure it was ingrained. She had always had a soft spot for animals. Lanie was one of the first ones to play with him and Bella asked her what she wanted him to be called. Lanie thought for a long time before giving a small, sad smile and whispering the name Oscar."

"Oscar?"

"Yeah, like Oscar the Grouch. I told my brother that's how he's been acting lately..."

Bella's head shot up as she forced down the urge to pump the girl for information. Instead, she bit her lip and thought for a minute before asking. "Lanie, is everything okay at home? You haven't been very happy lately."

She just shook her head and handed the guinea pig back to Bella. As she walked away, one of the other girls asked to hold Oscar and Bella handed him over. She decided to write all the names for the new class pet on the board that had been suggested. Some were silly, some were girly, and some were pretty out there. In the end, the class had spoken and Oscar won by a landslide.

"I don't want to!" Lanie yelled loudly. "You were supposed to pick me up today but it was Ally again! I don't want to work on the stupid project anymore!"

Edward jumped as Lanie's bedroom door slammed and he grabbed onto the kitchen counter to keep from screaming. He'd been in a shitty mood for weeks and his sister was obviously starting to pick up on it. The last couple weeks had involved her getting mad at him, her demanding to know why he was unhappy, and when he wouldn't tell her, she'd started to get even angrier. It was hard because she wasn't quite old enough to understand what was going on completely but she wasn't some little kid who he could pretend around all the time.

To make matters worse, Bella had called to talk to him about his sister earlier that day. He hadn't returned the call yet but he knew he had to. Lanie had been fighting him about going to school again and he had a feeling he knew what her teacher wanted. He didn't know what to say to her, though. He'd had that same discussion with all of Lanie's teachers since his parents passed and was tired of it. He had eight more years of these fights and had no clue what to do or say to fix it. The two of them, their little family, wasn't doing so great at the moment. The troubling part was, the person calling him out on it was the reason for some of the stress.

He'd been meaning to talk to her but Lanie had started to give him attitude right after the party, and he suspected he'd given her some right back, but he couldn't figure out how to bring Bella into the conversation. Lanie didn't need that right now. The problem was, he had no idea of what she actually needed. Deciding to bite the bullet, he climbed out of his bedroom window and called Bella. The sound of Lanie's little radio came through his wall and it was obvious she was blasting some boy band. When Bella's voice came over the phone, he found he couldn't speak.

"Hello? Edward?"

"Yeah," he said after a while. "I'm just returning your call."

"Yeah. Okay. Right. Um, I was calling about Lanie."

"I already know she's not liking school."

"Oh. Well, I just thought I should let you know that she doesn't seem happy like she used to be."

"I'm working on it."

After a long pause and him wondering if she hung up, he heard her voice come across in a defeated, sad tone. "Were you ever going to try to even contact me...about what happened?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly after another long pause.

"Jake sent me flowers," Bella blurted.

Edward felt nothing but annoyance. "Good for him."

"I turned down his offer for a date. I don't know why I'm telling you all this..."

"Jake's a..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Don't be like that. You don't know him. Dammit, Edward, I thought you were willing to try this relationship thing. I'm sorry I called. I didn't realize you already knew what was up with your little sister. I have to go."

"Bella, wait. I...I was going to say that he seems like a nice guy..."

A snort told him she'd believe that when hell froze over. "Let's just go back to pretending to have never met, okay? I wouldn't want to bother you."

"Stop, okay? I was going to call you." It was Edward's turn to be annoyed by sharing more than he wanted to.

"But?"

"I didn't know what to say."

"Do you pull this with all your girls? Am I just more of a pest? Do I keep coming back even though you are obviously ashamed to be with me? Listen, Edward, I get that I don't look like Rosalie or have the excitable, personable, personality that Alice exudes, but I try my best to be a good person and I don't fucking deserve this. You felt like you had to say that shit to me to get me to stay; just one more fuck. Then it is what it is and I'm an idiot. You've hurt me. I really care...cared about you and now I see what this was."

"I don't want to do this over the phone..."

"Fine. I'm hanging up. Just know that I will never treat Lanie the way you might think I would. I wouldn't take it out on her. I'm too nice to make anymore of a situation out of this but someday you're going to fuck with the wrong girl."

The click of the other line going dead told him it was over. After weeks of not knowing what to do, she'd just made that decision for him. He climbed back inside and went over to knock on Lanie's door. Just about to ask her if he could come in, he got another phone call and looked down to see a text from Emmett. **What the hell is wrong with you? **Strangely, he took comfort in that. At least Bella had a friend to lean on-even if that meant his friends would always know both sides.

Deciding to let Lanie stew for a little while longer, Edward walked over to the couch and sat down in defeat. Running his hands through his hair, he tried to think of a good, smartass remark to make back. A better man and friend would come up with something more dignified, something funny. Instead, he could only think of a one word answer. **Everything.**

**I hope you all are still enjoying this story and it would mean the world to me if you leave me some love! I wrote a Christmas-y one-shot called Baby It's Cold Outside and it's on my page. Check it out! For updates about stories and fun things like that, follow me on Twitter! Letzigprincess Happy almost New Years, everyone! Letzy xx**


	11. Cry for Help

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 11**

"For fuck's sake, Em, I don't need an intervention," Edward said dryly, answering the door for his friends and wanting to shut it back in their faces.

"Where's Lanie? You never swear like that around her," Jasper observed, peering behind him.

"Do you hear America's latest boy band phenomenon in the background? It's been the soundtrack of my night for about two hours now." He moved out of the way so they could pile in and head for the living room. Edward was thankful that Rosalie had been left at home. He respected Em's new girl but she was too much of a reminder of Bella-as if he needed one.

"So, what's doing, Edward?" Jasper asked him, getting to the point.

"I'm just going through some stuff. It's nothing."

Alice had flitted off to go say hi to Lanie but apparently his sister wasn't interested in company because Alice was back in a few seconds. "What's going on with Lanie? Why is she so upset?"

"I have no idea. She's just been in a strange mood lately. Maybe it's her age? I don't know what to do..."

"You haven't been yourself in a while,either. Maybe she's picking up on that..." Alice suggested.

"Maybe you need to talk to someone," Emmett added.

"Like who?"

"If you'd tell us what the problem was, we'd be able to help you."

"Jazz, I just... I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine," Alice shrugged. "Let's talk about Bella then."

Edward didn't expect her to throw out that card quite so quickly...or blatantly. He looked away, caught off guard before shaking his head. "What about her?"

"What the hell happened between you two, Edward? Is there more to the story or what?"

"No. I mean, we slept together and we talked and I drove her home the next morning. The only other time I saw her is when Em's girl cock-blocked us and showed up to whisk her away to what I learned was that enjoyable dinner with the wonderful Jacob Black. So, no, nothing happened more than what you guys already know. We may have kissed once or twice besides that but..."

"Edward, you're an idiot," Emmett bit out, shaking his head. "That girl is amazing. She's hot as hell and seems to be really cool to hang out with. She's a teacher for God's sake. She loves kids. You have one!"

"That's the problem, Emmett! What am I supposed to do? Shrug off Lanie so that I can spend time with a girl I actually, for the first time in my life, care about?"

"She loves you, Edward..."

"I know she does. I'm all she has."

"I didn't mean Lanie. I meant Bella. You really hurt her. You may not have brought a girl around us in...ever, except for Tanya, and Bella's a thousand times better than her. You know that or Bella would have been yet another girl who we didn't hear from ever again after a one night stand. We wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation with you. Bella knows that just as much as we all do and you're just hurting her by not giving in."

"What am I supposed to do about Lanie? My parents fucked up and left her with me. I love her but I don't know how to do this. I've never done this and you saw how marriage turned out for my parents. My mom and dad, both fucking dead in their bedroom. I have Lanie, I can't have Bella, too. That's not fair to Lanie so I'm stuck. As for Bella, it bothers me that she's upset and that tells you right there that I care about her way more than I should."

"I don't understand why you feel this way. Why can't you be with a girl? Edward, this is a bunch of bullshit," Emmett bit out.

"I found them, Emmett! Do you have any fucking idea how much I wish that I could get that God damn image out of my head? Do you? No. You're parents didn't ruin each other the way mine did before leaving a kid behind!"

"_Kids_," Jasper corrected. "You're their son. They left _you_ behind, too. _You're_ a victim here, too."

"Fuck," Edward breathed, putting his head in his hands and trying to let his mind go blank. He didn't want to do this.

Alice broke in and put her hand on his arm."Alright, enough. Everyone, just calm down and quit yelling. Edward, I'll get you some water and then I'll check on Lanie. You obviously need our help even if you don't want it so we're staying and if you want us to drop the subject then fine but we're not leaving you here like this. We'll watch TV or talk about the wedding. Deal?"

Edward just sat back and looked up at the stained ceiling. This must have been enough for Alice because she stood and he watched her leave the room. After a glass of water was in Edward's hand, Emmett chose then to clear his throat and tell him again that he should at least be nice to Bella, apologize and explain the situation. Jasper just shot Emmett a look and Edward kept his mouth shut. Alice would have smacked the guy's arm or pulled his ear or something Alice-like but she was currently knocking on Lanie's bedroom door.

"Lanie, sweetie, it's Aunt Ally! Honey, why don't you come join us in the living room. Lanie? I'm coming in, honey!" When she opened the door, Edward expected to hear more ten-year old yelling but instead heard silence and then Alice asked softly, "Lanie?"

Something was wrong. Edward knew it instinctively. He was up off the couch and down the hallway before Jasper and Emmett even noticed that something might not be okay. When he saw that the room was empty and Alice was looking around for the girl, checking the small closet and under the bed, he ran to the bathroom and found that empty as well. "Lanie?" he called out, heading to the kitchen next. That was the only place she could possibly be but they would have seen her walk past them to go in there. She had to be somewhere down the hall where the bedrooms were. She so rarely went into his room that it was the last place he checked. His heart was hammering in his chest and he was sick to the stomach. "Dammit, Alana, I'm not kidding around right now! Where are you?"

"Edward..." Alice breathed, nodding to the open window that lead to the fire escape. By then, Jasper and Emmett had joined them and were trying to figure out what all the commotion was about.

As if Edward refused to acknowledge the suggestion Alice was making, he shook his head and put his hands up. "Lanie, I'm sorry I was upset with you earlier! I didn't mean to make you this upset! Please, just come out! Now!"

He realized Jasper and Emmett were out the door and leaving the apartment altogether, the sound of them stomping out was all he could hear. As his friends beat feet to try to find his little sister, Alice walked over and put a hand on his arm. "I'm sure she's fine. She might have just gone out for a walk..."

"She's eleven years old," Edward said with a strange calmness. "She doesn't she go for walks in the city. I'm supposed to be taking care of her..."

Starting to break down after that, he looked around for his cell phone. It was gone. He always left it in his jeans pocket or on his dresser but it was gone. He hadn't seen it since texting Emmett but he knew it had sat on the dresser from when he came in off the fire escape. A thought only slightly as depressing as the fact that he'd driven his little sister to run away from home is that he had no one besides the three friends he had here to call for help. Besides the police. Should he be doing that? Running down to his car, not caring if he locked the apartment door behind him, he got into his car and began to drive slowly down the closest roads he could find. She couldn't have gone far but it was November. November meant snow and cold and darkness before seven o'clock. It was now going on ten.

Bella had just brushed her teeth, applied some body lotion, put on pajamas , popped out her contacts, and laid down to get some sleep when her phone went off on her bedside table. She groaned, considering the idea of ignoring it. Rose had already been told about her phone call with Edward and she really didn't feel like talking about it again. All she wanted to do was sleep and pretend that she and Edward had never had sex...let alone met. Although, it was mind-blowing, toe-curling sex that had been had and therefore it was a little hard to forget.

Figuring not answering was a terrible choice because Rosalie would not quit until she answered, she let out a 'humph' and grabbed it. Her eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the dark yet so the phone was blinding her and she immediately saw Edward Cullen's name flash across the screen. _Again? What is this guy's deal? It's after ten, he can't be calling about Lanie..._

"Edward, I told you before, this is over. You've made it obvious that I don't mean anything to you and so if you'd just let me..."

"Miss...Miss Swan?" a small voice whimpered on the line.

"Who..." Bella began to ask, disoriented, before she jack-knifed up in bed and was fully alert. "Lanie? Is that you?"

"Miss Swan, I need you..." the girl began but then started to cry and Bella couldn't understand her.

_Please don't let her be hurt. _"Lanie, honey, you have to talk to me. Calm down and tell me what's wrong. Where's Edward, sweetie?"

"At home..." Lanie sobbed.

"At your apartment?"

"Ye...Yeah..."

"Are you at a friend's house? Lanie, did someone hurt you?"

"No. I don't know where to go, though..."

Frustrated, Bella tried to calm herself down. She wasn't going to get the story apparently as Lanie was far too upset. "Okay, calm down. Tell me where you're at."

"At the park. Do you know where that closed-on-the-top thing is by the playground?"

"The gazebo?"

"Yeah. I'm there. I don't know what to do..."

"Lanie, are you safe? Is anyone there with you?"

"No, I'm by myself."

Bella was pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. "Alright, I want you to calm down enough to tell me what's going on. I'm going to stay on the phone with you until I get there and then we'll call your brother..."

"I can't. We can't call him... I have his phone. We don't have a phone at the apartment. Besides, he can't know where I am!"

"Why?" The little girl just began to cry again as Bella yelled to her parents that Rosalie needed a ride home from somewhere and she was going to pick her up. Renee and Charlie didn't blink an eye and just went back to watching TV. Once she was in her Jeep, she drove like Rosalie would have and by some divine miracle she managed to make it to the park without getting pulled over. She wished she had thought to grab a flashlight but she was thankful it wasn't snowing and the ground was still pretty leaf covered instead of snow. Her father would have killed her if he knew she was stomping through the dark with no lights at night time in the middle of the city. She held her phone tighter and pushed on. The only thing worse than a girl in her twenties out on her own, in the dark at night, was a little doing the same.

Bella found Lanie gripping Edward's cell phone and sobbing on a bench in the gazebo where she said she'd be. "What are you doing out here, Alana? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for you out here at night? You shouldn't even be out here without an adult during the_ day_. Besides bad people, it's freezing!"

"I need you to come back home with me," Lanie sniffled, obviously more comfortable with Bella being there with her.

"Did you get lost? We're not going anywhere until you talk to me."

With a deep, frustrated sigh, she replied, "Edward's mad. He said that he wants to be with you but I don't let him. At first I was mad because I know he doesn't really want to take care of me but my parents died and left me with him and now he said he's stuck..."

"He_ told_ you that?" Bella demanded, anger boiling in her veins.

"No..." Lanie said sheepishly, "I heard him say it to Ally, Em, and Jazz."

"Lanie, I'm sure you just misunderstood him. He loves you and he's probably terrified right now..."

Bella's fears were confirmed as her cell began to ring and Rose's name came up. "Hello?"

"Bella?" Rose's voice was strained and Bella knew what Rosalie was going to say. "Lanie ran away. She took Edward's cell and everyone's out looking for her but they're all heading back to Edward's, according to Emmett, and they're going to call the police. Edward is flipping shit..."

"Rose," Bella said, standing up and pulling Lanie up with her. "You have to tell Emmett not to call the police..."

"Why the hell not?"

"If you'd let me finish, I'd tell you! Lanie's with me. I'm bringing her home now. Tell the others." Bella hung up before Rose could say anything else. She needed to talk to Lanie before they got to the apartment.

"Lanie, Edward is not stuck with you. When your parents died, he _chose_ to take care of you. He wanted to do it or else they would have found someone else. Even if Edward and I were..." Bella struggled to find the right words to use with an eleven year old.

"In love?" Lanie suggested.

"Er, yes, in love. Even then, he still loves _you_ and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you. Why did you do this? What did you run away?"

"I told you! He said he was stuck with me and that he wanted to be with you but couldn't because of me! I said that already! So, you have to come home with me and tell him you are in love and that way he'll be happy and he won't hate me anymore!"

Bella stopped mid-step and it took her a silent minute to pull herself together and finish the walk to her Jeep. "He does _not_ hate you! As far as Edward and I go... Lanie, it's a little more complicated than that."

"He's not happy, Miss Swan. He isn't happy anymore and it's because of me. He doesn't play board games with me and when he helps me with homework he doesn't really pay attention and he tells me the wrong things. He's been forgetful since Ally and Jazz's dinner party and he seemed mad when he told me goodbye and went with Em that night. I didn't mean to make him mad. He said that he couldn't bring you around me because married people don't work sometimes. He said my mom and dad _ruined_ each other."

"Alana, he's upset but not with you. Like you said before, I'm sure if I talk to him, I can try to make him happy again. I talked to him earlier and he said you were not liking school. Why is that?" Bella felt the need to change the subject while she had the girl to herself.

"I don't know. I'm just different and it makes me upset when everyone's moms and dads come to help out with things. I know she wasn't nice a lot but I miss my mom..."

They were in the Jeep now and headed towards the apartment. "Sweetie, your brother is trying to be both a dad and a mom to you. I know you miss her and I bet you miss your dad..."

"No," Lanie said firmly. "I don't. He was mean to Eddie. All Eddie was doing was trying to help me or mom but dad used to get in his face. That's what Eddie used to say he did and that's why they fought."

Bella didn't know what to say to Lanie but she had to figure out what the hell to say to Edward. _Hey. Your sister ran away because she overheard your conversation about how much you like me and she thinks you want me more than her. Good night. See ya later. _Yeah, like that would work. When they got to the apartment, Edward was waiting on the front steps and ran over to the Jeep as soon as it was stopped. Before Lanie or Bella could move, Edward had the passenger back door open, his sister's seat belt unbuckled, and he was pulling her from the vehicle.

Bella didn't know what to say. In fact, the siblings seemed very caught up in their hug and she decided that maybe she wouldn't have to say anything. That thought sobered her. She still had things to get off her chest. "Lanie, why did you do this? You scared the _hell_ out of me. Do you realize that? Do you _realize_ that you shouldn't have done this?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"What? You didn't what?" He asked, his voice slightly desperate.

"Think that you'd care."

"How can you say that?" Bella heard his voice catch and knew he was crying.

"I heard you talking to Ally and everyone. You said you were stuck. I left because I was mad but took your phone because all the adults I know have phones and thought I could call if I needed help. It's okay, though. Now I know why you're so mad. I called her, though, Eddie. Miss Swan's right here. It's okay..."

"Lanie, no. That's not how this works. I'm not mad...I'm just...it's not important. I'm just glad you're here. Why don't you run up and let Aunt Ally know you're okay. We've all been scared. I almost called the police..."

"I'm sorry..." Lanie was crying again.

"I know but if they think I'm not taking good care of you, they're going to take you away."

"No. That's not fair..."

"It's what happens. Alana, if you ever get upset with me again, you have to talk to me. I don't want you to be upset with me and I don't want anyone to take you away from me because of it. Promise me this won't happen again."

"I promise," she said softly.

After another hard hug, Edward let her go. "Go inside. I'll be there in a minute."

Lanie headed up the concrete stairs but then turned to Bella. "Thank you, Miss Swan. I'm sorry for upsetting everyone. I didn't know what to do."

"I'm glad you called," Bella answered honestly, "but never, ever run away from Edward again. You can talk to me in class anytime you need to, you don't have to do this."

When Lanie was gone, it was her turn to be the focus of Edward's attention. Getting out of the Jeep, she walked over to him. "I'm sorry but I swear I had nothing to do with this. She called me from the park and I went to get her. I kept her on the phone with me because I was scared she'd be in danger there by herself. She called _me_," Bella repeated.

"I know. Bella, look, I'm sorry. I'm more than sorry. I think you're amazing and I swear that you are the only girl I've ever even mentioned around Lanie. I don't know what all she heard me say..."

"A lot. She heard a lot."

"Well, then, it's no surprise she ran away."

"Edward, she called me tonight because she thinks if I tell you I'm in love with you it will make you be happy again. In her world, it's that simple. She doesn't seem to realize that I'm not what makes you happy. In fact, I'm obviously what makes you _unhappy_. I should be going."

"Just wait..."

"For what? You to apologize a million more times, tell me we won't work, and then find ourselves back in this same position?"

"Look, it's just that Lanie..."

"For God's sake! Edward! This isn't about Lanie anymore!" Bella tried not to cry. She refused to let the tears fall.

"Everything in my life is about Lanie!"

"I know she needs to be the number one priority but you can care about other people. You make other people a priority. Edward, I don't have to be number one...neither does any other girl...you are responsible for and love your sister!"

"I don't want anyone else, Bella. I swear to you that you're the only girl I've ever...I've every really given a shit about."

Bella was aware that there were tears in her eyes and if she didn't leave soon, she was going to hurt even worse. "I don't know what you want from me but you're hurting me. Don't you see that? I'd rather just be one of those girls to you then have you tell me I'm the only girl you ever cared for. I only came because I was worried about Lanie and I didn't want the police involved so I picked her up myself. You need to talk to her, Edward. She wanted me to fucking admit that I was in love with you so you'd be happy. Maybe you should watch what you say around her."

"She _misunderstood_ me. I never would have said anything bad about her like that. I'll talk to her about everything soon but you and I need to talk."

"So talk, Edward," Bella blurted, throwing up her hands in frustration.

Instead of talking, this time he stepped towards her and brought his lips to hers. It was so not what she expected to happen and she completely froze. Only when she opened her mouth like a robot to accommodate his tongue did she snap out of it. He still tasted amazing and she fisted the front of his shirt to keep upright. When she finally found the mindset to pull away, she still held onto his shirt and brought her eyes up to his. The tears were heavy enough to actually fall and as two drops fell down her cheeks, she just shook her head.

"We can't keep communicating like this," she whispered.

He looked away for a second and she could tell he was lost. Then, he took her fists and pulled them off of his chest, tucking his thumb into her palms where the fabric once was. "Tomorrow...or the next night...or this weekend...I don't care when. Just let me take you to dinner or a movie or...just somewhere. Okay? I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I wanted. I'm just trying to do what's right and I've never felt this way before."

"Why didn't you just talk to me like this before? Why didn't you call?"

"I was going to. I told Emmett weeks ago that I was going to but then I was upset for making you lie to everyone and I thought you hated me. Jacob Black is a..."

"For God's sake, don't bring him into this again. You don't know him, Edward!" Bella reminded him again. "Jacob was an innocent pawn in all of this and it's not his fault! He didn't know I was seeing anyone and Rose had led him to believe I wanted it as much as he did. He's a really good, nice guy. Even after all that shit that was said at the party, the awkward moment when Rose said that he and I slept together in front of him and we hadn't, he still called me and wanted to talk to me about what was going on. He's a good person."

"That's what I was going to say. Earlier and now. I was trying to tell you that he _is_ a good person. I hear he's a lawyer so he's probably not behind financially, either. Bella, this was the guy I felt I was competing with. The guy I felt would shine like a fucking star after how I treated you and the whole situation. He's the type of guy you should be with. He can give you that house in your parent's neighborhood where you don't have to worry about parking your car at night. He's the guy who can treat you like a fucking princess and still look manly doing it."

"Edward, no..."

"I'm the son of a druggie and a psychotic alcoholic. I barely make ends meet and only live somewhere this nice because I don't want to change things up for Lanie. I'm the guy who has a kid and is solely responsible for one. I have nothing to offer you, Bella. I'm misery. That's what I mean for you but that sure as hell isn't what I want for you. I'm just too fucking selfish to let you go."

Bella didn't know why but when he dropped her hands to go on this rant, it had felt like she was suddenly cold. She needed to touch him even as his words broke her heart. "You think so badly of yourself. While I stand here and think of how much I want to be with you, you stand here and tell me every reason that you think I shouldn't. I've never hated you. I've cared for you; deeply. Jacob Black is nice and he may very well be rich for all I know but that's not who I am. I don't want to be treated as a princess, I want to be treated like I'm loved."

**I'll keep this short as I have the flu and can barely stand to look at my computer screen... I love you all! Please review as it makes all of this worthwhile! Letzy xx**


	12. Settling for the Lesser

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 12**

**Settling for the Lesser**

"You really think that I'm capable of that?" Edward had some serious doubts. She was just trying to be nice to him now. There was no way he could match up to Jacob. Besides, he saw how she pulled away from that kiss with tears in her eyes. He couldn't give her what she deserved.

"I don't have any reason to believe you can't," Bella said adamantly.

"I don't know what to say."

"Do you want me at all, Edward? Be honest. I'm just confused. I'm in this if you are but you're so back and forth about what you want that you're giving me whiplash. I need to know how you feel about me."

"You're beautiful, Bella. I just don't think it'll work out between us."

"Yeah. Okay. I'll just...um...I'll see you around. If you need anything with Lanie, just call me..." She seemed to be choking on her words and actually stumbled a little when she turned to get back in the Jeep.

"Bella," he breathed, feeling like a complete asshole when he saw how upset she was. Tears weren't far but she was already back around the car and pulling her door open. It was apparent that he'd pushed her enough that she wasn't going to stop for him to apologize. He told himself it was better that way as he watched her drive away and turned to look up at the cracked, brick apartment building. Lanie was looking down at him with tears still in her eyes and he knew he needed to go check on her. Bella was just someone he'd have to forget about. Things had been completely different since he'd started this strange relationship with Bella Swan.

"How is she?" Edward asked, walking into the apartment and shrugging off the old jacket he'd managed to throw on at some point. He was glad it was in the car. Alice just shrugged, telling him that his sister was fine and he really needed to talk to her. As they left, Edward made his way back to Lanie's room where she was sitting quietly on the bed.

"Eddie, I'm sorry..."

"No. Lanie, I need you to listen to me. I don't know what you think is going on with Miss Swan and I but we're just friends, okay? You have to..."

"Then why aren't you happy anymore? I heard you talking to Ally and Jazz. You're lying to me!" she cried.

"Lanie, I'm not..."

"She likes you, too. A lot. I think so anyway and you like her. Why can't you two be boyfriend and girlfriend? You never have a girlfriend. Ally and Jazz are getting married and Em is dating Miss Rose. Why can't you date Miss Swan?"

"Lanie," Edward sighed, tired of the discussion and unable to get the last conversation he had just had with Bella out of his head. "I need you to think about something. If Miss Swan and I were to date, there is a chance that we won't end up getting married or even being happy together. I don't want you to get attached to her. Plus, she's your teacher so what happens if you get mad at not just me but also her? Do you see where this can get confusing?"

"I don't know why you can't like each other. She's really nice, Eddie. She has a big house and nice parents and a dog. She even bought us a guinea pig to have as a class pet at school. We named him Oscar. I came up with the name and we voted and that one won. She's always nice to me and she doesn't yell like the other teachers. Besides, I heard what you said to Ally. I know you like her and it's all my fault that you can't be her boyfriend. Eddie, she's even pretty!"

"First, we need to talk about what you heard me saying. I was upset and I would never in a million years give you up. Do you remember when mom and dad first died, how we used to do everything exactly right so that the judge would let you stay with me? Lanie, I wasn't going to let you go then and I'm _not_ going to do it now. It doesn't matter how nice or pretty your teacher is. You misheard me and I feel awful for it. Second, what would have happened if you took off and someone kidnapped you? What if I would have had to call the police and report you missing because you ran away? I'm trying everything in my power to make sure you're happy and kept here. We're the _only _family we have, Lanie. Promise me you will never do that again. If you're mad at me for something, yell at me. Scream at me. Tell me why you're upset and we'll try to fix it..."

"I don't want to yell at you," she replied, looking at him like he was crazy.

"Then just _talk_ to me."

"I want you to be happy. You're not happy. Miss Swan makes you happy. You said so!" She was practically pleading now.

"How do you know I was even talking about Miss Swan to Alice? It could have been a different girl. I wasn't calling her Miss Swan," Edward pointed out.

"I know that but I know what Miss Swan's real name is. It's Bella."

"It's actually Isabella," Edward corrected with a smirk, trying to make a joke to lighten the mood.

Lanie actually rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever. I'm happy here with you but I want you to be happy too. I want you to be able to get married like Jazz and have babies..."

"Woah. Who said about having babies?" Edward chuckled nervously.

"I did. It would be fun to have a baby around and Miss Swan would be a nice mom. She wouldn't be like...like..." Lanie's voice trailed off and Edward knew there were tears in her eyes.

"Like our mom," Edward finished. "She_ would_ be a nice mom. I don't want to be a dad, though. Not at the moment. I'll settle for being a big brother for now. Can you settle for being a little sister and not run away?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I did that. Really, I am. Still, I don't mind if you be Miss Swan's boyfriend. Even if you don't like each other that much later on, you can still go to a movie or something. I bet she likes movies. We can all go," Lanie suggested, obviously excited about the prospect.

"Alana, look at me, do you really think this is a good idea? It wouldn't upset you if I were to have Miss Swan come over for dinner some night? That wouldn't make you upset?"

"I'd love it! Can we have tacos?"

"Hold on. She's still a little upset with me for...grown-up reasons. I'll talk to her and try to apologize but I don't know if she'll ever be very happy with me again. If she doesn't want to be my...girlfriend...I can't force her and you have to promise me you will let her go, okay? You will have to accept that she's happy with the way things are now. Deal?"

"Deal! Go call her! We should order her flowers!"

"We don't have the money for flowers right now. Besides, it's late. You should be in bed and she probably is already. Wash up and get ready for bed."

"I'm sorry I ran away, Eddie."

"I know, Lanie. Come here," he said, pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her forehead. "You scared me today, sis. I never want to see you upset and I never want you to want to leave. We need each other. This doesn't just go one way."

Edward eventually left her to get ready for bed and found himself heading to bed early. Lanie seemed to truly be okay with Bella. It was a definite weight off of his shoulders considering he'd been worried for years that she would be forever effected by his parent's relationship. He knew that he would always be but she hadn't seen as much as him and didn't know half of what he did. Apparently, she didn't believe all couples needed to be violent towards each other, that maybe true love does exist out there.

Edward thought of the irony of the situation. He'd held back and pushed Bella away because of Lanie. Now, Lanie was practically begging him to date her teacher, obviously having no problem with it at all and being more than happy about it. He stupidly realized this just in time for Bella to never want to speak to him again. He decided to go after work the next day and talk to her at school. He'd promise her a proper date, that he'd commit to a relationship for real this time, and that Lanie was completely okay with everything.

He prayed that Bella listened and would not still be upset with him. He doubted that things would be that simple, though. He had messed this up, spinning her in confusing circles, and now she pretty much hated him. He knew he deserved it and even he was pissed off at himself over the situation. He should have known things would never be simple and easy for him. Things never had worked in his favor. Why the hell would they start doing so now?

Bella got out of her car and stopped halfway to the porch when she saw a figure sitting there. It was late and she was assuming that her parents were in bed by now. The silhouette was not one that fit the profile of her mother or her father. She glanced back at her car, wondering if she'd make it there in time to get away from the possible murderer on her property. "Bella?" the figure asked, stepping down onto the grass. Her head swung back over to the voice and she swallowed hard.

"My dad's a cop. I have a gun in my purse..."

"It's Jacob."

_Are you fucking kidding me? _"Jacob? What are you doing here? It's like...really getting late."

"I'm sorry. I just had to talk to you. Bella, can you please explain to me what the hell happened? I mean, I thought Rosalie said you were interested in me."

"I was confused," Bella bit out, tired of this particular conversation.

"About what?"

She wanted to scream. She was way too tired to deal with this shit. "Do you really want to know? You probably won't like it very much."

"I'm here aren't I? I just...I think you're so sweet and you're obviously completely beautiful. Is that Edward kid your boyfriend? Was I just something on the side...or..."

"No. It's a lot more complicated than that. Why don't you come inside?" asked Bella, stepping up on the porch and going for the door. After getting them each a glass of water, she sat in the living room with Luca at her heels and told Jacob Black everything. It felt good to let him in on the whole story, especially since he was so much _a part _of the story. When she was done, she took a deep breath and waited for him to run out of the house. Instead, he just listened intently and then nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry I got you involved. It wasn't right of me."

"I wish you would have just explained to me that you weren't interested. I mean, even if you would have just told me what was going on, it wouldn't have been my place to say anything to Rosalie. I only talked to her because she sought me out. She said you really seemed to like me and that you wanted to see me again. I was happy. I know we didn't exactly have a good first night together...whatever you want to call what happened...but I thought maybe it was just the alcohol. I wouldn't have taken advantage of you like that but maybe once you sobered up you'd still kind of like me or something..."

"I do like you. I just felt very strongly for him and it was a...mistake."

"A mistake?"

"I spoke with him tonight. That's where I was when you came here. I think it's done and over with now. I can't be in a relationship with someone who can't even figure out if we _are_ in a relationship...if that even makes sense."

"It makes perfect sense. It's getting late, though. I should be going. One of your parents is a cop right? I saw the cruiser outside."

"Yeah. My dad. He's actually the police chief..."

Jacob interrupted her, then. His eyes shifting around like he was putting something together in his head. "Officer Swan is your father?"

"Yeah. Do you want to run away screaming even more now?" Bella asked with a sad smile.

"No. No, it's just that I kind of know him. I've met him a few times and he's friends with my old man. I don't want to run away at all by the way. I just don't want your police chief dad coming down here and finding me with his daughter this late..."

"I could handle him," Bella smirked, standing up to lead him to the front door. "I'm surprised you stuck around when I wasn't here."

He just shrugged. "There weren't any lights on and I knocked but no one answered. I sent Rose a text to see if you were with her and she said no, that there was something going on with one of your students. I didn't want to wake up your whole family, so I just hung out here, figuring you'd be home eventually. That's sounds pretty stalkerish, doesn't it?" He said this last part like it was an afterthought.

"A little but I'm glad you came by. I've felt horrible about how I used you like that. I hope you can forgive me. I swear I'm not a bad person...and I don't what came over me..."

"No hard feelings. Rose said you might not want to talk to me at all so I'm glad you did at least."

"I owe you for a lot, especially that first night that you were so respectful. Most guys wouldn't have...ya know...not done anything. I'm still embarrassed about it. We should maybe hang out sometime again...I mean if you aren't annoyed enough with me as it is for giving you the run around. It's just that I really thought I liked Edward and it's apparently not in the cards for us to be together..."

"I'd love that. Like I said, I was just confused and I really wish you would have just talked to me. Although, it would totally have sucked to have to listen to you talk about this other guy all the time. The fact that you were asking me to take you home and you were obviously drunk that night isn't why I did it. You caught my eye from the minute you walked in and I didn't really want to let you leave and since you were so gone I figured you probably wouldn't remember me. I never would have slept with you but in a way I guess I still took advantage."

"I'll forgive you if you forgive me. I'd like to put that night behind me completely."

"Well, then, let's just start over. Pretty girl, I'm Jacob Black. What's your name?"

"Isabella Marie Swan but you can call me Bella."

"What do you say to a movie Friday night?" he asked, back to his normal, serious voice.

"I'd say that would be fun...and that I don't put out on the first date..." Bella decided to tack on for good measure.

"I wouldn't imagine that you would. Are you sure about this, though? If you just broke up with this guy..."

"Jacob, I was never even really dating him. I don't want to get into it but I have to get over it and move on. Besides, it's just a movie, right?"

"Right. Oh, and you can call me Jake," he called over his shoulder as he made his way down the sidewalk.

"How did you get here?" Bella asked with laugh.

"I parked over at Rosalie's. She said she didn't mind. Goodnight, Bella!"

The next day at school was pretty easy on not only Bella but also the kids. With Thanksgiving just a few days away, the kids worked on Thanksgiving crafts and watched a movie about pilgrims. The next day they would be going to the high school to see a Thanksgiving play put on by the high school students and then there would be no school until the following Monday. What was exhausting was the idea that she would be going out on Friday with Jacob Black. Again. She still wasn't sure what the hell she was thinking when she agreed to it and she was definitely leery about jumping into a relationship.

Lanie seemed to be in much better spirits though, which brought a smile and a sigh of relief to Bella. She came in looking a little tired, surely worn out from the night before, but definitely more excited to be there. As the movie played, Bella watched as Oscar sat on the girl's shoulder as if he were a parrot. When school let out, Bella saw that Lanie wasn't picked up right away and frowned. Obviously Lanie needed some extra attention from Edward, yet he would be late to pick her up the day after she ran away.

Just as she stood to go over to Lanie, her phone lit up and she saw that it was a text from him. A deep frown formed on her face as she read it. **I'm outside. Can you step out so we can talk? I don't want Lanie to know I'm here yet. **Practically gnawing off her bottom lip, Bella grabbed the phone and walked over to Lanie after about three minutes of standing there like an idiot.

"Hey, Lanie? I have to run up to the office real quick. Will you be okay here for a few minutes by yourself?"

Lanie nodded absently and went back to writing in her notebook. As soon as she was out of the room she saw him at the end of the hall. "We can't talk here. Come on, we'll go out to the playground. Lanie will be fine by herself for a minute," Bella said, pushing past him to head outside before he could even say hello.

Once they were seated on a bench, he turned to her and cleared his throat. "I had a long talk with Alana last night."

"Good. I'm glad. She obviously needs a little extra attention right now..."

"She told me she'd be okay with us dating. She actually wanted me to..."

"No. Edward, no." Bella spoke quickly and could feel the slight sting in her tone. She didn't want to be mean but she couldn't handle this again. "I actually have a date on Friday. I'm sorry but I can't do this."

"Oh. Right. No, that's okay. I get it."

"I just think that if I were the right girl for you, you'd be more accepting of the idea. You didn't seem very okay with it and last night I was pretty sure you didn't want to deal with it so I decided to give in and..."

"Give in? You're going with Jacob," Edward muttered, more to himself than her. Looking to the sky, he shook his head and stood up.

She kept herself parked on the wooden bench, looking up at him and squinting against the sun. Edward Cullen was beautiful, a fact she would never forget. "He was waiting for me at my mom and dad's last night. We talked things out. He asked me out again and this time I figured I had nothing to lose. I'll always treat Lanie like the great kid she is but as for us, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Well, I need to get Lanie home. I'll see you later, Bella."

He walked away towards the school and Bella knew he'd be okay to get Lanie by himself. She needed a moment to try to get the image of the way the sun reflected in his eyes and lit the colors in his hair out of her head. She compared the two men. Jacob Black was slightly shorter than Edward with much more tame, darker hair and tanned skin. His eyes were as brown as his hair and he was definitely toned in the right places. Bella figured a gym was probably responsible for his abs.

Edward was just _different_. He was paler than most guys she knew, his summer tan having worn off little by little. His hair was a lighter brown with a little red tint to it, giving it a bronze look. Those green eyes that speared through her were the color of a faded jade gemstone and it was hard to focus when she talked with him face to face because they were so mesmerizing. He was definitely in shape, as Bella had seen first hand every blessed contour of his body. Unlike a gym workout, he got one everyday working construction. In fact, the only coloring on Edward's skin was probably from working in the sun during the day.

Edward was right about a few things. Jacob was very kind to her and she did figure that Jacob had a lot more money than Edward did. The money didn't matter to her, although she hated when other people said that. In truth, she figured money would always matter as you couldn't live with it but you couldn't live without it. Still, if she moved into the tiny apartment with Edward and Lanie and stayed there all her life, she'd be okay with that. Of course, someday she'd want kids but otherwise she'd be content.

Shaking herself, she stood up and forced herself to remember that Jacob, the lawyer, was who she was going out with in a few days. Jacob Black was her Black Friday date and she rolled her eyes at the irony of it. Leaves crunched underfoot as a few flakes of snow fell to the ground and she wondered what type of life Jacob would be able to offer her. Probably some fancy home with too many bedrooms and windows, a family of prestigious people who were proud of themselves, and a pretty comfortable existence for her. Why she couldn't seem to be happy about this boggled her mind. He was handsome. He was kind. He probably had money. "Living the American dream..." Bella muttered to herself as she stepped into her now empty classroom and grabbed her car keys.

The only thoughts in her head the whole way home were about Lanie and Edward, though. This time it wasn't about how cute Edward was in bed but about Thanksgiving. She'd always had dinner with her family but was it just the two of them? With a heavy heart, Bella pulled into her house and headed inside to find her mother. She needed to talk to someone, just so she could be reassured that the two siblings would probably be enjoying the holiday just like everyone else. All she wanted was to get them out of her head for awhile. It was starting to piss her off that her mind wouldn't let her.

**To any of my readers struggling with this wicked flu, let me tell you, I completely feel your pain. I'm still not over it and it has been a week. This is a little early but if you review, there's a good chance you'll get Chapter 13 sooner than normal ;) I know the angst is getting frustrating but just hang in there! Leave me some love and keep your immune system happy! Letzy xx**


	13. The Truth About Love

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 13**

**The Truth About Love**

Thanksgiving Day went off without a hitch as it usually did. Well, more like it had since his parents had died. The Whitlock's were always very welcoming of Edward and Lanie, opening up their home to them when they realized it would be nice for them to have somewhere to go, especially for the holidays. Edward and Lanie always went over to the Whitlock's house to spend time with their 'foster' family, swinging by the local bakery to pick up a pumpkin pie and some bread rolls first. When they walked in, the smells of dinner cooking and the sounds of the Macy's parade flooded the house. Jasper always arrived later than he did, it never failed every year, and it was even worse now that Ally was in the picture.

While he nursed a beer and talked football with Jasper's brother, Lanie plopped down on the couch with Jasper's niece and nephew and watched the large balloons and floats on the television. Even though he wished he could give her a normal life, one where her own mother cooked dinner for everyone and welcomed them with open arms, that had never been their reality, and this was as close as they would get to that. Edward had no way to repay the Whitlock's for their hospitality.

About a half hour after they arrived, Alice and Jasper came through the front door in a whirlwind. Jasper was carrying a large pot of mashed potatoes and balancing two bottle s of wine while Alice carried a couple of big boxes and wore a huge smile. Jazz's mom just smiled and kissed both of their cheeks. "Ally, dear, it's not Christmas... What is all this?"

"We've set a date!" she gushed, bouncing on the balls of her feet. That got everyone's attention. Even the kids were fully watching the adults with interest. "We're getting married on Valentine's Day!"

Edward was fully aware of the complete silence that hung in the air as everyone absorbed the news. The only sound he heard was Jasper's sister-in-law spitting her wine back into her glass as she began to cough. "What? What's wrong?" Alice asked, her smile immediately dropping and the look of sadness shining through. When she looked like that, Edward realized, it made him feel like hugging her.

"There's nothing wrong with it," Jasper said firmly beside her, pulling her into his side and standing tall.

Edward decided to back them up. "For once, I won't have to be alone on Valentine's Day. I'll have a date assigned to me," he joked.

Alice was still looking at Jazz's parents, tears threatening to fall but she was now forcing a smile. "Oh, honey," Jasper's mom said after a moment, "we just didn't expect it to be so soon. That's only a few months away..."

"Mom, Ally and I have discussed that already. We want a small wedding. We'll have the reception at the fire hall and the caterer won't be that much if we don't invite too many people."

"Are you sure that's what you both want?" his father asked, speaking for the first time.

"Yes," they both said simultaneously.

"Alright then, we're having a Valentine's wedding," Jasper's mom announced, obviously a little shell-shocked.

Lanie and the other two kids excitedly jumped around and Alice relaxed into Jasper's side. As Jasper's mother, sister-in-law and Alice all converged on the packages, Alice yelled for Lanie. With a deep voice that made her sound authoritative and obviously teasing, she boomed out, "Lanie Cullen, please come forth!"

Lanie saw the box Alice was holding out to her and her face immediately lit up like a Christmas tree. Edward shifted uncomfortably, watching them with suspicion clear on his face. "Go ahead, Lanie! Open it!" Alice prompted her.

Jasper's mom just put her hand to her mouth and tilted her head to the side, obviously just as curious as everyone else. Ripping the pink bow from the top, she pealed back the white and silver paper and opened the clothes box. Without lifting it out, all anyone could see was a cream-colored, lace dress with embellishments. "Is this your dress, Ally?" Lanie asked in awe, running her fingers over the lace.

"No. It's yours. Edward told me you have a big Christmas concert coming up next month at school and I wanted you to have this to wear then. It's also going to be your bridesmaids dress. My dress is more tan-colored. Rosalie helped me pick out the dress for your girls and I think it's perfect. It's not too formal and you can wear it again..."

Edward was standing there in shock when Jasper came over to him and gestured for them to go back into the living room alone. While the girls were busy pulling out the dress and Angela, Jasper's sister-in-law, was checking it out as she would be wearing a similar one, the guys made sure to talk low enough.

"Jazz, this is too much..."

"Stop it. That's the dress everyone picked out to wear and it's perfect for Christmas. We wanted her to have it early."

"How much was it?" Edward asked, looking his friend in the eyes.

"Don't worry about that..."

"Jazz..."

"Edward, seriously. You and I both know the two of you deserve to enjoy the good things in life once in a while. Alice is...attached to Lanie. I think she kind of reminds her of herself. You're going to break Ally's heart if you make Lanie give back that dress. Let them have their fun, man."

"You guys just do so much for us already. I mean, you bought her a dress for the engagement party, the back-to-school stuff, and even dinner today..."

"My family loves having you guys here. Don't sweat this," Jasper shrugged. "Have you heard from Bella?"

Edward nodded. "Yup. She's seeing Jacob Black now. It's over. I lost my chance."

Jasper shook his head, "Bullshit. She's in love with you. Just give it time. Until then, we're going out tomorrow night. My parents could watch Lanie. She's watching those two knuckleheads anyway," he laughed, gesturing to his niece and nephew.

Edward's mission for the night was to knock Bella completely out of his system. He wasn't sure if the cure to one addiction was to do something else equally bad for him but he was willing to try it out. Pent up frustration, both sexual and emotional, was slowly starting to drain him. Rosalie had hung back that night, Emmett said she had something last minute come up and needed to stay home. Alice was hanging out at the Whitlock's with her future mother-in-law, organizing the wedding. So, it was just the guys tonight and both Em and Jazz seemed to know exactly what he was there for.

While his two friends drank beer, he decided to splurge a little more than normal and go for whiskey on the rocks. The burn felt good and he knew that Lanie was spending the night with people he trusted would take good care of her. Jasper and Emmett bought him his two drinks but he bought the next two and they'd only been there for a couple hours. He felt good and he'd been eying up a leggy blonde who was currently up at the bar with a group of friends.

"And his sights are locked," Jasper joked, following Edward's line of vision over to the girl.

"Nice, man," Em laughed, nudging Edward's shoulder. "I can't see a ring from over here."

Edward just gave him a drunken smirk and stood up. He heard the guys laughing behind him and Jasper asked what time it was because he didn't want to be out too late. Taking a quick glance at the girl's left hand he breathed a sigh a relief that she wasn't married...or at least she wasn't advertising. He hoped the latter wasn't the case as guilt would later eat him alive. Not dwelling on the what-ifs, he stood close to her and saw that she had a full drink in her hand. Another sigh of relief. He wouldn't have to buy her one.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked, leaning closer to her than was really necessary and whispering directly into her ear. He briefly wondered if Emmett would mind dropping him and the girl off at Jasper's since his car was already there anyway.

She just smiled and looked down like she was innocent but when she looked back up at him, her eyes raked over his body. With a seductive smile, she bit her lip and nodded her head. He was actually a little surprised it was that easy. The second his arms were around her, Bella's body spread out on his bed came to mind and he swallowed hard. The girl misread him, thinking it was her that he was smiling at. She was actually kind of lost on him until he felt her teeth graze his lip. Before he knew what he was doing, their tongues were down each other's throat and he was ready to go. Bella didn't want him. He wasn't good for her. Blondie was more than willing to play along.

"Look," he began while nibbling her ear a few minutes later, "I came with two friends. They'll be leaving soon. Why don't you come home with me?"

"I don't know..." she frowned but he could tell she wanted him as her eyes flicked guiltily over to her friends who were giving her a thumbs up and cheering her on. She relented with a shrug. "Why not. Do you have a condom?"

Edward was relieved that he wouldn't have to beg for it. Any other night, he'd just have walked away and found someone else had that been the case but not tonight. He needed this...before his heart decided to speak and he aborted his mission. "Yeah. I always use them."

"Good. I can't stay." She stated this second part matter-of-factly.

"Did you drive?"

"Yeah. I can drive us back to your place. That way we won't have to wait for your friends..."

He just nodded and pulled away from her so they could head out to the parking lot. He nodded to Em and Jazz on the way out while the girl giggled and waved goodbye to her friends. As soon as he was in the passenger's seat, he knew she was going to be fun in bed. Her hand went right to his inner thighs, even as she was driving. He was just glad the car was an automatic. Her short jean skirt left very little to the imagination and the tank top was nearly see through, it only kept anything covered because she wore a black bra under the lacy white top.

She was everything Bella wasn't-and that meant the blonde was everything he didn't want. She was tan, which was totally noticeable with the bleached white shirt. Her hair was straight and platinum blonde. He was completely sure as he hadn't really payed attention but he assumed her eyes were blue. She had a tattoo on the inside of her left wrist of a flower. He was starting to regret his decision to bring her home. Deep down, what he wanted was Bella. The girl beside him was not even remotely his type. Well, his new type as of Halloween night. Bella could have made him come just by rubbing her hands up and down his legs. This girl was nearly kneading his dick and he was hard but not really that into it. God, he fucking wanted Bella. Just one more time. If he could have her one more time, he could try to move on.

He directed her to Jasper's apartment and let them in after finding a parking spot. From that point on, he decided to just give in and pretend it was the girl he really wanted to be with. Frustrated with himself, he pounded into the poor blonde even a little rougher than he normally would. She didn't try to stop him, though. Three used condoms later and he wasn't nearly sated, the girl was basically comatose from exhaustion, and a shattering thought struck him. If Bella never gave him that 'one more time', would he ever be completely satisfied again?

Bella woke up Saturday morning with a pounding headache and red eyes. She could barely open them as she squinted at the alarm clock on the dresser. It wasn't that she had been up all night crying, it was just that she hadn't gotten much sleep at all-but neither had the person next to her. Sitting up, she tried to rub the headache away by applying some pressure to her temples but it was no use. "Bells?" the person beside her asked groggily.

"Go back to sleep. I just need some aspirin..."

Climbing out of bed, Bella slid her slippers on and headed to the bathroom. As she went, she kicked open DVD cases, a plate that had once held home-made brownies, and an empty bottle of wine. She was going to try to make it work with Jacob, honestly, she was. At least, that's what she told herself up until Friday morning when it turned out that she just simply couldn't. So, their movie date turned into a lunch date where she explained that she was sorry for going in circles but she planned to talk to Edward and try to work something out. While she didn't go into in-depth discussion with Jacob about her relationship to Edward, she knew in her heart that even if Edward just simply wanted to hook up once in a while, she'd rather be with him than Jake.

Jacob took the news well that she really wanted to just see where things went with Edward and when lied saying that she had a family function to attend that night that she had just found out about and couldn't miss. She felt bad but Bella knew she would always want Edward more. Perhaps that was her new standard in a guy. If she ever found a man she wanted to be with as much as Edward Cullen, she would have to make sure they married and this man never got away. Jacob just wasn't it.

So, she'd called Rosalie and explained what happened. Rose, being Rose, showed up with a large bottle of cheap wine and a stack of chick flicks. They made brownies, ate ice cream, and then felt guilty about all the calories while watching Ryan Reynolds woo Sandra Bullock-who was skinny enough to make them both want to vomit. Not only did they have a total girl's night, they began to come up with a plan. It was a stupid plan, one that sounded like something a couple thirteen year old girls at a slumber party would come up with.

Alice had recently asked Bella to be in her wedding. It was no secret that Alice had planned to pair her up with Edward, at least to the other girl members of the wedding. Edward, of course, was probably not even aware she was to be in the wedding let alone opposite of him. Bella had already told her she would totally be in it, as she knew Alice didn't have that many close friends and it was impossible not to love Alice. They planned to pair Edward up with Bella, unbeknownst to him,and if things worked out, he'd fall madly in love with her. Rosalie tacked on a spiel about them getting married themselves, having lots of brown-haired babies, and living happily ever after. Rose even threw in a castle for good measure.

Popping two aspirin, Bella decided to jump in the shower and try to get the redness of her eyes to go away with the steam. They had been up so late watching movies and conniving that they hadn't gone to bed until almost four in the morning. After her shower, Rosalie offered to drive her over to Alice's so that they could fill her in on the plan that both girls now found comical and to really discuss when they'd go get fitted for their dresses. Unable to look at anything that wasn't sweatsuit material, she threw on a pair of gray sweatpants, a white t-shirt, and a black zip-up hoodie. Her hair, which was a wet mess, was twisted into a messy bun on top of her head.

Rose just changed out of Bella's old clothes that she'd slept in and stepped back into the clothes she'd worn to Bella's the night before. "Maybe Al will get some breakfast with us. I could use some greasy doughnuts," Rosalie commented as they drove to Alice's.

Stepping out of the car, Bella started to wish that she'd at least thought to put her contacts in. "What if she's not here?" Bella laughed as they knocked on the door. "She might be at Jasper's."

Rosalie just shrugged. "This _is _Jasper's. She's been staying here with him."

"Oh."

Rose knocked on the door again before sighing. "Maybe neither of them are here. Let me text..."

She was interrupted when the door opened and standing in front of them was none other than a shirtless Edward Cullen. His hair was every which way, his abs appeared rock solid and his sweatpants hung low on his hips. Bella couldn't breath and cursed herself for it. _You couldn't have at least taken the time to put in the damn contacts? _"What are you guys doing here?" Edward asked, obviously surprised and turning to look at something behind him. He seemed nervous now.

Rosalie just pushed her way inside and walked over to the kitchen area to get a glass of water. "I'm freaking thirsting to death. We're here to see Ally. Are they still in bed?"

While Rose talked, Bella thought of what had been said of Edward bringing girls back here. Her heart clenched as her suspicions were pretty much confirmed when he craned his neck towards the hallway that she assumed led to the bedrooms. "No. They stayed over at Jasper's parent's house last night..."

"Then, why are you here?" Rose asked before realization hit her and she slowly lowered her glass of Brita-filtered water.

"Rose, let's go. Please." Bella felt like she had just been punched in the chest by Mike Tyson when the fucking model walked out of one of the rooms towards the back and came down the hallway. The skirt she had on covered enough so that the girl wasn't considered to be streaking. As for the shirt, she might as well be walking around without one on. It did nothing to cover her black bra. The stilettos she was wearing made her look even more run-way ready and her blonde hair was just mussed up enough to look sexy and it screamed 'I just had amazing sex last night.' Bella hated her. Then again, a nun could have walked out of Edward Cullen's bedroom and Bella would still want to claw her eyes out.

"I'm, um, just going to go," the girl smiled warmly at Edward as she ran perfectly manicured fingers through her hair and blew him a kiss.

_He's not yours. He's not yours. He's not yours. He's not yours. _This mantra repeated over and over in her head until Edward's soft voice finally snapped her out of it. She was so confused. He was the cause of her distress but his voice seemed to soothe her. "Bella, look at me."

"Let's go, Bells..." Rose said quickly, stepping in between Edward and Bella completely. The blonde was no longer there.

Feeling numb, she nodded at her friend and let her pull her towards the door. "Bella," Edward called out to her again.

Still looking at the floor, she shook her head and blurted out the lamest thing she could think of. "You smell like whiskey."

"Rosalie, please, can you give me a minute with her?"

"No," Rose stated.

"Rose, it's okay. I'll meet you at the car in a minute," Bella muttered numbly.

Walking away hesitantly, her friend gave her a sad smile and walked out. The door shut behind them, closing them in together, and Bella found that she still couldn't breathe. Her chest was constricted. "Bella, look at me," Edward repeated again, stepping closer to her and lifting her chin with his pointer finger. That snapped her out of it again.

"Don't touch me," she spit out in digust, stepping backward.

"Can I just...explain?" he practically begged.

"You don't owe me anything. I know you don't want to be with me."

He threw his hands up in frustration. "You went out with Jacob!"

"I didn't. I couldn't. It didn't feel right. I wasn't going to get into something with someone I had no intention of being with in the future. That wouldn't have been fair."

"Don't cry, Bells. Please. Look, I'm sorry..."

Horrified with herself, she shook her head as she realized her eyes _were_ brimming with tears-which he could obviously see. "Just stop!" she cried, giving a sad chuckle. "This was my doing...this time. You approached me and I turned _you_ down."

"Bella, just let this happen! If you don't want to be with Jake then give me a chance. That girl meant nothing to me! I was trying to forget about all of this... Let me take you out. Let's at least try this!"

Bella laughed but it came out strangled. "This_ isn't _okay. You know if I slept with half as many people as you did, I'd be the worlds biggest whore! I don't want to start this way with you just getting done fucking some model! I just..." his ringing phone interrupted them and he walked over to it, distracted slightly as he read the display. She quit talking because she was trying to get her head together.

"Bells, let me just grab this. I really want to talk about this. I swear to you. I just really need to see if Jasper is calling because of something with Lanie."

"Go ahead," she said quickly, understanding his need to check on his sister. "Why don't you call me later. After you...are more dressed," she cringed as she said that. It was so not what she wanted to have come out of her mouth.

"Just hold on," he pleaded.

Bella needed time to get herself together. "Just call me, Edward. You have my number."

She hadn't even gotten out the door before the tears just poured out. Seeing Rosalie standing right outside of the door was what broke her. She was tired and confused. A sob tore from her chest as Rosalie pulled her in for a hug. "What happened, Bells?"

"I don't know. What the fuck _did_ just happened?"

"What did he say to you?"

"He wants to try. I have no idea what to do. I _hate_ myself for this, Rosalie. Why am I so God damn upset? Why can't I just let him_ go _and cut him out? Why did I want to kill that girl that just walked out of here?" Bella realized how emotionally pyscho she had to be sounding and gave another strangled laugh. "Christ, Rose. I've lost my fucking mind."

"You love him. This is what happens. You said he'll call, so wait and see what he has to say. Let's go home, Bella. Come on."

Before she could be led down to the car, while still being in Rosalie's arms, she noticed Rose looking behind her with a sorrowful expression as she mouthed something to someone-who was standing directly behind her

"How was the blonde?" Jasper asked and Edward could practically see his friend's cocky grin through the damn phone.

Feeling hung over and completely caught up in the situation with Bella, he shook his head. "Is Lanie okay?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to let you know we'll be on our way over shortly. You know, in case you had to get rid of some company..." he chuckled.

"I'll be here waiting for you. I have to go, though."

He hung up, not waiting to see what Jasper's response was going to be. Bella Swan had just walked out the door, obviously upset, and it was because of him. He slid on his shoes and opened the door but he stopped short of stepping out right away because he could hear the girls talking. "I've lost my fucking mind," he heard Bella mutter to her friend.

When Rosalie responded with, "You love him. This is what happens," he nearly jumped up and down for joy. With a huge smile on his face he stepped out into the hallway and froze. Bella was in Rosalie's arms and she was crying. Hard. Even after all that shit he said about wanting to get over her, about letting her go...all of it...he realized then and there that he was a fucking idiot. From the beginning, he should have never hid their relationship, if you could even call it that. He should have sat Lanie down sooner and made sure it was okay. He should have begged her to go on a proper date with him.

Anything would have been better than this outcome, upsetting her this much was the last thing he had ever wanted. Was she really in love with him? Was he really in love with her? All he knew was that the girl was under his skin and he couldn't take being away from her for another second. Rosalie saw him immediately and gave him a little glare before mouthing over Bella's shoulder, "Fix this. Now."

Stepping over to them, like he was walking through concrete, he put an arm between Bella and Rosalie and pulled the sad girl around to face him and into his chest. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, to explain once again that the blonde was just another nameless girl who meant nothing to him and that he was only with that girl last night because he couldn't get the one in his arms out of his head. Instead, she looked up at him in surprise and with her face so close to his, things just...happened.

His lips dipped down to hers and she sagged into him as if she were a deflating balloon-but a very sexy, deflating balloon. The kiss had more than likely taken her by surprise as well because they just stood there with their lips touching, like they were frozen that way. When she started to add a little pressure and then pulled away a couple inches before pecking him on the lips over and over again, he knew she didn't _hate_ him.

He lost himself in her. Everything about her. Her soft hair that was currently now fisted in his hand and the smell of her shampoo that was simply amazing; although he supposed it could be perfume. He didn't fucking know. She was here. Bella Swan was right in front of him, kissing him and holding onto him for dear life. While he realized that his arm around her waist was literally holding her up, he stepped closer to the wall by the door and leaned her against it, deepening the kiss even further. Edward realized that sex wasn't what was going through his mind. It was just simply wanting to keep her there with him.

"Guys!" Rosalie called, slamming Edward back down to Earth and causing Bella to break the kiss. "I'm standing right here! Jesus!"

Bella's cheeks turned a beautiful shade of pink and she smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Rose."

"I mean, holy hell, you two..."

"Sorry, Rosalie," Edward said politely but with a huge smile on his face.

"If you two are going to have sex in the hallway, at _least_ let me_ leave_ first." Soon, though, her frown was replaced with a beaming smile. Reaching over, she patted Edward on the back. "I trust that you'll get her home safely?"

"Um..." Bella began, totally flustered.

"I'll handle it. Tell Em I said hi," Edward replied.

"Rose, you can't... I look horrible! I need my contacts and...better clothes..."

"Goodbye, Bella!" Rosalie called over her shoulder as she walked down the hallway. "You two stay together until you work this shit out...or fuck the hell out of each other. Either way, Cullen, this is your last chance. You hurt her, my expensive boot is going up your ass! Oh, and Bella, I'm tired of the whiny crap. Just tell him what you really want!"

**Hopefully everyone survived this chapter, I know opening a door to shirtless Edward is a lot for the heart to handle and this was quite a long chapter ;) I took the beginning of chapter 14 and put it at the end of this one since you'd all kill me if I left you with the cliffy I had planned to. Sadly, you'll have to wait until the next update to find out if they have hallway sex. At least they're...kissing each other again. I would say talking but that wasn't really getting them anywhere as usual. I hoped you enjoyed this one and would love some feedback! I was nice and didn't completely cliffy you ;) PS I'm currently working on chapter 42 of this story...it's not going anywhere and will be updated on time. Rec it to friends! Letzy xx**


	14. I'm Talking Fidelity

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 14**

**I'm Talking Fidelity**

With that, Rosalie Hale was gone and Bella was alone with Edward Cullen. Her heart was beating way harder than was normal and her breathing was a little funny. She tried to remember what her phys. ed. teacher used to say when they ran laps-'breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth'. So, that's what she did. Then she realized she probably looked like a total idiot. "I need to go in and put on a shirt," she heard Edward say.

Looking up at him, she smiled and continued to lean against the wall. "No. You really don't."

"If it was just you and me, I'd go totally naked. Unfortunately, we are in a hallway, outside of an apartment owned by friends, and my little sister is on her way over with them as we speak."

"Gotcha," Bella breathed out. She had to force herself to look him in the eyes instead of staring at his ab muscles. She wanted to lick him It was a strange, sudden urge. _Fuck, Swan, you have serious problems._ Then, she remembered blondie and wanted to throw up. He'd just slept with another girl. Hurt and anger co-mingled in her mind as she tried not to cry in frustration.

"Come inside. Once Lanie gets here, I'd like to go home and...shower. Afterwards, though, what would you say to hanging at our place and having lunch? Lanie's been doing a lot of reading-which is a hobby I'm glad she picked up-so we'll have a chance to talk."

She followed him back into the apartment and while he walked over to grab his phone from the kitchen table, Bella stupidly walked down the hallway, figuring he was going there next and she'd wait for him. What greeted her made her sick all over again. The bed was a total mess, his shirt was on the floor, a pair of boxers was hanging off the foot of the bed, and a pair of hot pink panties were laying on one of the pillows. Refusing to cry, she felt Edward literally pull her back out of the room and shut the door. He wasn't quick enough, though. She'd seen what was there-including the three open condom wrappers on the nightstand. "Fuck," she muttered, running a hand over the hair that had fallen loose from the messy bun when Edward was holding onto it during the kiss.

"Bella, she meant nothing. None of the girls that I've brought here ever have. I only bring them here because I don't want to run the risk of Lanie seeing girls she doesn't know where she lives. You are the only girl I have ever brought back to my actual apartment. I used to live here with Jazz years ago, before my parents died. You are the only one."

"What was her name?" Bella whispered, wishing her hair was down so she could hide her face behind it.

"I...um..."

"You don't know?" That thought made her way more happy than she should be. Her brain was screaming at her that this made him a total asshole but he had proven time and again that he at least knew what _her_ name was. She also had to remember that as confusing as the situation was, he was single. He technically still was. She had told him she didn't want a relationship with him. If she hadn't shown up this morning, she had no reason to ever even see him again except for the fact that she was Lanie's teacher. She knew he was like this from the beginning and she was mad at herself for actually being surprised. _But three times? Seriously?_

"I don't," he finally relented after a long pause. "Bells, wait for me in the living room. Let me get this cleaned up and as soon as Lanie gets here, I'll get you guys out of here. I'm so sorry for all of this. I didn't do this to _hurt_ you..."

"Don't apologize. It's not like you cheated on me."

He looked down and Bella was glad he looked ashamed as he muttered, "It's kind of ironic, actually. I've spent years bringing girls back here instead of my place because of Lanie. Now, I'm here with the only girl I've ever taken back home-or brought around Lanie at all, and we're waiting for her to get here to go there."

"Go...disinfect the room or whatever," Bella frowned and said dryly, stepping away from him. "Maybe you should take in a jug of bleach. I'll be waiting."

Bella sat down on the couch to wait for Edward and was grateful for her mind being in a tailspin. The last thing she wanted to think about was Edward cleaning up after a night of debauchery so trying to iron out details concerning how she felt over the situation she was currently in helped her out. Still, it was a lot to consider, a lot to take in, and a lot of work when all she wanted to do was pass out. The only reason she wasn't dozing off now was because she still felt charged up after that kiss in the hallway...and also a little disgusted. She wanted to brush her teeth with that bleach she had recommended to Edward. She was still confused on how all of this happened. All she had hoped for was to talk to Alice about the wedding. Instead, she ended up pressed against a wall with Edward Cullen's tongue down her throat.

They had both been fighting this for so long that she had trouble remembering which one of them turned the other down last. Of course, after he came to the school to talk with her about possibly giving it a shot, she had been the one to tell him no. That decision had haunted her for days and ultimately led her to cancel her date with Jacob the night before. She wanted to cry tears of happiness when he said for her to just give in today but she also wanted to cry tears of pain and a little anger, even though it was none of her business what he did last night, when that girl made an appearance. The entire situation was confusing and she realized she could use some more aspirin.

When the door flew open, Bella about jumped out of her skin as Ally, Jasper and Lanie came in. Lanie walked right past her before doing a double take and smiling. "Miss Swan!"

"Hey, Lanie," Bella smiled back, warmly. Then, realizing she probably looked terrible, dropped her eyes down to the floor.

"Bella? What's going on?" Alice asked in confusion and Bella looked up to find Jasper giving her a strange look. Turning away, he walked quickly back towards the bedrooms and she heard him knocking on what she assumed was Edward's door.

"Sweetie, your eyes are all red!" Alice frowned, sitting beside her and rubbing her shoulder. "You kind of look like crap."

"Are you sick?" Lanie asked.

"No. I'm just...very tired," Bella responded honestly.

The guys both joined them then, Jasper smiling about something and Edward looking Lanie over as if to make sure she was still in one piece. "Lanie, Miss Swan is going to come visit for a little bit today," Edward began. "Why don't you tell Jazz and Ally thank you for keeping you with them last night?"

They said their goodbyes and headed downstairs to take Edward's old beat up car back to his place. He'd driven it there last night before going to the club with the guys. "Miss Swan, Eddie took me to the library on Wednesday because we had a half day of school and he knew I wanted new books. I read a whole book this weekend!"

"Wow," Bella said excitedly. "What book was it?"

"A Diary of a Wimpy Kid book," Lanie shrugged.

"Ah. Good choice!" Bella laughed.

"I have two more in my room. Eddie told me I can read as many books as I want. He says I watch too much TV."

Edward, his face downcast despite the happy chatter between the two girls, tried to make himself sound happy when he said,"She was quoting one of those girls on that reality TV show about the family..."

"The Kardashian's!" Lanie told him like he should know that.

"Whatever," he muttered. "It needed to stop."

"Well, I love to read," Bella put in. "When I give you guys SSR time, I always read with you, too. It's a nice way to relax after recess.

"SSR?" Edward asked.

"Silent Sustained Reading, Eddie," Lanie answered and Bella tried not to laugh at how annoyed the girl sounded for having to explain things to her big brother.

A small smile appeared on his face. "Okay, okay. Geesh, you two are _way_ too smart for me."

"You're smart!" Lanie argued before innocently adding on. "Mom used to call you a Smart-ass all the time..."

"Lanie!" Edward scolded but his smile was now way wider than it should be considering he was trying to be stern with her. "That wasn't...you don't call people that. It's an insult, not something that's a good thing."

Bella was trying so hard not to laugh that she had to pretend to cough to make it believable. To her relief, though, Edward was silently laughing as well. "Lanie," Bella turned in her seat a little after getting herself under control. "Your brother_ is_ a very smart man."

"I know," Lanie smiled shyly, as if being bashful over the smart-ass comment. "I think he's smarter than our dad was. Dad was mean to mom even though he said he loved her. Eddie's not mean to you."

When they finally got the apartment, Bella was really feeling the effects of the night before and the only thing that was keeping her awake was knowing she would get to be with Edward. Unlike the night of their sexual tryst, she actually took the time to really take the place in. As far as inner-city, low-income housing, this really wasn't that bad. There was some garbage in the hallways and a little yelling as you walked past closed doors but nothing too horrendous.

The apartment that they resided in was very clean. It was small and there was some clutter because of it but the place had a warm, homey feel to it. There were pictures on the walls of Edward and Alana along with Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and some of Jasper's family members. There were no pictures of people who she would have thought were his parents. He gave her an official 'tour' but they just stood in the living room and he pointed to the rooms around them. The only one not directly in her line of sight was his bedroom but that was one that she had already been inside.

As Edward had predicted, Lanie hung with them long enough to eat the pancakes Edward made and then retreated to her room with a book in her hand and a glass of water. When they had first arrived a the apartment, she and Bella played a game of checkers until Edward was finished disinfecting himself. "She reminds me of myself when I was younger," smiled Bella. "My mom used to beg me to go out and play instead of staying in my room all day with books."

Edward frowned as he led her over to the couch. "Do you think it's too much? Maybe she isn't getting outside enough... I try to take her to the park and things but there aren't many kids for her to play with, unless she's with Jasper's niece and nephew or one of her classmates and I'm a little too old for her to want me hanging around with her all the time. I don't trust people in this neighborhood enough to let her play with some of the kids that live here. There aren't many around her age and they don't belong to very nice families."

"Relax, Edward. You're doing fine. Hell, nowadays if you can get kids away from a TV at all you're doing something right. Reading is a good thing and she plays a lot at school. I was worried about her to the point that I called you but she seems to be a little happier now. I take it you two talked about everything, not just us?"

"Yeah. I explained about the state being able to take her away and that I couldn't do all of this without her, either. I need her as much as she needs me."

"Edward, how long has it been that you've been caring for her?"

He shifted in his seat and she noticed that he was definitely not comfortable with where the topic of Lanie was going. It was apparent that he was a lot more sexually open than he was emotionally and that scared as well as worried her. "It's on file at the school..."

"I read it. When did it really start, though? You can't tell me that you two lived totally normal lives with the typical brother/sister relationship before your parents passed away."

"A while. It's not important."

"Okay," she relented, putting up her hands, "hint taken. I didn't mean to upset you." Things became quiet and then she watched him rest his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. She watched his long fingers run through his messy hair as he took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry. Really. I _didn't_ bring that up to hurt you, I was just curious is all."

He shook his head as it stayed in his hands and muttered, "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know how to not screw this up. I think I've already screwed this up. I don't..."

"Look, I'm not happy about the other girls..."

"I know. Bella, I really didn't think you'd ever talk to me again. You were so set on not dating me and I understand because I suck at relationships and I have no clue how to be in a healthy one let alone how to act in one..."

"Honesty and communication. Edward, if you don't talk to me and we keep going in these stupid, agonizing circles, we are going to ruin each other and once that happens the bond between us will be ruined and it won't be fixable. It won't just be bent or twisted up in confusing knots. It will be broken completely. Just be truthful."

"Alright," he said after an awkward moment of silence, "I want you to know that what the guys say about me isn't false. I've never been in a steady relationship before."

"You've slept around a lot," she stated.

"Yes."

"What's the story with you and Tanya? Did you two ever date at all? Does she still think you two are _dating_ even now?"

"To be honest, I haven't seen her in a while. She runs with a different crowd...a rougher crowd. She texts me every now and then to see if I want to hook up but I've turned her down and avoided her since the night you ripped her a new one at Em's. She's at the clubs sometimes when I'm there but I try to avoid her...and I was usually with another girl..."

"Oh."

"She means nothing to me. She's not even a nice person."

"Why did she stick around so much, then? Are there like a hundred other girls out there that still text and interact with you?"

"No. Just her. Bells, I don't want to talk about this with you. I can tell it makes you upset. Still, she was an easy lay and I played into that. God, I have no idea why you want to be around me. I've never treated any of those girls nicely after the fact."

"You treated_ me_ nicely. That's what matters to me."

"Bella, look around. I really don't have much to offer you. Lanie and I are living paycheck to paycheck and this isn't the best place for you to be coming and going at night. When I do have a little extra money, I try to spend it on Lanie-like going to a movie or buying her clothes."

Bella realized what he was trying to say and frowned, "I'm a teacher. I don't make tons of money but I'm not asking you for anything as far as money goes. If we go out, I'll pay for my own drinks or whatever it is we're doing. I'm not expecting you to pay my way for things. I know you have enough responsibility as it is. I can handle myself. I'm still living with my mom and dad because money is kind of tight but we aren't talking moving in together. We're talking...just hanging out."

He looked a little relieved, if not embarrassed and her heart broke all over again for him. He just gave her a small smile. "I just think of everything you could be wanting right now and I'm afraid I can't give any of it to you..."

"Here's the thing. I'm not wanting you because of money. I mean what I said about taking care of myself. There is something I want from you, though. It's something that I'm just afraid you can't give me."

"What is it?" Bella could tell he was confused now and slightly afraid of her answer.

"Edward, I need commitment. I'm not talking marriage, I'm talking fidelity. Sex is obviously an outlet for you..you're like an addict...and I'm afraid that you're either going to get tired of me after the novelty of us wears off or you'll end up lying to Lanie and I both and take girls back to Jasper's...or that both of those things will happen. Can you really give that up for me?"

When he pulled her into his side and squeezed her arm, she knew the answer but it was nice to hear him say it anyway-especially with a dead serious tone. "I could do that for you."

"It's hard for me to trust people. I've always been like that. I'm also jealous and I fight for what's mine. I really need to believe that you won't hurt me. I need to believe that you are where you say you are and that you aren't screwing around behind my back. If we do this, I don't care if it's for a week, a month, or thirty years, I'm it for you. Cheating is the only thing I won't be able to forgive you for."

"I understand. I swear that there will be no other girls for me as long as you're my girlfriend. Of course, I expect the same from you when it comes to other men."

"Deal," Bella yawned.

"There's something else I want to throw out there before you fall asleep on me..."

"I will not fall asleep!" Bella laughed, even though she was cuddling into his side.

"I don't mind that you're here during the day. In fact, I think having a woman around will be nice for Lanie. The thing is, I don't think it's a good idea for you to stay over night when Lanie is here. I don't want to make her think it's okay that we aren't married but we're staying together in the same bed."

"I understand and think that's a good idea. I've slept in my own bed for years, I think I can manage."

"So are we like...official now?" Edward smiled.

"I think we are. My parents will want to meet you." Bella noticed Edward swallow hard while he nodded in agreement. "Just be yourself. They're going to love you and Alana both."

"I don't deserve to be with you. You'll always have the upper hand because that's the truth. I'm sorry I can't be a better person, Bella."

"I'll be honest with you, too. I'm still a little...bothered...by what happened last night. I shouldn't have kissed you and I probably shouldn't be giving in this easily but I'm tired of fighting. Whether we want to admit it, there is some crazy bond between us that's worse than Gorilla Glue and I'm completely stuck. So...when are we telling our friends?" Bella asked this last part dryly, wanting him to get that she still wasn't completely okay with his man-whore ways.

"Rosalie knows so that means Em knows. Alice will now because of Rosalie as well. Jazz will know because of Alice and then his whole family will hear the news. I'm pretty sure they either all already know or will know within the next couple hours."

"Good point," she yawned again.

Sitting there, leaning into his side and resting her head on his chest, she found it so easy to close her eyes and relax. He had turned the TV on to some game show. They joked around about it for a while, calling out answers and laughing at each other before a commercial came on. Once she blocked out the images of this morning from her head, Bella felt happy to just be there in the moment with him. Letting her exhaustion and happiness carry her away, she sighed contentedly and gave in to her heavy eyelids.

**Can their odd, stuck together relationship make it longer than a few days this time? Tune in next time to see if Edward can keep it in his pants and if Bella can get the skank-cooties out of her mind. On a good note, the flu is gone! On a bad note, I have no reason to slack at work and that means I have less time to write...or in this case edit... The next update will be (almost for sure) in a week. Leave me some love! Letzy xx**


	15. Precious Possessions

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 15**

**Precious Possessions**

Edward had sat on that couch for almost two hours as the TV droned on in the background. He couldn't tell you what was on, though. Isabella Swan was gripping his t-shirt in her hand and her head was resting against his chest. He watched her sleep, took the time to rub the exposed skin of her arm, and once in a while snuck kisses on her forehead. She was really there with him and from the way they were both talking, this was it. Edward Cullen was in a relationship. It was a steady, committed relationship. If it wasn't for who the girl was, he'd be fucking terrified. He wasn't though. For once in his life, he finally felt like this was where he was supposed to be. Right there, on the couch, with his Bella.

While he was worried that Lanie would come out of her room for a snack or to watch TV, or even to visit with her favorite teacher, he absolutely could not bring himself to wake up the sleeping girl who was now practically on his lap. They weren't doing anything inappropriate and Lanie had told him that she was okay with them being together. Hell, she'd encouraged it. It was not a surprise to him that Bella slept this long, he couldn't get over how haggard she looked earlier at Jasper's apartment. The second he'd opened the door, her tired eyes shook him to his core.

It didn't help that he'd been completely caught off guard and should have realized that this could have happened. Bella and Rosalie were becoming fast, good friends with Alice and it shouldn't surprise him that they'd show up at Jasper's apartment looking for her. Alice had practically been living there for a few weeks now and he suspected she would be moving in permanently soon. He was grateful that Alice had formed friendships with the two girls, he'd always been worried about her-ever since the morning after they first met.

If he was completely honest with himself, he'd thought Jasper had completely lost his fucking mind when it first happened. They were at the club one night, playing up their bachelorhood on a rare night that Lanie was at a friend's house. Jasper, back then, was just as much a lover of one-night stands as Edward was. It wasn't like they brought girls back to the apartment and shared or anything like that, but they definitely acted as each other's wing man.

On this particular night, there were two girls who claimed to be 'best friends' and had actually approached them. This was a good sign. When a girl would make herself known, it usually meant she would be willing to go home with you without you doing much work to convince her it was what she wanted. Edward took the blonde. All he could remember was that she was tall and loud-slightly overbearing. Jasper went for the shier, brunet. They were just on their way out the door when the little spit-fire who is Mary Alice Brandon came bouncing into their lives. Literally.

Jasper was leading his girl out the door when suddenly, Edward saw a tiny girl come bouncing down the stairs that led up to the second story, obviously having tripped. He yelled to Jazz to look out but it was too late and the next thing he knew, the strange, dark-haired girl ended up in his best friend's arms. The redhead didn't take very kindly to it, even though it was obvious that Alice never meant to go flying down the stairs and end up where she did.

Edward figured Jasper would let the odd girl go, tell his girl of the night not to worry about it, and keep walking. Instead, he held onto the unsteady stranger and told the redhead that it wasn't Alice's fault. Pissed, red walked out the door and her blonde friend pulled away from Edward to go after her. It was already after one thirty and the place was shutting down soon. They had just lost their opportunity for taking anyone home and yet Jasper was still grasping this girl who looked like she could be broken in two if you looked at her hard enough.

"Jazz, come on, man. What are you doing? The girls are leaving..."

His best friend completely ignored him, now staring down at the girl. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Then, as if Edward needed another reason to want to get rid of this girl, she just burst into tears. He was never good with criers and took a couple steps back like it was contagious. "Did someone hurt you?" Jasper demanded, pushing the hair out of her face.

"No...I'm sorry...I just moved here and...this is literally the nicest anyone has been to me in weeks."

"Are you here with friends?"

"No. I don't really know anyone. I thought if I came some place like this I'd meet some new people but the guys have all been...horrible..."

"Look, I'm not trying to be weird or anything but why don't you come back to my place tonight? My friend here and I were just leaving. You can crash on my couch..." he added on as an afterthought.

Edward rolled his eyes, there was no way this girl was going to go home with them. There was no reason for it. She had a place of her own, which he assumed was probably not that far from where they were. At first, it seemed as if the girl was going to say no but then she frowned and let out a loud sigh. "I don't want to put you out... I know there were other girls with you..."

"They weren't girlfriends...just...friends."

"Mine was going to be a little more than a friend," Edward muttered, knowing that he was pouting like a little kid.

Her face bunched up in thought, she gave them a signal that she'd be right back, and then skipped out the door. Edward could see why she fell down the other stairs; her movements were quick and hyper. She reminded him of a baby deer. Before Edward and Jasper could finish their discussion on what the hell Jasper was trying to pull, Alice joined them with the blonde in tow. Edward's jaw dropped and he raised his eyebrows. "He's an awesome guy!" Alice had reassured the girl who was not taking Edward's hand. Then looking to the guys she asked, "So, we ready to go?"

Jasper and Edward shared the same look of shock but they both nodded and she looped her arm with the blondes. "I'm Mary Alice Brandon, but everyone just calls me Alice. It's nice to meet you."

The next morning as the blonde stumbled out the door, Edward looked over at the tiny girl curled up on the old couch he and Jazz had found outside waiting to be picked up by a garbage truck. Jasper had been true to his word, letting the distraught Alice sleep on his couch. To Edward's dismay, Jasper was already out of bed and cooking eggs and bacon. Jasper never cooked. He lived off of delivery pizza and Chinese takeout. The eggs were only there because Edward had bought them.

When she finally woke up and joined them for breakfast, she chatted away and Edward learned of the struggle she had been going through with her parents. It struck a chord with him. He had known this girl for less than twelve hours and he already completely understood his friend's need to protect her, even though the night before he'd just wanted to get the hell home and fuck the strange blonde. Many nights after that, when he would see Alice and Jasper together, he wondered how many times he'd passed up his own Alice as he was trying to get into some other girl's pants. Before Bella, though, he hadn't cared enough to quit his lifestyle of one-night stands and depression. It took until Bella came into his life to realize what his friends had been trying to tell him all along. He really had been using Lanie as an excuse.

Of all the girls he'd slept with, the main characteristics included them being blonde and blatant. He didn't want a shy girl who wouldn't give him what he wanted. He wanted the wild girl who took what she craved. His type consisted of girls who were an easy lay and wanted nothing to do with him after the fact...or after the _act_ if he was being honest.

Looking down at Bella, he knew he'd found his Ally. Sure enough, she had been there, right in front of him, for months now and he'd missed it because of his stupid inner-battle with his own mind. She was a petite, dark-haired school teacher slash bookworm with a huge heart. She may have known what she was doing in bed that night but he doubted she was anyone remotely easy.

The best part about her, about this moment, was that she was entirely his. He prayed to God his bad boy ways would keep out of it and let him keep his promise of commitment to her, seeing her face when she came face to face with the girl he was with the night before made his chest feel like it was cracking open, his heart falling to the floor.

He never wanted to be the reason for that devastation again. He knew there was a lot about himself that he needed to change and he also realized over the past week that giving Lanie an example of a good relationship was what she needed. All she'd ever seen of a relationship was people fighting, she didn't need her brother refusing to hold a steady, healthy relationship on top of that. Jazz was right, she was getting older and would know something wasn't right.

Bella was pure. Bella, from what he knew of her, had lived a pretty safe, cushioned life. She had two wonderful parents, a beautiful, safe home, and her world was full of opportunity. For a while now, he could argue that he wasn't good for her, that he would stain her pure world with his harsh one, but that had long ago been given up. It was a losing battle.

From a little boy who never missed a day of school because his parents didn't want to deal with him and made sure to send him, to a teenage boy who realized school was his only escape-and probably his only shot at a hot meal each day, to the adult man who used women to cope with the abuse he'd been through throughout his life, he now had Bella. He never had new clothes, never a totally clean coat, or even a good hair cut that wasn't done by his mother when she managed to put away the liquor and pretend she loved him. Now, he was given the heart of someone beautiful and full of light. It was the most precious thing he'd ever been given and the best thing that was ever his.

Realizing that he really needed to go check on Lanie and that Bella's parents might be wondering where she was, it was now after lunchtime, he reluctantly decided to wake Bella up. She came awake with a start as he gently nudged her, her big doe eyes falling on him as she pushed herself up in surprise. She looked a little confused and kind of disoriented. "What..."

"You fell asleep...about two hours ago. You looked comfortable and I didn't want to wake you."

Bella cringed. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm such boring company."

"Not at all. You're rather...fun to watch while you sleep. I liked having you here."

"Liked, huh?" Bella laughed now, pulling herself completely to sit up and rest her elbows on her legs. "I suppose I should be going. I really didn't mean to come here and fall asleep for that long. You probably have things you need to do."

"Actually, I only woke you because I need to check on Alana and get her some lunch. Do you want to stay and join us? It's nothing fancy, just lunch meat sandwiches and maybe some macaroni and cheese. You're always welcome here. I like having you, no matter how long it's for."

"Hm...I should probably just head home. My parents went to visit with my aunt and uncle today and Luca is kennel trained so he's in there when we're not home. I need to let him out and take him for a walk."

"Oh. Alright. Well, did you get the invite for Emmett's 'Friendsgiving' tonight?"

Bella laughed loudly and nodded. "I think it was Rosalie's idea, actually. Do you...um...maybe want to go...together?"

Edward reached out to run his fingers over her hand that she was currently leaning on. "Yeah. That would be great. Lanie's coming, though."

"So? She knows about us now for the most part and I'm pretty sure I can fit twenty Lanie's in my backseat. It's no problem."

She stood and he followed her to the door where she put on her shoes and hoodie. Just as she was about to grab the handle, Bella hesitated and then turned to face him. He swallowed hard, his blood pumping, sure he was going to get a goodbye kiss. So, when she said, "I...um...need a ride home," he was completely caught off guard and stood with his mouth open like a total idiot.

"No, actually, I have an idea," she continued on. "We have tons of turkey left over from Thanksgiving. Why don't you two come with me, we'll grab some cold turkey sandwiches and then we can let Lanie play with Luca for a while. She always says about wanting a pet..."

"Bella, please don't encourage her about that..."

"I'm not. At least let her play with someone else's pet..." Bella pressed.

"I'd rather not eat all your food, either..."

"Fine," she smirked. "We stay here and eat and then go to my place and play with Luca."

Edward smiled and shook his head. As she stood there and bit down on her bottom lip, he began to suspect that maybe his innocent, little bookworm was a little more manipulative than he first thought. Returning hers with a smirk of his own, he gave in. It would be something Lanie enjoyed. "Alright. Let's go make sure Lanie wants to go. I'm telling you, I can't pull her out of those books with even the promise of Disney World."

In the eyes of Alana May Cullen, apparently Luca was more exciting than Disney World. Edward and Bella had gone back to her room, only to knock on her door and receive silence. "I'm opening the door, Lanie," he called in, wanting to give her fair warning before invading her personal space. Of course, slight fear went through him as he remembered the last time she ignored people calling to her through her bedroom door-she had taken off on her own for the local park and it had taken Bella to get her home. When he opened the door, she was entranced by the book in her hand and looked up in confusion, as if she hadn't heard the knocking or the warning.

"What?" she asked, slightly annoyed. Then, seeing Bella, she gave a small smile.

"Wanna help me make some mac and cheese? We can show Bella how it's done..." Edward teased.

"You're staying for lunch?" she asked excitedly, the question now directed at Bella.

"Yup. Then, if you're up for it, we can go over to my place and play with Luca. I bet he'd like to play with someone other than me for a change."

"Yeah! Can we go now?" Lanie asked, quickly shutting the book and pushing it aside.

"Nope," Edward put in firmly. "I need to get you and Bella both some food. I'm betting you guys are hungry. Then we can go see the dog. Make sure you put your glasses in the case. I don't want them broken..."

Bella's heart warmed from the way he included her in getting them both something eat. He sounded sweet and...concerned for her well-being. They wouldn't have a whole lot of time as she promised to bring a big salad to Emmett's and it was not yet made. They were going with a spaghetti dinner since everyone was sick of turkey by now. She wondered what everyone would say when they walked in together. Now that she was a little more rested, all she needed was some nicer clothes and makeup.

When they got to her house, she invited them in and found Lanie looking around with big, wide eyes. "Miss Swan, your house is huge!"

Bella gave a small, kind of shy smile, and nodded. "Thanks, Lanie. If you ask me, though, it's a little _too _big. My parents just wanted to live somewhere nice and my dad is police chief so he makes pretty good money. Come on, I'll take you down to see Luca. He's in the basement."

The 'basement' was actually two rooms. Half of it was a cement room with the furnace and wood piles along with tools, a workbench, and a lot of paint cans as her mom loved to paint. The other room was separated from it by a door and it was much more liveable. It was a room used a lot when she was younger and would have friends over, though it was rare as she wasn't exactly the most social person. Still, it had a big screen TV, a little bar area, pool table, and comfy couches. Edward had a faraway look on his face and it didn't sit well with her. "Can I get you guys something to drink? There's juice over there...or Edward, I can make you something stronger if you want..."

"Um, no, that's not a good idea. Lanie, do you want some juice?"

"No. Can I let Luca out?" she asked excitedly, going to stand beside his large kennel that took up most of the floor on that half of the room.

Bella let out a loud laugh and shook her head. The big beast was actually on his back and turned a little sideways so that his four paws were up in the air but resting against the kennel wall. His tongue was sticking out of the side of his mouth and he was watching them with wide eyes as his tail swished back and forth. "Luca, what are you doing?"

Unlatching the door, they watched as the dog took a second to flip himself around and then walk out slowly, stretching as he went and then bolting up the stairs to go out to the bathroom. Lanie chased him and Edward yelled for her to be careful and to let Bella get him. "He's not dangerous. Edward, I promise you, he's never bit a kid. He's been around them a lot."

His response surprised her. Lanie was already back upstairs and as they headed upstairs, he grabbed her hand to stop her from going up completely. "I don't drink whiskey in front of Lanie. Beer, occasionally-like probably tonight at Em's, yeah. Whiskey or anything from a bottle like it, no."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"It's okay."

"Does it bother her?"

His face softened and he shook his head. "It bothers me. Come on, before she unleashes Luca on the neighborhood."

They played fetch, tug of war, and just ran around for a little while until Bella started to become cold. "Hey, Lanie, I have some hot chocolate in the house if you want some! I have to start cutting up veggies to take to Emmett's tonight."

"You're going, too?" Lanie asked excitedly, throwing a big rubber tire for Luca to fetch.

"Yeah. Miss Rose will be there as well. I'll pick you up in the Jeep later at your place."

"Edward, you're still going, too. Right?" She made it sound like a you-will-if-you-know-what's-good-for-you request.

"Yes, Lanie, the three of us are going together."

Bella watched as the girl froze, despite Luca's attempts to get her to throw his toy again. She looked at her brother with a strange, questioning expression and then her face lit up. She jumped over to Bella and threw her arms around her. "Are you Edward's girlfriend now?" she asked in a rush.

It was Bella's turn to freeze, perhaps Edward might want to talk to his sister about all of this in private. Clearing his throat, he stepped over to where Lanie had her arms around Bella and took Bella's hand in his. "Would that be something that you're okay with?"

"Yes! Yes. Yes. Yes!"

The three of them laughed and Bella led them inside to work on the salad and hot chocolate. While she buzzed around the kitchen, opening cupboards and drawers, Edward grabbed the bags of vegetables she set out and began to peel and cut them. With Edward and Bella peeling and Lanie cutting them into little squares, the task was finished much more quickly than had Bella decided to do it all herself. She was happy and Lanie couldn't stop smiling. Even Luca seemed to be in good spirits as he rolled around happily on the floor of the living room. Edward was the only one who seemed a little off but she'd seen the excitement and happiness in his eyes when he told Lanie that he and Bella were together. He wanted this. That was what mattered. She promised to talk to him later about what seemed to be bothering him.

About an hour later, the Cullen's headed home and Bella went upstairs to change and get ready. She went with her usual conservative look, a lace, high collared, white shirt, a pair of gray dress pants, and her comfy, worn in, black flats. A long gold necklace with a golden, metal leaf finished it off. Her hair was uncontainable unless she showered again so she just smoothed out the bun. She looked a little sophisticated and perfect for a small gathering with friends. Picking up her book, she smiled and realized she had a half hour to read it before having to leave to get Edward and Lanie. Best. Day. Ever.

While Edward carried the massive salad and assortment of dressings, Bella and Lanie chatted happily about books and they all headed into Emmett's townhouse. Edward had just made a joke about something and the three of them entered the house a little louder than was necessary. They realized that it was strangely quiet in the small place and looked up towards the kitchen slash living room area where everyone was standing. Immediately feeling like something wasn't right, the three of them quieted down and looked to their friends questionably. Emmett was looking at them with one raised eyebrow in a questioning expression.

"Um, sorry we're a little late, guys," Edward spoke up, thinking that they might be upset that they were about fifteen past due. "Bells was on time to get us but Lanie forgot her glasses and wanted to bring some books to read..."

"Bells, huh?" Emmett asked.

They were making him nervous and for whatever reason, he actually pushed in front of the girls to stand in front of them. He soon realized Bella was peaking out from behind him at everyone and Lanie looked on edge. "Dude, relax!" Jazz called over to him. "Em's just messing with you."

"So, what's going on with you guys?" Alice asked excitedly. She glanced over at Lanie and Edward realized she was wondering how much Lanie was supposed to know.

"Go ahead, Lanie. I know you want to break the news," he laughed, stepping back again to put an arm around Bella-it wasn't easy because of the stuff he was carrying.

"Edward has a girlfriend! He's dating Miss Swan! She even said when we're not at school that I can call her Bella!"

"Man, that's great," Jasper smiled, coming over to pat him on the back and help Lanie out of her coat.

Alice came bouncing over to take the salad from him and he saw Rosalie standing behind her with a cunning smile on her face. While the girls followed Alice back to the kitchen, Jasper nudged his arm. "I'm glad you finally came around, man. Do you see how happy Alana is? Even you seem...lighter."

Both guys turned to look over at the girls who were gathered in the kitchen and laughing as Rosalie pulled Bella in for a hug and kissed her cheek. She said something to her best friend but Edward couldn't hear and Bella blushed. She was too fucking cute. "I'm good, Jazz," Edward said as cooly as he possibly could, even though he wanted to brag up his new relationship more than Lanie wanted to announce it to the world.

"Do you know what else I noticed when you guys walked in? You looked like a family."

Dinner was chaotic and loud, consisting of people yelling over each other to be heard and a lot of laughter. If Bella's face showed the epitome of devastation this morning, it was the epitome of happiness now. Her eyes sparkled as her face reflected the candles Rosalie had no doubt talked Emmett into placing on the table. As friends passed around food and old stories, he looked around at everyone and realized that he never felt as complete in his life. This was his support system. These people, the ones he'd been with his whole life and the new ones they were welcoming, were it. This group around the table was his family, blood ties be damned.

**Finally, a calm chapter! Don't worry, things will get...fun...in the next chapter. Leave me some love...I'm off to edit Chapter 16 :) Letzy xx**


	16. Sometime Around Midnight

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 16**

**Sometime Around Midnight**

The next few weeks after the dinner at Emmett's were amazing. For the first time in his life, Edward Cullen was happy. Bella seemed to bring fresh air into his life, clearing out the dark, stale shadows and giving him hopes for a future. While it felt exhilarating, he had to make sure he kept things balanced. For Lanie's sake, he didn't want to move too fast. She had to get used to having another girl around all the time and he needed to make sure Bella knew that Lanie would always be his main priority.

He supposed this checks and balances act was how single parents felt when they entered back into the dating game. There were times when he'd catch himself wanting to plan to take Bella out and do something but then realizing that Lanie deserved to have a chance to go to the movies, too. So, this Friday, instead of asking Bella to go, he was taking Lanie to see a movie at the theater. She was so excited when he asked her that she went to get his laptop right then to check movie times. He helped her out and they picked one together. His sister was reading like crazy, as Bella was catering to that particular whim by recommending books and talking to her about them. Lanie was even excited about school again.

It all sounded perfect as he went over how well things were going in his head. Of course, though, his skepticism reared its ugly head now and then. Was it possible that things were going _too _well? It had been three weeks since Em's dinner and while he'd been calling and texting Bella daily, they had only seen each other a couple times after school when he stopped by to pick up his sister and one night when they'd gone over to Jasper's to discuss wedding plans. It was official. Bella would be on his arm that night and he'd seen the dresses Ally had picked out for the older girls. He couldn't fucking wait to see Bella in it.

The week dragged on and on. He was looking forward to his 'date night' with Lanie and Mrs. Nichol had sent an invitation to Sarah's slumber party on Saturday home with Lanie. He supposed he should let Lanie pick out a small gift for her friend. As he made a mental note to do that Thursday night, trying to figure out an inexpensive but fun gift, his phone went off. Smiling to himself, he picked it up and looked at the text, expecting it to be from Bella. When he saw the name, he immediately frowned but when he saw the picture that popped up, his frown turned into a cringe.

**Can we meet up? I'm in town til Sunday xxx** This was the text that appeared under the picture of his former fuck buddy. In this particular picture, she had on a pair of black panties...and that was it. He couldn't remember taking it and from the angle it was taken, he assumed she took it herself.

**No. Tanya, this was never a good idea. Uve made it clear that u dont find my lifestyle one that u could ever agree with. The sad part is, u do agree with the part that isnt healthy 4 me. BTW classy pic. Glad sis didnt see it. **He read over it, and despite the texting grammar that drove Bella up a wall, he felt it was sufficient and to the point.

**Woah. Hostility. You always said you liked me in dark colors...or none at all...which one was it again? Then again, you didn't really care as long as you were satisfied at the end. ;) Come on, baby. One more night?**

This was not the direction he wanted to go with her. He felt guilty for even reading what she sent him back. If this was a face-to-face discussion, he would totally understand if Bella would be upset about the things being said. Shaking his head, he sent back a simple 'no' before deleting the texts and it was in the process of deleting the contact altogether, which included the picture, when he heard footsteps in the hall. Turning the phone off as soon as Lanie came in to get a before-bed snack, he set his phone on the table and felt like she was going to know he was having a discussion he shouldn't be. As soon as she was tucked into bed, he turned it back on and grabbed a snack for himself while it was powering back up. The thing was a dinosaur. It also had one message waiting for him. This time, to his relief, it was from Bella. **Have time to talk a little before bed?**

He called her immediately. "What's wrong? Can't sleep?" he chuckled as she answered with a yawn.

"Nope. Just cursing your no adult slumber party rule..."

"Miss me?

"Always."

"Well, I never said 'no adult slumber parties'. We just can't have them when Lanie's here."

"Rumor has it she won't be there Saturday night. I know. I helped Sarah pass out her invitations."

"Why, Miss Swan, what may I ask are you suggesting?" he asked playfully.

"Edward, we have yet to sleep together again. Is it something I did or is it really just Lanie?"

"Definitely just Lanie. Still, I kind of like that we aren't going at it all the time. It's nice being in a relationship where we aren't focused solely on sex."

"Sometimes, I think maybe we should pretend that's our sole focus once in a while..."

Edward was out on the fire escape now, watching the city lights. "Sounds good to me, baby. Why don't we get everyone together and go the bar Saturday? I can pick you up after I drop off Lanie and we can work on our...focusing problem...until everyone's ready to meet up."

"It's a date. Oh, and I'll warn you, the parental unit wants to have you and Lanie over for dinner some night soon. I'm holding them off for as long as I can but mom can be pretty persuasive. She's even threatening to bust out the lobster tails."

"Oh, how horrible! Threatening to feed us high-end seafood! The horror! Really, though, she doesn't have to do that. I don't think Lanie even likes seafood."

"I bet I can talk her into a taco night. I know Lanie likes those."

"I guess just let me know when and I'll work it out," Edward relented even though the idea of sitting across from Bella's parents kind of terrified him. He would never be good enough for their daughter; surely they knew that. He had felt that way since the day they'd gone to play with Luca. Bella must have asked him a hundred times why he seemed so 'upset' that day at her house. He just kept saying he was fine. It was a lie. Her huge house and wonderful family could be a painful reminder of what his life really was. It wasn't Bella's fault and therefore he wouldn't burden her with those feelings.

He felt guilty for lying to her but as he heard her yawn again and knew she'd be getting off the phone soon, even worse guilt tore through him at the thought of his discussion with Tanya. He had promised Bella commitment and that's what she was going to get. "Bells, I want to talk to you real quick before we get off the phone. Tanya sent me a text tonight..."

"What? When?"

"About an hour ago."

"Well," Bella said, sounding unsure of herself, "what did she want?"

"Do you want me to come out and say it?" he asked dryly.

"Oh...and no," she replied quickly. "What, uh, what did you say?"

"That her and I together were never a good idea and that I wasn't going to meet up with her."

"Oh."

"Bella, are you okay? I'm sorry..."

"No. I'm fine. It's fine. I'm just tired...and I miss you."

"I miss you, too. I'll see you tomorrow after school. I'm taking Lanie to a movie tomorrow so she'll be excited."

"She already told me. Oh, and I actually have a computer game we use in class that Sarah loves. There are extra disks of it and we only have one computer. I know Sarah is one of the few students that have computers at home. I'll send one for her and one for Lanie with you guys tomorrow. It would be a good gift for her party."

"That would be great. Thanks, Bells. Lanie already made her a card."

"Well, I'm off to bed. I'll never be able to get up in the morning as it is."

Edward laughed as she yawned again. "You know you can call me at anytime, right? You didn't have to wait this late. I'll talk to you tomorrow and I'm looking forward to Saturday."

"It's only ten," she laughed. "I have a meeting with a parent tomorrow so I won't be there after school. I'll let Lanie go over to Mrs. Foster's room if you aren't on time."

"I should be but thanks. Well, goodnight, Bells."

"Goodnight. I love..."

Whatever was about to come out of Bella's mouth was abruptly cut off and it was so silent on the other end that Edward thought she may have hung up. His eyes were opened wide in surprise and his blood beat through his veins at an abnormal pace. "Baby," he asked, slightly out of breath, "what were you going to say."

"Oh, it...um...I love...spending time with you...and can't wait until Saturday?" she asked it like a question.

"Is someone lying?" he teased, slightly unsure but wanting so badly to be positive of what she was going to say. When she didn't reply, he smiled and asked, "I wouldn't be upset if you said it, Bella. I have a pretty appropriate response to give you right back."

He could almost see her squirming on the other end. "Well, I really want to say it but I don't want the first time to be over the phone...so..."

"So, you can tell me what you want to say Saturday. I can't wait to hear it. I want to hear it. I also can't wait to give my response. Goodnight, baby. Sleep well."

Edward pulled up outside of Bella's house but quickly backed up and parked beside the sidewalk as he watched her walking over from Rosalie's. While he liked seeing her in the angel costume, a thought he could rarely go a couple of hours without thinking about, he loved her the way she was tonight. The jeans she wore weren't entirely too tight but tight enough that he couldn't help but noticed the way they hugged her hips. He didn't know what type of the shoes she wore were called but they weren't heels and they looked comfortable. He was pretty sure they were the same ones she wore to Emmett's a few weeks ago.

Bella pulled the light pink wrap that reminded him of a hand-knitted sweater he'd seen Alice wear closer to her. That was one thing about Alice, she loved clothes and she loved making them herself. She would often say that she wished she could make more clothes for Lanie but she had been slammed with classes, work, and her internship. Edward was amazed she had the time to plan her wedding.

The soft-looking wrap was pulled close and he reached over to turn up the heat in the car. The long-sleeved white shirt underneath it didn't look like enough to keep her warm in the early-December weather. He smiled as she smiled and when she reached down for the door handle, he saw her knitted mittens and that her hair was in near perfect, big curls. The second her jean-clad butt was in the passenger seat of his beat up, old car, he pulled her close and kissed her. Watermelon. It was just like he remembered.

Ten minutes later, he was following her up the stairs to his apartment and being told about Lanie's amazing voice. Bella was still in shock over how well his sister could sing and couldn't wait for their friends to hear her do a solo at the school's holiday concert the next weekend. When he closed the door behind them and bent down to untie his boots, the talk of Lanie died away. Bella was in his arms the second he was standing straight. He let her play, standing on her tiptoes to run her hands through his unruly hair and then down over his abs. When he felt her soft hands against his bare skin as she crept them up under his shirt, he had to fight to stay standing.

Scooping her up bridal style, he carried her to his bedroom and noticed how cold she felt. The material of her clothes even had a chill to them. Laying down with her so that they were facing each other, he pulled her into his arms and rubbed some warmth back into her while she watched his face with a smile. Giving a content sigh, she rested her head on his chest and put her hands under his shirt again. "I've been wanting this for way too long... I hate not getting to see you for days a time."

He just smiled at her and felt her wriggle up a little so she could whisper into his ear, "I have a secret. It's a pretty big one. Do you think you can keep it?"

This was it. He knew what she was going to say. He wanted to hear it so bad it hurt. "I don't know, baby. Depends on what it is..." he replied playfully.

"I'm...desperately...in love...with you," she whispered softly and slowly- but completely sure.

It took him a minute before he was able to not cry while he nuzzled her neck and then whispered back, "I don't know that I can keep that secret, Bells. I want everyone to know." People didn't say that to him. Bella was the first, besides Lanie, who had ever meant it as more than just a good friend.

"Maybe that's not the secret," she smirked shyly. With another whispered reply, she looked him in the eyes and said, "I've never said that to anyone. Ever. I've never felt this with anyone. Is it too soon?"

"No," he answered. "Bella, say it again."

"What?"

"That you love me."

"I love you." He was pretty sure his was smiling wider than he ever had before. She seemed to notice and smiled back. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

She was playing with him now but she had no idea how good it felt. Wrapping a hand around the back of her head, he pulled her in for a kiss before breaking it and rolling so that he was above her. "I love you, too, baby. I love you, too. I've never felt this for anyone, either. I wish I had more to give you. I'm sorry that you'll just have to settle for myself and Lanie."

"I'm not settling. I had to work for it," she laughed, making a point.

They spent the next hour getting to know each other. A game had been born, one that consisted of them whispering 'secrets' to each other. Everything from embarrassing stories to crazy things they had done with their friends to a few things each of them wanted out of life. They laughed with and at each other and the only thing that interrupted them was Edward's phone going off. They both chose to ignore it but then Bella's beginning to ring. With a sigh, she gave him a pout. "We didn't get to try that focusing...or not focusing...or whatever the hell the joke was about..."

He couldn't remember either but raised an eyebrow. "Should we answer it?"

"No. Sex. Now."

"Bells, let's go meet our friends. When we come back, I promise, it'll be even better. We'll both be worked up...even more so than what we are now..."

She gave a huff and rolled out from under him. "I thought you were supposed to be willing to bed any female who would look at you. What's wrong with me? Am I defected?" she asked dryly. While he knew she was joking around, he could see the sad look in her eyes.

"Look at me, Bella," Edward demanded, tilting her head up to make eye contact with her. "This isn't just about sex. All joking aside, I want to just be with you. Sexually, playfully, happily...whatever. Do you hear how I'm talking? I'm fucking sounding like a lovesick idiot. I've never been like this with anyone before. Also, I promise, when we come back here tonight, I'll live up to that reputation you so badly want me to have. Deal?" He watched her swallow hard before nodding quickly in agreement.

The clacking of the billiard balls rang in the air as Edward watched Bella land not just one or two balls into two separate pockets but a third one nearly went in as well. He was shocked. For someone who was more into books than bars, Bella Swan knew how to work a pool table. It was pretty great getting to watch her as well. In fact, much to his annoyance, a few guys at a nearby table seemed to be enjoying the view a little more than he was comfortable with. So, when Bella leaned over the table, showing just how well those jeans actually fit her, he moved to stand directly behind her and put his hand on the left side of her lower back. She missed the shot but turned around and kissed him.

"Who taught you how to play?"

"Why? Surprised that you aren't kicking my ass?" Bella laughed with a raised eyebrow.

"No...well...a little..."

"What can I say, Cullen?" Bella replied by biting her lip and looking up at him innocently before shrugging. "I'm really good with balls."

This time, he was the one trying to swallow and respond. Maybe his little bookworm really _was _more of a manipulator than he had originally thought. "Sounds like you have something to prove yourself when we get back tonight."

She rolled her eyes and stepped to the side. "Take your shot, Edward. You have some catching up to do."

With a laugh and a nod, he walked over to the other side before lining up his shot and making it. Taking a minute to plan his next move, he looked up to see that Bella was still where he left her, watching him intently. There was a strange look on her face, though, and he watched as her eyes widened. When he felt an arm wrap around his waist, he spun around in surprise. Honestly, he expected it to be Alice or Rosalie joking around with him but it wasn't. It was way worse. "I've been looking for you. Surprise!" Tanya said happily with a big smile on her face.

"Tanya, what are you doing here? I don't...I thought we were over this already."

"Over what? You never did answer my question, you know. So, which is it? The black panties or nothing at all? I know you've never been one to want to take the time with lingerie."

Bella was close now. She could hear what Tanya was saying. Stepping around Tanya, he stepped closer to Bella, not actually touching her because Bella looked upset. Really upset. "You read my text, Tanya," Edward reminded her through gritted teeth.

Tanya seemed more than a little shocked to see Bella standing beside him. "Tanya, you need to back the fuck off," Bella spit out-much to Edward's surprise. Tanya looked up up and down and laughed in her face.

"Who the hell do you think you are, little girl? You can't handle him. Do you know how rough he can be? Do you know what it feels like to have a man grip you so hard there are bruises on your ribs the next day?" Edward frowned, hating the silence that was coming from beside him. He was just as shocked as Bella seemed to be and opened his mouth to try to tame the situation when Tanya opened hers first. "No. I guess you haven't, sweet girl."

"Fuck you," Bella whispered, though Edward doubted Tanya even heard her. He pulled Bella into him and she thankfully let him.

"Tanya, you should..."

"This is between your new little friend and I, Edward." Then, turning to Bella, she sneered, "Look at him, sweetheart. See the darkness in his eyes? The way he exudes dominance? All you have to do is look at him and you know, as well as we all do, that he'll shatter you."

He could feel Bella tremble with tension as she watched Tanya turn on her heels and walk away with swinging hips and attitude. Edward felt sick. The minute Tanya walked out the front door, Bella pulled away from him, obviously hurt. "What is she talking about?" Bella frowned angrily.

"I told you she texted me. I would never hurt you..."

"What did the texts say, Edward? Tell me. All of it," she demanded.

Alice came over just then, "Did you guys see Tanya? She's here. I thought I'd give you both a heads up..."

"Too late, Alice," Bella interrupted, still glaring at Edward. "The texts, Edward. What was said?"

"What I told you last night! I told her it was over between us. She asked me to get together with her this weekend and I told her no. That's it!"

She seemed to relax a little at that but crossed her arms and shook her head like maybe she didn't believe him. He prayed she did. "I want to see them. I want to know what was said. At least I know you didn't answer her question," Bella said dryly, referencing the panties comment.

He pulled out his phone before remembering that they were deleted. Gone. He had nothing to show her. Grabbing the phone from him, she took charge like he'd never seen before from his shy, timid girl. His phone was kind of old, causing her to struggle to find the messages anyway, so he leaned in to get it back and tell her the texts were gone when she suddenly gasped. Somehow, by what could only be intervention of the devil, Bella figured out where his contacts were while trying to figure out where his texts were located. His girl had scrolled down to Tanya's name...and was now looking at a topless Tanya Denali.

As calmly as only a shattered woman could, Bella set the cell phone down on the pool table, the topless picture still displayed for Alice to see. "I need...I don't know..."

Alice pulled him to face her and was shaking her head. If he could focus, he had a feeling she was telling him off, he'd probably be hearing her call him a bastard and every other name in the book. Then, of course, as any other time that there was a ruffled Ally, Jazz was right there approaching them. Bella was almost to the front door and he craned his neck to watch her leave until Rosalie blocked his view as she followed her best friend out of the bar. His feet moved forward, away from Alice, and he headed out after them until the hulking figure that was Emmett stepped in front of him.

"Em, get out of my way!"

"No. What happened? Rosalie said she's never seen Bella look that angry. Dude, what the fuck did you do? Was it Tanya? Learn so fucking self control, man!"

"It was a mistake, Em. I have to go talk to her. Just move..." Edward tried to stay as calm as he could, he didn't want to piss off all his friends in one night. Jasper was coming up behind them and he watched Alice slip around Emmett and beat feet to the door.

"Edward," Jasper began calmly, handing the phone back to Edward, "give her time. Let the girls talk to her."

"It was a mistake!" Edward said again, shaking the phone in front of Jasper's face. "It was a fucking mistake and now..."

"You can't go out there like this. You're angry. I'm telling you to just give Rose a minute..."

"She said she loved me," Edward blurted. Angry with himself, his blood boiled. There was no way this was the end. It couldn't be. This could_ not_ end like this. "Bella told me she loved me. God dammit! She's _better _than this shit!"

"So," Rosalie sighed, looking at her friend who was currently standing in an alley and venting like a madwoman. "Do you want me to just take you home? I think I have some Moscato at the house but I'm pretty sure every chick flick in the universe has been watched by us already."

"No!"

"Don't get mad at me! I'm trying to be nice! You just told me how upset you are. I figured you wouldn't want to stay..."

Bella looked over at Alice, who looked nervous and kept glancing at the front door of the building. Bella wondered if Edward was going to come out looking for her. He hadn't yet. She didn't know what that meant. "Alice," she began, looking to her new friend, "would he do this?"

They both knew what the 'this' was referring to and Alice seemed to freeze before standing perfectly straight and looking her in the eyes. "He loves you. He's never loved a girl before. Tanya has always been bad news. You saw how upset he was in there, Bella."

"Was it because he's guilty, though?" Bella asked in a small voice.

"Obviously, I don't know what exactly happened but it sounds like it comes down to whether or not you trust him. The guys go out a good bit when Lanie's occupied and there are a lot of girls at the bars and clubs. If you don't trust him...or think that you simply can't...then I don't know what to tell you. I really hope you guys can get passed this, though, because you both seem so happy together."

"I am happy when I'm with him. I've known that the subject of other women was going to be difficult with him but...we just started telling each other 'I love you' and then this happens."

"Well, if you don't know already, Jazz had a pretty nasty track record before I came along. In fact, we met when he was heading home with one of those other women you said about. He honestly was no better than Edward. Now, I've never met someone who's as faithful as Jazz. Trust goes a long way."

"Em just sent me a text. Edward wants to know what's going on. Bella, let me just take you home. You two can talk later..."

"No. Rose, if I leave and walk away from this, there's a damn good possibility he's going to walk away as well...for good. Just...go in and tell them I'm waiting for Edward by his car."

"Do you want me to take you home after? Emmett's going to..."

"No," Bella said adamantly. "I'm going home with Edward tonight."

Rolling her eyes, Rosalie clicked back up the stairs in her heels but Alice just kind of stared at her. "I know he can do shitty things sometimes but he doesn't care about Tanya. He's not the type to listen to someone so if he wanted to be with Tanya-he would be."

Bella nodded before walking away by herself. Once beside his car, she looked up at the sky, wishing there weren't so many city lights so that she could see the stars. The moon was fairly bright though and the crisp air felt good in her lungs. They had yet to have a heavy snow but she knew it was just a matter of time. Perhaps tonight. Bella waited for Edward, praying he hadn't given up on her already. She wondered if he was going to be upset with her for taking off like she did. Bella needed to compose herself. There was too much going through her head, particularly images of a topless Tanya pinned under Edward.

Deciding that she had every right to feel the way she did, she started to become worried when people came and went but none of them were Edward. What had Tanya meant about the question in the text? She knew exactly what the question was, that much was obvious, but how had Edward handled it? Was she wrong to have demanded to see his phone?

Feelings of guilt and innocence went back and forth in her head as well as the possibilities of the things Edward and Tanya had done together. She could imagine them in bed, from what Edward had told her it would have had to take place at Jasper's, with Edward holding the camera above Tanya. Bella could see him smiling and teasing the nearly naked girl beneath him. Was that foreplay for them? How many other pictures were there? Were there other girls?

Shivering, she turned to head inside and figure out what the hell was going on when Edward walked out. He was looking guilty and unsure of himself, like a kid who was caught doing something he shouldn't. She didn't smile, keeping a passive face. If she had to stand there for the past ten minutes enduring thoughts that she wished she could bleach out of her mind, he could sweat things out a little. It took everything in her power to follow through but the second he was in reaching distance of her, she felt the hot tears hit, leaving a sting on her cold cheeks.

**Some of you already stated that there would be issues where the other girls from his past were concerned...you were right. I liked this chapter despite the ending and hope you did, too. Please leave me a review and I'll start editing Chapter 17 :) Letzy xx**


	17. Shake It Off

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X has preread and beta'd for me but life is kind of nuts for both of us. All mistakes are entirely my own. If you find any, I do apologize. xx**

**Chapter 17**

**Shake It Off**

Edward had no idea what to expect as he made his way out of the bar. He was just as confused about the situation as Rosalie seemed to be and his face hurt. He wondered if Bella would be able to see the hand print covering his left cheek. The three guys had been standing there awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say to each other when Rosalie had come stalking through the door. Emmett stood a little taller and Edward would later realize it probably _wasn't_ because he was just happy to see her. It was probably because she was also _pissed. _

Nearly knocking over a random girl, she pushed her way through to them. With no warning at all, she walked right up to him and slapped him across the face. A couple people turned around to watch what some probably thought was about to be a fight. Edward, who usually never hesitated to defend himself in a bar fight, would never have considered fighting with any woman, let alone Rosalie. Emmett stepped between them, pulling Rose to the side anyway and asking her what the hell she was doing. Edward was stunned. There wasn't anything he could do in response except look at her in confusion and rub his stinging cheek.

Rosalie pulled away from Emmett to come face to face with him again. "That was for her because she'll never do that on her own. Listen. She is my _best _friend and she is in _love _with you. I don't know your side of the story but I know the story that she told me. Isabella is _not _Tanya. She's not some girl who just wants to suck your dick and move on. She is _good_, Edward. She's not exactly young or innocent but she's still a little naive and, for whatever reason, she wants to go home with you tonight. I tried to take her home and she won't go. I swear to God, Edward, if you hurt her, I will _ruin _you."

"Rosalie, please, back off..." Emmett pleaded.

"No. Edward, look at me. You make her happy. You are amazing with your little sister. Please, just treat Bella the way you'd want Alana to be treated. Look me in the eyes and tell me you had nothing to hide, that hiding what you said isn't why you deleted those messages. Promise me."

"Rose," Edward finally managed to speak, "I promise you that all I told Tanya was that I wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I told her we were a bad idea and then I responded with a 'no' when she asked for one more night with me. I deleted them because I deleted all the messages I've sent to her and she's sent to me. The picture wasn't deleted because Lanie came in. I thought about the fact that I could have just deleted her as a contact from the beginning...and that should have erased all the messages with her. I messed up. You have to remember, though, that I'm trying to keep all of this shit away from my sister. I have a lot going on right now."

"I get that. Just don't hurt her like this again."

"I love her, Rosalie."

"Then show it. She's outside waiting for you. You need to protect her and not be what she needs protected _from_."

Now, after stalking across the parking lot feeling completely unsure of what her reaction was going to be, the last thing he expected was for her to fling herself at him and burst into tears. After the first thirty seconds of her clinging and crying, he decided to give up on finding words to apologize and just held onto her. The first thing he said was, "Baby, you're fucking shivering," as he shrugged off his coat to wrap it around her.

Her little fists held it up by each side of the collar and her teeth chattered in rhythm with her heavy breathing. Opening the passenger side door, he wished he had a more luxurious car to help her into but he was glad as she climbed in without protest. Wanting to crank the heat, he refrained, knowing that the car was in no way warm enough yet to pump out anything resembling warm air resulting in doing nothing more than circulating the cold air around the piece of shit, rusty vehicle.

Her mittens were back on, as Rosalie had stuffed them in her purse when they'd first arrived and must have given them to her when the girls had gone outside. He took them in his hands and tried to rub warmth into them. "I love you. I meant it every time I've said it today. I mean it now more than ever. Tanya Denali is not the girl I'm in love with. She wasn't even someone I totally considered a friend. I meant to delete her as a contact completely-including that damn picture, which she took without me knowing by the way.

"I deleted the messages but Lanie came in just as I realized I could just delete Tanya from my phone completely. I turned it off and forgot about it because once Lanie was tucked in, I had the text from you asking if we could talk. Tanya was the last thing on my mind, baby. I didn't expect her to show up here and I in no way had hoped it would happen." When she just stared at him, her wide doe eyes slightly dazed, he shook his head. "Bells, please talk to me."

"I love you, too," she breathed, hanging her head and letting a fresh round of tears fall. "I'm trying to trust you. I want this to work so bad. Tanya has always made me uncomfortable, though. She's just so...hard. I've never met someone who seemed so angry at everyone and everything around her. I'm not going to lie, Edward. I'm not used to that kind of person. I live in a world that involves children and a police officer for a father."

"Well, you stood your ground with her tonight as well as that night at Emmett's house when you spoke up in my defense. No one has ever gone to bat for me that way. It's part of the reason I fell in love with you in the first place."

He reached out and turned the heat on. Slightly warm air poured out and he saw her shoulders sag a little in relief. "You ready to go?" she asked in a tired voice.

"Yeah. Put on your seat belt."

He glanced over now and then and saw her mitten'd hands knotting anxiously in her lap as she looked at them. When he turned into her neighborhood, he was surprised when she looked over at him and broke the silence. "Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you home, love," he said gently, confused at how upset she seemed.

"It's so cold outside," she breathed.

Frowning, he looked over at her face before turning back to the road. "Soon you'll be warm and cozy in your bed. We're almost there."

"No. Edward, please. I want to go home with you. I'm so fucking cold," she shivered again.

"Are you sure this is really what you want?" he asked, feeling the hot air hit his face. It was becoming difficult to breathe. _Why the hell is she still shaking? _Edward hoped she wasn't getting sick. "After everything that was said and found out tonight, are you sure?"

"Yes."

Taking a deep breath, he fought an internal fight. She wasn't drunk and if anything, he would be the last person she'd end up going home with tonight if she didn't truly want to go with him. As the Swan residence loomed in the distance, he decided to keep driving and turned down the street that would lead to his own section of town. Thoughts swam in his head like a school of silver fish, each one reflecting off the other and making it nearly impossible to keep them separated. He wasn't used to relationships and the swarm of emotions he felt were crushing.

His body's sexual urges were there, like always, just bubbling at the surface. They begged to be given into. He hated himself for those more than anything else. After what he'd been through, it made him feel conflicted to want those feelings satisfied. It always did, even on a normal day. More importantly, though, his mind was telling him that there was so much more that needed to be said to the beauty beside him. They were words and truths that he couldn't seem to speak. Even more importantly, though, his heart was swelling even as he had felt it shred to pieces not so long ago when Bella had walked out of the bar. She was still here. Beauty still wanted her Beast. Whether or not he could step out of that role of a monster is what terrified his soul. Bella had somehow managed to effect his entire being.

Edward dug out his softest long-sleeved shirt and the least worn out sweatpants he owned so his girl would have something comfortable to sleep in. She watched him intently, her butt on the edge of the bed and the socked heels of her feet propped up against the bed frame. Walking over to set the clothes beside her, he was completely caught off guard-she had remained silent since she had pleaded to stay the night with him in front of her parents' house. "Did you really leave bruises on her?"

He stilled and stared at the pile of clothes before taking a seat beside Bella. He had to get her to trust him and Lanie had always said he was a terrible liar. "Yes."

She let out a ragged breath before nodding her head as if confirming something privately. "Oh."

"I never did anything without her consent. I've always liked rougher sex. She knew that from the beginning and never once complained. I think she even got off on it. I never did it to intentionally hurt her and if she had asked me at any point to stop, I would have. She went through...a lot...when she was younger. We both had some of the same experiences with...sex."

"When she was younger?" Bella whispered with a raise eyebrow.

Edward swallowed hard. He'd said enough. "I really don't want to sit here and discuss her past with you. Her past is hers. It was very difficult for her and I believe it's a huge contributor to the way she acts today. We weren't good for each other. We thrived off of the other's pain because it gave us a break from our own."

"I don't know how I feel about myself for saying this, but I really like being with you. I'm trying to keep my head about this. Even if you are rough..."

"Bells, no. I don't expect you to take that from me. I can control myself. I never let that side of me out with the other girls."

"They never meant anything to you," Bella reminded him sadly.

An overwhelming feeling of sadness hit him as well. This was every reason he didn't want to put her through a relationship with him. Now that she was here, though, he could turn his back on her. He couldn't walk away. "Hey. Look at me. I don't want to hurt you. Tanya was wrong. I would never break you. I care about you way too much for that. My past is my past just as much as Tanya's is hers. Someday I'll overcome it."

"What was done to you, Edward?" she asked gently, reaching out to run her fingers over his knuckles.

He shut down completely then. A blank mind was what he needed. He couldn't consider the reason he was like this with her there in front of his head, he pushed up off the bed and grabbed at his hair. "You're cold. You need to put on some warmer clothes..."

"Okay. I get it. I still want you tonight. However you want to take me, I still want it."

His breath caught as she stood and dropped the wrap she wore before pulling her shirt off and standing before him in just her lacy bra. Unable to stop himself, he asked her to turn around. Her skin felt warm on her back at least and he wished his hands were a little warmer as they slid under the clasp to unsnap the little bra. With her back to him as the little amount of material fell to the floor, he heard her breathe out unevenly, "It didn't hurt last time. Will it now?"

He realized what she was saying now. The reason she was so supposedly confused on how she felt about herself staying with him. Shaking his head to clear it, he tried to convince himself that couldn't be it. He must be mistaken. Surely, if she truly felt that he would hurt her, she would run. He wanted her to be strong enough to do that.

"No," he managed to choke out. He wanted her to turn and face him so he could look her in the eyes but she was nervously twining her fingers together and he didn't want to cause her more fear. "I don't want to hurt you. That's not...what _any_ of this is about with us."

She answered his silent wish by turning around slowly and making eye contact with him. "I want it to be. I want to be what you need. You've promise me commitment and that means I need to let this happen. No more Tanya. I don't care what you went through before or what you need now. Take it from me. Please."

He could remember all those years ago, that awkward conversation not even remotely as soft-spoken as this one, when he and Tanya had discussed similar matters. It was her, though, that had asked him to hold her down and make it painful. He didn't realize until after that first time with her that he was able to relax during sex and do what he needed to get himself to let go. Holding someone else down, someone vulnerable, and taking what he wanted seemed to make him feel that he was avenging himself. Of course, Tanya was the only one he had ever been that way with and he had always intended to keep it that way. He hadn't thought of the fact that Bella could be what he needed to have that outlet for the rest of his life.

There it was again, that swarm of emotions throwing their reflections again. While thinking of the type of sexual relationship he wanted with his Bella, the thought of what he wanted for the rest of his life flashed as well. It shook him to the core. Could Bella be what he wanted for the rest of his life? _She loves me. I love her. I've never loved anyone else like this. _Of course Bella was what he wanted for as long as he was alive. The thought settled him.

"Edward, please," she whispered, pleading with him for the second time that night only for a very different reasons. Topless now, her breasts eye level and still taut from the chill outside, she lifted a perfectly-jean'd leg and then another so that she could straddle his own legs. The apex of her thighs rested against his now inflamed erection and he held his breath, trying to figure out which end of this conversation was up. Her next words were his undoing. "I want it rough. I want you to show me who you are. Baby, please."

He lost it. Cupping her ass, he laid back but kept her firmly planted to him. He got caught up in his mouth reaching up to be on hers but just as things became no longer passionate and more carnal, he hoisted himself up and made sure to keep her legs wrapped around his thighs. Before either of them seemed to register what was happening, they were back on the bed but he was now over top of her. Unbuttoning her jeans, he pulled them down her legs and tossed them away-they would soon be where his shirt landed but his pants remained on. Only the zipper was wrenched down and his erection freed at last, only to be contained within latex seconds later.

Her hands were rubbing up and down her own body, letting him know just how aroused she truly was. Remembering her plea to know what it was like to be loved roughly, he grabbed her wrists in each of his hands and pinned them to her sides after taking her legs and spreading them as far as he could get them. There was no way for her to move but he had seen how wet her panties were inside her jeans as they were tossed to the floor and didn't need to take the time to make sure she was anymore ready. He could tell by the way she was practically purring and glistening pink.

With her knees bent so that her legs were sprawled out widely and her hands under his, she wasn't even able to try to wriggle away from him as he took his first deep thrust into her. She cried out and he could tell from the tone that it was in satisfaction not pain. It was encouragement to continue and he pounded hard. It was a thrill, knowing that he could unleash himself like this and still be with his beautiful, sweet girl. Sweat now trickled along her collarbone and her hair was spread out on the bed below her. She looked so fucking beautiful.

He prayed she would come soon while at the same time wanting to stay with her like this forever. Moving differently until he felt her begin to clench him with her inner walls, the second she found release, he gave one more hard thrust and let his own orgasm carry through. Only when he was done pulsing inside her, completely spent, did he let her go and slide out. "Are you okay, baby?" he asked gently, immediately panicking that maybe that had been too much for her. It would be fitting that sex would ruin him once again. It was crippling to realize just that-if she walked away from him, it would ruin him completely.

She let out a lazy smile and looked up at him happily. Even though she was now rubbing her wrists, she was still spread out on his bed as if her legs were paralyzed. "I loved feeling you that way. Promise to never hold back with me again."

Sagging in relief, Edward groaned out that he promised before giving her a devilish smirk. "Remember how I told you I would prove that I was skilled?"

"Yeah," she grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"It's time to show off a little." Kissing the inner thigh of her right leg, he licked and sucked until he came to her soft mound. It wasn't lost on him that she was completely holding her breath and looking at him in wonderment with those bold, beautiful eyes that seemed to always cut right through him. "Just relax baby and...try to breathe."

He couldn't help but chuckle a little as her chest rose and fell way faster than was normal. As his tongue licked along her clit and he received his first taste of her, she cried out so loudly he was thankful that his neighbors were really good at being caught up in their own domestic issues to think to call the police and report something was happening in his apartment. Bella was definitely vocal and the sound shot straight to his lower belly. It took what couldn't have even been a minute before his mouth was flooded with her sweet taste. "I can't...you need to stop...holy...fuck..."

As he pulled away from her and wiped off his lips, he could still feel her shuddering in ecstasy on the bed. "Did I prove my point, Bells?"

All she could do was lay back and pant. While she regained her breath, he cleaned himself up and grabbed the clothes he'd originally set out for her. "As much as I love naked Bella, I don't want to see sick Bella. It really is cold outside. Here, let me help you put these on."

She shook her head, refusing the sweats. "I don't need them. I don't...want them. Just, please, get under the covers with me."

There was no way to argue that. "I have no idea why you love me, Bella, but I feel blessed that you do. I'm sorry if I hurt you. It was never my intention. I'm trying to leave my past behind."

"I can't believe Christmas is next week already!" Bella proclaimed while popping a Christmas cookie into her mouth. It was the day after the Tanya debacle and Bella and Edward were on the couch at the apartment. Renee had sent cookies over with Bella for Lanie and Edward but most of them were already eaten. Lanie was currently in her room listening to a boy band and probably reading.

"I know. It'll be nice to see you a little more once this Christmas pagent extravaganzapalooza is over."

"You can come spend all the time you want with me at the school while we work on the set," Bella half-hinted, half-teased. "By the way, I totally should have named it that!"

"Did you not look at the sign-up sheet for parent volunteers? I believe I'm the third man on the list. I'm meeting up with two of the dad's on Tuesday to get the materials and start putting the risers together."

"Really? I didn't realize. I mean, I know I mentioned about you signing up before but I didn't realize that you had..."

Edward just shrugged. "I asked Lanie to put my name on the list. I knew you were busy planning. You should really check out the paper. Apparently, the day after the note went home to the parents, there were already a ton of mom's that signed up and a few dads. I wasn't thinking, though. I probably should have just had you sign me up. It bothered Lanie a little to see all the parent volunteers."

"Well, I bet it means the world to her that you volunteered and I bet there are no other older brothers. She's lucky to have such a good relationship with you."

"Well, I'm just glad I have such a good relationship with Jasper's family. I have to come up with something nice to get them for Christmas. Mrs. Whitlock always keeps Lanie over the week of Christmas when the school is on break. She's the administrative secretary over at the other public school out in the burbs. She has off, too."

"I'm off. Why don't you let me keep her?"

"I wouldn't want to put you out. I mean, I know she's easy to watch but I can't ask you to spend your whole break babysitting one of your students that you should be taking a break _from_."

"Lanie isn't just one of my students. I happen to have a very special relationship with her older brother," Bella smiled playfully.

"I don't know. I can't ask you to watch her all week but a few days wouldn't hurt."

"Just let me know when. I'll plan some fun things for us to go do. Has she ever had a manicure?"

Edward just laughed. "Oh, yeah. All the time. Every weekend when we get away to the spa..."

"Well, I think it's time she gets to experience it with someone who doesn't have super hairy knuckles."

"I'll give you money..."

"No. You won't. Rosalie's friend just opened a salon about two and half weeks ago just outside of the city. She's pretty cheap and I know she'll give me a deal if Rose is with us. I can always talk Rosalie out of a day of work for a manicure. I'll ask her about it tonight."

"If your okay with it, then thank you. She'll love that."

"I also wanted to ask you, would it be okay if I came over next Saturday during the day for a little bit?"

"Absolutely. You're always welcome here. Why?"

Bella just twirled her hair around her finger. "I'd like to come do Lanie's hair for the Christmas show. Some of the girls at school were talking about their mom's doing their hair up in these intricate buns and things and I know it bothered Lanie. I just think it would be nice for her to have a girl around to help her get ready."

Edward just stared at her, a huge smile on his face, before he finally nodded his head. "Yeah. Bells...you're... I don't even know how to describe it. I just wish I could give you as much as you give to us."

"If you can promise me that there will be no more discussion between you and Tanya over panty color, we'll call it even. That would be the best promise I could ever receive," she replied dryly.

"Easy promise to make. I'll make this up to you."

"I'm doing it because I want to, Edward. Still, just helping with this show means a lot to me. Why don't we pull Lanie from her room and get a game of rummy going?"

**What. A. Week! I hope you all have a good one and enjoy Valentine's Day! I know I will- second graders get very excited about it and we're planning an ice cream party! If make it through this sugar-filled week with my class, I'll be updating again next weekend. Let me know what you thought of this crazy chapter! Letzy xx**


	18. Claimed for Christmas

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 18**

**Claimed for Christmas**

**~~This is a long chapter. You might want to grab a bottle of water and a snack for halfway through. See you at the bottom ;) **

Enraptured was the only way to describe how Bella felt towards the children's concert. It was low budget for sure. The costumes had been designed by Alice and sewn together by Rosalie, Alice, Renee, and even Mrs. Whitlock along with a few parent volunteers. Edward, a few students' dads, Charlie, and a few of his police officer friends had helped to build the set and put together the wooden risers for the kids to stand on.

The songs were nothing out of the norm, all being ones that Bella could either teach the kids or they were songs they already knew. She figured that way she wouldn't have to put money into paying for music. A few parents refused to allow their children to participate but Bella pushed through the problems and kept things moving as best as she could. The students were more than excited to get up there and perform, they even made their own signs to hang around and promote it. Edward and Lanie had spent a whole evening with her a week before the show going around and posting them throughout the city.

Now, watching Lanie up on stage with her hair in curls and in the dress Alice had bought for her, Bella felt so proud of her. Alana's voice was awesome and the little girl was able to hit notes that Bella had never heard someone so young hit. She knew Lanie was nervous and worked with her almost every night at Edward's. They'd gotten into a habit of Bella just driving her home and spending the evening there with her and Edward. It was wonderful getting to spend time with them and she had made sure to let the principal know that Edward and her were seeing each other in case rumors started going around of her taking a student home.

The show was for all grades but sixth grade was the oldest to perform and therefore Bella kind of ran the show. Stepping into the spotlight on stage, Bella had welcomed everyone and allowed the preschool teacher to take over and walk her little ones up onto the stage. It gave Bella a chance to take a break and she plopped down in her front row seat beside Edward. "How is she?" he asked nervously.

"Nervous. Just like you. She's going to do fine. Really."

By the time it was sixth grade taking the stage, Bella motioned for Caleb, a boy from one of the other sixth grade classes, to come up and read the little introduction before they began the song and dance routine. It went well but hearing Lanie sing pierced her soul. Just knowing that she knew Lanie personally made her feel privileged. She was so grateful to be part of both Edward and Lanie's lives. They were both great. It was heart breaking to consider what they had gone through growing up.

Edward, who Bella turned to see smiling widely and proud as a peacock, was still a mystery to her. She knew he loved her, there was no doubt in her heart over that fact. There was, however, still somethings that she so badly wanted to know. Abuse was obviously a big part of his life growing up and from his sexual characteristics, she could only assume that sexual abuse had something to do with it. Having no idea just how much to do with it made her sick.

The song was over before Bella knew it and it rolled into the next...and the next. Finally, parents and other community members were on their feet and clapping like crazy. These students may not have the most money but Bella had underestimated their family lives. Of course, there were a few who didn't seem to care much about their child but the majority of them wanted to do what they could to better their child's life. Like Edward, they didn't want their kids to live the kinds of lives they had grown up with. Bella was grateful to them for realizing the potential that their children had.

After everyone met in the cafeteria for cookies and juice, Bella felt herself relax and breathe a little easier knowing the big show was over. Lanie ran over as Edward led her into the large room and hugged her as her parents told her how great it went. After both her parents hugged the little girl, Lanie skipped happily over to Sarah and Edward smiled at Bella before following his sister. Rosalie and Alice were helping to put cookies out and Jasper and Emmett were stirring up the punch. Everything was in order.

Biting into a brownie, she waved goodbye to her mom and dad and went to seek out Edward. Lanie was still playing with Sarah while Edward seemed to be preoccupied with a middle-aged woman. It wasn't an outfit Bella would have chosen for an elementary school performance. The dress was tight and revealing...there was a lot of cleavage going on. To Edward's credit, he seemed more bothered by the lady than anything else. Rolling her eyes, she decided to plaster on a smile and head over.

"Awesome job tonight, Sarah!" Bella called to the girls as she walked past.

"Thanks, Miss Swan!"

"Miss Swan, I'm Sarah's mother. That was quite a show you guys put on," the middle-aged woman smiled. "I hear you've stolen the heart of Edward here. I was just telling him how my husband is out of town again."

Edward pulled Bella towards him, taking her by the hand. "Bella, Sarah and Lanie have been friends for a while. When Mr. Nichol is out of town, she likes to invite Lanie over for sleepovers."

"Oh, that's nice. I bet Sarah loves the slumber parties." There was a tone in Edward's voice that told Bella there was more to the story but she just played it nice.

"Mom, can I ask? Please?" Sarah begged from a few feet away.

"Go ahead. It's fine with me," the woman said to her daughter before turning to Edward. "She wants Lanie to stay over tonight if that's okay with you. She's been begging me since last weekend. The girls get along so well..."

"I don't know. Christmas Eve is tomorrow..." Edward replied with a frown.

"We can have her home before lunch time. I'll drop her off if you'd like..."

"No. It's fine. She can stay if she wants," he sighed. "I'll pick her up, though, if that's okay? Eleven o'clock?"

"Sounds great. I'll just take them home with me from here. Sarah and her share clothes anyway so it's not an issue. We'll find her something to wear."

"Okay. Her glasses are in my car and the book she's been reading. I'll go grab them. Oh, and can you please maybe try to keep her dress from getting too wrinkled? It's a bridesmaid's dress for my friends wedding."

"Absolutely."

Edward turned to see Lanie come up and hug him. "Can I stay with Sarah? Please? I know I stayed last weekend but I want to stay again!"

"That's fine. I'll go get your stuff from the car. Tell Bella thank you again for doing your hair. You were amazing up there, Lanie Mae."

As they both went in different directions, Edward to get her things and Lanie to go play with her friend, Mrs. Nichol turned to Bella. "You're a lucky one. That boy is quite a man."

Bella swallowed hard, wondering if there was a chance that they'd slept together. "I know I flirt with him...but it's harmless. My husband is just away a lot and you're honey is quite easy on the eyes. I'm glad he found someone so kind, though. He seems very happy with you."

"Um, thanks," Bella replied awkwardly.

"We're going out. What are you and your boy up to tonight?" Rose asked, striding over.

Bella frowned, she didn't like talking about going to bars or clubs in front of her students' parents. Excusing herself from the strange woman who obviously had a crush on Edward, she pulled Rosalie aside. "Well, actually, Lanie is staying with Sarah again tonight but I don't know what Edward's going to want to do."

"Booty call?" Alice asked playfully, peering over Rosalie's shoulders as she stood on her tip toes to see over the tall blonde.

"No. Besides," Bella lowered her voice, "we already did that today...twice."

Rosalie just shook her head. "Well the place is clearing out. Do you think it's safe to leave? The cookies have been handed out. We saved Edward and Lanie a good box. I think one of the other teachers is going to lock everything up. If you two can pull away from each other for ten seconds, meet us at the bar. We'll let you know where we end up."

Bella only caught a part of that as Edward strode through the door and took away some of her attention. "Wait. What?"

"Focus, Bella! We'll call you when we know where we're going," Rosalie smirked.

"Okay. Well, I do want to run to my house and change anyway. Just call one of us. We'll be together."

"Miss Swan, I'll see you tomorrow!" Lanie yelled as she ran over to give Bella a quick hug goodbye. Bella held tightly though, telling her she couldn't wait to see her again.

While Edward helped the other parents and teachers clean up, Bella was congratulated by the principal and he begged her to consider staying at the school even after her contract was up. Promising to consider it, Bella thanked him for the help he gave with the show and told him goodnight. Edward was waiting for her with a smile by the door. She had something before tomorrow that she wanted to run past him but she had no idea how he was going to react to it.

"Can we actually go back to my place for a little bit?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Aren't your parents home?"

"They are. Just trust me, okay?"

When they pulled into her driveway, he was following the Jeep in his own car, the snow was coming down hard. It would be a beautiful Christmas, not a sloppy, muddy one. Of course, her mother had gone all out at Christmas time and the bright lights hanging off the house shone brightly over the snow. Luca, from a breed built for snow, was rolling around in the front yard in his all his glory. Bella loved watching him run through the yard and plow through the snow like he owned the place.

She jumped out of the Jeep and looked back to see Edward with his door open, standing against it and looking up at the brilliantly lit home. She couldn't read the expression on his face but it brought that fear to her heart all over again. There was no way to know what the future would hold from them and talking about finances would always be a little difficult-they came from two different views on the topic due to how they were raised.

Stomping through the snow to get to him, she watched as he finally closed his door and she tackled him against the car. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he smiled down at her before glancing nervously at the house. "Is...um...your dad home?"

"Yes. He should be. They're getting ready to go to a benefit in the city. "

"Oh. Goodie."

"Relax. What? Worried he's going to somehow sense that the boy his only daughter brought home fucked her up against a wall in his bedroom earlier today?"

"Not okay. Why don't I just wait out here..."

Bella laughed and kissed his nose. "Let's go, Cullen. It'll be fine. Dad's not as scary as he pretends to be. I've done some PR for you. I have them pretty convinced you're a good guy."

Stomping off their boots, they pushed into the laundry room to remove them and then proceeded into the living room to say hello to Renee and Charlie. Bella noted that her mom jumped up right away with a big smile. "Edward! It's nice to see you again! We've been trying to get Bella to invite you over for dinner instead of her eating there all the time..."

"I'm sure she just knows that I have Lanie with me..."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous! We'd love to have her over. I hear she likes the big beast that probably looks like the abominable snowman out there. By the way, Bells, your dog has been out there for hours. He won't come in..."

"Renee, he's a Husky. Snow is what they do. That's why he grows all that damn hair that ends up on our floor...and every other surface of the house. Let him have his fun," Charlie argued, messing with his tie.

"I'll see if I can get him to come in before I leave," Bella put in.

"Where are you staying tonight, Bells?" Charlie asked, crossing his arms.

"Rosalie's," Bella easily lied. She was pretty sure Edward's face was pretty priceless as Charlie muttered a 'yeah right' before looking directly_ at _Edward. "Well, we'll be upstairs. Dad, would you like to escort us?"

Charlie just shook his head and gave her a small grin. It had always been like this with her over- protective father. Boys in her room had always been an absolute no-no in his book. Tonight, though, both of her parents knew why Edward was about to go into the sacred room of their little girl. Skipping up the stairs, Bella stopped in front of her bedroom door and took a deep breath before turning to him.

"I have something I want to do. Regardless of what you say, you're still...well, you'll see. It's what I want to do for Lanie that I wanted to run past you first. With tomorrow being Christmas Eve, and you coming here for dinner with my family, I wanted you to have a heads up because we need to do this tomorrow if it's going to mean anything..."

"Bella..."

Pushing the door open to her bedroom, she walked over to her closet and pulled that door open as well. Edward seemed to take a minute to grasp what she was trying to show him but when it finally clicked, he gasped her name. Quickly, Bella held up both hands to get him to hold on. "They're not all for Lanie. These few are for my parents. Those are for our friends. Yours aren't here because I knew I'd have you come in here and I didn't want you to see them but those," she pointed out five larger packages wrapped in purple paper, "are all for Alana."

"Bella, this is too..."

"The first one," Bella said, ignoring him, "is a smaller version of the boots Rosalie and I both have. I saw her looking at them the other day. It also has a new winter coat, mittens-they're like mine as well, a scarf that my mom knitted, and a hat.

"The second and third have jeans and hoodies from the store she likes at the mall. Alice told me all about it."

"The fourth one is actually a box of books. Yes, the whole thing. There are probably forty different books in there but with teaching and being an avid reader when I was Lanie's age, I've collected juvenile fiction books over the years and these were boxed away anyway up in the attic."

"Bella, hold on. This is really too much. You shouldn't have done all this..."

"Edward, breathe. I didn't spend a lot..."

"Don't lie to me. I know how much these things cost," Edward snapped before stepping back.

"Don't do this. Don't get mad at me. Look, my mom has extra decorations that she doesn't use anymore. We could decorate the apartment a little more and..."

"The extra decorations I get. I know how much those jeans and clothes are. Those boots..."

"Were on sale. I got them all for half off and I had coupons. The books were mine when I was younger and bought through the reading program so I probably spent a whole twenty bucks out of pocket for all of the newer ones put together."

"You didn't have to do this."

"I wanted to. They aren't just all from me. My mom pitched in for the clothes, Rosalie paid for part of the boots, and my dad even encouraged me to get her the hoodies. My parents know how important you and Lanie are to me and they wanted to get you guys something that you could use."

"I get the presents for Lanie. Barely. Still, you shouldn't have gotten me anything. Bella, you know I can't afford to..."

"I want nothing. I've told you this whole time that all I wanted for Christmas was for you to spend tomorrow night with my family and to get to see you Christmas Day for at least a little while. That's it. What I got for you anyway...well, you'll see why it's not a huge deal. Do you know how much I pay for my Jeep? It's a lot. I could have been spending my money a lot more wisely. Now, though, I have a little more than normal because I'm not paying my school loans back right now..."

"Why aren't you paying them?" he asked, honestly curious.

"Well, that's how I got involved with Lanie's school. I thought you knew this."

"What does the school have to do with your loans? You have the job...shouldn't you be able to pay them?"

"I left my old school to come teach at this one because of a program where some of my loans are forgiven..."

"Why?"

Bella was a little surprised by why he was so confused. "It's a school that needed some help..."

"A low-income, inner city school," Edward corrected her pointedly.

"Woah. Hey. Why are you so mad at me? You never get like this."

"I just...I don't know what I thought. I don't know what I'm thinking, Bella. Is it possible to...be this different from each other?"

"If you're talking about the school and the whole loan forgiveness thing, I'm not as rich as you seem to think I am. I'm on my own to pay them back. Edward, they're five hundred dollars a month on their own. I don't make that much teaching...that's like half my pay...I've only been at if for a small amount of time... Rose and I have discussed getting an apartment but I can't really afford it right now."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you but do you see where I'm coming from? I don't want your pity. My sister deserves someone who isn't just there so they can pay off their school loans quicker."

Bella felt like she'd been slapped. He said he didn't mean to offend her but that was exactly what had just happened. They had been sitting on the side of her bed but she jumped up now and walked over to close the door. "That's not fair! I love those kids!" she exclaimed, knowing she was ten seconds away from letting tears fall.

He seemed stricken now by how upset she was. "I know you do. I know. I...this is just... a lot at once. There is a lot of presents and... I'm not used to this, okay?"

"Well, the thing is, if we ever want this to go further than where we are now, you have to learn to get used to it. You working construction, I'll admit, makes it difficult to raise a kid on but you do make fairly decent money for someone your age who has a dependent. I'm a teacher. I make fair pay as well. Edward, we could make something for ourselves. Later on down the road, we could have a decent life together."

"That's not fair to you," he whispered, shaking his head. "I don't want to live off of your paychecks. I do make decent money but..."

"Edward, you have to trust me. You have to let me in. I've given you my body, completely surrendered it, because I trust you. We can't just rely on the sex forever. There is more to life than that. I want other things and I know deep down you want them to. They're not out of your grasp."

"This is just a lot to take in. I was told my entire life I would never make something of myself. Ever. I was told I'd never graduate high school, that I wouldn't make it to college, and that I should just start dealing blow like my old man. That's what I grew up hearing. I was programmed with that attitude from the time I was old enough to spell 'college'."

"That's awful," Bella whispered back.

He swallowed hard and looked away from her. "Okay. You can give the gifts to Lanie. We'll discuss mine when the time comes."

"Thank you. I want to do this for her."

"What about the fifth one? You never told me? Is it a trip to Disney World or something crazy?" he asked dryly.

"Nope. It's used. It was something near and dear to my heart until about a month ago. It won't cost you anything except the electricity to charge it..." she let her voice trail off as she jumped up and went back into the closet. The box was one that was wrapped but you could take the lid off as it was separate from the bottom. Pulling the box out, she bit her lip and went back to where he was still sitting on her bed.

Crawling up beside her, she opened it and slid it out. "This, Edward, is an e-reader. Mom and dad pitched in and bought me a new one for a Christmas present that they let me have early so that I could give this one to Lanie. It's now loaded with books Lanie likes to read and I can help you download free ones onto them for her when she gets through all of these."

Hitting the power button, she handed it over to Edward. He held it in one hand and ran a hand through his hair with the other. Then, he became very still and looked up at her as if frozen. Looking back at the screen shortly after, he shook his head. "When did you take this picture?"

"I had Rosalie take it with my phone at Emmett's Thanksgiving dinner. I thought it would make a good wallpaper background." Bella had loved the picture of the three of them together. After dinner, they had all piled into the living room to digest their spaghetti when Lanie and Bella plopped down on the floor in front of the leather chair Edward was sitting on. He was smiling down at them, completely unaware that Bella and Lanie were in on the fact that they were having their picture taken by Rosalie across the room. Edward was looking down at them with a smile as they looked up at him, all three were laughing at something Emmett had said.

"I don't know what the hell I did to deserve you..."

"You survived being told you'd never get anywhere in life," Bella replied with a small smile. "You deserve it because you proved your parents wrong. I was always told the opposite. I was told I could have the world and that's exactly what I want. This world. The one with you, Lanie, and me, letting ourselves be happy."

A knock on the door rapped out and Bella jumped at the sound before laughing. "You can come in!"

Charlie Swan nudged the door open and looked in with a frown. "We're heading out. Why don't you two...go downstairs..."

"We're just leaving, Dad. See you in the morning."

As they stood to leave, Bella gave her dad a hug and he squeezed her a little tighter than normal. Taking a deep breath, he let go of his daughter and nodded to Edward. "You be careful with my daughter, Edward. She's the only one I've got."

"Charlie..." Renee's voice sounded behind Charlie from out in the hallway as if prompting him to say something.

He looked away in exasperation before clearing his throat. "Renee and I would both also like to extend another welcome to you and your sister tomorrow. We really hope you join us."

After Charlie left, Bella turned to see the look of shock on Edward's face. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just...with having Lanie...I can only imagine what it's like for him to be so okay with me. It feels good to hear him say that...and pretend that he means it." Edward added that last part on with a half joking, half serious tone.

"Well," Bella said, her face bunching up in serious thought. "Rosalie sent a text saying where they were. I told her we stopped here and then we're going to stop at your place real quick. Are you wearing that out?"

He looked down at the dress pants and sweater with a laugh. "Hell no. I only wore it because Lanie picked it out before you came over earlier today."

"Thought so," Bella smirked. "Why don't you head home, I'll be there soon, and we can take the Jeep over to meet up with everyone. I need to wrestle Luca inside and then I want to...well, I'll just meet you at your place. Okay?"

"Yeah. Alright," he frowned. "You drive carefully, Bella. I'm serious. The roads aren't that awesome right now."

"I have the Jeep. I'll be fine. See you soon."

Watching him drive away, she ran back in and grabbed a piece of cheese. Dangling it out of the front door a minute later, she tried to not let the big dog grab it out of her hand and ran back outside. Smiling to herself, she put him into his kennel and ran back to her room to get dressed. There wasn't much time that they would have together after tonight to just be alone and her present for him would definitely need to be given at a time other than her family's Christmas celebration.

As she made her way back into the Jeep, she shifted to get comfortable, praying that Edward would like his present. It took a little bit to find a parking spot but as soon as she did, she hurried up to his apartment and knocked on the door. He answered it with a wide smile. "You don't have to knock. Just come in next time."

"How much time do we have? I mean, I told Rose we'd meet her soon but have the guys tried to get a hold of you?" Bella spoke quickly, pushing past him and down the hallway towards the bedroom. Suddenly, she felt ridiculously nervous. Thankfully, he followed and stepped just inside the door while she turned to face him in front of the bed.

He looked at his phone, obviously distracted and shook his head before looking back up at her. "I don't think anyone is in too much of a hurry for us to get there. What's up?"

Bella saw that he was looking at her now with an easy look on his face. Biting down on her lip, she dropped her coat that had covered all the way down to her knees. He had never seen her in lingerie like this and her cheeks reddened as she forced herself to keep her eyes on him and not on the floor. She was glad she got to see his face, though. With his mouth open, he dropped his phone and grabbed for it but was too occupied with looking her up and down to actually stop it from falling. The phone hit the floor with a thud and Bella was beginning to feel more and more self-conscious as he stared at her.

"Holy...Bella...I..."

"Edward, breathe," she laughed, rolling her eyes at him.

"You didn't have to...I mean...you're so beautiful but I didn't expect this. I always had a feeling you'd look amazing in an outfit like that."

"Well, I'm glad you like it because...well...Merry Christmas," she smiled shyly doing a little curtsy and biting her lip.

The smile on his face was one she'd never forget and he shook his head in disbelief as he approached her. The lingerie she was wearing wasn't super-showy. It wasn't super-revealing...as far as these things typically went. It was basically a red, lace t-shirt that was lacy enough to be see through. The shirt had little sleeves that came down just off her shoulders, leaving most of her arms bare. It was longer and the hem of it came down just to the point that her butt was exposed enough to entice him but not look like she wasn't covered at all. She had no bra on, her nipples exposed through the sexy material. The only thing underneath was the tiniest pair of thong panties Bella had ever seen. They matched the red, lace top.

"This is my Christmas present?"

Bella nodded, shivering as his arms wrapped around her and pulled her body close to his while his hands came to rest on her ass that was peeking out from below the top. "I hope you're not mad. I know we said we weren't spending money on each other but I had to get this when I saw it."

"Bells, the fact that you bought this to wear for me makes me incredibly relieved. It would rip me a part to know that another man had seen you in this."

"I've actually never worn lingerie before," she admittedly quietly.

A growl sound tore from his mouth as he brought his lips to her neck. "I don't deserve this. You deserve someone just as innocent as you."

"I'm not as innocent as I look...or sound. You weren't my first, Edward." Bella held her ground as he pulled away slightly, knowing that she said that to him because it still bothered her that he had been with so many others before her. She was internally high-fiving herself but only for a second before considering how much it hurt her to think of him with those other girls and that he was probably bothered by her being with other men.

In response to her statement, he eventually snapped out of his anguish and pulled her body flush against his. His mouth moved with hers as if they had been doing this for their entire lives and knew exactly what ways to move to complement the other. She pulled his shirt over his head, only breaking their kiss for a moment. As his clothes fell one by one to the floor thanks to her handiwork, Edward's hand found its way into the tiny panties. They were still standing but it seemed that the second Bella realized that, he pulled his hand from her, used it to hitch her leg up onto his thigh after putting a condom on with his other hand, and ground his erection into her...right where she needed it to be.

The panties were slid to the side as he pushed her against the wall by the door and thrust into her. "Isabella Swan," he ground out, his entire body reacting to hers, "I may not have been your first...and I know you easily could make it so that I'm not your last but right now...you're mine."

"Edward," she panted, trying to respond but unable to as he shifted slightly and hit the exact spot that sent her over the edge. His mouth covered hers, absorbing her cries as he groaned himself, pulsing inside of her. When his legs began to tire and they both fought to breathe as he pinned her to the wall, he pushed them away from it and backed towards the bed with her still wrapped around him. Still connected, he dropped onto the bed and she rested her cheek against his chest.

His heart beat erratically and she kissed his skin over where she felt it thumping. He had just did what he could to claim her as his and suddenly, just thinking about it, gave her the overwhelming need to do the same to him. He actually whimpered a little as she pulled away from him, standing and pulling off the soiled panties. She walked towards the light switched and flicked it off, closing the door completely as well. His eyes were burning into her and she stopped where the city lights outside were filtering in through the window, pulling the top over her head and letting it fall to the ground. Becoming visibly excited again, he removed the used condom and watched with an amused expression as Bella removed the condom box from the nightstand.

"Again?" he asked in slight surprise."

"I want you to be my last, Edward. It's my turn now. I want to ruin every other girl out there for you. I want to be the only one that's ever mattered and the only one that ever will. I may be yours but you sure as hell are mine."

Straddling him as he lay back on the bed, this time his head was up by the headboard where it should be, she began to kiss him teasingly. One thing led to another and this time it was her that claimed him. It didn't stop after that, though. Friends forgotten, dropped cell phone abandoned, Bella and Edward spent the night in bed, claiming the other for themselves. As he slid off the fourth condom of the night, Bella grinned to herself. Take that three-condom-one-night-stand girl. By the fifth, he looked ready to pass out and she was sore enough to let him just hold her to his chest as he drifted to sleep.

**Hope we all survived and enjoyed this one. I'd love to hear what you think. Letzy xx**


	19. A Balance of Light and Dark

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 19**

**A Balance of Light and Dark**

Walking into the warm home, which was decked out with tinsel and lights, Edward had mixed feelings. He was in no way ungrateful to the Swan's, or even jealous of what they had, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't belong there. Luca pushed at Edward's side with his muzzle and barked when his new friend seemed to be too caught up in unlacing his boots to pet him.

"Enough!" Renee hushed him before hugging Lanie and taking her coat.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Swan," Edward said politely as she took his coat.

"It's just Renee," she reminded him, swatting him lightly on the shoulder and putting an arm around him for a hug. "How are you, dear? Bella! They're here!"

"Okay, hon, she's coming," Charlie huffed, "there's no reason to deafen our company. Edward, Lanie, how are you doing?"

"We're good," Edward smiled and looked over at his sister. She looked nervous but the second Bella came into the little laundry room, Lanie perked up and smiled. He couldn't deny that she made him feel a million times better as well.

"Lanie, I love that dress!" Bella exclaimed.

"Eddie got it for me for Christmas. He gave it to me early so I could wear it."

Edward smiled over at his little sister who was dressed in a flannel green and red dress. He was pretty surprised when she was so excited to wear it. Bella and the dresses she wore to teach in were definitely wearing off on Lanie. His sister was never a dress girl. The wedding outfits were one thing but to wear one on a typical day was a big deal for her. "Well, I love it," Bella smiled.

"Come on, Lanie, there are tons of cookies and hot cocoa in the kitchen. We can have a little before dinner." Renee led her into the kitchen with Charlie and Luca following close behind.

As soon as they were gone, Bella focused completely on him and found herself wrapped up in his arms. "Hey, baby," Edward whispered, kissing her cheek and giving her a squeeze. She smelled like cinnamon and wore a soft white vest over a long-sleeved black shirt; both were paired with skinny jeans.

"Mmm...I missed you."

"It was only last night that we saw each other, baby. In fact, you gave me a workout. I actually have sore muscles today," he whispered playfully, nipping her ear with his teeth.

"We better head into the kitchen. Mom said most of the food was ready and we can't let her spoil Lanie's dinner with too many cookies. She's loving the fact that there's a little one around for the holidays...even if Lanie is already eleven. You should have heard her when we were picking out gifts. I had to reign her in."

Edward smiled at this and followed her into the kitchen. There was already a large pan of fish accompanied by vegetables and he looked at it questioningly before hiding his confusion. It wasn't exactly what he expected to eat on Christmas Eve for a feast. Still, it smelled delicious and as long as he could get Lanie to be polite and eat some of the fish, it was fine with him. "Where's the turkey and stuffing?" Lanie asked as if on cue.

"Lanie..." Edward began but he was interrupted by Renee.

"I should explain. I told Bella to tell you guys before you got here..." Renee frowned, looking to her daughter who was nibbling on a cookie with an embarrassed smile. "Anyway, we do a semi-traditional dinner. It's something that Charlie's family always did. They never ate meat as a way of fasting and so they had fish instead. Of course, we made some changes to the menu. The perogies-which I made from scratch by the way-don't have prunes in them, just potatoes. Also, I serve mixed vegetables instead of peas and potatoes...and we just don't eat sauerkraut."

"Interesting," he replied, eying up the homemade perogies that were just being set on the table by Charlie.

"Polish," Renee corrected his description playfully. "I promise you don't have to still eat with us if you don't want to. Bella should have told you guys."

"I've been very busy with the Christmas show!" Bella whined defensively.

"It's fine, Renee," Edward laughed, pulling Bella into his side and looking to Lanie. Saying it slowly, as if hoping it would make it come true, he said, "Lanie likes fish."

She frowned but then nodded. "I'll try it."

"That's the spirit!" Charlie put in. "Let's eat."

"I have something little for you too, Edward," Renee smiled, jumping up from her spot on the recliner and picking up a box under the tree. He froze, completely uncomfortable at accepting gifts when he didn't have any to give.

"You shouldn't have..."

"Bella said you would say that and that you might be upset but Lanie got plenty of presents and I thought you should at least have something little to open."

He pulled the paper off the rectangular box, figuring it was candy from one of the local chocolate shops but when he saw where the candy was from him, his hands began to shake and he looked to Renee in shock. For a second, he wondered if Lanie would remember but of course she wouldn't. She couldn't have. She'd only been a year old when his mother had taken them all the way to Philadelphia. It was literally the only trip they had ever been on and it was one of those summers when their father barely stopped into say hi let alone give them money.

He didn't know how she had managed it as they'd had to rent a car, get a hotel room for one night, and pay for gas and other expenses. It all came back to him like it was yesterday because it had been the only time in his life that he could remember feeling like a normal kid. They saw all of the touristy sights on the historical tours and actually ate at a restaurant. If he was honest with himself, he had a feeling that money had been a mix of drug money and guilt money for the fact that his father hadn't been around. Little did he know, Edward had loved the fact that the man hadn't shown his face in at least a month. He had just turned fifteen but felt like the innocent kid he'd always wanted to be. On the last day of their trip, they went to the Lincoln Fountain for ice cream. It was expensive and phenomenal and then they went to the Shane Confectionery...where the chocolates currently in his hands were from.

"Eddie?" Lanie asked, obviously worried.

Everyone had grown still and he wondered how long he was sitting there with them not saying anything. _Say something, man. This was something really great that they did for you. _"Renee, Charlie, I... This is... Thank you."

"Bella said that you had a good experience there as a kid and that's always part of Christmas. Remembering the good parts of childhood. I'm sorry that your family isn't here to celebrate with you guys. I wanted to bring you a piece of them."

Lanie was looking at him with wide, almost scared eyes. "It was just our mom," she blurted.

Edward frowned and put an arm around her shoulders. "It's okay, Lanie..."

"Our mom is the one we miss. My dad was mean."

Bella just frowned in sympathy at them and Renee was shifting awkwardly in her seat. "I'm sorry, Edward..."

"No. This is incredible. My mom was the one who took us on that trip. You have no idea how much this gift means to me."

"Well, it almost didn't make it here in time," Charlie laughed, obviously trying to break the tension. "We had to order it and Bella didn't come up with the idea for us until about a week ago."

Edward smiled down at the candy and said thank you again. He had no idea which ones he had even liked. It had nothing to do with the chocolates themselves but more about the experience as a whole. It was what they represented. Ten minutes later, when Luca was crashed over Lanie's feet across the room and Charlie and Renee were playing old Christmas records, Bella was resting her head on his chest as she sat on his lap on the recliner. If Charlie had a problem with it, he wasn't acting like it, and Edward had found himself relaxing. This was easily the best Christmas he'd ever had. "I love you so much, Bella."

"Mmm," she responded contentedly, closing her eyes and taking in the soft crackling of the old record player. "I love you, too."

"I can't believe you remembered about the Philadelphia trip."

"It made me feel a little relief that life for you hadn't always been horrible...or at least every second of it wasn't. I wished you'd tell me, though. Not now, but someday, what life was like for you. I want to know all of it and I want to fix it. I want you to be happy now."

He just shook his head in disbelief, "Isabella, I_ am _happy now. These months that we've known each other have been the happiest I've had. I didn't know life could be like this, angel."

"Do you think you'll tell me what happened someday?"

"You don't need to know those things, Bella. I don't want you to have to hear them. I want to keep you innocent," he smiled, remembering what they'd talked about the night before. Bella just rolled her eyes at him. "Would you mind stepping out onto the porch? I have something for you."

She sat up so that she was looking him in the eyes again. "I thought we weren't really exchanging..."

"I couldn't resist. After last night, I owe you something anyway. I just think it would be nice to give it to you privately."

"I think I forgot something out in the Jeep, guys," Bella said abruptly to her parents, climbing off of Edward. "We'll be right back."

Luca, of course, followed them but Lanie stayed rooted on the couch with her e-reader. When they got outside, the snow was coming down heavily and Edward pulled her down to sit beside him on the top step of the porch. "I saw this at the mall when Lanie, Jazz, and I stopped by to see Alice the other day and it reminds me of you. I hope you like it."

He cringed at how awkwardly that had come out but he really hadn't ever been good at the whole gift-giving thing. Handing the little box to her, he watched as she raised her eyebrows and smiled at him. Lifting the lid, she gasped and told him she thought it was beautiful. It was a white-gold necklace with a white-gold pendant. The pendant was what had brought Bella to mind when he'd first seen it. It was a heart that had black diamonds on one side and white diamonds on the other.

"Light and dark," he said to her, taking the box and pulling out the necklace so that he could help her put it on. "It reminds me of us."

"It's...perfect," she smiled, kissing his cheek.

"Happy New Year!" Emmett belted out, waving his beer at Edward and Bella as they headed towards their friends. Bella pulled her purple, glittery dress down and made sure everything was still in order...or at least covered.

"Holy shit, you two!" Rosalie howled as they approached. "I swear you two are worse than rabbits. Bells, please tell me you're keeping up with those birth control pills!"

Bella blushed deeply and wrapped her arms around herself. Edward, noticing her discomfort, pulled her in for a hug. It was pretty true, though. They had been going at it like crazy. This time, Rosalie was referring to the fact that Emmett had caught them messing around in the car-in the parking lot of the club. Edward wasn't able to help himself and when Bella hadn't contested, fingers had found their way into some...fun...places. "She is and I'm still using condoms with her. You can relax, Rose."

"Okay," Bella breathed. "That's enough about my sex life. I need a drink."

Rosalie motioned behind her. "The guys are over by the pool tables. Go ahead and join them, Edward. I need to talk to my girl."

After kissing Bella on the lips three times, Edward was literally ripped away from Bella as Rosalie playfully grabbed Bella's arm and pulled them away from each other. "Oh my God, guys! Stop it!"

Bella scooted away from her to smack Edward's butt when he turned around and headed towards his friends. "Relax, Rose. Let me enjoy our honeymoon phase while I can."

"Is this much sex even healthy?"

"_You _stop it!" Bella laughed swatting at Rosalie's butt this time. "We barely see each other over the week and over the weekends I get one night with him...sometimes...if Lanie wants to go somewhere. If we have alone time, we like to take advantage of it. I will admit that after today and this evening, I'm surprised I can still walk."

"Definitely too much information!" Rosalie chided.

"Like you and Emmett weren't the same way? As I recall, you answered the phone in the middle of sex with him!"

"Yeah, well perhaps we should have taken it a little easier..."

Bella heard the tone of her friends voice and spun around quickly, completely forgetting that she was trying to get the bartender's attention. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I have...something happened..."

"Did he hurt you?" Bella asked quietly. Emmett was a big guy but surely he wouldn't have physically hurt her friend. He was loud and surely he could be rough but she doubted that he was abusive during sex or something kinky like that. Hell, since everything went down with Tanya, she and Edward had gone at each other pretty hard.

"He doesn't know yet. I haven't told anyone..."

"Oh God," Bella groaned, everything clicking into place. "Rose, no. No. Tell me it's not what you're telling me. Oh God..."

"I haven't taken a test or anything yet..."

"What the hell is taking you so long? Rose, how long have you been...like this?"

"Well, my period never came last month but I thought maybe it would be okay. See, I messed with my pills a little so I wouldn't get it on the weekend I would have had it..."

"Oh, no," Bella groaned, putting her face in her palm and shaking her head.

"Oh, yes. So, I thought maybe it was just the pills not regulating themselves..."

"Does he wear condoms?" Bella asked, as if she was praying that was the case.

"Um, no..."

"Rosalie!"

"I know, Bella. Look, it didn't come this month either. It should have been here two weeks ago."

Bella looked over at the guys and then up at the neon-rimmed clock. "The two of us are leaving right now. I have the Jeep. We'll tell the guys that...I...had to...pick my mom up from...the benefit her and my dad went to tonight. I'll tell them that they're both a little tipsy and she wanted me to come pick them both up. Then, we'll sneak home and you can pee on the stick and we can see that you aren't pregnant. Because you're not."

"How do you know I'm not?" Rosalie asked dryly.

"I can see it on your face that you don't want this baby right now. I'm trying to stay positive. Deal with it."

The girls went over and told their lie to the boys. Guilt was ripping Bella apart but this wasn't something Edward needed to know. He was Emmett's close friend and there was no reason he and Bella should both know before the baby's father even did. Edward seemed to know something wasn't quite right but kept quiet and nodded before telling her to drive carefully. She promised she would after he pulled her into his lap and kissed her hard on the mouth. Feeling his erection underneath her, she shook her head. The man was insatiable.

They stopped at a local drug store but barely said anything until they turned onto the street both of their houses were on. "We can't go back to my place, Bella."

"Then we'll go to my house. My parents really are at another benefit tonight. They go like every other weekend over the holidays. Dad knows a lot of people and businesses."

"God, I feel like I'm back in high school again. I hate this."

"You shouldn't have fucked with those pills," Bella muttered.

Rosalie just groaned in response. Bella sat up on the counter in the bathroom while Rosalie pulled down her panties and did her thing. "What am I going to do, Bella?"

"Wait a few seconds and see what the thing says..."

"You know what I mean, smartass. My boobs hurt, I've thrown up the past two mornings, and my periods are missing in action. Bells, I don't even need this test to prove anything. I already fucking know."

Bella became quiet then. Silence fell between them as they watched the test reveal that Rosalie Hale was indeed going to be a mother. Bella watched as her strong-willed, usually confident friend began to cry. "Rose, just relax. We're adults and this_ isn't _high school! You really need to talk to Emmett. He needs to know. This is his baby, too."

"He doesn't want a baby either! Neither of us do! That's one of the things we've discussed for the future. We don't want kids!"

Biting her tongue to keep from lecturing about the level of stupidity Rosalie showed by messing with her pills when they didn't even want to consider children, Bella swallowed hard as she thought of Rosalie's choices. She didn't want to come out and say the option Rosalie sounded like she might be wanting to go with, so she kept it vague. "Well...what are your options?"

"Keeping it," Rosalie sniffled, "or not."

"As in adoption?" Bella asked hopefully.

"Or...other methods." Suddenly, Rosalie started to cry harder.

Bella took this as a sign that Rose wasn't too thrilled with that particular option either. It may seem like the easiest out but Bella knew her friend well enough to know that aborting her child would be more than a little too hard on Rosalie. "Adoption is a really good idea. There are so many people who want babies. You could make someone so happy. Infants are hard to come by."

"Bella, I'm really scared."

Hopping down off the counter, Bella put her arms around her friend and held her while she cried. "I know. We're going to get through this together, though. Just like we always do. We have Ally now, too."

"Em's going to hate me."

"Why don't we call the guys and tell them we'll see them a different night? We can stay in tonight."

"No. They'll know something is up then. Jesus, Bella, it's New Year's! I'm not keeping you from Edward when the ball drops."

"You don't think they'll notice you crying or not drinking?"

"They're boys, Bella. They only notice things when we're naked."

"Well, I think you and Em have done enough getting naked for a while," she replied, playfully nudging Rosalie's arm.

"At least I'm not surprised I can still walk. This is crazy. Me pregnant and you sexually active...like a dog in heat."

"If it cheers you up, I'll take that burn and not make a comeback. It really is crazy, though. I swear to God, Rose, I don't know how he does it. I mean, maybe it's broken," Bella laughed jokingly.

"Edward's penis?" Rosalie cackled, tears running down her face now because of hilarity rather than sadness. It was a situation when stupid, comic relief was needed and Rosalie seemed to run with what Bella had given her.

"I'm kidding! I know it's not broken. Believe me," Bella said with a devilish, uncharacteristic smirk, "it's definitely in perfect working condition."

"Everything okay, baby?" Edward asked as they made their way to the dance floor. Bella debated on whether or not to just come out and tell him the big secret but reminded herself that it wasn't her secret to tell...it really wasn't fair that she was keeping it at all. Emmett should have known first.

"Yeah. I'm just a little tired tonight is all. I'm not used to all this...activity."

He gave her a grin and ran his hands up and down her back. When his hands dropped down to cup her ass and pull her closer, she shook her head and just leaned into him. He smelled wonderful and she breathed deeply. "I love you," he whispered.

"I think you also love the regular sex," she muttered, only pretending to be annoyed by that.

He let her go a little, giving her some space but not letting her go completely. "Bella, if this is getting to be too much for you, we can take a break from it. Honestly, I don't want you to feel like you have to give it up every time I _get _it up. Hell, if that were the case, we'd be on our way home as we speak."

"I know it's what you're used to, though."

"What I'm used to?" he laughed. "Bells, before you came along, I had sex maybe once a month. Even that is a little over-exaggerated. Baby, I came four times today with you. Trust me, if you need to cool it for a while, I can handle it."

"I guess I just...I don't want you to...seek it out somewhere else..."

"Shut up, Bells," he groaned, kissing her softly despite his words. "There is nowhere else to find what we have. I want you. _You _are the reason that I can't keep my hands off of you."

Bella just smiled up at him and bit her lower lip. With a sigh, she pulled him back to her and squeezed him tightly. She realized absently that she didn't even know what the name of the song was...and she wasn't even sure if it was a slow song. All that mattered was that she was with him.

"You still seem off tonight. You were fine before you left with Rose. Is it something I said or...did?"

"No," she breathed, making eye contact again. "It has nothing to do with us, actually. Well, not as a couple, anyway."

"But there is something then?"

She let out a deep breath and nodded. "Yes."

"You'd tell me if it was something with us, though, right? I mean, if you were upset with me, you'd just tell me?"

"Absolutely. Believe me, you're the best part of my life right now. It isn't you."

"The best part of your life, huh?" he asked with a cocky smirk.

"Don't push it, buddy," she laughed, poking him in the chest with her well-manicured finger.

"A few more minutes before midnight...I'm glad you made it back in time. I've never had someone with me on New Year's Eve...besides Lanie," he smiled.

"So, I'm you're...first?" Bella asked teasingly.

"You're my first for more than you realize. Even the sex. Everything's just...new with you."

"I've never had a date for New Year's either. Once in college, I was really drunk, and I'm pretty sure I kissed Rosalie at midnight. I don't remember it but the guy Rose had been dating at the time filled us in the next morning. I'm pretty sure she kissed me because she didn't want to kiss him."

Edward looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "You two, like, made out?"

Bella blushed, wishing she'd kept her mouth shut. "We were very drunk..."

"I bet it was hot."

"You're such a guy," she retorted dryly.

"Well, it won't be happening again. She'll just have to find someone else's girl to make out with to get away from Emmett. You're mine, Swan. I don't share with anyone."

"Ten, nine, eight..." As the count began, Bella couldn't help but kiss him early, not caring that the ball hadn't hit it's mark yet. As their kiss intensified and people around them began to pull poppers, throw confetti, and pop champagne corks, Bella felt nothing but Edward. Rocking into his body, right there on the dance floor, she let her inhibitions go and went to the dark side for a little while. She giggled against his mouth when she thought that Rosalie would add on that the dark side had cookies. Well, her dark side also had great sex. The cookies were just an added bonus.

**Welp, Rose is pregnant and Bella popped Edward's New Year's cherry. I hope you enjoyed this. I warn you, though, next chapter is much rougher. Please let me know what you think! **

**ATTENTION: I'm currently looking for a beta to edit a bit more of a raunchier piece. It's for a contest and if you don't mind intensely sexual situations, I could really use your help ;) PM me and let me know if you are interested!**

**Letzy xx**


	20. Jasper's House of Debauchery

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 20**

**Jasper's House of Debauchery**

Edward stood outside of Jasper's apartment and slid his key into the door. It was mid-January and freezing cold, he could see his breath, and the knowledge that he had left a naked Bella sleeping in his bed just simply pissed him off. He wasn't up to bothering with the knocking bullshit. Jasper had sent him a text to meet the guys there and he had no idea why. Chalking it up to a wedding meltdown that Jazz needed their help with, he dutifully crept away from his girl, leaving a note so she'd know he hadn't just taken off. This better be fucking good.

Jasper was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of what Edward figured was that gritty black coffee his best friend liked so much. "What the fuck's going on? Do you know how early..."

"Shh. Ally's asleep back there."

"So why do you look like you're freaking the fuck out? You two fighting?"

"No..." Jasper said kind of numbly. "I don't know what to do...about a situation. I mean, Rosalie's our friend, right?"

"Yeah. Why? What does Ally have to do with that? Jazz, man, I love you like a brother but I have Bella back home in very few clothing..."

"Yeah," Jasper replied with frown, "well so does Emmett."

"What?"

"Not Bella!" he whisper-yelled. "Dude, just go look for yourself."

"I don't need to see my girl's best friend in the nude. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she looks great but..."

"For God's sake, go back and look in. They left the fucking door open last night-thank God Ally was too drunk to notice. Just go look."

Rolling his eyes, Edward headed back to his old room and leaned against the door jamb, looking back at Jasper with a why-the-hell-am-I-doing-this look. Jasper just glared and pointed into the room as he walked over. That's when Edward saw it. The hair color could be a match for Rosalie but the body barely covered by the blankets was very familiar to him. Too familiar. It was a body that wasn't a stranger to that bed. "Holy fuck," he blurted.

Stepping back, he grabbed onto the door as he went and slammed it shut roughly-on purpose. Following Jasper into the kitchen area, he ran his hands through his hair. "What the hell is he thinking? I mean...what the fuck, man?"

"I don't know. I didn't realize shit was this bad with him and Rose. Did Bella say anything to you?"

"No. I mean, I know they're having issues but nothing_ this_ bad. At least I thought it wasn't this bad."

Shuffling could be heard back in the bedroom and soon heels on the floor went to the door and then out into the hall. Tanya stalked lazily down the hallway, pulling a tight shirt over her head that showed just as much cleavage as when she was only in her bra. Edward looked away out of respect to Bella but looked back when he heard the heels halt and a gasp. "Edward."

"What the hell are you doing, Tan?" he replied in a chastising, almost disappointed tone.

She smiled with a dazed grin before putting a hand in her hair and looking at him. Her answer, given what had just happened the night before with Emmett, made him sick and even more disgusted. "Missing you."

"Tanya, why are you messing around with Emmett?"

"Did you hurt her yet? She's so fucking little...and not up to taking you on."

He smiled a wry smile. "She's perfect but I'm not discussing my sex life with you."

"You used to," she breathed.

It was then that he saw the way she couldn't focus on him. Her pupils were dilated and she leaned back against the wall to steady herself. Stepping closer to her, he looked more closely at her face and she stepped towards him, staggering. He refused to support her. "What the fuck are you on?"

"Just a little ecstasy...and some other stuff."

Taking a deep breath and letting it go, he shook his head and backed away from her. He needed space to think. Jasper was silent behind him. "Tanya, why? You were never into the hard shit..."

"What do I have to lose, Eddie?" He saw the marks on her arms and swallowed hard. He didn't love her. That wasn't what this was. They had shared a lot of each other's lives, told stories to each other they'd never breathed to anyone else. He had never told her exactly what happened to him but he knew everything that her father had done to her. She only had one family member left. He racked his brain trying to remember if he still had the guy's number in his phone.

"James. What about him?"

She looked away and he knew he had her there. "Fuck off, Edward."

Alice picked that moment to come out of the room and Emmett soon walked out from where he'd slept the night before to stand behind her. Tying her pink robe, she looked confused until her eyes fell on Edward and Tanya. "You have_ got _to be shitting me! Edward, what the hell... And you," she blurted, turning towards Tanya,"get the _fuck _out of my apartment!"

"Alice, wait," Jasper put in, coming around the counter to wrap an arm around her waist. "It wasn't Edward that brought her here."

"Then why..." turning back to the bedroom to see Emmett, she closed her eyes as if it pained her to make the realization. "Tanya, I'm serious. You need to get out."

"Going! See ya, Edward. Em, it was fun!"

As soon as Tanya stumbled out of the apartment and Edward parked his ass on the couch with his phone in his hand, Alice let go. "What the_ fuck_ are you guys _thinking_? Tanya Denali? Emmett, for God's sake, do you know the diseases that girl probably has?"

Emmett, obviously hung over, walked over to the coffee pot as he muttered dryly, "Yeah, whatever she has, I'm sure Edward has the same."

"Fuck off, Em," Edward warned, two seconds from losing his cool. This was not the shit he wanted to deal with this early in the morning. "I'm clean."

"Bella made him get tested," Jasper added with great amusement and a chuckle-before Alice glared at him.

She was not so enthused with the situation and turned the evil eye to the man on the couch. It was as if she'd never been more annoyed with someone being in her space in her entire life. "Why are you _here,_ Edward? Did you set the two of them up? Oh, and was she fucking drugged up or what? Bitch could barely walk..."

"Believe me, I'd much rather be home, naked in bed...in Bella. Instead, I'm here finding out that one of my best friend's is fucking up his life."

"Oh, look who's all self-righteous now. Eddie-boy found a conscience," Emmett exclaimed regally, setting down his mug and throwing his hands in the air.

"Emmett, fuck off!" Alice yelled, turning to focus her anger on him now. "Rosalie is one of my very few friends. How could you _do_ this to her? In my _home_?"

"Your _friend_ hasn't spoken to me in over two weeks. I've tried everything. I've called. I've stopped by her house. I've sent her texts. I sent her a Facebook message. Fuck, I even emailed her! Who emails people anymore? Still, not one God damn reply. I don't know about you but, to me, that means we're done."

"Yeah, well, she's been acting weird with me, too. Even Bella is acting strange when she's around Rose. So, _Edward_, what's going on?"

"I don't fucking know! Hello? James? It's Edward Cullen..." He began with the phone up to his ear.

By the time he was off the phone, Alice was just finishing up with laying into Emmett. Walking back to the bedroom that used to be Edward's, she grabbed the door and it was slammed shut for the second time that day. "And this," she gestured to the closed door, "stays the fuck closed! Emmett, you have the town house to yourself. Edward, we all know you don't sleep with Bella around Lanie but you have an apartment when Lanie's not there. Therefore, Jasper's house of debauchery is fucking _closed_. Rosalie and Bella both are two of the best friends I have ever had. I will not allow for you to fuck other girls behind their backs here! Are we clear?"

Emmett just sipped his coffee before giving a brief, irritated nod. Edward, slid the phone back into his pocket and crossed his arms. "Don't give me that shit, Al. You know I wouldn't cheat on Bells. I have no use for that room anymore."

"Good. Then, Emmett, you go in there and take the sheets and wash them. I want them back on by this evening and no one will be sleeping there until after I make it into a nursery for my and Jazz's future kids. I need a shower and if you drink all my coffee, McCarty, I swear to God I will cut your balls off like you deserve and deliver them in a neat, little package to Rosalie. I want you both out by the time I come back out here."

With that, Alice stomped back towards the bathroom and slammed that door as well. "Damn, man," Emmett muttered. "Your girl's a fucking spitfire."

"It's what turns him on," Edward joked as he headed back towards the door.

"What if she says something to Rose?" Emmett asked, directing the question to either one of them.

"Not my problem," Edward retorted, all joking completely gone.

"Are you going to say something Bella?"

"I_ should_ fucking call and tell _Rosalie_. Look, you two made me leave Bella to come down here at the ass crack of dawn to see my naked basically ex-girlfriend and then have a confrontation where I needed to call her brother because she's on drugs and I don't want to see her dead-which Bells might not think is such a horrible thing. You're fucking _nuts_ if you think I'm going to keep this secret to cover your ass. If Bella finds out from someone else what went down here, she'll have mine. This time, even though I'll probably enjoy it, she won't have intended for me to. This is your problem, Emmett. Tanya's bad news and you knew that. You reap what you sow, my friend."

"A little jealous are we?" Emmett shot back, setting down the coffee mug. "What? You staked your claim on Denali and now you're the only one..."

Something inside him snapped. "Don't finish that sentence you fucking asshole..."

"Guys," Jasper put in nervously, stepping between them as Emmett started to head towards Edward. Both opponents had their hands in fist, ready for a fight.

"Cullen, you're fucking Bella not Rosalie. If I did this to any other girl you'd be laughing at the situation. A few months ago, you'd be high-fiving me."

"I'm not just _fucking_ Bella and that's not all you're doing with Rosalie either. Dammit, Emmett, these girls aren't like us. The ones we took home for one night stands were just as guilty as we were but Bella and Rosalie aren't. Besides, I wouldn't be high-fiving you for sleeping with Tanya. That would be...stranger than I could deal with. You're in love with Rosalie and it pisses you off that she's ignoring you. I don't know how I'd handle it if Bella did the same to me. You just did something, though, that you can't do anymore if you expect Rose to want to talk to you again. You fucked this up. Don't take it on me and don't you dare make less of the situation with Bella."

Stepping into his warm apartment, he found Bella in one of his old t-shirts. It was faded and hung off both of her shoulders. Her tiny frame was in no way able to hold up the stretched out material. Standing over the stove, she was tossing a pancake and humming to herself. She smiled at him and he went to her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing one of her exposed shoulders. Running the other hand around her waist, he pulled her into him and then ran that hand down to grab her ass. His knees weakened when he felt only skin. His girl was cooking him pancakes, in his t-shirt, wearing no panties.

"Where were you?"

Nodding as he admitted to himself that now was not the time for sex, he let her go and asked, "How long until breakfast is ready?"

"Two minutes. This is the last one. I wanted to use up the batter. Grab a plate over there and get started. I'll join you in a minute."

"Bella, I'm sorry..."

"I'm not mad because you left, Edward. All I got was a note that said you had to go to Jazz's. Now, you won't tell me that's where you were. Now, I'm a little upset. Figure it out."

"Just sit down. We'll talk over breakfast."

She stopped the spatula in mid-air, looking over at his shoulder and made eye contact for the first time since he came in. "That bad?" she swallowed.

"Trust me."

"I'm trying. Go sit."

He poured them both a glass of milk and grabbed his plate. By the time they were settled in, Bella had gone back and thrown her clothes from the day before back on. "I prefer the other outfit," he teased, trying to make her smile again.

"Where were you?" she asked again, pushing around her pancake.

"We need to talk but you have to hear me out. You're not going to like it."

This time, she set down her fork and crossed her arms. "Talk."

"Jasper got a hold of me early this morning. He said he needed me to meet him at his place. When I got there..." he looked away, trying to figure out how to frame this. He was throwing Emmett under not just the bus but a fucking mack truck, which had the name of Rosalie Hale. Deciding on another tactic, he made the decision to leave out the Emmett part. For now. He would see how she reacted to the other news first. "Tanya was there..."

Her head shot up and her eyes focused clearly on him. "I don't want to fucking hear this. I trusted you."

"It wasn't like that, Bells. She was high. I mean, we're talking unable to stand up straight, high."

"What does that have to do with you?"

"Nothing. I know that. I called her brother. Anyway, he knows about her little problem and he's going to handle it. I just wanted you to know what was up if Tanya approaches you."

"That's all that happened?" Bella asked skeptically.

"With Tanya and I? Yes."

"I feel like you're lying to me. Was Alice there? Why would she have let Tanya in?"

He looked at her in a way to portray sorrow. "Bells, sometimes, you have to keep things secret. I can promise you that I did nothing but see Tanya there. I didn't know she was going to be there. I wouldn't have even gone. Jazz could have fucking handled it."

A ringing cell phone went off and Edward frowned, digging into his pocket to grab it. "Mrs. Nichol," he said with a sigh but looking to Bella as he said it so she at least would know it wasn't Tanya. "What's going on?"

"Yeah. No. It's really not a problem. I can be there in fifteen. Is she throwing up?" Edward watched Bella sit up straight and give him an intensely worried look. He loved her so much it hurt. "Okay. Just tell her I'll be right there. See ya soon."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Her stomach's upset. She gets this way once in a while but usually it's during the night that she gets hit with homesickness. I have to go." Looking down at the cold pancakes in front of both of them, he sighed. "I bet these would have been delicious. Stick them on the counter and I'll heat mine up later after I get back."

"Can I come?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Bella hunkered down further in her coat and tried to warm her hands. "We should have brought the Jeep..."

"Sorry," Edward laughed. "Heated seats don't come standard in cars built before the 90's."

She shook her head and looked up at the building. "This is a pretty nice place."

"Sarah's dad makes pretty good money. He's one of the few in this area that does. I have to warn you, before we go up there, that Sarah's mom can be a bit...flirtatious. Not just in the way she talks but sometimes by the way she dresses."

"Great," Bella muttered, stepping out of the car and just wanting this morning to be over. Since waking up in a cold bed by herself, shit just kept getting thrown at her left and right. Rose was getting hit hard with morning sickness and texting her nonstop while the person she wanted to have text her never did. No, he couldn't. Later, she had learned that it was because he was helping his ex who still obviously wanted him in her pants. Yeah, it was one of those mornings. She wondered when all this craziness started. Any other Sunday, Bella Swan would be attending church and working on lesson plans all afternoon. Somewhere along the line, things had_ really _changed.

The door opened before they were barely on the doormat and sure enough, the scantily dressed older woman smiled widely before letting the smile fall when she looked down from Edward's face to see Bella's. "Lanie, your brother's here!"

Bella knew immediately that the little girl wasn't feeling well. She walked slowly and Sarah followed behind, looking almost dejected. "I hope you feel better, Lanie. I'll see you tomorrow at school... Oh, hi, Miss Swan."

"Good morning, Sarah. Hopefully you don't catch what Lanie ended up with. We have a big week ahead of us."

Sarah smiled and waved as Edward took Lanie's overnight bag and then pulled his sister in for a hug. "Come on, Lanie. Let's get you home."

Despite her stomach trouble, Lanie still wanted a couple pancakes so Bella quickly volunteered two of hers. She had lost her appetite before she and Edward had even originally sat down the first time. While Edward did some cleaning, Bella hung out with Lanie. The two girls got back into comfy clothes and found a marathon of a Disney show that Lanie liked to watch. She found herself drifting to sleep and when Edward woke her what felt like minutes later, Lanie was crashed beside her as well and it was dark outside. "You better go, baby. I don't like you walking around outside of my place at night. Come on, I'll walk you down."

Disappointed that she hadn't gotten time to spend with him, she nodded and shrugged on her coat and shoes. Edward's sweats remained on her as she stepped out of the apartment and headed down to the street. "I'm sorry about this morning, Bells. Really, I am. I'm going to make it up to you, too."

She smiled a smile she hoped didn't come across as too sad and accepted his kiss. "You better get back in there to Lanie."

"Yeah. Before you go, though, I have a question. I know something is up but I have no clue what and I really don't want you to tell me if you can't...but..."

"You're rambling," she laughed, unable to hide how cute she found him when he got flustered.

"Are Rosalie and Emmett okay? At all?"

"I don't know," Bella frowned, not at all having expected that. Deciding to keep it vague, she shook her head. "Rosalie's...going through a lot of changes right now. It's something they need to work out. I keep telling her that she needs to sit down and talk things out with him. Honestly, I don't know what's going on completely. I do know that she seems to be avoiding him."

"Alright. Well, drive carefully. Call me when you get home. I want to know that you're safe."

With that, she climbed in and sighed. Telling herself that what she said wasn't a total lie, she pulled out and wallowed in her guilt. Was keeping Rosalie's secret really enough of a reason to jeopardize her relationship with Edward? Just as her seat warmed up enough that she felt like her butt was going to melt to it, she pulled into the driveway and sat in her car for a few minutes with her head on the steering wheel. Something had gone down that morning and she wanted to know what it was. With an affirmative nod, she vowed to call Alice after school the next day and see what she could get out of her friend.

Taking a deep breath, she climbed out into the brisk cold and ran for the house. Diesel looked at her like she was crazy for not staying to enjoy the freezing temperatures with him. Once she was warmly inside, she called Edward to give him the news that she was all in one piece. She knew he had lied to her that morning, maybe not outright but he wasn't telling her something and omission was just as bad. She had just omitted the truth from him, though, so she couldn't bring herself to be upset with him. Shaking her head as she set her phone down on her bathroom counter, she looked herself in the eyes reflected in her mirror and said, "I hope we know what we're doing, Cullen."

**I tried to warn you. The good news is within the next few chapters, we'll be learning about Edward's past. I know you are all anxious for that and I promise it will happen soon. Try not to hate me...and please leave a nice review...or at least one where you don't scream obscenities at me ;) Letzy xx**


	21. Tea and Other New Experiences

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**A/N: For any guys reading this, I'm not sure you'll enjoy this chapter that much but I felt this chapter needed to be written...so it was. I hope most of you agree with me ;) Please read the not on the bottom.**

**Chapter 21**

**Tea and Other New Experiences**

Muttering under her breath about how much Monday's suck, Bella plastered a smile on her face and walked the classroom like she was in on her own personal joke. She didn't think it was fair to bring her outside life into her classroom so she tried to appear as her usual put-together self. Instead, she had slept in because she couldn't sleep the night before due to the long-ass nap she'd had at Edward's. Lanie was still obviously not feeling well but she was in school anyway and Bella was constantly worried about her. Edward had sent her a text that morning saying he couldn't talk Lanie _out _of going to school. Today, they were voting on their February field trip. It was big deal to the kids and to Lanie especially. She wanted to do a trip to the science center-the school had received a grant to take the kids somewhere educational.

Because she slept in, she hadn't gotten to shower, meaning she didn't shave, and her legs felt like sandpaper. She immediately regretted wearing a dress as she stepped outside that morning but she didn't have it in herself to put together a matching shirt and pants combo-she also needed to do laundry. Her lesson plans were left at home on the printer, as she had quickly printed them the night before when she'd gotten home and forgotten about them. She had even missed breakfast because she had to use her precious little time to clean up after a puking episode that Luca had the previous night in his kennel.

Needless to say, the whole day had sucked, she hated life at the moment and was counting the minutes until the kids would head over to the other room for their math class. She only had one more group of kids to teach her lessons to before it was time for special classes, meaning a prep period for herself. Immersing herself in the lesson, she fought through it with a smile and practically collapsed into her chair as soon as her students, who had come back to their homeroom to get their gym clothes, were gone.

Deciding that while fatigue due to spending the weekend boinking her boyfriend may be a good explanation for why she got no work done, it was definitely no excuse. She had tests from Friday to grade that her students were expecting back when they came in from gym class. Pouring over them and nearly getting half of them corrected within fifteen minutes, she didn't even notice the teacher from across the hall standing in her doorway. "Bella?"

Jumping in surprise, Bella looked up to see Lisa in her doorway. Both girls had their hands over their heart. "Holy crap, Lisa! You scared me!"

"Sorry! You scared me, too!" Lisa laughed before becoming serious and peering down at her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just tired. It's Monday," Bella shrugged, acting like it was normal to look like the walking dead just simply because of what day of the week it was. "What's up? I need to get these finished before the bell rings."

"Oh, well...I don't mean to bother you but..."

"Lisa? What's wrong?"

"She won't come out of the bathroom and I figured if anyone could help her..."

"Can you just call the nurse? I'm sure it's just that she's sick. Who is it? I'll make up a We Missed You paper if they decide to send her home..."

"Bella, it's Lanie. I know you're...with...her brother. I thought maybe you could try to talk to her."

The seriousness on Lisa's face told Bella that this was definitely something that was not okay. Forgetting the tests, the fatigue, and even the scratchy legs, she stood quickly and pushed passed Lisa. "She's in the locker room! In the one of the stalls! I'll keep an eye on your other kids if they get back before you do!" Bella hung a left and clicked her way down towards the gym part of the building. She wished she had just worn her flats.

Thankfully, there was still another twenty minutes of gym before the girls would pour in to change back into their regular clothes. If Lanie was upset, Bella could get her out of there before the other girls saw her. She walked into the gym and Coach Alexander, a kind man who was about Bella's age, smiled at her with a look of relief. "She's in the locker room. She won't come out. I asked Sarah to go up and try. I threatened to give her demerits but this isn't like her and I'm worried."

"I'll handle it."

Bursting through the locker room doors, Bella went straight to the stalls and found Lanie's shoes peeking out under the bottom. "Lanie? Sweetie, are you okay? It's Bella."

Bella had told her she could call her that instead of Miss Swan when they weren't at school. In this situation, she didn't care what the girl called her, as long as she was okay. There was silence in the stall and Bella listened carefully. She could hear soft sniffles. When Lanie's feet shuffled around, Bella knocked on the door. "Honey, please, I'm really worried about you. Did you throw up? It is...the runs? Are you too sick to get up?"

"I...I don't know..."

"Lanie, are you done going to the bathroom?" Bella asked, totally unsure of what to do.

"I can't come out."

"Why not? Please, just talk to me."

"Is anyone out there?"

"No, hon. It's just me. The other girls won't come in for a little bit. Please, just come out and we can talk about what's wrong. Edward said he tried to talk you out of coming to school today. Honestly? It's okay to miss if you're sick."

The toilet flushed then and Bella waited. Eventually, the door opened a crack and Lanie looked out. "Promise me no one else is in here."

"I promise."

Stepping out of the stall, Lanie's eyes were wide open and Bella didn't understand what had the girl so upset. She assumed it was the flu, that maybe she had thrown up on herself or not made it to the bathroom in time, but there was no strange smell. When Lanie turned around, Bella let out a breath of relief. The school had been preparing signs for the Valentine's Day dance and Bella gave Lanie a smile when the girl turned back around to face her. Why there were tears in her eyes was beyond Bella. "Did you sit in paint? Is that what all this is about?"

"It isn't paint," Lanie whispered, looking anxiously at the door.

"Then what... Oh! Oh, Lanie," Bella whispered back, suddenly knowing exactly what had happened. She was kicking herself for not having thought of it before. This wasn't red paint on the jeans Lanie was wearing. That breath of relief, though, was correctly replaced with a restless mind. As much as Edward loved his sister, she doubted that he thought to talk to her about the facts of life. "Lanie, do you know what this is?" she asked softly, being as gentle as possible.

"I'm scared..." Lanie responded, shaking her head.

"Shh. Sweetie..." Bella paused, wondering what she should do. At her old school, the girls in her fourth grade were all a little young to be worried about this issue and in college, the one time it was mentioned, their professor had explained that the nurse was prepared for situations such as these. Usually, the parent was contacted and from there, the nurse either explained what was happening or the parent would come up to the school. Biting down on her lip, she had to ask the question even though she knew it was stupid. "Do you want me to call Edward and..."

"No!" Lanie practically yelled, stepping back away from her.

"Okay. Okay!" Bella threw her hands up in a non-threatening manner. "I think we need to talk about some things. Can you wait right here for me?"

"Don't leave!"

"I'm going to be right back. I'll tell Coach Alexander to keep the girls down there until I can help you, okay? I have to go get my purse."

Lanie was so scared she looked white as a ghost. "Okay."

Bella couldn't leave her like that. Dropping down so she was on one knee, Bella took the girl by the shoulders. "Alana, I promise you, there's nothing wrong. This is completely normal. Just stay here, okay? If someone does come in, just go back in the stall til I get back."

Racing back to the gym, she hurried over to the coach. "It's um, female...issues."

Immediately, he nodded and asked, "Can you help her? I would but..."

Bella tried not to laugh at his red face. "I'll take care of it. It's fine. I don't know who would be more humiliated, you or Lanie. Can you just do me a favor by keeping the girls out of the locker room?"

"Yeah. This is my last group of the day. Take your time."

Back in her room, she found Lisa working over the vocabulary tests Bella hadn't finished. "You don't have to do that..."

"I'm done with my stuff and figured I'd help you out. This is the last one. Is everything okay?"

"First period. Poor Lanie is rather flustered."

"Ah. Well, good thing I got you instead of Alexander, huh?"

"Oh, yeah." Grabbing her purse, Bella dug to the bottom, praying that there was a pad at the bottom. She passed about five tampons on the way, cursing to herself each time. Finally, she found one and breathed another sigh of relief. "He's keeping the kids til I'm done explaining things to Lanie. Thanks so much for your help!"

When she got back, she found Lanie in the stall but the door was open. "Did someone come in?"

Lanie shook her head no. "I just wanted to make sure no one saw me if they did."

"Okay. First, we get cleaned up." Getting some wet paper towels, she handed them to the girl. "Take off the dirty pants and underwear. Clean yourself up with these and here are some dry ones."

Lanie nodded but frowned. "It won't stop, though..."

"That's what I had to get my purse for. Do you know what this is?" Bella asked, holding up the pad.

"No."

"They are to keep you clean when you get your period. That's all this is, Lanie. Every girl gets it...well...almost everyone. I'm sure some don't but I sure as heck get mine every darn month. All you have to do is open this up like this and then put them on your underwear. Uh, I guess I'll run down to the nurse and see if I can find you a new pair... Get cleaned up and I'll got get you some."

By the time Bella was back and handing the underwear under the door, Lanie was cleaned up and Bella had made sure to put the pad onto them before handing them under. "What about my pants?" Lanie asked, seemingly calmer.

"You can just wear the sweat pants your brought for gym," Bella replied, handing them under the door as well. When Lanie was ready she came out and threw the paper towels away before washing her hands. Bella patted a spot on the bench she was sitting at and Lanie sat down awkwardly. "First, do you have any questions?"

Swallowing hard, Lanie asked quietly, "Are you going to tell Eddie?"

Wishing she didn't have to, for Edward's sake just as much as Lanie's, Bella nodded. Edward would have a heart attack over his little sister growing up but he had to know. "I'm sorry, Lanie Mae, but I have to..."

"Why? I don't want him to know!"

"This is nothing to be embarrassed about. I told you, every girl gets it. Me, my mom, Rose, and even Ally..."

"Am I the only girl at school it happened to?"

"Definitely not," Bella answered positively. She knew for a fact that a few girls had started their cycles already. She had just been asked to handle Lanie's personally. Bella cringed to think that the nurse would have just called Edward. He would have rushed to the school, trying to be that stable, parental figure, but not realizing he should just let the female nurse handle it. "There are a few girls that have it already. It will last for about a week and then go away. It comes back every month."

"Why?"

Bella bit down on her lip. "Well, I think we should talk about that a little later. I think you had enough information thrown at you for one day, don't you agree?"

Lanie just smiled before glancing over at her jeans, which were now in the bag her gym clothes had been in. "He washes my clothes..."

Bella's heart went out to this motherless girl. There was no female figure to explain things to her or take care of her. Lanie might be a little too old to be coddled but she still needed her mother at times like this. Putting an arm around Lanie, Bella gave her a hug and wiped away the tears that were starting to fall. "If we leave as soon as all the other kids are on the bus, we can make it to your place and wash them ourselves. I'll tell Edward you weren't feeling well and I decided to take you home as soon as I could..."

"We don't have a machine. Eddie takes our stuff to the laundry mat or to Uncle Em's sometimes."

"Oh. Well, then, why don't we go to my house? We can play with Luca while we wait. I have laundry to do, anyway. On the way home, I'll stop at the pharmacy and pick you up some more pads and we'll get you some pain reliever. I think you've been dealing with cramps these past couple days. That's normal, too, but they can be a pain. Literally."

"Thanks, Bella," Lanie whispered while Bella stroked her hair.

"I'm glad I can help, Lanie Mae. I'll even make you some hot tea. It's what my mom makes for me when I feel like you do. Believe me, women everywhere understand."

Bella called and told Edward what she told Lanie she'd say and got him to agree to let Lanie stay at her place for dinner. Edward had just chuckled and said, "Obviously, she's not that sick if she's up for eating dinner."

Bella wanted to reply back by telling him he had no idea but let it go. Around seven, the girls pushed through the apartment door. Bella was armed with the stuff they bought at the store and Lanie was dressed in the clothes she'd been dressed in when she left for school that morning. "There are my girls!" Edward exclaimed from the couch where he was watching some TV show. Bella could hear recorded sitcom-sounding laughter in the background.

After he stood, the first thing he did was walk over and put his hand on Lanie's forehead. "You don't feel like you have a fever. Why don't you go get in the shower and read for a little bit? I don't think you should stay up too late. Do you have any homework?"

"It's done," Bella put in, just as Edward pulled her into a hug and kissed her. Bella peered past Edward to see Lanie standing their awkwardly.

"I've missed you, too. Thanks for helping with her today."

"Um, no problem. Lanie, actually, do you want to maybe just watch some TV for a few minutes? I want to talk to Edward alone for a few minutes, okay?"

Lanie nodded but looked terrified. "Yeah."

"Hey, it's okay. Go relax."

"What's wrong?" Edward asked but Bella just took his hand and pulled him back to his room. Closing the door behind them, she motioned for him to have a seat on the bed and he reached out to grab the shopping bag that was in her hand. "Whatcha buy? Stuff for her stomach bug? You didn't have to do that... What's this?"

Bella took a deep breath. This was going to be interesting. "You know what they are. Edward, Lanie got her period today at..."

"What? She's too young. Isn't she too young? What does this mean?" Flustered Edward never ceased to soften her.

"Baby, she's not too young. A few of the girls in just my class already have it. In fact, I got mine when I was in fifth grade. She's completely normal...and you _know _what this means," she added with a sympathetic smile.

"Fuck," he breathed, running his hands through his hair.

Taking the pads he dropped and the rest of the bag, she tossed it to the foot of the bed and climbed onto his lap. "Look at me. I talked to her about what was happening, she knows it's normal, and my mom talked to her a little about it, too. There's plenty of pads to get her through the week as well as medicine for her stomach and some tea-I'm not sure why but it always helps me and she liked it tonight when my mom made all three of us some. I washed her clothes after school, she wore her gym clothes after her jeans got messy, and the underwear she had on after was from the nurse..."

"Holy hell..." he breathed again.

"Edward, look at me. I'll handle this matter as much as I can so you don't have to. She's really embarrassed and didn't even want me to tell you. I just keep telling her that it's normal and_ you_ know that it's normal as well. Do not upset her more than she already is."

"I wouldn't. I get it."

"Do you?" Bella asked for verification. "I don't think you will ever actually 'get it'. She could really use a mom right now and her older brother freaking out is going to do nothing but freak _her_ out. Don't put her through that. Act like this is fine and natural-because it is-and she'll be okay."

"Okay. Yeah. I don't want to upset her. Bella, I don't know, like, what to buy and shit for her..."

"I said I'll handle it, Edward, and I will. I'm just asking that you accept it gracefully. Behave yourself and the next time we're out, I'll buy you the tallest glass of beer I can get. Hell, I'll buy you a bottle of whiskey if that's what you want to wallow in the fact that you're baby sister is growing up."

"Thank you. I owe you. A lot."

"One more thing. I have to ask you something. Don't. Freak. Out." Bella reminded him before taking another deep breath. "She asked me why it happened. Why girls get them. I wasn't going to tell her but you're eventually going to have to talk to her. Anytime she asked about it, I just said that it's how girls are programmed."

"You mean, the birds and the bees talk will have to be had," he nodded with a groan.

"Yes. Not now, though. She's a little young. Still, putting your head in the sand isn't going to help her when she's older. She deserves to have someone explain things to her. Boys, sex, condoms...all of it. I'm not saying to condone it but she needs to be smart about it and educated on the topic. You can figure out how to do that later...much later...but just be prepared that someday it has to happen."

"I don't know how I ever managed without you..."

Bella just smiled and bent down to kiss him, she was still straddling his legs. "I have no idea, Cullen. I'm glad I'm here now."

He playfully tickled her ribs and she pushed away before kissing him again and this time biting his lower lip playfully. When he grabbed her breast and she felt him harden beneath her, she twisted away so she was sitting beside him. "Not tonight. Lanie's right out there, remember? Besides," Bella gave a wry smile. "Lanie's not the only one with this particular situation going on."

"Both of you? At the same time?"

"Yup. I got mine this morning. It's right on time."

Groaning, Edward laid back and rested his head against the headboard. Bringing his hand to his forehead, he shook his head and asked. "What did I do to make God hate me?"

Bella could only laugh as his dramatic reply. "He's punishing you for messing around with too many girls before I came along. Plus, you should be happy I have it. It means a whole week of knowing you're _not_ about to become a daddy. Congratulations, Cullen," she smirked.

**I apologize for the day-late update with this one. Most of you know that I was a long-term substitute, in for a teacher who was struggling with breast cancer for a third time. Sadly, the teacher passed away this weekend...which ironically my birthday was yesterday...and I've been going through a lot. Thankfully, these chapters are already written and I just need to edit them because I haven't had two seconds to breathe. **

**As for this chapter, well, I hope you enjoyed it and agree that it was a good add-in to the main story. Lanie is a huge part of their lives and I felt she deserved a chapter like this, where she is surrounded (for once) by strong female support. As wonderful as our Edward is with her, we all know there are just some things that brothers can make uncomfortable ;) Let me know what you think! Letzy xx **


	22. Revelations Part I

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 22**

**Revelations Part I**

Whatever had become of Tanya after that very irritating Sunday morning was completely lost on Bella but it didn't mean that the whole idea didn't make her nervous. The past week had been fun for her as she sat back and observed Lanie and Edward interacting with each other. While she deeply felt for Lanie, making it a point to spend extra time with her at the apartment and making trips to the library, it was very sweet seeing Edward with his baby sister...and also slightly hilarious. It was obvious the man had no real understanding for what the girl was going through and Bella would laugh as he asked her ridiculous questions such as, "Do I have to empty the bathroom garbage every day?"

She answered all of his questions with sincerity-after having a good laugh after some of them-and would often relay messages or requests concerning this new experience back and forth between the siblings so they didn't have to talk to each other about it. Still, Edward was definitely going out of his way to make sure Lanie was comfortable and not at all embarrassed. Dealing with Rosalie over the past week as well, where baby was the only topic discussed, seeing Edward this way made her realize how much of an amazing father he would someday make. She wouldn't say it to him or Lanie, because it upset both of them so much, but he really was doing a wonderful job being a dad to his little sister.

As Bella sat that weekend in Rosalie's bedroom, looking through baby books, the guilt was almost too overwhelming. Anytime the topic of the baby's father was brought up, Rosalie shut down and refused to talk to her about it. She was under the impression that he didn't know about the pregnancy yet but Rose loved him. She had never loved a guy before. Surely, they were at least still talking. Last Saturday, she and Edward had decided to grab dinner after dropping Lanie off at Sarah's and then opted to stay in the rest of the night. Neither Rose nor Alice had asked them to meet them and the guys anywhere so it really wasn't a difficult decision to make. Therefore, she wasn't positive on where Rose and Emmett stood.

As far as the baby was concerned, Rosalie and Bella were the only two that knew about it-besides the doctor. The Hale's worked like it was their only mission in life and therefore missed the chance of hearing their daughter throwing up practically around the clock or seeing her refrain from certain foods. Bella suspected that they wouldn't even realize their daughter was pregnant until after a baby showed up in their daughter's arms unless Rosalie came out and told them. Bella rolled her eyes and continued to flip through a magazine with cute nursery set ups.

"Has Edward said anything to you about Emmett lately?" Rosalie asked quietly, shocking the hell out of Bella. As far as Bella was concerned, this was a topic that was forbidden.

"I think they're hanging out this afternoon. Edward and Lanie were having lunch at the Whitlock's and then going to Emmett's for a little bit," she said softly, not sure why Rose had asked her about him. "Sweetie, is he being mean or..."

"No," Rose whispered. "I just...we haven't actually talked to each other in...a few weeks."

Bella sucked in a surprised breath and looked up at her friend. "Are you kidding me?"

"Well, it's more like_ I_ haven't talked to _him_. He's been trying to contact me but I haven't been answering him. Bella, if I'm around him, I'm going to tell him."

"Why shouldn't you? Rose, he's going to be a _f__ather_. He _needs_ to know. You're what now? At least two months in? You've been to the doctor, you know the blood test came back positive. Do you really love him? At all? Seriously, this isn't fair to him."

Bella's phone beeped to signal a text message and she looked down. "It's Alice. She's asking what I'm up to."

Rose looked down at the magazine-scattered floor and frowned. "Don't tell her you're with me."

Bella replied and got a response back moments later. "She wants me to go to Em's with her. Did she text you?"

After checking her phone, Rosalie shook her head. "Nope."

"You should just come with me. It'll give you a chance to talk to Emmett. You've decided to keep this little one. You have to start telling people so we can get ready for him or her properly. This is a baby, Rosalie. Ready or not, it's coming."

"I know that, Bells! God, that's all I think about!"

"Well, then, don't you think it might be time?"

"Not today. I have some stuff to do for work anyway. I think my stomach's calmed down enough to go in for a little while today. I have time to make up since I missed the other day for the appointment."

"Well, you need to tell him. End of story. Besides, do you want your parents to find out when their insurance bill comes or do you want to sit down and tell them yourself? I suggest figuring this shit out."

When Bella got to Emmett's, she was immediately pulled into Edward's lap as he sat at the kitchen table. Lanie came in from the living room to hug her before plopping down across from them. Emmett and Alice came in a second later and Jasper was already at the table. It looked like they were playing poker and it wasn't beyond Bella that Emmett seemed a little off. "Hey, Bells," he nodded, cupping her shoulder as he walked past.

That was it. If he was trying to get a hold of Rosalie, Bella had at least expected a question about her whereabouts. She swallowed hard. Maybe Emmett had given up. Looking down at the table with the cards spread out, she felt like she should bring up the topic of the disgruntled lovebirds but Edward kissed her neck and she completely forgot what the issue was. He seemed a little on edge, too. He was tense-and for once not in a sexual way-underneath her.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked a few minutes later after Lanie retreated back to the living room.

"Jimmy called me after you left my place last night."

It was Bella's turn to tense up. "Tanya's brother, right?"

"Yeah," he spoke softly, glancing only briefly to Emmett but Bella still picked it up. "She's missing. She went there after...last weekend when I saw her. He talked to her about getting help and she agreed but he hasn't seen her since and now he can't get a hold of her."

"They're not the only ones not communicating," Bella muttered. Jasper and Alice were in the living room with Lanie now and it was just the three of them. Emmett frowned at her insinuation but didn't comment. He knew what she meant. "What does this have to do with you?"

"It doesn't," Edward shrugged with a sigh, "not really. Still, though, he asked if I'd just send her a text. He thinks she'll answer if it's me trying to contact her. He just wants to know that she's not dead somewhere."

Bella ran a hand through the scruffy hair on the back of his neck where it was shorter than the rest. "If she cares about her brother like you say she does, why won't she answer for him?"

"I don't know, Bella," he replied, obviously frustrated with the situation as well. "Just don't worry about it."

"No. Wait. Don't get all pissy with me over this. Go ahead and send her a damn text. That's it, though. You get a reply, you report it to Jimmy and let it go. Deal?"

Alice had sauntered back in to grab some pretzels and chips as Edward pulled out his phone and then replied softly as the thought hit him, "I don't have her number anymore. I deleted her from my phone, remember?"

"Oh."

Alice huffed as she walked past, muttering something under her breath about Emmett having it. Bella heard, even though she knew Alice hadn't meant for her to. "What's she talking about?" Bella asked, frustrated now. Something had happened with Tanya the weekend before, something that Edward was keeping from her and she was tired of it. Turning to look at Emmett, knowing he had something to do with it, she caught him shaking his head at Edward.

Her boy frowned, shifting them both a little before looking right at Emmett and replying to her. "Em should have the number."

"What the heck is up with you two? Em, just give him the damn number so he can get this over with."

"How do you know I have it?" Emmett asked, looking with a raised eyebrow to Edward.

Bella had been there for only a few minutes and already she was done with it. "You've contacted her before, Emmett! Remember? When you invited her to the cookout? Edward told me you were the one who called her that time so obviously you have the number..."

A look of relief crossed Emmett's face and Bella knew she was seconds away from figuring out the puzzle-and she _would_ figure it out, even if it fried her brain. While she stared at Emmett, he took out his phone and read Tanya's number off to Edward who punched it into his. When she finally looked at Edward, a sinking suspicion filled her gut and she felt sick. Alice wasn't happy that Emmett had that number and there had to be a reason for it. Bella prayed to God that she wasn't right; she prayed there was a mysterious puzzle piece that would make this okay.

Going to stand up, she struggled as little as Edward held her to him and she finally let all of the pieces click into place. The beeping reply of a text message was like the sound of a ding-ding-ding that signaled a correct answer on a game show. She wanted to throw up. Could he really have left his bed with her in it to go to bed with Tanya? Her stomach twisted into knots as Edward held the phone up. "I asked her where she was and she messaged me the place. I can tell what she meant but these texts are like drunk texts. She's probably high. I'll let Jimmy know she sent me something back."

As much as Bella wanted to lash out and hit him, as much as she wanted to jump up and walk right out, she felt numb. Despite her betrayal, she couldn't pull herself off of him. Was this what true love felt like? Did it make it okay for the other person to gut you just because you couldn't stand to separate yourself from them? How long could she sit there, knowing what she now knew, and still be able to walk away with her dignity? Her heavy breathing must have tipped Edward off that something was wrong.

"Baby?" he asked her questioningly.

Not wanting to make a scene in front of Alana, she managed to free herself from his lap and stand, albeit a little unsteady. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

"Yeah. Sure," he replied quickly, standing as well but glancing over to glare at Emmett. She saw it before grabbing her coat that was by the door and sliding her boots on. When she bent down to pull them on, gravity pulled the tears from her eyes and she had to put her hand on her stomach to try to stop the feeling of a knife cutting through her.

He put his boots on but hadn't bothered with a coat before following her to the porch. "Talk," he said a little roughly, putting his hands on her waist to hold her upright. He knew she was crying-and falling apart.

"I need to know what happened last Sunday with Tanya. All of it. _Now_." Her voice cracked on the last word.

His face screwed up into a sad expression and she was grateful for his hands as they were keeping her from falling. While there was no love in her life that equaled what she felt for him; there was also no greater feeling of pain. He shook his head, though, as if he knew what she thought and needed to set her straight.

"When I showed up at Jazz's last weekend, he told me to go back to my old room and look inside. Emmett was in there with her. They were both still asleep but had left the door open the night before. Jasper didn't know what to do..."

"He cheated on Rosalie?" Bella asked through clenched teeth. Then, the craziness of the situation really took hold. "Wait. Emmettt fucking...fucked Tanya? Seriously? How completely fucked up is that?"

"I've never heard you use the f-word like that," Edward commented, slightly amused before snapping back to the seriousness of the situation. "I didn't catch them in the act of sex but they were both laying there with no clothes on. In my book, that constitutes cheating."

"Why did you keep this from me? She's my best friend! I mean, you never even mentioned that she was fucking _naked_ when you 'saw' her there!" Bella used air quotes with the word 'saw'. "I knew you were hiding something from me but_ this_?"

"I know. I'm sorry. Bella, I knew you'd be upset and I wanted to tell you but Emmett needs to fix his own fucking mistakes and it wouldn't have been fair to expect you to keep this from Rose. I knew that and I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know what else to do."

"I'm assuming he's not still seeing her or else you guys would have already fucking known where she was. Am I correct?"

"Yes. He loves Rosalie. He's a mess right now. She won't talk to him at all and no one has any clue why. He made a stupid decision last weekend and it's one that he has to live with. I would have rather not known at all but Jazz called me because he wasn't sure what to do about it and Alice was there. She woke up when Tanya was _dressed_ and talking to me and the other guys but she figured out what happened. Ally thought it was me that brought her there at first but she knows now that it was Emmett."

"That's why she wanted me to come here, isn't it? She wanted me to find out. She wanted me to figure out what was going on and knew that Jimmy had contacted you. You weren't going to tell me about it all."

"Bella, she means nothing to me. She doesn't even mean anything to Emmett!"

"Do you hear yourself? What is wrong with you guys? Alice said Jazz was the same way! How can these girls mean _nothing_ to you? You sleep with them, commit something insanely intimate, and then just push them out like baby birds not ready to leave their fucking nest. Do you know how fucked up that is? How many girls you could have really hurt by doing that?" She wiggled out of his grasp, taking a few steps back and as he reached for her again, she shook her head. "Don't touch me!"

"Bella..."

"You have a little sister! You know you'd kill any guy who would do what you did to all those girls you slept with in the past to her."

"I was wrong but those girls knew that I wanted nothing permanent!"

"Did they? Did they really, Edward? It may have been that way with some of them but you both knew it wasn't like that with Tanya. You knew she loved you and Emmett knew it wasn't him that she fucking wanted. I have very little respect for her but you're just as wrong as she is."

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm tired of how you guys treat women like they're nothing more than toys and when you get tired of them, you just throw them away. This discussion is over. I'm going home."

"Please, Bella, I love you. I don't ever want to be without you. You aren't like the others. I want you forever. I think about it all the time: about marriage and babies and... God, I never even believed in marriage or even love until I met you. Don't go. I'm begging you."

"Do you feel how much this hurts, Edward? Do you realize this is what you put Tanya through by fucking with her emotions so you could get into her pants? Every time you led her on and then walked away from her in the end could have felt like this for her. You know what? You go on and on about not being good enough for me. Well, Edward, guess what? Right now, you aren't and it has nothing to do with money! I deserve someone better than a chauvinistic pig! If I walked away from you right now, it would be nothing short of karma being a bitch. You need to realize how much it hurts to love someone and have them not feel it back!"

Bella was shocked to see tears in his eyes when she got to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at him on the porch. "You don't love me?" he asked, looking like he was being pulled apart limb by limb.

Her chest squeezed and she replied back quickly with no hesitation, "I do love you. That's why what you are saying and what you have done is painful for me to hear...and why I can't understand. I'm tired of secrets and there is something going on with Rosalie but it's more personal. It's the reason why we both know I'm not telling you the whole situation with her. It wasn't something like this, though. I didn't see an ex who was naked in bed with my best friend. Rosalie is going through something personal that's between Rose and Emmett, _not _between us.

"Edward, until there's nothing between us, until all the secrets are put out there, I can't do this. No secrets, no omissions and no lies. You get really aggressive," Bella lowered her voice and walked back up the stairs towards him, not wanting the neighbors to hear, "during sex. You have issues with your past you won't talk about but those issues are still affecting you today. It's something that I'm willing to learn to live with but I need to know why we're living with them. I deserve that much."

"Bells, I haven't...no one has ever known what happened. This isn't just me not wanting to tell you...I don't know that I can."

Bella had never seen him this emotional. He looked so completely rejected and already raw that she hated to push the issue but knew they needed to come to some sort of understanding. "I need time to think things over. Just like before, at the club. I love you...and I love Lanie. I don't know that anything can change that but I'm hurt and I need to think. Please, at least give me that much."

"Go," he whispered, although she could hear the underlying tone of bitterness. Then, his phone began to ring and Bella frowned, trying to figure out how to tell him goodbye. He shook his head sarcastically then. "Great. Tanya's calling me."

With a small, sad smile, Bella sighed and stepped up to kiss him quickly on the lips. "I love you and we'll talk soon. You might as well answer it. I'm begging you, though. Don't use her to hurt me. I love you too much for that."

Bella could remember reading all of those romance novels where the character complained of the weather being dreary because they were depressed. Foreshadowing. That was what she could remember her high school English teacher calling it. It was a way to set the mood. Then, there were those author's that went with it, making the character complain about how beautiful was outside even though they were so broken on the inside and blah, blah, blah...

Over the last four days, Bella couldn't have told anyone what the weather was like at all. It wasn't that she didn't go outside. Diesel needed to pee, she needed to go to work, and Lanie still needed dropped off at Edward's. Still, the days seemed to swirl together, mixing into an ugly glob of agitation, frustration, and exhaustion. She didn't sleep well at night, felt like her world was shattering during the day, and the person who was normally there for her was dealing with her own difficult struggles. The Hale's, by some divine intervention, had found out that they were to become grandparent's. Rosalie had apparently suspected that Bella had told them, even though it was completely ridiculous. Bella would never have called out her friend.

She had been trying to call Rosalie since she was told about what happened with Emmett and Tanya. Edward was right, she'd rather not have known about the cheating. It was the last thing she wanted to tell her already broken best friend. Unable to bring herself to say it through a text and with Rosalie refusing to answer her calls or even come to the door when Bella went over, she had stayed silent and wallowed in the ridiculous situations around her.

It was that Thursday, though, that would just so happen to bring that ugly blob of bad choices and decisions to hit the proverbial fan and splatter, falling and laying where it may. "Alright, packers, grab your lunchboxes! Sarah, honey, wash your hands since you just put away Oscar. Buyers can line up at the door. No one leaves until we're all ready!" Bella reminded them, not happy that two of the kids decided to head to lunch on their own just the day before.

Her buzzing cell phone caught her attention and she stuck it in one of the pockets that were conveniently built in to her dress. She would answer it after the students were settled and ignoring her to socialize with their friends at the lunch table. Making sure everyone had their lunch and the students were all eating, she was having trouble getting one girl to eat and was starting to suspect a discussion with the nurse may be in order soon, she snuck into the hallway and dialed her voice mail. Upon hearing the message, she felt like she would collapse.

Dropping the phone, the battery pack popping out and sliding across the floor, Bella could only stare at the tiles. She needed to be moving. She should be calling them back and asking what had happened. Asking if her friend was okay, at least making sure the baby had made it through alright. Still, she couldn't. A hand on her arm made her shriek and spin around. Danny Alexander, the gym teacher, looked at her in concern. "Bella, are you okay?"

She backed away from him and shook her head. Then, in a monotone voice explained. "No. Not really. Rosalie, the girl who I had helping me in the classroom at the beginning of the year, was in a car accident. I don't know what happened. The message was from her mom. She wants me to call her. Rose is pregnant. She's two months along."

Danny stood their looking at her for a few seconds before blinking and seeming to snap out of whatever it was he had been thinking about. Crouching down he picked up the pieces of the phone and put it back together. "Come on, let's go up to the office. There are plenty of teachers in there who are on duty. You do realize you don't have to eat with them, right?" he asked playfully, obviously trying to calm her down.

"I like it. Some of them never get to eat with anyone at home. There are a lot of latchkey kids," she replied.

Once in the office, Bella explained the situation and just by luck, there was a substitute getting ready to clock out after their half day placement. The principal took one look at Bella and then looked to the girl grabbing the swipe card. "Tracy, can you stay the other half of today for Miss Swan? It's her lunch period right now. You'll get a chance to grab something now if you wanted."

Tracy smiled brightly and quickly agreed. Bella so rarely had a sub but she did have a folder ready to go. "Absolutely." It was hard to get sub days as the district didn't like to have to pay subs if they didn't have to.

"Isabella, why don't you head down to the hospital. Even if it's nothing serious, which I'm sure your friend is going to be fine, you look like you could use a break. You never call off. So, even if it's not necessary, take the rest of the day."

"Thanks," Bella smiled. "My friend's two months pregnant. I don't know if the baby's okay." It wasn't lost on Bella that the secret she'd kept from everyone, including Edward, had now been blurted out to two people within the last five minutes.

The principal gave a sad smile and turned to Danny before looking back at Bella. "Do you think it would be a good idea for someone to drive you? You look...really upset."

"No. I'll be okay."

"Alright. Go ahead home, Isabella. Take a breather."

"I have to get my things. Come on, Tracy. I'll show you to my room."

Danny walked out behind her. "Do you still have my number from when we were setting up the play?"

"Yeah."

"Text me to let me know you get to the hospital okay and let me know how she is."

"Okay. Will do. Thanks, Danny."

"Bella," he asked gently. "Are you sure you don't want a ride over?"

It might have been that she was just overly emotional but it probably had more to do with how much she missed Edward. The way Danny asked her to call him to let him know she got to the hospital okay, though it was completely platonic, made her miss Edward all the more. Then, there was also the fact that she no longer held onto the secret that Rosalie had begged her to keep a hold of. Much to her embarrassment, she burst into tears.

Danny blanched and Tracy put a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, Danny. Really, though. I'll be fine. I don't know what's up with me today. It's been a rough week. Tracy, come on. I need to get to the hospital."

**This is pretty unlike me but after hitting the review button, you can continue straight to the _next_ button. The chapters seemed to flow together and I thought you'd all appreciate the second half of this one. BE WARNED: The next chapter is dealing with some pretty dark stuff. Consider yourself warned but it is a chapter that a lot of you have been waiting for. Don't forget to review this one! Letzy xx **


	23. Revelations Part II

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

Chapter 23

**Revelations Part II**

"Really, she's doing much better today," the ragged nurse told Edward. "Are you sure you don't want to visit with her? She is allowed to have visitors..."

"No. Thank you but no. I don't want her to know I was here."

"You helped bring her in. I thought you were close. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Please, if she needs anything, her brother is the person to contact. I'm just an old friend."

Edward walked through the double doors and into another section of the hospital. These past few days, with no contact with Bella except for seeing her when she dropped off Lanie, were killing him. After Bella had left Emmett's, he had called Tanya back and she sounded more out of it than she had been the week before. Collectively, he, Emmett and Jasper met up with Jimmy and then headed out to find her. She was where she said she was but they hadn't been prepared for how bad the conditions were.

It was definitely a drug house. The stench of urine and other human waste that Edward didn't want to think about hung thickly in the air. As they made their way inside, they stepped over people strung out and passed out around the room. Discarded needles, little baggies, pipes, and a million other things that could get these people arrested littered the floor and furniture-if you could call it furniture. They found Tanya on a mattress that was just sitting on the floor in a back room. Edward cringed at how dirty the thing was and could only imagine the diseases it held.

Barely coherent, Tanya gazed up at them until her eyes settled on Edward. Emmett, knowing he was the strongest one of the four men, went to pick her up but she wigged out. Swinging her arms and trying to hit him, Jimmy grabbed her wrists and held them to her sides, yelling for her to calm down. A few of the men around them watched Edward and the other guys carefully. Jasper was turned towards them, though, ready for a fight. No one tried anything, even as Emmett gave up trying to fight her and Edward decided to try to help. She went to him easily, holding him a little tighter than was necessary.

After loading her into Jimmy's car, Edward climbed into the passenger seat, needing to distance himself from her. All he could think of was Bella's words about how he treated the drugged out girl in the backseat. She was right. He had used Tanya, just as her own father had when she was a little girl. He wouldn't lead her on again but he did care enough to make sure she got help. After they checked her in at the hospital, he had left and this was the first day he was returning. It was now Thursday and he woke up with a restless feeling. He tried telling himself that stopping to check on Tanya would make him feel better but it didn't work. There was only one girl that could fix this feeling and Tanya sure as hell wasn't it.

A police officer stepped through the doors as Edward made his way to the main lobby to leave. He had taken a day off and felt kind of lost in the city at lunch time. There was no one for him to meet, no one for him to call, and he had taken the whole day off with the hopes of kicking this feeling. He needed Bella back. No matter how much time he took off work or how many good deeds he did, that was what it came down to. He was almost out the door when he did a double take. "Charlie? Charlie!" he called.

Charlie Swan, in full uniform, turned towards him and gave a small smile. "Edward, hey. Did you find out what's going on yet? Is she doing okay?"

"The nurse said she's doing better today..." he replied automatically before stopping mid-sentence and swallowing hard. Charlie wasn't talking about Tanya. He didn't even know her. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Charlie?" Renee asked, then, hurrying through another set of doors that lead down a long corridor into another section of the building. "Where is she? Do you know what room they have her in?"

He felt sick. He wanted to throw up. No. No, this couldn't be happening. Charlie turned to him but then looked back at Renee. Walking over to Renee, Charlie motioned Edward to come with them but Edward was already in motion and practically knocked another man over trying to get down that hallway. Bella. Bella was here. His heart was hammering hard in his chest and he could hear his blood pumping in his ears. If something happened to her...he wouldn't be able to handle it. Not even after every thing he'd been through. All of that shit was nothing compared to the idea of losing her in the most extreme sense.

Rounding the corner to the beginning of the patient rooms, he heard her before he saw her. Bella's voice carried down the hallway distinctively. Then, he saw her standing about eight rooms away. "Danny, thanks. Really. I was fine getting here on my own, though. Yes, she's okay. I just panicked a little. Sorry about the crying. Like I said, it's been a rough couple of days. I'll see you tomorrow, though..."

Taking in every inch of her, from her brown shoes to her yellow dress and gray tights, she looked well put together and in one piece. He breathed out in relief and headed quickly down the hall. Footsteps behind him let him know Charlie and Renee were following. He had Bella in his arms before the conversation she had been having sank into his brain. He pushed the thoughts away for a few more seconds, holding her against him tightly and feeling her give in to him. Her body came to rest against his and he breathed deeply. "I thought it was you. I saw your dad here and I thought it was you that was hurt..."

"Baby, I'm okay. It's Rosalie. She was in a car accident. The doctor and her parents are in the room with her now but we should know what's going on soon." Bella said it loud enough so her parents and Edward could both hear her. She pulled away from him to hug her mom, who looked like she was close to breaking down. Charlie just stood awkwardly beside his wife, looking over Edward.

"Who _were_ you here to see?" Charlie asked.

"Tanya, a friend of mine. She's going through detox right now."

Bella looked at him in surprise and then nodded to herself. He pulled her back into him just as the doctor and Rosalie's father came out of the room. "Hey, Bella, everything's fine. They're discharging her later today after all the paperwork is filled out. She has some bumps and bruises but nothing serious, thankfully. The baby's fine, heartbeat's strong, and they don't foresee any complications."

"Thank God," Bella and Renee both blurted at the same time as Charlie nodded in relief. Edward froze once again. Rosalie Hale was pregnant. This had to have been what Bella was keeping from him. He wondered if Emmett knew but decided there was no way in hell. His friend would have told him.

"Bells, she wants to talk to you. You can go on in to see her," Rosalie's dad added on before heading down the hallway.

Bella turned to Edward and gave a small smile. "I'll be right back. Will you wait for me?"

Waiting until Mr. Hale was out of earshot, Edward replied, "Of course. I'm going to call Emmett..."

"No. You can't tell him about this. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you."

"So, she is pregnant? How far?"

"She's two months in."

"Em has a right to be here. He loves her."

"He has a funny way of showing it."

"He wasn't keeping a pregnancy from her, either, though."

"Fine. Call him. Don't you dare mention anything about the baby. I'm going in to see her. Come in when you're done."

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he pulled up Emmett's number and called him. "Hey, man, what's up? I'm still at work..."

"Can you get off?" Edward asked by way of hello. "She's okay but I'm here at the hospital with Rosalie. She was in an accident this morning. They're discharging her today, it wasn't anything serious, but I just thought you should know." The last thing Edward heard as he hung up the phone wasn't a goodbye from Emmett but Emmett yelling to someone on the other end of the line that he had an emergency to attend to and to let the boss know he was leaving.

Bella was relieved to see Rosalie sitting up in bed with just a couple bruises and nothing seriously wrong. The second the they made eye contact, Bella practically ran towards Rose, shaking her head. "Rose, I swear to God I didn't tell them about the baby. I really didn't. I never would have done that."

"I know," Rose sniffled. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ignored you all this time. It's just that...it wasn't just the baby thing. Alice called me a few days ago and...told me...that Emmett..."

"I know. You don't have to say it. Edward told me and I tried to call you right after I found out but that's when I realized you were ignoring my calls. I even went to your house then to try to talk to you. I didn't want to tell you through a text."

"Bella, I'm so sorry," Rosalie began to cry again, causing tears to come for Bella as well.

"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just glad you're both okay."

The nurse came back in then, explaining the papers to Rosalie that needed to be filled out and listening to her heart again. While the two talked about pain medication and how Rosalie didn't want it because of the pregnancy, Bella smiled to herself. Despite the fear of responsibility and facing Emmett with the big news, Rosalie Hale cared deeply for her unborn child already. She was going to be a good mom.

When the nurse left, Rose looked back to Bella. "It was stupid. I was going too fast and I wasn't feeling well. I probably shouldn't have been driving at all. I hit the embankment and thankfully there weren't any other vehicles or people involved. I think my car's totaled, though. If I was a little further along, it could have been really bad, Bells," Rose blanched, placing her hands over her belly.

"Well, before we talk about anything else, Edward called Emmett. Em knows about the accident but he doesn't know about the baby. Edward knows about both, he was here visiting Tanya when he saw my dad. He completely freaked out. He thought they were here because of me. I know Emmett has to be worried about you."

"He wasn't very worried about me when he slept with that bitch."

"Do you know who it was?" Bella asked hesitantly.

"Yes. How do _you_ feel about it?"

Bella had no idea how to respond so she just shook her head. "I'd rather not talk about it. Edward has changed so much, Rose. I just have issues dealing with his past."

"These boys aren't good for us, Bella." Rosalie spoke with a hardened voice. Bella stayed quiet so her friend continued. "Do you really think we could ever have a good future with them? I don't know how Alice handles this."

"Jasper has made a lot of improvements," Bella reminded her. "Edward has as well. I'm not trying to defend your boy but he wasn't the one ignoring you outright while keeping a huge secret that will effect your life completely. Rose, I'm not just saying this. He needs to know that you are carrying his child. It can't wait any longer. Me, your parents, Edward, we all know. He should know more than any of us. He should have been the first to know."

As if on cue, the girls heard a commotion in the hallway as Mrs. Hale gasped and exclaimed Emmett's name, obviously surprised he was there. "Where is she? What room is she in?" Emmett's big voice carried. Obviously no one answered because they heard him say Edward's name questioningly, like Edward better answer or else. Seconds later, the door flew open and his large form took up the door. Rosalie had grabbed Bella's hand when Emmett was still in the hallway, obviously needing her friend for support.

Emmett stomped across the room, ignoring Bella as she and Rose both stared at him in slight surprise. It was a good thing Rose was already in her bed because he would have tackled her had she been standing. "Baby, what happened? Are you okay? Edward said you're okay but..." Bella just squeezed her friend's hand twice in reassurance before standing and leaving the room. She knew the two had a lot to discuss.

An hour later, after the parents went back in and everyone had a chance to visit a little more, they discharged Rose and Bella turned to Edward. Rose and Emmett weren't the only two who needed to talk some things over. "Can we talk?" she asked quietly.

"I thought you'd never ask," he gushed with such relief that Bella just had to hug him.

Edward watched Bella as she stood in front of the large fountain near the water front. The yellow and white polka-dotted dress over her brown leggings brought sun to his mind even though it was a dreary winter afternoon and she had her brown sweater pulled tight. "You look so beautiful, Bells."

She turned to him then, a smile on her face. After taking a deep breath, she sat down on the rim of the fountain and took his hand, pulling him down to sit beside her. "Why didn't you go to work today?"

"I had a few sick days left since Lanie actually enjoys school now," he said wryly before frowning. "I, um, haven't been feeling all that great this week. I decided to stay home today, hoping I could kick this sucky feeling."

"Did visiting Tanya help?" she asked but he was unable to tell if she was being sarcastic or not. He answered honestly.

"No. I mean, I was glad to hear that she was doing better than she has been but Tanya had nothing to do with why I'm not sleeping and feel like I'm dying."

Bella raised an eyebrow before looking away and turning back to him with her lips pursed. "I get how that feels. I'm just...at a loss with us. I'm confused and conflicted and..."

"Unhappy with me?"

"No. I was going to say in love with you. I don't know what to do. I just know the idea of being without you makes my chest hurt and I don't know what that means. Rosalie said today that she didn't think you and Emmett could ever be good for me and her. I told her you changed. You did change. I know that. I sill feel, though, that I need you to open up to me. I need to know what you want from me. I want to know what happened to you. I don't want us to have anymore secrets between us. I thought after a few days of having space that I would decide I didn't need to know. I know you don't want to tell me but those days didn't change anything. I want to know you, Edward. Completely."

Edward was terrified now. While she felt that she needed to know, it was in knowing that could push her away forever. "Bells, you won't look at me the same way after you know. I don't want that."

"I love you and nothing is going to change that. Do you have such little faith in me?"

"I told you before, no one knows."

"Okay. I'll let it go..." Bella whispered as if she felt even more unsure of the situation now.

He would later chalk up his fear of her leaving to why he grabbed her hand and blurted out what he did-it was the only explanation he had for blurting out a secret that he'd kept buried for years and years. "I had things done to me when I was a kid, before I even understood what was actually being done to me. I was...abused...by both of my parents and a few of their friends. My mom was a drunk and my father dealt drugs to pay for what shitty life we had. When my mom got real bad and the bottle became more important than rent or food, my dad made her pay for it, literally, by doing...favors...for his sick friends.

"I was maybe six or seven when they took interest in me. Until then, it had only ever been mental or sometimes physical abuse but mostly it was more along the lines of neglect. I don't remember much from before then but I remember being hungry...like all the time...and I took care of myself. I didn't go to school until Kindergarten, when my parents didn't have any other choice.

"Bella, I was sexually abused from the time I was in first grade up until I was able to physically fight them off. I was maybe twelve at the time. I don't know when it was exactly because my birthday was never celebrated-except at school and even when I was there, I never grasped how old I actually was. How pathetic is that? Even a two year old can tell you how old they are. Two years after they quit messing with me, my mom became pregnant with Lanie.

"Dad was still passing her off at that point and when she started to show, he was so mad. I'll never forget it. I was old enough to understand that they didn't want her, just like they never wanted me. I tried to block for her, tried to take care of her so they didn't have to. At first, mom was attentive but around the time Lanie turned one, right after dad quit coming around and things were actually okay for us, mom started drinking again. It wasn't as bad before and she was better at hiding it. The summer when Lanie was a baby, she had even taken us on a trip to Philly. She actually ended up getting a part time job and my dad was home less and less so we were left alone a lot. It was better that way, in my opinion. I raised Lanie while they did what they did and in exchange they left us alone."

"I would go to school-rarely but I tried to go enough that the school didn't try to get involved, I watched Lanie when I got home, and mom would leave then for work. Dad was never home, maybe showing up once every few days. Mom was basically a single mother at this point."

Edward realized that Bella hadn't breathed a word since he began and he hadn't meant to just let all of that out. He had figured that when and if he told her, it wouldn't be all of it. He could have just brushed over the specifics. He knew, for her, that would have been enough. For himself, though, he needed to get this out and for the first time in his life, he felt secure enough to do so.

She cleared her throat before sliding closer to him. "I thought you lived with Jazz for a while before you graduated."

"It was after actually. My dad had left pretty much completely. We saw him every so many weeks and I swear to God he came back just to fuck with my head."

"Did he ever...was Lanie ever...what he did to you, did he do that to her?" Bella asked hesitantly.

"No. At least, I truly believe he didn't. I suppose there were times that I wasn't around and either of them could have done so but she never let on anything and it's something that I won't be able to accept so I don't try to figure it out. As far as I'm concerned, they never touched her that way. That's not to say she wasn't neglected by them like I was but when she was young enough for it to matter, I was there to cushion it."

Bella shook her heard, "Edward, she's still young enough for it to matter..."

"A baby can't change its own diapers, Bella," Edward replied a little more harshly than he had intended. "A three year old knows when they're hungry and can open a refrigerator door. I made sure Lanie was potty trained even before then. Believe me, mom didn't want to deal with diapers anymore, either. I wasn't the only one pushing Alana."

This was the part where he became completely ashamed. He pulled his hand from Bella's, knowing he didn't deserve those hand squeezes that let him know to keep going. "That's when I got the bright idea to move out. Since graduating, I went to work the construction job I had now and it was fairly good pay. I gave mom money to help with rent and Lanie since we hadn't seen my dad in months but Jazz was getting an apartment and I selfishly wanted my freedom. I left her, Bells. I walked away from Lanie to let her be raised by the bitch that broke me when I was a child, when I was her age."

"I lived with Jazz for a short time before guilt and fear for my baby sister overtook everything and when my dad showed up again, this time for a longer period of time, I moved back. I went back to my couch in the living room and, if it's even possible, shit got worse. Dad started to beat my mom but she wouldn't leave him. I think it softened her because she realized what she had put me through as a kid. I almost felt something for her, almost. Then, I found them.

"I was still sleeping, knowing I'd have to get up for work soon. It was just a typical Tuesday. Lanie was in school by then and I had to get her ready to go catch the bus. A gunshot woke me up but I didn't think much of it. We don't live in the best neighborhood, still, it was louder than I was used to hearing.

"We were trying to be quiet and not wake them up as we got ready about an hour later. I don't know what compelled me to do it; normally I would have just counted my blessings that we hadn't been bothered by them. I opened their bedroom door enough just to peek in and that's when I saw it. Blood. It was everywhere. I understood the loud bang that had woke me up.

"Lanie was putting her shoes on and I closed the door quickly. I knew they were both dead. My dad was on the floor and my mom was on the bed. Both of them were covered in blood. I told Lanie I had to use the restroom. I went in and threw up. Twice. Came back out, put on my shoes, and we left. I took her to school myself, not bothering to even call in to work and I went to Jasper's. I told him what happened and we went back to the apartment together before calling 911."

"Holy shit," Bella breathed out.

"I know, right?" Edward asked sarcastically. "You know, they actually questioned me and Jazz both about their deaths. We sat in jail for a whole night before we got word that there was no bullet in my father, that he'd died of an overdose. My mother's death had obviously been a suicide. Isn't that sick, Bella? He battered her, abused her babies, and sold her body to his friends to make a quick buck and yet when his own fault killed him, she killed herself in grief over the bastard. Any love I could have ever felt for her was gone after that.

"I was glad they were dead and the day before when they were asking me if I killed them, I said that I hadn't but I wished many times that I was strong enough to do it. I wouldn't have hurt my mom...not really...but my dad deserved it." Edward turned to look at her again, "I'm sorry that I felt that way but it's the truth. I'm not a murderer and I'm not trying to scare you off..."

"No," Bella answered quickly, the tears on her cheeks practically freezing in the cold air. "He did deserve it. They both did."

Edward smiled at that, relief that he was sure was apparent on his face flooded him. "I still should never have left Lanie with my mom just to get away from my own issues. That wasn't fair to her. I'll never forgive myself for it."

"She shouldn't have had to be your responsibility. This was their fault, not yours." Hearing her speak those words made him tear up. God, she gave him too much leniency. "Was it hard to get Lanie after?"

"Oh, my God!" Edward breathed, remember just how difficult it was. "Thankfully, Jasper's family had always been very good to me and they got involved due to the fact that Jazz was being questioned right along with me. A family friend of theirs was a lawyer and after they realized she thankfully wouldn't be needed to defend Jasper, they asked her to help me get custody of Lanie.

"It took nearly a year for them to be convinced to let Lanie live with me permanently. I was staying with Jasper again for a few days until the apartment was cleaned and I secured a different apartment in the same building. For obvious reasons, I didn't want to stay in the old one with Lanie. They let her stay with me but it wasn't legalized completely until almost a year later. I owe a lot to the lawyer."

"Thank you for telling me all that. I had no idea how bad things were. I'm sorry I pushed for it."

When she said no more, just put an arm around him and leaned her head on his chest, he asked, "Is that all you have to say about it? You aren't...disgusted...or...anything..."

"Edward," she gasped, shaking her head and forcing him to look at her. "I love you. It's painful to hear that someone I love went through something so terrible...even as a child. I'm not disgusted because of you. By what your parents did, yes, but not because of you. In fact, it makes me want to prove that you are good enough for me. I want to be a part of your life for the rest of your life and try to ensure that you get to be happy."

"I want that, too, but I want you happy more. I'm scared that you're going to settle because of pity."

"I loved you before I knew your story and I still love you now that I know. Pity be damned, Cullen. This is purely me being selfish and wanting to keep you to myself," she said gently but with a smirk.

"No one can know any of this, Bella. Not even Rosalie..."

"I wouldn't dare tell anyone. I was wrong, Edward. Secrets _from_ each other could kill what we have but secrets _between_ us are something that brings us closer. I _want_ to be closer to you."

Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, he pulled it out and looked down before chuckling. Bella frowned and looked to him questioningly. He just sent back his reply and smiled. "Emmett just sent me a text, he said, "Holy shit. I'm going to be dad."

"What did you say back?" Bella asked, obviously genuinely curious.

"You'll be great...just try not to fuck it up with the baby's mother."

**Well, there you have it. While I'm not saying it excuses his behavior, I think that it definitely explains a lot about the way he is and the way he acts in certain situations. I hope you enjoyed this two-parter and it would mean a lot if you leave a review! See you next weekend! Letzy xx**


	24. Worth the Fight

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 24**

**Worth the Fight**

On the trip back towards their vehicles, Edward pulled Bella into him and refused to take his arm from around her waist. It had been so long since they'd had communication like this that he wasn't ready to let the feeling go. He knew that he would never be completely ready for that but stored that knowledge away for now. "I can't believe I just told you all that," he said in disbelief as she looked up at him.

"Do you regret it?"

"No. It felt good. Still, you shouldn't be burdened with the details of my past. They are mine to suffer with. I never meant to give you all the details."

"Well, I'm glad you did tell me. I like getting to see who you are and why you do the things that you do. It actually explains a lot."

"Like what?" He wasn't particularly sure that he liked these conclusions about him that she may have come to.

"Well, why you are so unwelcome to the idea of marriage..."

"I never said I never wanted to be married," he put in.

Bella cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? That wasn't the impression I got...or what you said to me before."

"Well, I'm rethinking my feelings on that particular topic."

Bella grinned then, biting down on her lip before continuing. "Okay, well, then I see why you are so protective of Lanie and why you can be so hard on yourself when it comes to being responsible for her. It wasn't your fault that you wanted to get out of that apartment and live with Jazz for a while. You deserved a break."

"But not at the risk of putting Lanie in danger. I knew what they were capable of."

"Okay. I won't argue with you about it but I, for one, am not blaming you at all. If you want to go on blaming yourself, then fine. I won't do it, though," she said stubbornly, obviously knowing he was just as stubborn about his point of view on it. She knew him well.

"Well, what other ideas do you have about me now that you know the shit-show that is my life?"

"That _was _your life," she corrected, "and I now get why you are the way you are during...sexual encounters."

That one caught him off guard. Deep down he knew the sexual abuse had to have played a roll in what he liked during sex. He just hadn't wanted to admit it to himself that he was using those girls to get revenge on abusers. That, in his mind, he held those girls down because he had so often been forced to comply in that way. It shook him. Bella was too good for that. She deserved someone clean.

They were at their vehicles and he had no idea how to respond to what Bella had just told him. He felt disgusted with himself. It was hard hearing what he had been thinking from another person-especially someone as important to him as she was. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too," he whispered, kissing her and then pulling away.

"I told Lanie that I was leaving and that I'd stop back and pick her up. I didn't realize you were off..."

"Oh. Yeah. I should have called you. I've been...out of it...these past few days. I'll pick her up."

"Actually, I was kind of hoping we could go get her together and I could maybe hang with you two for supper. If we stop at the store, we can get stuff for me to make tacos. We still have enough time to drop off one of our vehicles and get over there to get her before school gets out. I mean, if you want. If not, it's fine..."

Hugging her tightly again, he kissed her hard. He had wanted to see her, to spend time with her, ever since she left Emmett's. This was all he wanted. "Absolutely. Yes. God, I'm just glad you want to come back, Bells. I never meant to hurt you. That Tanya situation was fucked but I know I shouldn't have kept it from you."

"Well, I felt awful for lying to you about Rosalie but I didn't think it was fair for everyone to know about it before Emmett."

"I can't believe she kept it from him. How far along is she again?"

"Two months...a little past that now, actually."

"How long has she known for?"

"About a month."

"Wow. Well, I guess I get why she was avoiding him if she didn't want him to know," Edward said dryly.

"That doesn't make it okay, though."

"Agreed. Bella, don't ever keep things like that from me, okay? Like, if you do end up pregnant, you'll at least tell me, right?"

Bella laughed. "Baby, I don't want you to worry about that happening at all right now. But yes, if you knock me up, you'll be the first to know. You just enjoy being a baby's uncle for right now. I'm not ready to raise a little Edward Cullen. You keep me on my toes enough as it is. I guess, it could always turn out to be a little Isabella..."

"Yeah, well, I kind of already have one of those. It's called a Lanie and she could be your kid. I've never seen her take to someone like she has with you. The suddenly liking school, the reading nonstop, even the little dresses she likes when I couldn't force her into one before. She really looks up to you. I can't say it's a bad thing, I love that she's doing something more stimulating than just watching TV all the time. A person can have worse addictions than books."

"I've always thought so," Bella laughed, her face red. "Still, she doesn't take after me that much."

"Oh, she does. Believe me."

"Well, we can talk about the possibility of trying for a little Edward after we make the decision concerning commitment and marriage...or you make the decision if you even can commit to that."

"Bells, I'm committed. I'm just not ready for marriage."

"I'm not ready for that either and I'm not pushing you. I don't want you to change who you are because of me but I won't knowingly create a child with you if I don't have reason to believe that we'll be together for the rest of our lives."

"I understand that."

"Good. You know...we have enough time that if we left now, we could get some quick practice in, though. I mean, I'm always up to practicing the creation of our little Edward."

Then, as if he needed to be persuaded, she kissed him again and let her hands roam a little more than she normally would in public. "Let's go," he whispered. "Now. Before I take you against the side of my car."

"Well, if it comes to that, how about we go with the side of the Jeep instead? I wouldn't want to have to worry about a Tetanus shot." He smiled at her and laughed. His Bella was back.

Bella was still breathing heavily as she headed down the apartment stairs to go pick up Lanie from school. It had been so, so tempting to give into the exhaustion from lack of sleep and the physical strain of the great sex, staying asleep with him until the next day...or week. Edward had worried about what her reaction would be to him telling her his story but instead of 'disgusting' her, as he had put it, it had made her want to hold onto him closer. He was ruthless during sex, as always, but it was definitely something she had become accustomed to with him. He never physically hurt her and when he was wrapped up in the intense act, it took her to new heights. It was almost primal and it was what she now craved.

While foreplay wasn't exactly necessary with them, she being ready to go the second he started touching her, it was those times that he spent the extra time teasing and toying with her that drove her mad. She didn't care what Edward had to say about the sexual situation between them. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him when it came to sex. He blew her mind. Rosalie hadn't been completely joking either, the fact that Bella was this sexually active was a huge deal. Before Edward, she could count on one hand how many times she had slept with other men. With Edward, she would soon need a damn calculator just for their experiences .

Handing off her keys, Edward raised an eyebrow as she went around to the passenger side of her Jeep. "I'm in a heated seats kind of mood and much too tired to drive. I trust you. Can we please just go get your sister?"

He chuckled and went to climb in behind the wheel only to start laughing again. He had to move the seat back, adjust it so that it was a little lower, and lift the steering wheel up before he could even get into it. Bella watched with great amusement and then awe as her man began pushing buttons and tweaking knobs to set the mirrors and things to his liking. She had to admit, he looked good behind the wheel of her car. "Kind of funny, isn't it. We have a luxury Jeep or an old beater car to choose from."

He frowned and glanced over at her after pulling into the flow of rush hour traffic. "Well, we should probably downsize yours. It's not exactly safe to flaunt money around here. Especially at night."

"I'm careful, Edward. You don't have to worry about me like that."

"I always worry about you. If something happens to you because you're in this shit-hole of an area visiting me, it would kill me, too."

"You really hate it here, don't you?"

He snorted. "Seriously? You have to ask? Have you seen it?"

"It's really not that bad. I mean, sure, you have some rough neighbors, but there's white collar crime that goes on in places around mine all the time. Those people can be just as dangerous and their worse than some of the people around here-you never know who they are. Doctor by day but drug runner by night. You never really know the people around you. Still, if you hate it here so much, could you move?"

"I've thought about it before. I don't make a lot and what I do have goes to practical things like bills and groceries but I have gotten raises and things since starting with the company. Someday, Bella, I'm going to get Lanie out of here. I just hope I can manage it before she graduates high school and moves away anyway. I have a little money saved for her. It would never be enough for college but it will hopefully get her started with at least her books. I think she'll qualify for aid."

"What about you? Did you ever want to go back to school?"

"No. I hated school. I only stuck it out because I needed a diploma and knew it. It's just not me, Bella. I haven't even read a book straight through in my entire life. You probably think I'm an uneducated idiot.."

"I think you're amazing with your hands and are too restless to work with your mind. You're smart, though. Lanie's life would be a million times worse if it wasn't for you being street smart and working to raise her. You basically raised your sister, Edward, from the time you were fourteen. That says something about you."

"Yeah. That I have a sister who deserves better."

"Stop," Bella yawned, reaching over to rest her hand on his thigh. "I won't sit here and listen to you cut yourself down. You did what you could to make her happy and Alana is way better for it. I'm proud to say I'm with you. I dare anyone to challenge my belief on that."

"Well, on a different note, I want you to know that you were right about what you said concerning my relationship with Tanya...and some of the other girls. I know I was wrong."

"We don't need to talk about it. It's done."

"Well, I don't plan to see her again. I'm hoping she gets herself cleaned up, though. Demons of the past are hard to exorcise. Believe me, I have a good number of my own."

"Edward?" she asked quietly, closing her eyes and just about to drift off.

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love who you are."

Ten minutes later, Bella woke back up to voices of Lanie and Edward. When she heard her name, she stayed quiet and listened. "...she was driving faster than she should have been. She's okay now, though. Uncle Em is there with her and she's probably on her way home by now."

"I missed Bella being at school."

"Was the other teacher nice?" Bella heard him ask with concern.

"Yeah. It's just that I like Bella."

Bella couldn't help but smile. She went to turn her head and give them a sign that she was awake when Lanie continued on. "Can she move in with us?"

Silence followed the question and Bella felt awkward at this point. She didn't want them to think she was eavesdropping, and she hadn't meant to, but now she wanted to know what he would say. "Lanie...I..."

Shifting in her seat, Bella sat up and looked around. "Hey, Lanie! How was the teacher? Did you get everything done?"

"Yeah. Oscar tried to run away but we found and caught him."

"Oh, no," Bella groaned. "I'll have to apologize the next time I see her. I'm glad you guys found him, though."

Edward's phone ringing in the cup holder made her jump and laugh nervously. "You okay?" he asked her, ignoring the phone.

"Just tired. It's been a long couple of days. Aren't you going to answer that?"

"Not when I'm driving this thing."

"You answer your phone while driving _your_ car."

"My car is a piece of...crap."

"Yeah...but this one actually has airbags," Bella replied with a smirk. "If you're going to wreck with us as passengers, please do so in here."

Lanie laughed from the backseat. "I'll answer it!"

"No!" Edward answered quickly. "Bells, grab it. Since you both are so worried about me having a missed call."

Bella rolled her eyes at him before reaching down for it. "Hello?" she asked, laughter still in her voice. When there was nothing on the other end, she became completely serious. _What if it's Tanya...or another girl?_

"Bella?" It was thankfully a man's voice but whoever it was sounded confused.

"Yeah, it's Bella. Who is this? Edward's driving so he had me answer..."

"Oh, um, can you have him call me when he...can. I need to talk to him."

"Okay," Bella said, putting the phone down. No goodbyes were said.

"Well?"

"It sounded like Emmett. He sounded odd. Said he wants you to call him back."

By the time they got to the apartment, Bella had already sent Rosalie a text asking how she was doing and Lanie was sprinting up to their floor. She could hear Emmett on the phone and knew something was up when Edward was giving him quick answers and had a frown on his face while doing it. Rosalie never sent her anything back. "Lanie," Edward called out, "I know we just got home but I have to go over to Uncle Em's."

"I can stay with her," Bella replied, kicking off her heels.

"Actually, we both should be there."

"Rosalie. What's wrong with Rose?" Bella asked with a sinking feeling.

"It's not her. We all need to talk. I don't really know the whole story."

And so, that's how the three of them ended up back in the car, pulling up in front of Emmett's townhouse. He recognized Jasper's car and went to help Lanie out of the back. Rosalie was sitting at the kitchen table when they walked in, the bruise on her arm visible but otherwise she just seemed a little shaken. It worried him that she looked worse for wear than she did at the hospital. What worried him the most was that Jasper was alone and obviously tense. While Jasper was the calmest of the three, it meant something when he lost that demeanor.

He felt Bella push past him and go to Rosalie, obviously concerned for her friend but he couldn't hear what the girls were muttering to each other. Needless to say, Edward was no longer very calm either. On the phone, Emmett had made it seem like they were just going to talk about the news of the new baby. Alice and Jasper didn't know. Now, though, Alice wasn't even there and it was pretty apparent that something was up.

Lanie, as always, needed to be his first priority. Leading her as nonchalantly as possible into the back room Emmett used as a living room, he turned on the TV and handed her the case with her glasses in it so she could read her book. "Give us like a half hour tops and we'll go home. Bella's going to make us tacos. We'll stop at the store and head home, okay?"

She nodded her head, a funny look on her face. "Okay."

Shaking his head, he sat down beside her. "Talk to me. Why do you look so upset?"

"Something's wrong, Eddie. I'm not dumb."

"I know you're not, Alana. I've been telling you that from day one. I think everyone is just a little shook up over the accident Rose was in. It could have been bad. It wasn't but it could have been."

"Where's Ally?"

"I'm right here, Lanie," Alice said, stepping into the room and sitting down on the couch. The look Edward got from Alice confirmed his suspicions. Something was up.

Crossing his arms as he stepped into the kitchen, he stalked over to the table and looked down at Emmett. "What the fuck is going on here?" he whispered angrily. "I have Lanie. I don't want her around something that's bad like this..."

"You don't even know what it is, man. Sit down."

Emmett's tone told him that he wasn't asking. Edward pulled up a seat as Jasper offered him a beer. He declined it so Jazz took a drink from it himself. "Why isn't Ally joining us?" Edward asked Jasper.

Picking at the label on his bottle, Jasper grimaced towards Emmett. "I don't know why we're here either and it's no secret that Emmett might be a little...hostile towards her."

"Fuck you," Emmett said loudly, "I'd never hurt her!"

That was it. Sliding his chair back, Edward stood and turned to Bella. "I don't know what they have to say but this is obviously not a fun family gathering. I'm taking Lanie home. She doesn't need to hear the swearing."

"Edward, would you just sit down? Please?" Edward stopped clenching his fists and looked over at the girl who'd just spoke up.

"Rose, with all due respect, the guys know I don't tolerate this around my little sister. Bells, you can stay but..."

"I'm getting...rid...of the baby."

For a total of ten seconds, everyone went completely silent, even Alice stepped into the room then. Edward turned to make sure Lanie hadn't heard that and Alice jumped in to reassure him that his sister was occupied and not paying attention. After Alice, the next voice he heard had his head snapping back over to his friends. Bella was standing now and very, very pissed off.

"You son of a bitch!" she whispered roughly at Emmett. "How dare you! You stupid..."

"Bella!" Rosalie called out. "Enough. It was a decision reached by both of us..."

"The hell it was! My God, Rosalie, what the hell is wrong with you? We already planned out the fucking nursery! He did this! What did he say to you? Why are you going along with this?"

Edward stepped over to Bella for the same reason that Jasper had Alice waiting to see what Emmett's reaction was going to be before she joined the party. Edward feared the worst, despite the fact that his friend had mellowed out a lot over the years. Thankfully, instead of getting angry, Emmett tried to calm her. "Bella, it's what she wants..."

"Fuck you!"

"Enough!" Jasper hollered over everyone, even as he was the only one now still in his seat. "Everyone sit down and shut up. We obviously all have a lot to work out. Rosalie, you go first. Say your piece."

"I know what happened with Tanya Denali. I know that you three guys are...rough people to be around. Emmett has decided that he would want a part in the baby's life. Even if we've broken up. It made me realize, Bells, that I can't do this. I'm deciding for myself here and now that Emmett isn't good for me. Ally, I'm not upset with you and neither is Emmett."

"I would never do anything to hurt you, Al," Emmett himself added.

"Still, I know about the cheating and I've gotten to know you guys and...I'm walking. I feel like this was all a mistake."

"Rose, just wait," Bella spoke up quickly. "That baby is still _yours_. _You_ had plans. _You _told me you couldn't wait to meet him or her. How will _you_ live with yourself if you do this? I mean, even if you don't want to raise the baby with Emmett or by yourself, why not put it up for adoption?"

"I thought things were fine with you two at the hospital today..." Edward began.

"I didn't even know you were pregnant," Alice frowned, plopping down in exasperation in an empty chair.

"Well, I am and we had time to talk about it after I was discharged. Em and I both agreed to break things off."

"I don't care if you two never speak again," Bella added, "but you have to think about the baby before you make a really big mistake. Once you make the decision, you can't erase it once it's done. That baby is gone. You love Emmett..."

"And you love Edward but, Bella, it's going to end badly. Don't you see? I've heard stories. I know how all three of these guys can be."

Edward wasn't angry but he did feel a little sick. This was all going too far. Alice must have felt the same way, on top of the fact that she looked deeply, deeply offended. "Rosalie, you stop. Right now. I don't care who you think you are or what powers you have or how much better you seem to consider yourself than we are. Jasper Whitlock is the love of my life. It's not easy at times but we work it out because we love each other. You're an idiot if you think you're too good to have someone like Emmett. I see what you're doing here. You're using your baby to get back at him for hurting you. That's bullshit. I know Em. He would step up and be a good father."

"What about you, Bella?" Rosalie asked with her arms crossed. Edward wanted to reach across the table and strangle the blonde. He managed to remind himself that she was a female and she was also pregnant. A man, though, wouldn't have stood a chance the way Rosalie was targeting Bella. "Are you going to defend Edward?"

"I don't have to," Bella spit at her friend, pushing her seat back again, she walked out of the room before turning back as a second thought and pointing to Rosalie. "I don't know what your problem is but this isn't you. I love Edward and I would love his child. You don't just completely stop loving someone this quickly-and you sure as hell don't dispose of a child you created together. So, no. I won't defend Edward because I have nothing to defend him over. Your boy cheated on you. Edward hasn't cheated on me. In fact, I'm leaving. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you contemplate aborting this baby. Emmett fucked up and if you never speak to him again, I don't care but you're never going to forgive yourself if you get _rid_ of that little baby. If it's what you truly wanted, then you would have done so already. Edward, let's go. We promised Lanie tacos."

Seeing Emmett look like he was on trial and had just received a bad sentencing, Edward nodded and relented. "Go tell her we're ready. Em, man, talk her out of this. This is your baby, too. You fight for that little one. Rose, whatever is going through your head, whether you're doing this to punish him or not, it's wrong. A baby is a gift. You fuck with the natural order of things and shit goes down. I know this isn't you. Bella is too amazing to be friends with someone who would do something like this just to get back at an ex in a time of being...stupid.

"You think I'm going to hurt her? You think that we're all pieces of shit? Fine. I get that he fucked up. I get that he hurt you. I also know that, and you know it too because you claim that we are too fucked in the head to be good men, if that were truly the case, Emmett would have denied that child and turned his back on you. He loves you. Love changes people, Rosalie. This isn't just between you two anymore. You have a child to think about and right now you're the only one that can directly effect it. I hope you get your shit together quick enough to realize that."

Bella and Lanie were getting their shoes on as he turned to walk away and he chastised himself for using the words he had just yelled at them for using moments ago. "This is what I want," Rosalie said softly, as if trying to convince herself.

There was nothing left for him to say but it left a bad taste in his mouth, like if he could find the right words, he'd be free of the sick feeling taking him over. He had no idea why this choice was so upsetting to him, he didn't particularly have a hand in any of it. It could, he reasoned, have something to do with the look on Emmett's face. A look of absolute devastation. Edward had seen the terror in his friends eyes at the hospital earlier. There was no doubt in Edward's mind that Emmett McCarty was absolutely in love with Rosalie Hale-and she was going to break him, more so than he already was to start with.

Lanie was quietly getting into the Jeep as Bella held the door open for her. Alice came out then, carrying Lanie's glasses. "Don't forget these!" Alice called and Jasper stood on the porch with his arms crossed, watching Ally like he was her bodyguard. A few moments later, Alice had pulled Bella in for a hug and Jasper sighed, his breath visible in the air, before stepping off the porch and heading over to join the four of them.

Bella looked torn and on the brink of collapse. The dark circles accentuated her red eyes and she shivered against the cold. The last thing she needed was to deal with him and his little sister. She needed sleep and he felt like a total asshole for taking the little bit of time she could have had to sleep that afternoon and turning it into sex. Alice's arms were still around her and Edward realized just how small they both appeared to be.

"Bells, baby," he said gently, rubbing her shoulder as he stood beside the two girls, "I think maybe you need to talk to Rosalie about what's going on. You're going to regret leaving here like this and we both know it. I want to get Lanie home and get her something to eat. I'll take care of dinner. You take care of Rosalie. We brought the Jeep but I can call for a taxi and you can head home..."

"No. I've spent days waiting for us to be okay again. Take the Jeep. I'll meet you at home after all of this...is discussed...nicely."

"Fine," he sighed, knowing his girl could be stubborn. Turning to Jasper, he looked him in the eyes. "You'll keep an eye on her?"

"Absolutely. I'll bring her to your place when she's ready."

"Thanks, man," he said, grabbing Jasper's hand in the manly sort of way that they had been doing for years. It was as close to a hug as Edward ever planned to get with another man.

"No problem. Drive safe. She's in good hands. While the girls are talking, I'll try to talk Em off the ledge. Maybe you should call him in a little bit, though."

Edward nodded before he pulled Bella in for a hug and a kiss. "I'll be waiting. You call if you need me."

**Please leave a review :) Letzy xx**


	25. A Non-Proposal

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 26**

**A Non-Proposal**

"I thought you left," Rosalie stated as Bella walked through the front door. Edward's kiss still lingered on Bella's lips and she looked over at her best friend. Rosalie had been her rock and even her protector. While Bella was shy and mousy, no one would dare to bother with her because the tenacious Rosalie Hale was usually at her side. Now, though, her friend looked defeated and crestfallen. This was something Bella wasn't used to.

"I want to talk to you. Emmett, will you give us some privacy please?" she asked as civilly as possible, not at all completely confidant that he didn't have something to do with Rosalie's new outlook on their unborn child.

As Emmett walked past Bella to head further into the living room where Jasper and Alice were headed, he pulled her in for a hug-surprising the shit out of her and causing Jasper to leave Alice's side and step closer to them. Bella froze but then heard him whisper into her ear, "Don't let her do this, Bella. We both know this isn't what she wants. Make her see that."

Bella wanted to pull him into a private room and demand to know what the hell had transpired between him and her best friend. There was nothing she could say to him at the moment, not really, and he must have known that because he left the two girls alone. Sitting down directly across from the blonde, Bella threw her shy, polite self out for the time being and crossed her arms. "Did that accident crack you in the head hard enough to fuck up your decision making brain cells or what? What is going on with you? I don't understand, Rosalie."

"Bella, I've been considering this since the night I found out. You know this."

"Bullshit. I know you and I know your family. There's no way in hell you would have told your parents if it meant you were even remotely considering aborting the baby."

"They found out without me telling them," Rosalie reminded her.

"But you didn't deny it, did you?"

Rosalie looked away and shook her head, tears were brimming on her eyes again but Bella refused to show her sympathy. "We both know that you could have gone to the clinic, had the procedure done, and no one would have been in on it accept the two of us. Although, being that you created this child with the man that you love, maybe it would have been nice to eventually clue him in."

"Emmett was in prison for three years," Rosalie blurted. Again, Bella was caught completely off-guard. Then, sarcastically, Rosalie sneered, "What? Edward didn't tell you that?"

When Bella finally found the ability to speak, she could only come up with a confused, "For what?"

"Drug trafficking, grand theft auto, and assault and battery."

"Holy shit."

"I know, right?" Rosalie asked in a sarcastic, girlie way that her and Bella usually responded to each other with.

"Rose, he's still Emmett. I doubt he does those things anymore..."

Her friend snorted and rolled her eyes, "Really? Why?"

"Because Edward wouldn't have me around him if that were the case, or Lanie, or even himself."

"Because Edward's such a saint."

"You don't know what he's been through. Believe me, he wouldn't fucking trust a drug dealer and he sure as hell wouldn't let Lanie around someone who was violent."

"Is this really the man I should be raising a baby with, though?" For the first time since Bella had come back in, Rosalie was speaking in her normal tone, only she was sad. The sarcasm was gone.

"I think we need to back the hell up. Did you know about Em's past before or after you found out about being pregnant?"

"Before I found out about the baby but after I fell in love with him. Things already didn't seem right between him and I after he told me about being in prison but you seemed so happy and I didn't want to stomp all over your bubble. Then, before today, I guess I just convinced myself that what Emmett and I had was just a fling. I hoped that he'd let me alone to raise the baby and not want to back out of the bachelor lifestyle. Tanya had actually given me a little hope that it would work out that way. When I told him, though, at the hospital, he was actually a little excited and that scares me."

"Hold up. You were devastated over what he did with Tanya."

"I was upset because I knew I'd lose him. In the end, he would do it again and I'd have to let him so that I could take responsibility for this little one on my own."

"So, let me get this straight. You have a man who knocked you up, _wants_ to help you raise the baby, and not fuck around behind your back anymore. In what world does it make any sense for you to be upset over this?"

"Would you want someone with such a fucked up past to raise your kid?"

Bella ran her hands over the the wooden table and frowned. Edward did have a fucked up life but it wasn't quite what Emmett's was. Edward was a victim but Emmett was a perpetrator. Still, Edward had to know about Emmett. The guys were as close as brothers. She wondered what Jasper had hiding in his closet.

"I don't know. Ally won't tell me," Rosalie sighed. Bella looked up, startled, not realizing that she had spoken out loud.

Shaking herself back to the matter at hand, Bella reached across the table and took Rosalie's hands in her own. "I know you better than anyone else. I know you better than your parents do. I know you better than Emmett probably ever will. I love you and you know that. I also know that no matter what you say, you love Emmett. You want to marry him and have this baby and raise it together. Even with his past, you still want that because you're Rosalie and you never give a shit about what anyone else thinks about you. The only question I have is, has he hurt you or threatened you?"

"Never," Rosalie whispered as tears came freely now.

"Then you and I both know what you want. Maybe not now, because you're tired and in pain. It's been a long day for all of us and we all need to take a moment to screw our heads back on right. Still, when all this shit blows over, we both know that you're going to want to fight for your relationship with Emmett. I also know that it will kill you to get rid of this child. Maybe not today...and you know I'm not completely against it for other people...but you aren't one of those people. This...this will kill you, Rosalie."

"I'm scared and I'm tired. I'm so, so tired, Bella."

"You're also in love for the first time and it scares the hell out of you that you have no control over that situation. Let go, Rosalie. Give in to what you want."

"So," Rosalie let out a deep breath, "the men we have fallen in love with have the ability to one day destroy us. Still, we chose these two to fall in love with and now we don't have a choice but to accept it. No matter what it does to us."

"No. You always have a choice. I do, too."

"So, Edward's past isn't something that scares you enough to back away from him?"

With a shake of her head and dry smile, Bella cleared her throat. "Oh, his past absolutely terrifies me but its his future that I can't see. You have a path with Emmett. If you accept your boy, you know what happens for the most part at a basic level. You date again, deliver the baby, marry some day... I have none of that. I may never get any of that with my boy because of the shitty life he had as a kid."

"Don't you feel like that's all the more reason to _let go _of him?"

"I wish it were. I wish it was that easy. Shit gets complicated, though, Rosalie."

"Why?"

"Because I love him," Bella replied simply, shrugging her shoulders.

Edward got off the phone with Emmett and felt even worse than he did before he made the call. He'd been listening to car doors opening and closing since he'd gotten dinner finished and cleaned up. None of them had been Bella and when Lanie hugged him and headed back to her room, he climbed onto the fire escape and decided that Emmett needed a friend more than Edward needed silence.

Apparently, the baby hadn't been the only reason Rosalie had shut out his friend. After months of dating, Emmett finally told her a few weeks ago about the fact that he'd been in prison for thirty five months. Edward had actually met Emmett just as Emmett was getting acclimated to his freedom and it took a lot of shuffling and paperwork for Em to work construction with him. Still, it somehow happened and Edward clicked with the guy immediately.

Of course, there was a period of time where he was leery of the guy. He knew the rap sheet Emmett McCarty had but decided long ago that he didn't care. Emmett had only dealt the drugs, only ever doing marijuana-which Edward himself was guilty of despite what his parents had struggled with. He had been stupid and young and thought it was a good idea at the time. It hadn't really effected him negatively but he felt like shit about himself afterward. Emmett had dealt with gang violence and a ton of scary shit that Edward quite frankly never wanted to have to even worry about. The charges besides the drugs both had something to do indirectly with his dealing. He had gotten involved with the wrong people.

Now, though, Rosalie wanted to either raise the baby on her own while Emmett did whatever the fuck he wanted to or she would abort it and there might be a possibility for them. Emmett wasn't okay with either of those options and feared that the accident had really messed with the woman he loved. There were no words Edward could think of to console his friend because either option he helped defend and try to make it a good thing, would undoubtedly come across as him just being an asshole.

The bedroom window being pushed up further gave him a jolt and he turned to see Bella in her cheery dress. His poor girl looked anything but cheery, though. "I didn't hear you come in," Edward said quietly, reaching over to help her through the window. With him sitting, she had just enough room to stand. He stood instead, maneuvering her into his seat.

"You told me I didn't have to knock..."

"Of course you don't. Why don't we go back in? It's freezing out here."

"Am I an idiot?" she asked bluntly, her eyes burning into his.

He wondered what had happened now to make the two of them become caught up in this bullshit. "What are you talking about?"

"Rosalie's right about a few things, Edward. I mean, what? Do you three all have secret past lives to contend with?"

"Ah. She told you about Em I presume."

"It was nice to learn that a new, close friend of mine was a convicted dealer..."

"Don't get mad at me for this. Emmett and Jasper both have their own demons, just like I do. Just because I know about them, doesn't mean that you need to know as well. Emmett's fine. I trust the guy with my life."

"But not mine? I saw the way you were nervous about leaving me over there tonight and I saw how afraid Jasper was for Alice. So, I ask you again. Does Rosalie have a bit of a point here? Am I an idiot for sticking this out with you?"

"I don't know what else to do, Bella," Edward spit out. "I've told you shit I've never told another living soul. The guys know about it but not anywhere near the details that you know. I wouldn't want them to tell it to Rosalie or Alice. It's _my_ past. We respect each other on that. If I thought you were unsafe, though, I would have made sure you knew it... and Rosalie too. I don't really know how we got sucked down into this shit between Em and Rose but it's just that...a bunch of shit."

Bella just put her head in her hands. "I think I've got her talked into keeping the baby...or at least not acting irrationally. She's shaken up from the car accident and still hurting from what Emmett did with Tanya."

"I still can't get over that. Bells, that completely caught me off guard."

"Well, it did happen. Apparently you aren't the only one who she'll sleep with. Sorry to bust your bubble."

He raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to take that but then leaned against the railing. "I thought we were good, Bells. You haven't tried to contact me in days and now that we're talking, it's back to this negative bullshit. Whatever happened with them, happened with _them_. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you and I knew Emmett wasn't dangerous. You know I wouldn't let him near Lanie if that were the case. Look, you look like you're going to fall asleep standing up and I quite honestly am exhausted as well. We both have work in the morning and..."

"I get it. I'll see you sometime tomorrow," she sighed, standing up and climbing back through the window. It was with a strange tone that she said it and he knew she was upset.

Climbing in after her, he pulled her back to him. "Stop. Don't leave like that. I've spent the past four days wondering if you even wanted us to still be together and I'm not going another four. I love you. I'm committed to you and that in itself is a huge fucking deal. The only person stopping us from being happy together is you. My hands are tied here, Bella. The ball's in your court and quite honestly, I can't keep going around in circles."

She rubbed her bloodshot eyes and put her arms around herself before looking up at him. As she swayed a little bit, he reached out and pulled her into his chest. Whether it was because she was actually happy about it or she was just too tired to complain about the support, she snuggled into him and rested her head against his chest. He couldn't seem to let her go, remembering how cold it was outside and how snowy the roads had become. Exhaustion, bad weather conditions, and emotional distress were ingredients for trouble. Looking over at the bed, he let out a deep breath and maneuvered her over to it. She crawled under the covers he pulled back for her without protest.

"Just a few minutes. I just need...a nap...before I leave..." she said through her grogginess.

Edward laid down with her, pushing the hair out of her face and kissing her on the cheek. He stayed with her for a while before seeing what time it was and heading over to Lanie's room. After she went through her routine, he went in to make sure she had things ready for tomorrow and to talk to her for a little bit before reaching over to turn off her light. Looking toward his bedroom door, he fought with himself for about five minutes before deciding that he needed to wake Bella. She was curled into a ball, still in her clothes from earlier. He'd helped her take off her boots and coat before she climbed into bed but that was it.

Waking her gently, he smiled as she tiredly batted his hand away from her and rolled onto her other side to go back to sleep. "Bells, wake up..."

That brought forth a groan from her and she eventually opened her eyes and sat up. "I'm so freaking tired..."

"I know. Look, it's getting late and the roads are more than likely worse than they were before. I don't want you driving home on them when you're this tired. I think maybe...you should just...stay."

She yawned but then looked at him funny when the words sank in. "You want me to stay over night? Lanie's here."

"I know but she's already in bed. I'm not sure she even knows you're still here. I get her up in the morning. If you don't mind getting up early with me, you can head home to get ready for work before I even have to wake her. I'd feel better if you just stayed."

"Yeah. Um, can you hand me my coat? I have to get my phone and text my mom."

"What are you going to tell them?"

"I'm going to tell _her_ the truth. The roads are bad and I'm staying here until tomorrow morning. She can figure out what to say to my dad."

Edward chuckled. "When Lanie's older, I want the truth."

"No. You won't." Bella said it with a smirk before raising an eyebrow and asking, "I'm still going to be around then?"

"I hope so and...you're probably right. Don't tell me if she's spending the night at some boy's house..."

"I'm sorry for earlier. It's been a really long day. Will you come to bed?"

"I think I'm going to sleep on the couch..." he said in all seriousness but she sat up straighter and grabbed his hand.

"Please. I just...need you...right now."

With a small smile, he nodded. "Alright. First, though, how about I get you some more comfortable clothes to sleep in?"

"I actually have to run down to my car. I need my purse. It has my contact solution and birth control pills. After this afternoon, I'd rather not miss one."

Edward just smirked. "I'm still wearing the damn condoms..."

"They can break and I don't want to go through what Rosalie is dealing with right now."

"I'll go get your purse. You get changed. I'll be back."

Muttering expletives as he stepped out into the blowing snow, he found his way to Bella's vehicle and opened up the back door. He laughed to himself as he imagined what he looked like. He was dressed in a black hoodie with dark jeans and carrying a yellow purse. He hoped no one called the police, assuming he was a robber. He found her dressed in his old, stretched out clothes that she always wore when she spent the night...if she wore anything at all...and she was texting someone. He assumed it was her mother but felt a pang of jealousy when he remembered her talking to that guy earlier at the hospital.

Handing over the purse, he watched her head for the bathroom. There was definitely a sleepy quality to how she was walking and he found her adorable. Still, being a typical, jealous guy, he had to know. When she made her way back to him, a smile on her face, he took a deep breath before lifting the covers up for her and asked, "Who's Danny?"

She froze. Her shock scared him a little and then she scrunched her face up in confusion, looking to her phone. "Did he text me?"

"I don't know, did he?" Edward asked, now a little more than curious...and slightly desperate for her to reassure him.

"What?" Bella asked, now completely confused and grabbing her phone. "Edward, it was just my mom..."

Edward shook his head as if to clear it. "I heard you talking to someone named Danny on the phone at the hospital today."

"Oh," she laughed deeply. "Edward, no. It's not like that. Danny is the PE teacher at the school. You might know him as Coach Alexander. He was there when I got the call about Rosalie and walked me down to the office. He offered to give me a ride over to the hospital...I must have looked pretty upset. He's just a coworker."

"Oh," Edward breathed, not realizing he had been holding his breath.

Bella put her hands on her hips and smiled, "Was Edward Cullen, the man who can make women melt, jealous of another guy?"

He looked up at her, amused now. "Yes. I was. I still am, actually...and I don't like it. It's like the Jacob situation all over again."

"Oh, stop it. I haven't even seen Jacob in...I don't even know how long. There is no reason for you to be jealous of Coach Alexander. He probably even has a girlfriend."

"Probably?"

"Would you stop?" Bella laughed. "I don't know him well enough to even know that!"

"Get your little ass over here, Swan."

He wouldn't settle until she was tucked into him as he spooned into her backside. She wiggled it and giggled, "This little ass belongs to you, Cullen. Believe me, you have no reason to be jealous. I tried to be with other people and it didn't work. In fact, I've tried to not be with you...and that didn't work either. I've never had that problem before."

"Well, you know me, causing problems is what I do best." After a few moments of silence, he began to feel her muscles relax and her body go lax. "I really do love you. I don't know much about what's in store for us...or our friends...but I at least know that much. I'm not going to lie, baby. It sometimes scares the hell out of me. This is all just so..."

"New?" she supplied softly. With a sigh, she rolled over to face him with a half smile. "I'm scared to. I think after hearing everything you told me today..."

"I never meant to upset you with that. I just felt it was something you should know...I'm sorry."

"No! Don't apologize! I'm just scared that you'll never settle down because of seeing what happened with your parents. Still, I'm even more worried about the fact that Emmett has this past and Rosalie is acting completely out of character...and I'm getting so attached to you and Lanie both."

Edward felt like an ant under a magnifying glass. He hated himself for feeling that way. She wasn't demanding an explanation of how he felt about her and was now going on about how strange Rosalie seemed today but he really wasn't listening to that part. He understood where she was coming from. They were both at the age, just like Ally and Jazz, when people begin to settle down. It wasn't unrealistic that she would be concerned that there was no light at the end of the tunnel for them. How many more nights after this first one would she be sneaking around the apartment so as not to alert Alana that she was there.

She wasn't asking him to ask her to marry him in that moment, still, it truly terrified him how many times he had thought about it. He had genuinely thought about marriage. Never in his life did he even contemplate the possibility. His parents sickened him with their relationship, his mother killing herself after his father overdosed all because she didn't think she could handle things without him, and it did nothing more than piss him off that she got to drop out of life the easy way while he had to live and clean up after them.

To him, pre-Bella, marriage was for lovesick idiots who act like they can't live without someone else. Much to his chagrin, those were the exact feelings running through his veins even now as he laid beside her in bed. A year ago, had he known that he'd be in bed with a girl and contemplating marrying her instead of fucking her and kicking her out as quickly as possible, he would have told himself he was insane. Now, here he was.

While she wasn't expecting a marriage proposal, and he was nowhere near ready for that just yet either, he did feel that reassuring her how he felt about her was necessary. There were a million men out there who could swoop in and pull her away from him. Jacob Black was more than likely still waiting in the wings, the Danny guy she was talking to at the hospital was working with her every day, and just about any other guy who crossed paths with Bella would be taken with her. She was beautiful. He could also think of a million things those million men could offer her that he never could. He highly doubted it, but if there was even the slightest chance that she'd not want to find someone else all because he would tell her that he might someday consider marriage, he had to try.

"Bella," he blurted, realizing in shame that he had just completely interrupted her in her rant about Rosalie, "I want to tell you something."

She fidgeted a little before tracing the pattern of his comforter with her fingers. He wanted them on his skin but forced himself to focus. He couldn't be too forward but he also needed to say what she needed to hear. He couldn't fuck this up. "Alright," she said quietly, obviously concerned about what he was preparing to admit.

"Now, this is no way a proposal of any sort. I love you and we both know that. There are nights when I lay here thinking about how amazing it would be to have you here beside me every night. There are days when I wonder what you'd cook me for dinner or if we would argue over whose turn it was to do the dishes if I could come home to you every day after work. There are mornings when I'm terrified to look at my phone for fear that all those messages we've sent back and forth would be gone and my being with you this way was a total dream. I never wanted to marry because...well, you know why now. It was also because I've never had a reason to want to get married.

"Bells, before you, marriage wasn't even in my vocabulary. Now, every now and then, the idea pops up and it's exhilarating but terrifying at the same time. I'm not ready for it. I know I'm not and I'm sorry for that. Just be patient with me, okay? Give me a chance to get used to the idea. Just know, Isabella Marie Swan, that this is all new to me and if I wasn't so fucked up, there's a good chance I'd be walking you down the aisle tomorrow. The idea of not being with you later on down the road is scary as hell. That doesn't mean that I'm ready to get married but I'm pretty sure it means that we can talk about it and hope for it and wait to see what happens."

Edward realized he had taken her hand and was squeezing hard enough that she could have lost circulation. There were tears in her eyes and when she smiled, the movement caused a few to shake loose and roll down her cheeks. "You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say all of that. I know it wasn't a proposal...but I'm betting that what you just said to me was more romantic than most actual proposals. Baby, I'm not ready yet, either. That isn't what this is about. I just needed to know that there was a possibility in the future. Most relationships operate on that particular track and I really did need to hear that it wasn't impossible with you."

**We have some light at the end of the long-term commitment tunnel! We also have 500 reviews ;) Love you guys tons! Letzy xx**


	26. Trust and Ostriches

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 27**

**Trust and Ostriches**

Bella woke exactly where she had desperately dreamed of being for days. Edward's arms were around her as he lay practically on top of her. She smiled to herself, straining her neck to reach up and kiss his forehead. He wasn't hurting her but even in his sleep, he had to have physical control. At first, it was a little overwhelming but she had grown used to it. He wouldn't hurt her and if this was what he needed, then she would let him have it. After the way he was raised, he deserved to be allowed this with her. It even made her a little sick to think that he could have been this way with the other girls he had slept with.

_How many other girls had actually stayed out the whole night with him? _Then, she remembered that he wasn't always like this with them. It was just her and...Tanya. Surely, though, while he slept he pulled them into embraces like this, keeping them where he needed them subconsciously so as not to feel vulnerable. She felt terrible for how she had acted the night before but there had just been too much doubt planted by the situation in her mind and in her heart. Looking at his face now as it rested on her pillow and pressed into her hair, she thought of how even in sleep he looked tense.

It was early still, the morning sun just making its way up into the sky, reflecting off the brilliant white snow outside. She wondered if there was a chance that there would be a snow day but didn't take that hope too seriously. Edward still had to work, so it wasn't like she could spend that day off doing what she really wanted-to get acquainted with each other again after the stressful couple of days she had endured. _God_, she thought to herself,_ nothing is as painful as being away from him and not knowing if I would be with him again._ She bit her lip, remembering that it was her fault for his absence. She needed to quit walking away when things got tough with them.

As the cold snow shown brightly on the steel fire escape and wind whipped the sparkling particles up in the air, leaving a glittering trail to glide across the window, she reveled in the warmth of his body draped half over hers. Turning her head gently to look at the clock, she noted that there was about twenty minutes yet before he told her he'd set the alarm for. She hadn't given herself much time to get home and get ready as she had allowed herself a generous amount of time to stay with him for as long as possible. Knowing they had a few more minutes of uninterrupted sleeping time, she selfishly reached over to touch his face. Cupping his cheek with her right hand, she tried to relax the set jaw he had clenched.

He came awake quickly, pushing himself up on his arm to slide away but she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Stay with me," she spoke hoarsely before clearing her throat for the first time since the night before.

He smiled, glanced at the clock, and then dug his face into her hair. "This feels good."

"I've never met someone with a sex drive like yours..."

"That's not what I mean. I'm not even... Okay, so I'm a little hard. It's the morning, though. That's just...natural..."

Bella laughed and cuddled into him, reaching down to touch a very stiff part of his body. "A little?"

"Well, grabbing at it isn't helping, Bells," he chided playfully, turning his hips away from her.

She just shook her head and looked towards the window. "Can we stay here forever?"

"We both have responsibilities..."

"I know," Bella sighed. "Can I ask a stupid question, though?"

"No," he said as seriously as possible. "I don't answer stupid questions."

Swatting his arm playfully, she glared at him. "What do you do at work during the winter?"

He chuckled. "Honestly, most of us end up laid off because there isn't enough work to go around. I got in good with the boss, though. I mean, if you think about it, places in the world that have snow year round still manage to build. It's just safety issues for the men and we can work around the snow but ice makes it difficult. In September, our company works in a way that you can sign up for a voluntary lay off over the slower months. I'm not sure how it works at other places but it's pretty fair this way. If they don't get enough volunteers, things get tricky but that only happened a couple of the years I've been there. Three winters ago, they kept me on but let Emmett go."

"What do you do when you're there during this time?"

"We do actual buildings and even got new technology a few years ago that helps us lay asphalt even in the cold months. The guy I work for is smart and we got into the plowing business, too. I don't run them but some of the other guys do. It kind of helps to spread us out. We make it work."

"I just thought you guys did road work," Bella smiled.

"Nope. We're men of many trades. This_ is_ nice, isn't it?" he asked softly, running his hand up and down her arm. Goosebumps blossomed as he continued the motion and she tried not to shiver. "Are you cold?"

"No," she blushed, embarrassed by how such a simple touch could illicit those feelings from her.

He gave a small laugh and shook his head. "Waking up to you like this every morning is going to be the death of me, Bells."

Her heart skipped a beat as his words sank in. She wondered if he actually meant it the way she was taking it, that it was something he really would want in the future. It took her a minute to come up with a response but she finally found the right words. "Well, Edward, looks like I'll be taking that plunge to death right along with you. I do believe it's worth it."

"I'm going to be too fat for this dress," Rosalie groaned to herself but did it loud enough so that everyone still managed to hear her.

Bella sighed, stepping up to stand behind her best friend as they both looked at each other in the mirror. The dresses were a little tight, even creating cleavage on Bella that Bella never knew she even had. "The wedding is next month. You'll barely be showing."

"Showing what?" Lanie asked to anyone who would answer her before turning to Alice. "Eddie said I'll get too fat if all I eat are your cookies and muffins. I like your cookies and muffins."

All three adult girls of the group turned to look at each other. Jasper's sister-in-law wasn't able to make it but would stop and pick hers up later. Lanie already had her dress but Alice wanted her to be a part of the wedding planning as much as possible. Bella realized that it wasn't so much that they were all looking at each other, it was more that they were looking at her. She rolled her eyes and walked over to sit down by Lanie. She meant to be honest with the girl but at the last moment decided that she just couldn't.

Edward was weird about Lanie knowing that any of the girls slept over with their boyfriends and Bella was pretty sure he'd be super unhappy if she came out and said that Rosalie was pregnant before she was married. Still, Lanie was going to know within the next few months. Sighing again, Bella decided to let Edward deal with this particular situation in his own way. Bella patted the little girls hand and said in all seriousness, "Rose ate a lot of cookies over Christmas. She's worried she'll gain weight from it and her dress won't fit."

Alice immediately put her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh while Rosalie put her hand on her hips and rolled her eyes. Bella smiled brightly, having never been a good liar, and decided to confront Edward when he got home about the situation. "Come on, Fatty," Bella heard Alice say with a laugh. "The dresses look great and I'm starving. Let's go to The Bistro for some dinner. The boys probably won't be home until pretty late."

Rosalie stuck her tongue out at Alice before shuffling into the changing room. Bella followed suit into another stall and handed the dress over the door for the attendant to wrap up at the front counter, realizing that Lanie very well could have overheard that Rose was pregnant the night all the yelling had gone on at Emmett's. Edward could deal with that later.

As she slid her regular clothes back on, she noted that the sick feeling in her stomach was not from being in the tight dress but it was more than likely due to the fact that the boys were going out to the clubs by themselves that evening. Emmett had decided to have Edward and Jasper over to his place for poker and pizza and then they were going out bar hopping.

It had been two weeks since that time right around New Years when the car accident had happened and she ended up spending the night at Edward's. She hadn't spent the night since then and was missing him dearly. Rosalie, knowing the turmoil Bella was in, teased her by saying Bella was crankier than normal because she wasn't getting regular sex. So, Bella would flip her off and tell her at least she had the chance to _get r_egular sex. That usually shut her friend up.

Rosalie's own predicament was what made Bella so nervous, though. While Rosalie had decided that she was absolutely keeping the baby, Rosalie had not yet decided that she was keeping Emmett. Bella couldn't judge her, knowing that it couldn't be easy dating someone with such a rough past. It was one thing for her friend to date him but it was another thing for Rosalie to have a child with him. So, for the time being, although it sometimes changed hourly, Emmett McCarty was a single man and Rosalie knew it. Hence the reason her best friend was walking around acting like she had a stick up her ass. Between Edward being out in his old hunting grounds and Rosalie grumbling all damn evening, Bella knew it was going to be a long ass night.

The girls ate and joked around at The Bistro, a local restaurant that Bella had been going to with Rosalie for years. The two girls had just recently introduced Alice and Lanie to it but all four of them were hooked. Bella had been given money to pay for anything Lanie might need while Edward was gone. It was the first time Bella took her out on her own without a plan first. A few days between Christmas and New Years Bella had hung out during the day with Lanie while Edward worked but they had stayed at the apartment. Wanting something other than a salad, craving something a little more guilty, she went for a stromboli and Lanie decided to order the same. When the waitress used her hands to show about how big they were, Bella and Lanie looked at each other with wide eyes. So, they just ordered one to share.

By the time they made it back to the Edward's apartment, the place they were going to hang out for the night so that Lanie would be home to go to sleep when she wanted, they popped a romantic comedy into the DVD player and got comfortable. Lanie ended up falling asleep not even halfway through, which Edward had warned Bella about because she'd been up really early that morning, and Bella woke her up so she could brush her teeth and head to bed. As soon as the movie was over, though, the girls began chatting about their boys.

"How do you do this, Ally?" Rosalie asked, a frown seeming to have become permanent on her face.

Alice looked down at the spot on the floor which she was currently sitting and took a deep breath. "I do this by actually being with him and letting him know it," she muttered.

Bella let out a loud chuckle and clapped her hands in appreciation. It was so rare for someone to talk to her best friend that way that it surprised but also pleased her. Rosalie was not as thrilled. "Yeah, well, it's not all that easy, Al."

"Yes. It is. I'm marrying him, Rosalie. He loves me and I trust him. Why would he marry me if he wanted to be with other women? He used to act like Edward." Alice's eyes widened as the words came out of her mouth and she turned to Bella with an apologetic expression. "That wasn't...I didn't mean it..."

"He was a man-whore," Bella sighed dramatically. "Believe me, I'm fully aware of that, Ally."

"I still think you're crazy, Bells," Rosalie put in. "I mean, he's out at the club by himself. Do you have any idea what his track record really is?"

"I have a damn good idea so I try not to think about, Rose," Bella said with a strained voice. Then, she wondered if Rosalie knew more than even she did. "Has Emmett said something to you about it?"

"Not really... Just that he knows that Edward used to go to the club, not to drink, but to hook up."

"That isn't him anymore, Bella," Alice added quickly. "You know that he isn't like that. Rose, just because you are too damn stubborn to admit you still love Emmett, it doesn't mean that you can be a bitch to your friends. Bella and Edward love each other and aren't afraid to try to overcome their struggles. You're just sticking your head in the sand like an ostrich."

"I'm not an ostrich," muttered Rosalie, crossing her arms like a little kid.

"Enough," Bella put in with a laugh. "Rosalie, really, though. Do you still love him?"

"Yes!"

Alice smacked her own forehead before rolling her eyes at Rosalie. "Then _what_ is the big deal? You're already having his baby. You two are going to be bound together forever because we both know it won't be just for the first eighteen years of the kid's life! If you're in love with him and his kid is already in your belly, what is the point in all of this fighting. I know he slept with Tanya. I get it...he hurt you. Men can be stupid. Still, it doesn't mean that if you two actually got along and you actually talked to each other that he'd do it again. Avoiding him and giving him a rough time every five minutes is not going to make him _not_ sleep with someone else. You're going to push him even further away and it's going to kill you if he ends up falling in love with someone else. You two need to figure out what you want from each other before you hurt each other even more."

Bella nodded in agreement with what Alice had just said. "I think what Alice is trying to say is, don't give him a reason to sleep with someone else or let him think that it's okay because you two aren't together. I don't like Edward being out there anymore than you like Emmett being out there but Edward knows I'm here waiting for him and so he hopefully isn't out there looking for some random girl to take back to Jazz's and sleep with. He's going to find someone eventually, Rosalie. Can you handle it if he decides to spend the rest of his life with that person?"

"That isn't fair."

"You're not being fair. I love my boy and he knows it."

"And he can't go back to Jazz's apartment anyway," Alice put in nonchalantly.

"What do you mean?" Rosalie asked with a mouthful of potato chips.

"I won't allow it. Not after...what happened with Emmett."

"What did happen?" Rosalie asked quietly this time. "I know...I know what happened but...what exactly went on? Did you see it?"

"Are you sure you want the details?"

"Ally, if she doesn't want to know...I kind of do. You can tell me some other time, though. I just want to know what Edward's involvement with all of this exactly was."

"Tell it, Al," Rose frowned. " I really wish I could be drunk for this."

Alice seemed to turn the idea over in her head for a few minutes before looking to Bella. "Edward wasn't really involved at all. Emmett did what he did in the room across from where Jazz and I sleep. We were both a little drunk when we got home and the two of them were already there. The dumbasses left the door open and Jasper saw what was going on. I think he was hoping they'd be gone come morning and when they weren't he called Edward. Tanya's considered to be kind of his problem..."

"Not anymore she isn't," Bella muttered.

"Well, he's the reason she hangs around and Jazz wanted him to get her the hell out of our apartment. I was still sleeping when Edward was called. Believe me, that one sure as hell wasn't my idea. He was pretty pissed that he had to leave you in bed, though, Bella."

"Did he see her naked?" It was Bella's turn to ask a stupid question that she didn't want the answer to.

"I don't know...maybe just whatever was visible from the doorway. Jazz said he slammed the door shut when he saw who it was. That woke all three of us up as I was still sleeping in the next room. To be honest, I almost went apeshit on Edward because I thought he'd brought her and then I realized it was Emmett."

"We could all tell she was obviously strung out on whatever the hell she was taking so Edward called her brother, Jimmy, to track her down. Jimmy's the only family Tanya has from what Edward has said of her. Honestly, her past isn't any better than what our boys went through. She was in the hospital the last I heard...going through some in-patient treatment."

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure she's still there," Bella confirmed. "Enough about all of this. I hate to break up this little torture fest but I'm completely exhausted."

"Amen, sister," Rosalie replied, pulling herself up and heading towards the door. "This baby just drains me."

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow," Alice called over her shoulder as she followed Rosalie. "You're still coming over for dinner with Edward and Lanie, right?"

"That's the plan..." Grabbing her cell phone, which was currently vibrating across the coffee table, she smiled and looked over to the girls. "It's Edward. He just sent me a text."

"Well, goodnight, girls," Rosalie called and Alice and Bella gave her an absent wave as Alice was lacing up her boots and Bella was reading the text.

"See ya later, Bells," Alice called over, reaching for the doorknob now that she was ready to go out into the cold. As soon as she saw Bella's face, though, she frowned. "Is something wrong?"

Holding her phone a little tighter than was necessary, Bella forced herself to set it down on the floor beside her and shrug. "He just wanted to know how I was with Lanie because Em's shitfaced and he's thinking about staying the night over there with him."

"Oh," Alice said with a small voice before letting go of the knob and leaning against the wall by the door.

"Go ahead, Al. I'll just see you tomorrow..."

"You look upset."

"I was just...it's stupid."

"Hoping to see him tonight?"

"Yeah. We don't spend time alone together very often. I knew he might be drunk but at least we'd be sleeping beside each other...for a little while before sneaking home before Lanie could see me. Em must be pretty bad," Bella added with a bit of acid to her voice.

"I'd call him. If Edward's going to stay there, I'm thinking it's more to do with the alcohol factor. I'd go but there's no way in hell Jazz will let me alone with Emmett while he's drunk. I didn't want to say this to Rosalie because she's so set on not believing it but that boy is dying without her. I quite personally feel that she's being insanely selfish and a bit of bitch. Jazz has been through enough bad shit in his life that he doesn't need me adding to that. Rosalie needs to suck it up and move in or move on. Emmett asked her to move in with him and everything. She's hurting them both."

"I'm really scared that Edward's going to hurt me, Ally," Bella shrugged as the tears came. She had no intention of saying that but now that it was out there, she felt better for it. Alice looked at her sympathetically before just shaking her head adamantly.

"You're the only one who can let him. These boys are rough and each one of them are a little broken. If the other two are anywhere near as passionate as Jazz, though, they're also strong lovers. Call him, Bella. Tell him how you feel. I know what's been going through your head since you found out he wasn't coming home. He should know what that is."

"Thanks, Al," Bella smiled softly.

"He loves you, Bella, and you need to let him."

After Alice left and Bella was by herself to think, she grabbed the phone and dialed Edward's cell. It was picked up on the second ring. "Hey, baby," he breathed on the other end. Bella immediately smiled in relief. There was no way he was with another girl if he was answering his phone that way.

"Hey."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, look, I know we just talked but..." Her voice trailed off as she bit her lip. She needed to trust him not make it a point to call him out when she was scared of him cheating on her.

"I'll come home. You sound upset."

"Well, how bad is Emmett?"

"Puking his guts out over the railing of his freezing ass back deck."

"That bad, huh?"

"This sh...stuff with Rosalie is bad, Bella. He's in love with her and wants his kid. What is she thinking? Do you think if maybe I talked to her...or..."

Bella closed her eyes and shook her head, then realized they were on the phone and he couldn't actually see her. "No. I don't think you talking to her will help. I'll try to get through to her, though. This has all gone on long enough."

"You sound sad, Bells. Let me just get the big guy to hold down a little bread and some coffee and I'll be home. Will you stay?"

"You want me to stay again? What about Lanie? There's no school tomorrow..."

"Look, it's already getting late and you sound...off. Climb into my bed, get warm, and I'll be home as soon as I can. Even if I had decided to stay the night, you'd be staying there because of Lanie. I'll just tell her I got back early in the morning because I was with Emmett. It was kind of a crazy night."

"Crazy how?" Bella asked softly.

"Well, between Emmett drinking his sorrows away and a call from Jimmy..."

"Jimmy? What did he call you for?"

"Tanya's bad. They moved her to psych earlier this evening. She's suicidal."

"Oh."

"Are you pissed at me?"

Bella shook her head as if he could see her again. "No. I'm tired and kind of cold and am a little pissed off at my best friend right now for being the way she is with Emmett. I'm sorry for taking this out on you."

"Babe, you can take whatever you want out on me. Give me a bit longer here and once I have Emmett in a position where I can leave him on his own, I'll be home. I can't help too much with the best friend situation but I promise to warm you up."

Hanging up the phone, Bella changed into an old shirt of Edward's and climbed into bed with her e-reader. Figuring she wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, she was just settling in when her phone lit up and she found a text from Rosalie. **I'm so fucking torn.** With nothing to do but wait for Edward, Bella called her friend back and ended up venting to Rose about her own situation.

**I hope you enjoyed it! I always like some Lanie and Bella bonding time and some of Alice putting Rosalie in her place. Please review! Letzy xx**


	27. The Ex Factor

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 27**

**The Ex Factor**

Edward was sitting at Emmett's kitchen table, waiting for his friend to finish off a cup of black coffee and trying not to fall asleep. It had been a long, interesting night. The three guys had been close for awhile and it was hard for Edward to stay neutral when it came to Emmett and what he could or could not say to Bella. Eventually, he was going to end up crossing a line with one of them. He didn't want to lie to Bella but he also didn't want to rat out one of his best friends.

Rubbing his eyes, he looked over at the big guy across from him and shook his head. "What am I supposed to tell Bella when she asks me where all we went? You know as well as I do, she's going to ask that 'girl' question about whether or not there were other girls around. How do you want me to play this? "

"It's not like you fucked some girl in your car, dude."

"That isn't the point. Rosalie is her best friend. If I leave out the fact of what you _did_ do tonight and she finds out later that I knew, she'll be upset with me. I'm already walking on eggshells with her after the stupid fucking stunt you pulled with Tanya."

"What did you say to her about the text Jimmy sent you?"

"Nothing," Edward threw back at him, "because I've been dealing with your stupid ass decisions and haven't had the time to figure it out. Em, you know I'd take a bullet for you but Bella and I have a lot of problems on our own. I can't deal with your shit on top of it. I have Lanie to look after, Bella to try to keep with me, and a crazy ex whose too fucked up to know her head from her ass."

"Ah, so you admit that she's your ex?"

"That isn't the point. Even if Jimmy thinks my getting involved with Tanya's treatment will help, it won't help my relationship with Bella. It could fucking destroy it."

"Well," Emmett said, throwing his hands up in surrender, "I destroyed my relationship by knocking my girl up."

Looking away, Edward shook his head, "That's bullshit. Christ, Em, you're both adults here. This isn't a teenage pregnancy. I know you want to keep the baby but this continuous argument about it is getting ridiculous. This isn't high school."

"Oh, and what would you do if Bella was the one who was pregnant?"

"I'd ask her to move in with me and pick up a second job if I needed to. You think I haven't thought about it?"

"Woah. Back up. Edward fucking Cullen," Emmett laughed, "would actually settle down and embrace the role of being a baby daddy?"

"You forget, my friend, that I've already practically raised Lanie on my own. I know how hard it is to be a single parent. I don't want that for Bella."

"Well, excuse me for not turning around and marrying Rosalie just because she's carrying my kid."

"I didn't say I'd marry her...at least I wouldn't marry her_ because_ of that."

"Didn't think so."

"I'd marry her because I love her," Edward stated simply, shifting in his seat. Emmett's jaw dropped as he had always known Edward was against marriage and what it stood for. Feeling uncomfortable, he stood up and pushed in his chair. "Look, it's late and I'm too tired for this shit. You seem better. I'm going home."

"What are you going to say to your girl about tonight?"

"The truth. I'm not lying to her for you. In my opinion, you aren't in the wrong. Morally maybe but it's not like I think you're cheating. Rose won't talk to you so it's on her."

"I only fucked that girl because I'm angry," Emmett said as if he were talking about the weather.

Sighing, Edward nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "I know, man. I know."

A knock on the door brought both guys to turn their heads towards the noise. Walking over, Edward opened it and his eyes widened. "What are you doing here?"

"I spoke to Bella. Go ahead home. She waiting for you," Rosalie Hale said simply before stepping around him without being invited in.

Just as Edward was about to tell her that it might not be the best night for her to be there, he heard Emmett blurt out with no precursor, "I had sex with a college girl in the parking lot of the club."

_Well, _Edward thought, _at least I don't have to keep that wonderful little tidbit from Bella._ Before he left, he called over his shoulder, "Goodnight, you two. Good luck, Em."

Edward found Bella wrapped in his blankets reading whichever of the millions of books she had on her e-reader. She didn't notice him at first but when he set his phone on the table, she heard it and turned towards him with a shy smile. "Hey, you."

"Hey. Did you have fun with the girls?"

"Yeah. Lanie and I split a stromboli. I put your money back on the table."

He didn't say anything, although he wanted to argue that she should have taken some of the money to pay for Lanie's half. Too tired and having other things to talk about, he let it go. "We need to talk about tonight," he said hesitantly, sitting down beside her.

A strange look flickered across her face before she swallowed hard and raised her head defiantly. "Is it something...was there...were you with someone else?"

He shook his head, hating that would be the first conclusion she came to. "No. Emmett ended up hooking up with someone. He told Rose when she showed up at his place a few minutes ago."

Bella groaned. "She went over there?"

"Yup. I wasn't going to try to stop her from staying. This is partially her fault, anyway. If it wasn't for her treating Emmett this way, he probably would have been heading out early to spend time with her tonight, just like it was before she got pregnant."

Putting her hand up to stop him from saying anything else, Bella shook her head. "Don't. I'm tired of the two of them. Please, can we just go to bed?"

"We have something else to talk about. Remember I said that Jimmy called?"

"What does he want?" Bella asked with an edge to her voice.

"The situation isn't good..."

"I don't want hear about her."

"Stop it. What I'm trying to tell you is that she's not doing well and she is constantly asking for me. Outpatient therapy isn't working. I don't understand why the fuck they even tried it to begin with but she's refusing to go back to inpatient."

"What does _that_ have to do with _you_?"

"She seems to think that if she says she won't go back unless I see her, that I'll show up to help her. She thinks I'm the reason she was put into inpatient care. She's whacked out of her fucking mind, Bella."

"Why does she think you put her there?"

"Well, because I did. I mean, honestly, Jimmy checked her in and all but...physically...she was there because I put her there."

"Don't use the word 'physically' in a sentence concerning you and Tanya again."

"To make a long story short, he wants me to try to talk some sense into her."

"How did you 'physically' put her there?"

"You're breaking your own rule."

She cocked her head to the side, obviously annoyed with him. "Answer the question."

"Because that night Jimmy asked me to help him find her, we did find her. She was in a drug house, high as a kite, and delusional. I was the only one she'd let near her. I literally carried her to Jimmy's car and the next stop was the hospital."

"You're clueless, aren't you? Girls like Tanya want that attention. They want you to come save them. They like to play the damsel in distress," Bella said, shaking her head and it seemed like she was trying to be sympathetic.

"She's a drug addict, Bella. Look, regardless of my relationship with her, she's going to end up killing herself...intentionally or unintentionally with the meth. You said it yourself, I've treated her horribly in the past. If I can help her, in a completely platonic way with her brother there as well, why shouldn't I try?"

"This is different. You shouldn't have fucked her and then walked away like she was just a toy. I didn't mean that you should become her reason to live."

Frustrated with the whole situation, Edward blurted out, "Well, apparently, Jimmy already thinks I am."

"I don't like it. I don't want you around her."

"I can't blame you for that..."

"She wants you as her own. Do you understand that, Edward? She was already playing dirty by texting you the way she was and now this. I don't care what the drugs are doing to her head, she's knows what she's doing. Tanya is manipulating the situation."

"What am I supposed to do? Tell her brother that even if I am the only person who can fix this that I won't? She has no one else. I'm trying to be open with you about all of this. I don't want to lie to you or not tell you things..."

"So, when you go to visit her and she strips down into those dark colored panties you love so much, will you tell me all about it?" Bella sneered.

"That wouldn't happen," Edward said as calmly as possible through clenched teeth. "Look, I'm going to try to talk to her. I have to. This is going to be on my conscience forever if something happens to her because I refused to even speak with her."

"I don't want you to," Bella replied with conviction.

"I am here with you. I haven't so much as looked at another girl the way I look at you in my entire life..." Throwing her covers off, she pushed off the bed and stood, grabbing her jeans and sliding them on under his shirt that was about five sizes too big for her. This was getting ridiculous. "Bells, where are you going?"

"Home."

"You are being ridiculous!"

"You were jealous of Jacob and you had trouble dealing with the fact that I was even friends with Danny Alexander. How am I being ridiculous because I don't want you to play white knight for your ex-fuck buddy? She is a manipulative bitch! She doesn't want Alana in the picture and she is just...not a good person. She hates me. She wants you back and we both fucking know it! You are playing right into her hand if you agree to help. I am not being ridiculous!"

"So that's it? You're walking away? Because of her?"

"Isn't it sad that you're letting it happen?" she shot back over her shoulder as she threw open the bedroom door.

"You aren't leaving like this! We are not ending things this way!" he said, panicked and trying to figure out what to do. "Dammit, Bella, I'm trying to change for you. I'm trying to be the man you need me to be but my life isn't black and white. I don't live in this perfect little bubble! I have friends who have been to jail, who haven't spoken to their parents in months...if not years, and who have shittier pasts than I have and use drugs to escape it. You know that! You knew I wasn't this squeaky clean fucking lawyer or a goody-two-shoes PE teacher! You said I should have treated girls from my past better but out of all of them, Tanya was the one I was closest to. Here she is, asking for help, and you want me to turn my back completely?"

"I can't handle you being with her," Bella said, turning to face him as her hand rested on the door to the outside hallway. "It will kill me if you sleep with her. I am begging you to let Jimmy handle this on his own."

"So, that's it? I have to pick between the two of you? Even though you're the one that I'm in love and am changing my entire life for, you still need me to pick?"

"The fact that I have to ask you to cut her out of your life after the things she said to me speaks volumes, Edward."

"Please don't leave me, Bella. If you were in my position, wouldn't you want to at least try to help her?"

"I don't trust her," Bella huffed, leaning back against the door and crossing her arms. "Do you know how afraid I am to lose you at all to another girl? I did know that you're different when all of this started with us and that darker part of you that Tanya knows so well can be terrifying. What if I can't keep up, Edward? What if you realize things are...better...for you when you're with her? What if I agree to sitting back and watching you go to her only to watch you walk away from me a few weeks later because she relies on you too much and you know it's killing me? I know you love me, Edward. I know you're not trying to hurt me but I also know that you are harder on yourself than anyone else is. If she gets what she wants, which is you, I won't survive it. You know that. You'll leave me because you think it's for the best and where does that leave me?"

"What do you want to see happen here, Bella? You really think that anyone...or even anything...would make it so that I was _capable_ of walking away from you?".

"I want you to not get anymore emotionally attached to her than you already are. It's not fair to me...and it's not even fair to her." He leaned back against the wall opposite of the door and crossed his own arms. Unsure of what to say, he said nothing. Finally, Bella spoke again. "It's getting harder, Edward."

"Being with me?" he asked quietly, not wanting to hear her answer.

"No. Leaving you." Edward was absolutely surprised by that. She continued on. "It's getting harder to leave here at night. It's getting harder to get off the phone with you. It's getting harder to spend time with friends when you aren't there. Even now, if I leave for good tonight, it'll be crushing but I don't think it will destroy me. If I stay, though, it'll only get harder..."

"Is this only about Tanya?" he asked with a sigh.

"I'd like to think it is...but no. I hate not feeling like I can trust you."

"I've been faithful to you..."

"I know," she said defeatedly, raising a hand to silence his protests. "I'm just afraid that these feelings you have for me will wear off and you'll want to move on to someone new."

Frustrated with her, he cringed and shook his head, "Then you should leave. I know, as well as you do, that I'm not good at this relationship shit but if being with you has taught me anything, it's that I can have a normal life and I should be able to be happy. I'm happy with you. For the first time in my life, I'm happy. This is it though, Bella. What you see is what you get. I love you. If what I've been doing lately isn't enough to convince you of that, then I give up. You can leave. I'll go help Tanya. She'll get what she wants...just like you said she would. It'll crush you in the process but it'll also take away the only person in my life who I've ever wanted to have a future with. It'll take my happiness away."

"Edward..." she whispered, taking a step towards him but he slid away from the wall so he was stepping backwards down the hallway towards the bedroom.

"No. If we're living by what-ifs then go. If you're not willing to take a chance on me, it's nothing new. No one else ever has either." He thought of his parents, his teachers, and even a lot of his childhood friends. Lanie had no choice but to put up with him...and Jasper's parents took care of Lanie because they felt bad for the poor girl. It was all pity...but never hope.

"I'm sorry for what I said..."

"You need to go. I have some phone calls to make. I'll see you Monday when I drop Lanie off at school..."

Turning away from her, unable to look at those wide, scared eyes, he stepped into his bedroom and gently closed the door behind him. Lanie was still asleep next door and he didn't want to wake her, no matter how much turmoil he was feeling. He waited until the apartment door opened and closed and watched out the window as Bella's Jeep pulled away. Collapsing into bed, he laid there until Lanie knocked on his door later that morning. Feeling like a total failure, he told her to just grab some cereal, that he wasn't feeling well enough to make her anything.

When lunchtime rolled around, he had shut off his phone, unable to listen to the chiming that meant he had a new text...or the ring that signaled a call. He didn't care who they were from, even though he knew he needed to call Jimmy back eventually. No matter what he decided to do, Jimmy still needed to know what that decision was. When Lanie knocked on the door a second time, she sounded a little scared and he forced himself to get out of bed and let her see that he was still alive. With a sigh, obviously tired of being by herself so much, she asked, "Can I see if I can go to Sarah's tonight?"

"Yeah," he relented, "as long as it's okay with her parents."

"Her dad's not home this week. I know her mom won't mind."

Still having eaten nothing all day, he answered the door when the bell rang and nodded a hello to Sarah before turning to thank her mother for taking Lanie. "Sarah! Come here a minute!" Lanie called from back in the bedroom and Sarah sprinted after her voice.

"It's really no trouble, Edward," Mrs. Nichol smiled with a bit of a grin. "Are you okay? You look a little ruffled. Long night?"

When she reached out to touch his jaw where there was obvious stubble from not shaving, he swallowed hard and took a step back. "Um...something like that..."

"So, I didn't realize you were seeing Sarah and Lanie's teacher. She's a pretty little thing, isn't she?"

"She's beautiful. I care about her very much," he said, a little more forcefully than necessary but wanting to get the point across that he wasn't interested in the housewife in front of him.

"Well, you know you can always call if things don't work out with her..."

"Mom, we're ready," Sarah called, coming down the hallway.

Edward sighed in relief and gave Lanie a goodbye hug. When they were gone, he decided to bite the bullet and turn his phone on in an attempt to call Jimmy. To his surprise, there was a text from Emmett that he and Rosalie were back together...for now. There were two missed calls from Jasper as well but nothing from Bella. He didn't reply to Emmett, still annoyed with the two of them, and decided to call Jasper back.

"Hey, man. You sound like shit. Bella keep you up all night?" his friend teased.

"No," he answered simply, not wanting to get into it.

Jasper seemed a little put off by his response but must have decided to let it go. "I was just wondering how things went with Emmett last night. I didn't mean to dump him on you. I forget that I'm not the only one with someone to get home to like before."

"It's fine. He puked everything up and then Rosalie showed. I guess they're back together."

"Did you call Jimmy back yet?"

"No. I was just getting ready to when I saw that you called."

"How does Bella feel about all of this?"

"Hurt. She walked out last night, man."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"Are you at home with Lanie?"

"I was. She went over to Sarah's. Mrs. Nichol is going to take them to see a movie tonight and I'm picking her up in the morning."

"Is she upset?"

Edward felt sick and pinched the bridge of his nose. He hadn't even thought about Lanie when everything was said last night. "See, this is exactly why I didn't want to start something with Bella. Lanie is going to be crushed..."

"She doesn't know?"

"No. Not yet."

"Are you and Bella over? Completely?" Jasper asked, a measure of disbelief in his voice.

"I don't...I guess..." he choked. It felt like he was having trouble breathing. "I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

Before he could put it off any longer, he forced himself to call Jimmy. "Hey, Edward."

"When are we doing this?" Edward asked quickly.

"That's up to you but I'd like for it to be soon. I'm trying to fix all of this myself and..."

"It's fine. Whenever. Where is she now?"

"Upstairs sleeping. She's been doing a lot of that lately. Look, I just want to say thank you. She's the only family I have left. I don't agree with the way you two used to hook up but I know she really cared about you and that you treated her pretty well. She's really hoping for a relationship with you, man. I'm not trying to butt in but maybe you could consider it...after she's clean of course..."

"Jimmy, I really don't think that's going to happen. When can I come over?" he asked, not wanting to get into the topic her brother was trying to bring up.

"Why don't you come over for dinner around five?"

"Alright. Yeah. See you then."

**Always drama...but what's a story without some? See you next week! Letzy xx**


	28. The Bite of the Bullet

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 28**

**The Bite of the Bullet**

Jimmy and Tanya lived in a townhouse that reminded him of Emmett's. The place was two stories with small rooms but was clean and modern. Edward was a little late, having to convince himself to do this at all and almost backing out twice. Finally, he decided to bite the bullet. He hoped that if he could meet with her today and get that over with, he'd be able to call Bella and try to get her to meet up with him later so they could talk. Tanya was someone he had to put behind him so that he could move forward with his own life.

Instead of black fishnets or tight tank tops, Tanya's outfit surprised him when she joined the guys in the kitchen. He suspected it had to do with the fact that her brother would be eating with them but there was something else that was bothering him. In the back of his mind, a little voice was trying to tell him something but he couldn't seem to put his finger on what it was. "Edward, hi," she breathed, stopping a few feet away from him. Tanya was wearing a dark blue sweater with a lacy tank top underneath that poked up out of the top. Her jeans weren't even skinny jeans and she was even wearing socks. This was the most skin she had ever covered around him.

It wasn't until she sat down that it hit him. While Tanya's hair was blonde and there was no way she'd ever be as short as Bella, it was the look Tanya was going for. Edward had to push down the anger he felt and looked away from her. Jimmy made eye contact with him and smiled. "I must say, I like the new look my sister decided to take on."

"Please, like the girls you screw around with don't dress in little skirts?" _Ah, there's the hardened girl I'm used to. _

"You're my sister, kid. Of course I don't want to see you in that kind of clothing." Pulling a baking sheet with a store-bought lasagna on top of it from the oven, he told them to sit.

"So," Edward frowned, looking down at his plate, "Jimmy told me that you weren't going to check yourself back into the hospital unless I paid you a visit. What's all this about, Tanya?"

"You've been avoiding me for a while now. I wanted to apologize to you. I shouldn't have said the things I did about Lanie that night at Emmett's house. Your little friend had reason to say what she did to me."

"I accept your apology but it doesn't change anything between us..."

"Can we wait until after dinner to do this? Jimmy, I'm sorry, but this isn't something I want you here for."

"Fine," Edward replied, eating as quickly as he could. While Jimmy loaded the dishes into the dishwasher, Tanya motioned for him to follow her upstairs. He refused by shaking his head and leading her outside.

"Afraid to be trapped with me in a bedroom?" she asked playfully.

"Can you blame me? What do you want?" Edward asked, very annoyed and wanting this whole thing to be over.

"To make you happy. Edward, listen to me. That girl who you're messing around with isn't the complete package for you. If it's the baggier, nun-like clothes that you like, then tah-dah, I can pull them off, too. If it's the baby-sitter type attitude that you like, I can learn to like...or even love Lanie..."

"You are completely delusional. Do you hear yourself? Bella is my type. You can change your appearance or even your attitude but it would be fake. You'd be fake."

"Not in the bedroom, though. You mean to tell me that you can stay faithful to her? Think about it. You'll be with the same girl for the rest of your life."

"If I had Bella, I'd be okay with that."

"If?"

"Tanya, listen, you know my thoughts on marriage?"

She gave a loud laugh and nodded. "At least I know you wouldn't make a ghastly mistake like that..."

"I'm considering it." When Tanya looked at him in confusion, he clarified. "With her. I'm actually seriously considering it."

"Who the hell are you? We talked about this before. We both agreed that marriage was a bunch of shit. It does more damage than good..."

"Not if you find the right person."

"Half of marriages end in divorce. How many times do you think people thought they found the right person only to find out later that they'd end up despising that person? I can't even understand why this is coming from you. She's changing you so fucking much. This isn't you, Edward."

"I'm trying to make you understand that I'm different. I'm not the person who used to mess around with you. I want to be in a serious, committed relationship with Bella. I love her."

"I thought you loved me, Edward. See? You got tired of me and you'll get tired of her as well..."

"I never said I loved you. I cared for you. I still kind of do. It's not enough, though. My feelings for her are stronger."

Stepping closer to him, she reached up to put her hand on his chest. "Does she know you're here now?"

He stepped back. "She knew I was planning to talk to you."

"Will she be upset?"

Not wanting to bring Bella into this conversation anymore than she already was, he ignored her question, responding with one of his own. "Are you on something right now?"

"Just a little. I'm controlling it..."

"Well, here's the deal. You said if I paid a visit, you'd get help. I visited. Go get help."

"I don't need..."

"Is this all a ploy? You know, Bella, who you love to bring up by the way, feels that you are just pulling this visit bullshit because you want to be with me. Honestly, I don't give a shit if that is your plan but this is the last visit I'm making to you. I will drive you to the hospital right now if that's what you want. I will personally walk you into the building and stay with you until you're processed in. I want you to know, though, that I'm not going to come back after. I'm with Bella. I'm not your boyfriend and I'm sure as hell not your lifeline. I care about you enough to take you over there but just know up front that when I walk away from you today, whether it be here or at the hospital, I'm not coming back."

"I thought you were my friend," she blurted, tears clearly threatening to fall.

"I can't be. Coming at Bella like you did that night, trying to warn her off...no matter how pissed off that I am about it...you did nothing more than solidify the fact that you are her enemy in her mind. Had you been civil to her and backed off from the sexual shit with me, we could have possibly stayed friends. I could come visit you and check in once in awhile. You did this to yourself, Tanya. You could have been high for all I know, but this ends with us. So, are you coming with me to the hospital or is this goodbye right now?"

"I'm not going, Edward," she said with conviction, trying to stand her ground.

"If you love Jimmy, you'll do it, Tanya. What if you two switched places? What if you knew he could die from something he was willingly doing to himself? Would you let him die?"

"That's not fair."

"Last chance. I'll even wait for you to get your things together..."

"Edward, please. I'm...I don't want to do this..."

Her voice sounded scared and he could remember her as the girl who'd opened up to him about her life as a child. It was a life not that much different from his own and he did feel for her. Still, though, there was no way in hell she could exist in his life if Bella was to be the center of it. He knew he was getting through to Tanya, regretted that he had to keep pushing her and just hoped that she would break and give in. "Tanya, thank you for letting me in on your past. I know it's not easy to do that. You're just not the person I need in my life. I wish you well."

"You're really leaving?" she practically squeaked as he turned away from her and headed towards his old car.

"Yes. You have a choice, Tanya. You can always seek help after I'm gone. It'll be a little embarrassing for you with Jimmy there while you fill out the paperwork...but..."

"Dammit, don't leave me!" He knew it was coming, as soon as he reached the bottom of the porch steps. "I'll do it! I'll come with you. Please, I don't want to do this by myself..."

He smiled to himself before turning towards her. "Go get your stuff. I'll talk to Jimmy and tell him I'll take you over and get you settled in. He'll come visit when you're ready."

"But you won't?" she asked, letting a few tears fall.

"No. I never wanted to hurt you and I am truly sorry if you ever felt like just a toy to me. You're one of the only girls I've been with who I even briefly considered a friend. There are a lot of factors in my life that put the odds against us ever being together romantically. We were a good pair in bed, though. You do need to realize that Bella has brought my bedroom life to a whole new level. I wouldn't speak of something so private with you if I didn't mean that."

"I get it. You're trying to make a point."

"I am. It's over with us. Please go pack and I'll meet you down here."

As Bella maneuvered through the busy, Saturday evening traffic, as she tried to make it to the school to get some extra work done, she was also crying like a little bitch. She had been since the night before when she left Edward's and only slept for a few hours. She had dodged her parents, not wanting them to see her puffy, blood shot eyes. Maybe she was wrong the night before. The first time they had taken a break from each other had been crushing. This time, it felt destructive. When she went past the hospital a few minutes later, she could do nothing but curse the fates and want to vomit.

Bella drove past in just the right amount of time to get caught at a light in front of the hospital. It was the same hospital that at that moment had Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali walking in together. He was carrying her fucking bags. "That didn't take much time," she muttered to herself before a round of tears hit again.

Walking into the elementary school, she walked past the dark classrooms and right into hers. Plopping down at her desk, she put her head in her hands and immediately decided that she should have just stayed home. There were only so many times that the two of them could have the conversation they did last night, about her not trusting him, before it was really over. That was it. She'd blown it. She'd hurt him and in turn, he'd reacted in a way that anyone would. He got angry. He had no reason to forgive her, either.

All she could think about was that she had fucked up. He had a friend who needed his help and she had really given him no choice. She could have stood beside him, appearing as a united front, in front of Tanya. She could have given him the room he needed to make sure his friend would survive this very rough spot in her life. Instead, she had thrown his compassionate side back in his face-and she knew it was a side of him that rarely was shown to the world.

"Bella?"

Not really caring who was at her door and too tired to show surprise that someone else was in the building, she lifted her head slowly. It was who she saw that surprised her. "Danny. Hey."

"Woah. You okay?" he asked with concern, stepping into the room.

"No. I'm not."

"Are you sick?"

"Yes," she lied with a sigh. "I came to hang some things up and put my bulletin board together but I think I'm just going to head back home..."

"I was on my way out. There was a basketball game this afternoon. Why don't you let me help you out? No offense but you look pretty rough."

"Thanks," she smiled sarcastically, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose. "You don't have to help. Really..."

"Is this what is going up?" he asked picking up a pile of student work.

"Yeah...but really..."

"It's fine, Bella."

"Alright, well, thank you. I'm going to run down to the bathroom and do what I can to not look so hideous..."

"You don't look hideous," he protested, giving her a sweet smile.

Opening her purse, she took out some concealer and dabbed it around her eyes. She felt sick to her stomach at the thought of Edward being with Tanya and seeing them together had just solidified her feeling that they were really over. When she felt that she was suitable enough to be in public, she headed back to her room and found Danny hanging up the last three pictures.

"Feeling better?" he asked, looking at her over his shoulder as he hung up the last one.

"No. Edward and I are over," she blurted out numbly.

"Edward who?" he asked, turning to fully face her now, his hands empty.

"Cullen. Lanie's brother? I thought everyone knew."

"I didn't know you were with Edward Cullen. I went to high school with the guy. He's a bit...rough around the edges."

Bella looked down at the floor, embarrassed and feeling very unprofessional for dumping this all on a coworker. Feeling totally pathetic, she shook her head. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't..." To her frustration, this is when her tears decided to come back.

"Did he hurt you?" Danny asked, coming around one of the students' desks. "Bella, if he hit you or..."

"No!" she frowned, holding her hand up to stop him but then putting it down quickly when she realized she'd done the exact same thing to quiet Edward the night before. "He never...he was good. He was so good to me. Look, I shouldn't have come here. I'm too upset right now and I'm just going to go back home."

"Wait..." he called out nervously, "why don't we go grab a bite to eat...or some coffee...or something."

"Really?" Bella asked, holding her arms out in an are-you-kidding-me kind of gesture.

"What?"

"I'm blabbering over another guy...who just broke up with me last night...or maybe I broke up with him...but whatever. Either way, I'm not really up for a date."

"I wasn't really...yeah...never mind. I'm sorry for all your...troubles. Glad I could at least help with these pictures, though," he said, motioning awkwardly to the wall.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Bella asked curiously but realizing that she was sounding like a complete lunatic. Lack of sleep did that to people.

"No and I'm also not married."

"So, when you volunteered to drive me to the hospital that day, it wasn't entirely out of the goodness of your heart?" she asked knowingly.

"That's not fair. It's not like I was going to try to get in your pants in the car. I just wanted to be there for you. You seemed so...lost. I wasn't trying to take advantage of you but I would have liked to earn some brownie points with you. I think you're...really cute."

Bella only nodded her head, unsure of what to say to that. Edward was right. Danny had wanted more than just to be a friend. Pulling her purse up higher on her shoulder, she sighed, "I really should go. I'm sorry for all this...craziness. Can we just pretend none of this happened today?"

"Yes. Please," he agreed, looking just as relieved as she felt.

"I'll see you Monday, Danny."

"Um, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"For what it's worth, Cullen's an idiot for letting you go. Don't stick around for him if he's hurting you. It wouldn't surprise me with him. He always had a bit of a dangerous vibe."

"I think I'm kind of the one that let him go. Edward wouldn't hurt me. He's not the idiot. This was all on me."

Edward didn't want to do it. He didn't want to be here and he sure as hell didn't want to run into the girl that was walking over to him just now. After the ordeal with Tanya, he'd wanted to go home and sleep until he had to pick up Lanie in the morning. Instead, he was at a local bar waiting for Jasper and Alice. Emmett and Rosalie were meeting up with them later and he hoped to be gone before then. He didn't want to deal with Rose. There was no way in hell he had the energy to deal with her shit...and by now he could guarantee that she knew about him and Bella.

"Hey, you," the girl said with a small, shy smile. "How have you been?"

Edward just shrugged at the girl who he'd taken home what felt like forever ago. She was the one who called him out on forgetting her name. She was still as sweet as she was before and he recognized her more by her personality than by her appearance. "Could be better I suppose."

"I wanted to tell you thank you."

"Thank you? For what?" he asked, completely confused. Honestly, he expected most women he ran into to tell him off.

"You were right. I did deserve better...not that you weren't good..." she added quickly, blushing. "It's just that I've met someone and he seems to love me."

"Congratulations," he replied genuinely.

"Well, I realized that I was tired of being that girl who had a reputation for being easy. I mean, I can't even blame my going home with you on the fact that I was drunk...because I wasn't. There was no excuse other than I thought you were cute."

Edward laughed a little and shook his head. "Well, I'm glad you learned from your mistake."

"Seriously, though, thank you. You're the first person that thought I deserved anything better than a one-night stand."

"Kind of ironic that I was a one-night stand," Edward pointed out.

She had just laughed and opened her mouth to say something else when he caught sight out of someone in the corner of his eye. Jasper, Alice, and him all decided that it was better to go to the bar instead of the club they usually frequented because he wanted someplace quiet and laid back. There was no way this could be happening ten feet away from him. "Um, will you excuse me a minute? Really, it was nice seeing you again...but I have to go..."

"Of course. See you around..."

Not waiting to finish the conversation or even to try to remember the girl's name-as that had never turned out well for him, Edward propelled himself straight for the girl that he would never be able to forget. As Bella took a step back from the man in front of her, obviously disoriented and very obviously drunk, she looked like hell. Her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were redder than normal. Her face was flushed but he couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or something else. He had never seen her like this before.

"I need...a minute..." she slurred, unsteady on her feet. The man in front of her grabbed her before she could fall and righted her. Edward's heart stopped as the man made contact but his blood boiled when the guy actually laughed at her. The stranger was sizing Edward's Bella up like she was a meal...if eating a baby duckling whole could be considered that. Edward could tell she was embarrassed by her instability by the way she looked down at the floor and frowned.

"Take your time, baby. I have all night. My car's out front, ready to go and..."

That was all Edward needed. He moved towards them just as Bella looked up and she stumbled again. This time her heel turning her ankle, the one he knew still gave her problems, and she went down hard on her ass. The glass she held in her hand shattered as it hit the floor with her. Edward watched the whole thing as if it all happened in slow motion but he couldn't reach her in time. The glass pieces bounced off the floor and up onto her arm, cutting as it went. Completely ignoring the man, Edward went right for Bella, pulling her off the floor and up so that she was leaning on him.

"Hey, man," the stranger said, "I've got her. She'll be fine..."

Rage coursed through him as he realized that even if she was hurt he still would have had the audacity to take her home and take advantage of her. "Fuck off, asshole. She's my girlfriend."

"Am not..." Bella slurred, attempting to pull away from Edward but giving up rather quickly.

"Bella?" he heard Alice exclaim and the click of her heels coming towards them. There wasn't really much music considering it was just a small, dive bar full of older people who just came in for a few before heading home to their kids. After the glass breaking, most of the eyes were on them and the guy he recognized as the owner was coming towards them right behind Alice and Jasper.

Edward handed Bella off to Alice, albeit reluctantly, and turned to face the guy again. "I said fuck off."

"What are you going to do about it?"

The owner stepped between them. "Boys, take it outside. I don't want any trouble in here."

"My girlfriend has glass up her arm. There's already trouble," Edward pointed out. "Why wasn't she shut off ten drinks ago?"

"We did shut her off. Look, just take her and go the hell home..."

"Funny how you shut her off but she still had a drink in her hand. Smelled like strong whiskey, too. This what you get off on, asshole? Getting little girls drunk and then..."

"Enough. If you want me to call an ambulance, I will. You have to go, though. Get the fuck out of my bar, all of you!"

"Edward, let's go. Bella's arm doesn't look that bad. We'll go get her cleaned up," Jasper reasoned calmly, stepping in front of him.

He wanted to finish this by beating the hell out of this asshole but backed down when he saw Bella swaying again. She could barely stand, even with the help of Alice. Fear for her safety replaced the anger and before anyone could say anything, he walked over and scooped her into his arms. As if she were his bride in some fucked up universe, he carried her out of the bar like that. Her head lolled, coming to rest on his chest. "Bella, baby, stay awake!"

Worried about alcohol poisoning, he held onto her and turned to Jasper. "I don't know what to do..."

"Let us take her for the night. If you two were fighting..."

"No. She's staying with me."

"Come on, man..."

"I'm taking her home. I can't believe she hasn't thrown up yet," he added as an afterthought.

Jasper shook his head, not knowing what to say and Alice smoothed her hair back as he loaded Bella into the backseat of his car. "What the hell is going on here?" Rosalie's voice sounded from behind him as he got Bella situated and stood up straight.

Thankfully, Alice interceded and explained. "She's really bad, Rose. I've never seen Bella like this."

"That doesn't... This whole thing doesn't make sense. I mean, she was trashed the night she went home with Jacob but I think there was more than just her being drunk as a factor..." Edward let out what seemed to be a growl and grabbed the door handle to the get in the front. "This isn't her. Edward, what the hell did you do? Why weren't you watching her? Why would you let her drink so much? Jesus, just let me take her home..."

"He is taking her home," Jasper put in, trying to get everyone to relax.

"No. I'm taking her to my apartment. Rosalie, I just got here a little bit ago. I didn't know she was here until I saw some asshole giving her a rough time. He was buying her drinks."

"She wouldn't have taken them. Was she meeting you here?"

"No," Edward replied, looking away. "We...we kind of broke up last night."

"So I'll ask again. What the hell did you do?"

"I don't have the fucking time for this, Rosalie. I'm taking her home. Back off."

As he was climbing behind the wheel, the last thing he heard was Jasper ripping into the blonde. Jasper, of all people, was the last one to take a angry tone with someone...especially a female. "You have no room to talk. You have no idea whose fault it was that what went down did so maybe you should bite your fucking tongue and realize that you're friend has a man who is willing to take care of her like this even after they've been fighting. He's scared. Can't you fucking see that? Let him fucking take care of her and go the hell home to the father of your child. Bella's timid. I get it. We all do. You can't blame everything on the guy in the relationship. She's a fucking adult. So are you. Act like it."

Edward wanted to slap Jasper a high five but with Bella in her condition, he just wanted to get her out of her skimpy clothes and into a safe, warm bed. They were acting childish, though. Rosalie wasn't completely wrong. His friendship with Tanya was now completely done and for the first time in his life, he had met a girl he couldn't live without. There had to be a way to convince Bella that he loved her and she was it for him. They needed to start over.

**See ya next week, ladies and gents! Letzy xx**


	29. Just a Little Bit's Enough

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 29**

**Just a Little Bit's Enough**

Thankfully, he had thought to grab a plastic bag from his glove compartment because he heard her start to cough as soon as the car was moving and knew what was coming. He was speeding as much as he could considering how bad the weather was and tried not to look back at her. He knew she was still alive from the heaving sounds and that her throwing up was a good sign. Neither of them were saying anything to each other and he didn't know how she was going to respond to him taking her back to his place when she figured out what was going on.

He realized she might not want to be with him but he wasn't letting her go on her own. First of all, she was too drunk to be left on her own. Period. Second, her father was a police chief and he knew that she'd pick spending a night in Edward's apartment than dealing with her father being disappointed in her.

By the time they got to his apartment and he opened the door to help her out, the bag was half full and she was still dry heaving. There were tears on her cheeks, her nose was running, and he was pretty sure some of her clothes were soiled from missing the bag a little.

"Edward..." she managed to choke out, unable to make eye contact with him as she tried to turn away.

"Shh..."

"No. I need...home..."

"Bella, look at me," he practically begged but when she had trouble focusing on him, he decided to just carry her inside. There was no way he was going to stand outside and argue with her about this. Getting her out of the car was a bit of an issue but once she was on her own two feet...well...she was staggering into him and he was easily able to pick her up. He hated the tall shoes she was wearing and the super-tight dress. This was not Halloween and there was no novelty to it. Rosalie was right; this wasn't Bella.

He got her inside and let her throw up a little while longer before she was able to drink some water and try to stand up. Edward pulled off her shoes and carried her back to his bedroom after deciding that a bath would have to wait until tomorrow-she might just throw up on herself again anyway. Her arm concerned him and he grabbed some tweezers and peroxide from the bathroom. Finding her sound asleep on his bed had him breathing a little easier as he laid a bath towel under her arm and knelt beside her on the floor.

He hated that his hands were shaking and that a few of the glass pieces were in pretty deep. He dug out as much as he could before dabbing peroxide onto a cotton ball and gently running it over the cuts. With most of her wrist cut up, he rummaged through the bathroom drawers until he found a clean ace wrap and ripped open the packet. In the first aid kit, which was out in the kitchen, he grabbed gauze and laid it over the ripped up skin. With the gauze in place and the wrap keeping it there, Edward finally sat back and took her hand in his.

Her breathing was even but the clothes were a mess. The dress was all one piece and tight enough that he wasn't sure how to get it off of her...or even if he should. All he wanted was for her to be safe and that's why he had insisted on bringing her home. Now, in hindsight, Edward wondered if it would have been better to let her go with Rosalie. His conscience wouldn't let him leave her that way, not covered in her own vomit, so he carefully pulled her up and grabbed the bottom of the dress. Once it was over her head, a territorial feeling of rage overcame him when he saw her wearing the sexy red panties she'd bought to wear for him for Christmas. He didn't understand the reasoning behind what she had done...or almost done. He wondered if she had gone out looking for someone else or if she had just drank too much and that bastard decided to try to take advantage of her. He had tried to call her after leaving the hospital, twice he had tried, and now he knew what she had been doing.

His stomach was too twisted up from seeing her like this and over the situation with the man at the bar that he couldn't even say that seeing her practically naked in his bed turned him on at the moment. Edward Cullen had never felt this way before and while he hastily grabbed clothes out of a drawer to redress her with, he tried to figure out why he was so affected by her. She was pretty but not easy. She had a sense of humor but not at other people's expenses. She was kind but not to get the praise for being that way. He absolutely, mind-numbingly loved her.

Tucking her into bed, he couldn't help but love that when she was lifted to move the top blanket she tried to cling to him. Not knowing if he was really what she would have wanted had she been sober, he reluctantly got her to let him go and pulled the blanket back up over her. Bella seemed to be out for the night and he stood in the doorway with his other pillow for a while before forcing himself to go sleep out in the living room.

Edward didn't sleep, though. He spent most of the night lying awake and trying to figure out what to do about the entire situation. He understood where she was coming from with Tanya but the fact that she wouldn't even try to meet him in the middle was hard to deal with. She wanted him to be committed to her but his life could have been a whole lot easier if she had just stood by him. It also would have made him not have to lie to Tanya about he fact that he was still with Bella. He so, so badly wanted that little doozy to be true.

Trying desperately to hear her breathing from out on the couch, he knew it was pointless and that she was too far away. Still, it scared him to think that the alcohol really could have poisoned her blood stream. So, after an hour of telling himself she was fine, he stopped trying to believe that possible lie and went back to his bedroom to look in on her. Yup. Bella was still sleeping peacefully.

Doing the only thing he could do as he was unable to force himself back to the living room, he slid down the wall just inside the door and put his head back. He tried not to think of Bella on his bed, still drunk as fuck, and wearing only his clothes. The memory of the strange man who was buying her the drinks was the only thing keeping him from climbing into bed with her-not for a sexual reason but because he wanted to make sure she was warm enough. Bella always seemed to be cold. It wouldn't be what she would have wanted., though. He wouldn't take advantage of her. This girl was going to be the death of him.

Bella's eyes fluttered open but she quickly closed them and buried her face into her pillow. It smelled amazing...like Edward. Breathing deeply, she found that her throat burned and when she tried to turn her head, she felt like it was going to explode. Trying to use her arm to force herself into a somewhat upright position, she winced and forced her eyes open. Ignoring the blinding pain that she had gotten a taste of earlier when her eyes had first opened, she took in the site of her bandaged arm and suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

It wasn't until she sat up completely, trying to stop the rolling waves in her stomach and her head, that she realized the Edward-scented pillow was in fact his-and the 'his' in question was currently sleeping on the floor beside his bedroom door. As pieces of the past two nights came back to her, she felt mortified and desperately tried to remember the whole of what happened. It was better to consider that than to remember the painful night before it. Leaving Edward after saying the hurtful things that she had was the hardest thing she'd possibly ever done. Why now, she wondered, was she back in his bed? Without him?

The knot in her stomach from the realization that they were probably not back together was too much for her already nauseous stomach and she had no choice but to move or else cover Edward's bed with the contents of her stomach. Quickly forcing herself off the bed and across the room, she stepped carefully over Edward and made her way into the bathroom. Dropping to her knees, she tried to focus on the events of the night before and ignore the need to purge her stomach.

The last thing she remembered clearly was talking to Danny, leaving the school, and deciding to go home to change. It had been right after Rosalie called her, just as Bella was driving home, when she decided to meet her newly reunited friends at the local bar. She had suggested the particular place because she needed to unwind a little and the club they frequented was too much of a reminder of Edward. So, she'd gone home and decided to partake in a little pregame action-and looking back she probably shouldn't have even driven to the bar after raiding her parent's liquor cabinet.

The dry heaves began as she recalled her ridiculous decision to dress like a whore and try to have a little fun. She should never had drank before she left and she most certainly should not have shown up almost two hours earlier than when Rosalie and Emmett were supposed to meet her. She'd been hurt and stupid and couldn't remember the name of the nice guy who had lavished her with compliments and bought her drink after drink. She hadn't spent a dime.

That's where it ended. Even as these memories filtered back, there was nothing else she seemed to remember. Try as she might, bent over the toilet and wondering why nothing was actually coming up, she had no idea how to bridge the gap between a man buying her drinks and her waking up in Edward's bed with her arm wrapped in enough gauze that she could believe it was broken. Maybe it was. Maybe the alcohol wasn't letting her feel the pain yet. Still, it couldn't numb the pain she felt at seeing Edward walking the hospital's sidewalk with his ex-girlfriend. That was Edward. The white fucking knight.

Frustrated and confused, or more like frustrated because she was so confused, she closed her eyes and gave up on the vomiting. There was nothing in her stomach or it surely would have come up already. Sitting on the floor against the bathtub with her legs bent up, Bella clutched her stomach and couldn't stop the tears. No matter what may or may not have happened the night before, she was ashamed of herself and completely mortified. This was not her. She was _not _Tanya.

Reality slammed into her when she realized she was now crying on the bathroom floor and Edward may or may not still be sleeping. After a silent pep talk, she pulled herself up and washed her face, noticing for the first time that she was in Edward's clothes. Remembering that she had slid the panties on that she'd bought him for Christmas, it made her sick to think he'd seen them. _He hates me now. He has to._

With tears on her cheeks and her heart a twisted mess, Bella walked back to the bedroom in the hopes of getting dressed and doing the walk of shame home-only she didn't know if they had actually slept together. Still, she felt more ashamed of just the way she had acted the day before. Sex with Edward had never been something to be ashamed of. Her plans didn't work out so well because he was sitting on the end of the bed, a tired look on his face, with a bag in his hand.

She didn't know what to say. There were no words. So, she stood in the doorway, frozen and terribly defeated. Opening her mouth to apologize...to ask what happened the night before...she surprised herself by letting a sob escape instead. Edward didn't make a move toward her, his body in the same position it had been a few seconds ago before the water works started. His jaw was clenched, though, and his eyes burned brightly.

When she finally managed to calm herself down but still not trusting herself to speak, she walked over and took the bag he had been holding out to her. He said nothing, not even a passing of judgment. She would have preferred that to the silence. There was nothing being said and nothing being done. It was time to leave. Obviously, whatever had gone down was not a loving reunion for the two of them.

"Is this really over?" he asked, finally, just as she was about to step into the hallway. Her heart twisted and she tiredly turned to face him. The sobs may have subsided but the tears still came. She tried to blink them away, as if clearing her vision would clear her head. She cringed at his next demand. "Quit crying."

The harsh tone he took with her nearly broke her in half. She didn't think she could look much more pathetic than she did a few seconds ago but it must have happened because he looked away before standing up and moving towards her, a frown now pulling at his lips. "Bells, before you leave, just...let me check your arm? Okay?"

Unable to do much more than nod, she held her wrist out to him but he took her by the arm and lead her into the bathroom. Unwrapping her arm over the sink, where the light above the mirror cast the most illumination, she nearly gagged again over the bloody cuts that appeared. "Oh my, God," she whispered, finally finding her words.

"Are you in a lot of pain?" he asked absently, reaching behind him for a roll of gauze.

"No. I...I can't really feel it..."

He nodded, turning her wrist to look at it all in the light. "They weren't that deep. I'm pretty sure I got all the glass out. You'll be okay."

"Glass?" Bella blanched, pulling her arm away from him instinctively. His eyes met hers as his own arms dropped to his side. She turned away from him as fresh tears came. There seemed to be a never-ending supply. "I don't...remember..."

"I know you don't," he replied, portraying no expression to how he felt about that.

"Please. I can't remember," she prompted, both of them knowing she wanted an explanation.

Instead of indulging her, though, he just shook his head. "Go ahead and shower. I'll wait for you in the kitchen. You need to wash your hair and when you're done I'll wrap your arm back up."

"My clothes..." she began but he was already stepping out of the room.

"Are covered in vomit," he called back to her, closing the door behind him.

She fumbled with the shower before pulling off his shirt and looking at her hair in the mirror. Sure enough, there was something dried in it that she didn't want to dwell to long on. So, she apparently threw up the night before. At least that made sense. When she was clean and her head felt a little lighter, she dried off and had no choice but to put his long shirt back on.

With a little more dignity, but still no bra and sans panties, she tried to hold her head a little higher when she met him in the kitchen. Sitting down on the chair across from him, where he had a cup of coffee waiting for her, she wrapped her hands around the mug and met his eyes. "What happened? Please, Edward."

"I coincidentally ended up at the same bar where you were dressed like...Tanya...and drunk off your ass. Apparently, some asshole was buying you drink after drink, even after you were shut off by the bartender. You were stumbling, it was obvious that was what he wanted, and in those high shoes, your ankle twisted and you fell. Your glass shattered, the pieces cut up your arm, and the asshole was still trying to tell me to back off so that he could take you back to his place."

Bella swallowed hard, shame sickening her all over again. "You wouldn't let him, though." A statement, not a question.

"No. I wouldn't. If it wasn't for your bloody arm and possibly re-sprained ankle, I would have killed him."

"This was my fault. I did this..."

"Maybe that's completely true but he knew exactly what he was doing. You do realize, Bella, that if I hadn't shown up when I did, you could have been waking up in _his_ bed...or worse?"

"I know you're mad. I know I really messed up but I didn't mean to hurt you. I was hurt and upset...and I can't believe I dressed the way I did. The panties were for you alone and I..."

"You honestly fucking think that's what I'm pissed off about? Bella, listen to me," he knocked on the table, his voice rising. "You could have been gone home with a man who was intentionally getting you trashed so he could take you home and do what he wanted with you. He could have...you could have been...raped. Do you understand the severity of the situation?"

Putting her face in her hands and giving up completely on stopping the wetness in her eyes, she nodded her head. "I get it. I was stupid. I mean, I know you were like the king of one night stands but..." Her voice trailed off when she realized this wasn't the same thing.

Silence fell between them until she heard his chair slide back and then felt his hands on her shoulders, massaging gently before putting an arm around her and leaning into rest his head against the side of her hers. "You aren't stupid. That's what has me so upset. Why did you do this, Bella? Why would you dress like that? Why would you wear shoes like that when you know your ankle isn't completely heeled? You told me after Halloween that it had been a stupid idea then. Did you wear...my Christmas present...because you wanted to impress some asshole like the one who seemed hell bent on taking you home?"

"No! I was...I don't know why I did it. I've been sick to my stomach since leaving here two nights ago but I completely lost it when I saw you with her yesterday. It was too much after the argument we had the night before. Then, I got to school and was too upset to do anything and I talked to Danny and I think he asked me out but I turned him down. When Rosalie called I was confused and sick and upset and when I got home...I started drinking. I wasn't thinking straight when I changed out of my regular clothes or when I drove myself to the bar after drinking what I did..."

Edward gaped at the last part and interrupted her. "Drinking and driving? Bella, this isn't you!"

"I know! I made a lot of bad calls last night... Look, just...give me my old clothes and I'll bring your shirt back some time after I wash it. I know you must hate me now. I hate myself..."

"Shut up. I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you. I'm just upset that you could have really been hurt last night...and I'm not stupid, either. A part of that was because of me. It was because of the situation with Tanya..."

"That I made a huge deal of..."

"And I let you leave when it was obvious you didn't want to...not really..."

"And then I said awful things to you..."

There faces were becoming closer and closer with each back and forth statement about their own deplorable behavior two nights ago. Finally, Bella's voice trailed off and she knew he was going to kiss her. She craved it, still, even after all that had transpired the day before. "I don't have to see Tanya anymore. I was invited over for dinner yesterday and convinced her to check back in to the program. I don't love her."

Bella could feel the words as he whispered them inches from her mouth, his forehead now resting against hers. "I love you," she mumbled, leaning closer yet.

"I'll never tell you to leave again. I never want you to act the way you did last night. Especially not because of me. I love the real you. The Bella who is shy and sweet but feisty when she needs to stand up for something. You're exactly what I want."

When their lips met, her headache dulled and her now-throbbing ankle and arm faded into an afterthought in the back of her mind. "Will you hold me?" she asked, reluctantly pulling away from him a little.

"Absolutely. Forever. I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have brought up Tanya's situation the way I did the other night. You were tired and I was too caught up in my own shit...shit with her and Emmett...to be considerate of that. I realize you still would have felt the same way after getting some sleep but it was shitty of me to push the issue and then make you drive home. If it wasn't for me, you never would have done what you did last night. All I've ever wanted was to protect you..."

"Stop. I forgive you for whatever you think you did wrong but a lot of this was my fault, too. Please, let's just go back and lie down for a while. The room is still kind of spinning..." She smiled in contentment as he lifted her off the chair and carried her back to his bed.

A few hours later, Bella woke up with her head on Edward's chest and looked up to find that he was watching her. "I like waking up with you in bed with me way more than you being on the floor," she yawned.

"Agreed. So...are we...okay?"

"What's the situation with our favorite junky?" she asked, running a finger over his bare chest.

He sighed and tilted his head back, "It's done. I never intended for it to turn into me being with her all the time. She's manipulative. I get it but I'm not stupid, either. "

"I never said you were stupid," Bella pointed out, her finger ceasing its circuit over his heart.

"No. Just untrustworthy, right?" She fidgeted for a second, trying to figure out how to put into words what she felt. More than anything, Bella wondered if it was possible to love someone as much as she loved him without trusting him completely. Still, he knew as well as she did that he had quite a past.

After she didn't say anything for a long time, Edward shook his head. "You look at the way I lived my life before I met you. That's not fair. I've never been anywhere near unfaithful to you. Girls approached me when I was out with Jasper and Emmett on Friday and I politely explained that I had a girlfriend. While you were out last night, wearing that tight little dress-something you wouldn't typically want to wear out even if you were just with me, I tried to call you. Twice. I never wanted to date Tanya...or be with her the way I want to be with you...but if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have played things out the way I did today.

"I gave her an ultimatum. I knew she wanted more with me than I did with her and I told her I'd take her to the hospital if she went with me right then. If she refused, I was going to walk away and she wouldn't hear from me again. Either way, though, I made sure she knew that even if I took her to the hospital, that would be the last thing we did together."

"She gave away her addiction for a few more minutes with you..." Bella whispered, biting down on her lip.

"Yeah. She agreed to go. I'm not even certain she's convinced that she even has a problem."

"Well, she goes about it in a weird way but I guess she really does love you. I would have done the same."

"My point with all of this is, you are so afraid to trust me when I've done nothing wrong. I used sex as an escape, Bella. Before I met you, it was a stress reliever for me. It was a way to blow off some steam and enjoy myself. Now that you're with me, I don't need it. I wasn't addicted to sex. I'm not addicted to it now. It was something fun to do and now that I'm in a serious relationship, I have no need for it. This is your call, Bella. If I haven't proven myself to you, I don't know that I ever can. The only thing I could possibly do to prove that I'm committed to you is ask you to marry me but just like I know I don't need sex or other women, I know I'm not ready to get married."

"That's not what I want right now. Later, of course. I'm not ready yet either."

"Then I don't know what to do. I hate to think you would but if you're going to walk away, you have to do it now. You're not the only one that is getting more and more devoted to this relationship. I'm not going to be able to take you leaving now but it'll kill me, too, if you decide to turn your back on us when I do feel ready to marry you. I need to know I can trust _you _not to leave."

"I won't. Not again. Not unless you push me to it. The only thing that would take me away from you is if you do choose to sleep with someone else. Otherwise, I don't ever want to feel the way I felt two nights ago ever again. I've never felt that...lost."

"I know what you mean. I always thought my mother was pathetic for not being strong enough to deal after she knew my father had overdosed. I wouldn't ever consider suicide, I have Lanie to think about, but being with you changed my perspective. The back and forth we had going on before deciding to just be together was painful but this weekend...just that twenty-four hours away from you...was excruciating. I don't believe that what she did was right but I guess I can sympathize a little more."

"Your father was also a not-so-nice man. She knows what he did to you. She was guilty, too...as were their friends..."

"Don't. I can't...not right now. I don't want to talk about that."

"I'm sorry. I just meant that it's okay to not be able to forgive her. No matter how you look at it, she was wrong. Your father's death was accidental. Her's wasn't. She left Lanie behind. I'm obviously not a mother but even now I would do everything in my power to know Lanie is safe and cared for. She knew what her death could potentially do to her daughter. Whether or not she considered it at the time she pulled the trigger, she still turned her back on Alana. Hell, if she didn't consider it, that still makes it worse. Her child should have been her first priority. Edward, _both_ of her children should have been. Don't beat yourself up over feeling the way you do about her."

"You're going to be a good mom someday," he said softly with a smile.

Bella raised an eyebrow before pushing herself into a kneeling position and putting her hand over her heart. "Is Edward Cullen admitting that he not only wants to get married someday but that he wants to father children? You realize I plan to have no one's babies but yours right?"

"Babies?" Edward asked, pretending to be terrified that she used the plural.

"It doesn't matter how many. I'll love it...or them...with everything I have. Hell, I'm not even Lanie's mom and I'm sure as hell not yours...but I'd give my life to keep you two safe." Edward froze and she noticed that he was looking at her with a slightly thoughtful, slightly confused expression. Touching her hair, she felt uncomfortable with him looking at her like that. "What?"

"No one's ever cared about me that way. Ever."

Her heart broke for him all over again and she laid back down beside him, this time wrapping an arm around his back and holding him to her. He kissed her forehead and she kissed his chest. "I love you. Sure, sometimes I get frustrated and you drive me a little nuts but I don't think anything can change how I feel about you. That gives you a lot of power, Edward. Don't break me."

**Wouldn't you guys hate me if I ended the story there? The end of Part I is very soon but Part II is ready to go so things will continue on as normal. ;) Review and let me know what you think! Letzy xx**


	30. Begin Again

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 30**

**Begin Again**

"Edward, I don't want to do this," Alice pleaded, holding her phone at her side and starting to pace again.

"Ally, come on. You love him..."

"You don't understand." Edward was shocked at the fact that the girl in front of him was nearly in tears. Despite that he had Lanie, and now Bella, it still made him anxious when girls cried. He had no idea what to do. If it were Lanie, he'd cook her something she liked or take her to a movie. If it were Bella, he'd hold her and let her cry until she was calm enough to make a decision. With Alice, he was at a loss. If he mentioned food, she'd snap at him because she was saying that she had to fit into her wedding dress. If he even tried to hold her hand, Jazz would no doubt chop off his balls. It was lose/lose either way he went with it.

"Alice, does Jasper even know you're here?" He couldn't help but feel slightly nervous over the situation. The wedding was only three days away and Bella had taken Lanie for a haircut. Jasper was usually good about picking up on when Alice was upset and he worried Jasper would take offense to the fact that Ally was seeking out him instead.

"No," she replied in a half whisper half sob.

"Al..."

Throwing her hands up, she cut him off. "I get it, okay? I shouldn't be here. You shouldn't be the one I'm turning to but he doesn't understand."

"So, you're crying because you're afraid to call your parents? I thought you just simply weren't going to tell them about the wedding."

"I wasn't... I'm not... It's Jasper. Edward, you know why I came to you and not him. He doesn't understand. His family is awesome. Mine is...judgmental."

"I know why you and your parents don't get along but a person only gets married once. Well, I guess that's not always true anymore, but with you two it will be. If you love Jasper and he's the only one you ever plan to marry, which you better feel that way because you're walking down the aisle in three days, then you need to let your parents know that their little girl is getting married and this is the only chance they'll have to see it."

"They don't know Jazz. They've never even met him."

"Well, give them the chance to. Have they hurt you?"

"No! Like I said, you already know why I moved away. My parents have one way of looking at things and if it isn't what they agree with, they want nothing to do with it. Edward, Jazz has a record."

"Jazz, Em, and I all have shit on us. Ally, why are you marrying him if you're ashamed?"

"And you're not?" she replied with a raised eyebrow.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean."

"I know how you are with Bella."

"Don't bring Bella into this."

"My point is, you wouldn't commit to Bella because you had this ridiculous idea in your head that you weren't good enough for her. I'm not ashamed of Jasper but my parents will be ashamed of me for being this in love with him. That's why I came here. He's pushing for me to tell them and doesn't understand why I won't. How can I possibly tell him why I don't want them to know?"

"Ally, Jazz's record is nothing compared to Emmett's and the baggage I have far outweighs his. He has his life back on track. Your parents don't even need to know about what he was like in high school. So he was sent to alternative school and did a bout in Juvie. Besides his depression, that he has under control now, he's fine. The shit in his past? That's nothing. You know the shit Em has following him around."

"My mom's a judge and my dad's a current political official who plans to run for _senate_. The second they know his name, they'll be looking into him. I figured you went through this with Bella's dad being an officer and all..."

"I didn't go through anything. I mean, I guess he didn't find anything because he's never confronted me about anything. The death of my parents is the only thing he would have on me and it's not like I was convicted for it. I was a suspect and they let me go...Jasper, too. You need to either suck it up and call them or you need to communicate more with Jasper about all of this. He'll deal. He's stronger than you think. Alice, do you really think you shouldn't take the risk of calling them? It sounds like you come from a respectable family. You're an adult. They can't keep you two apart."

"Maybe you're right." That was all she said as she walked over and sat down beside him on the couch.

When it was evident that it was the only thing she was going to say, he nodded. "Do it, Al. Call them. I won't leave the room unless you ask me to."

Sweat was beading on Bella's lower back as she laid atop Edward, riding out her third orgasm. It was a position that wasn't exactly romantic but she had given up on romantic after the first wave of pleasure hit her. This was carnal now. Her back was arched but only slightly as her breasts slid up and down his chest, her hips doing most of the work, and each one of her hands clasped one of his where they were pinned to the bed just above his head.

Edward was always the one who had to have control of the situation and she loved that he let her take him over this way. The feeling of his body tensing beneath her, the sound of his moans against her neck and her lips when she'd meet his with hers, and the grip he had on her ass just before she stole his hands told her that he wasn't uncomfortable with their trade off of roles.

She was just feeling her body shuddering from the excitement when his hands slid from under hers and he wrapped his arms around her before one more hard thrust made him cry out. There was sweat on his chest and neck as he put his head back. Eyes closed, hair untamed, and mouth open; an undone Edward was the best damn thing she'd ever seen. Bella wanted to take a picture of him in that moment, blow it up about a million times, and frame it to hang above her bed. Then again, she could just make a million copies of it and plaster her bedroom walls. Those might give her more of a chance of being able to sleep through the night without waking up and reaching for him...then again, probably not.

Slightly more composed now, Edward rolled her onto her back and dug his face into the spot between her breasts. She was still a little shaky after that sensory overload and Edward knew it, feeling the tremors of satisfaction against his skin. From his spot on her chest, he looked up with a satisfied smirk before nuzzling into her again.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he murmured as his face was pressed between the valley of her breasts.

With a breathless laugh, she rubbed his upper arm and gave one good last shiver before finally feeling her body relax a little. "I like it on top."

"I know you do. I'm getting used to it." Bella reluctantly watched as he pushed himself up and knelt on the bed to take care of the condom. "I'll be right back."

Watching his naked ass and muscular back as he headed out of the bedroom, she rested her head on the pillow and took a deep breath. There was so much she needed to do. Alice and Jasper were getting married at two and she was supposed to be having brunch with the girls and heading off to get their hair done right after. Edward was supposed to be over at Jasper's parents' house to hang out with the guys. Lanie had stayed at the Whitlock's the night before with Jasper's niece and nephew after the rehearsal dinner and Bella was going to pick her up when she dropped off Edward. They figured it was stupid to take two vehicles when they would both end up in the same place.

For all of this to go as planned, Edward and Bella had to leave the apartment within an hour. Groaning as she looked over at the clock, she wondered how time had gone so quickly. They'd been sure to set the alarm two hours before it was necessary so they could enjoy each other for a little while uninterrupted. Since the weekend of the half-breakup, as they were calling it, things had really been going well. Thankfully, Rosalie had called Bella's parents that night to cover for her, telling them that Bella was staying with her and she was the one calling because Bella had already fallen asleep. Despite her age, her parents would have been upset with her had Rosalie called and said that Bella was staying with Edward. Bella had spent the night there numerous times, which they knew, but it would have been disconcerting for them had Rosalie called and told them that.

There were, as were in all relationships, little hiccups and arguments between her and Edward but nothing too heart breaking or destructive. Tanya was still in rehab, now at a facility different from the one at the hospital, and with her distance it seemed that Edward was able to relax about the situation a little more. They hadn't heard from or about her since hearing she had been moved. Jimmy was respecting him in that way and Bella was grateful.

In fact, the hardest part over the past month was her time _away _from him. She hadn't been over-dramatic when she'd told him that it was getting harder to walk away from him to return home. There were clothes that belonged to her in his drawers, a bottle of the lotion she used every night on his night stand, and even a little shower caddy that she kept stocked with her toiletries. That stayed in Edward's room so Lanie wouldn't ask questions.

When she brought Lanie home from school, they'd work on her homework and watch TV until Edward came in from work. Most of the time, she'd work on dinner beside Edward in the kitchen and stay to enjoy it with them. Bella suspected Lanie loved that the most out of the reasons that she liked having Bella there; the poor girl wasn't eating frozen pizza and hot pockets constantly. Edward had always made sure she got a balanced diet but they weren't exactly home-cooked meals. Grocery shopping had even become something the three of them had started doing together and it felt completely natural.

Her parents missed her, something that she knew, but they weren't really giving her a hard time about it. Renee had been promoted and was over-seeing a lot more of the branch than she'd ever expected to and Charlie...well, he was rarely home before she started seeing Edward. Still, she tried to eat dinner with them once in a while and always came home at night...except on the two or three nights in the past month that Lanie stayed at the Whitlock's or with Sarah. Edward tried to keep it fair, having Sarah over to sleep at their place a few times that month as well. Lanie was happy, Bella was content and Edward...well...he was definitely satisfied.

"Come shower with me," he whispered into her ear, wrapping his arms around her as he lay spooning behind her.

"'kay," she sighed.

"Lanie has that little girl's birthday party to go to after the wedding, remember? It's a slumber party," he hinted.

"With a promise like that and wet Edward...I don't know that I'll be able to contain my excitement while we're in the shower together. You never know what I might do under duress like that," Bella purred, turned to face him with a grin.

As the doors to the back of the church swung open, Bella reached up to wipe at the corner of her mouth. She blushed, realizing that after all that time she'd spent with the girls that morning and the makeup applying that was done, anything from the oral action that happened that morning in the shower would be long gone. Still, she couldn't help but smile. It had been decided, much to Bella's surprise and slight anxiety, that Edward would become the best man-leaving Bella as the maid of honor. There had been a whole, long, slightly irritating discussion about it.

It hadn't been about Edward getting the position over the other groomsmen...it was what they were going to do with Bella. Alice had been saying since the engagement that she'd wanted to have Bella as her maid of honor. Bella had felt absolutely honored but that was where things stopped being so easy. Jasper had to choose between his brother, Emmett, and Edward. Originally, he had planned for it to be his brother as they were family and it was hard to pick between his two friends. Still, Alice didn't want his sister-in-law as the maid of honor and Edward was obviously uncomfortable having Bella paired with another man.

Much to Jasper's chagrin, his brother eventually just blurted out, "Dude, you wanted to have Edward as best man anyway. I'd rather just be paired with my wife. If nothing else, it'll save me an ass-kicking from Cullen over there."

So, Jasper and Alice both ended up getting their way and everyone was completely fine with it because they'd still be with their significant other. That was how Bella ended up right in front of Alice, waiting for the music to start so she and the other bridesmaids could make their way down the aisle. Lanie was right in front of her, and when she turned around, the poor girl looked a little terrified. Bella placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, using her other hand to fix a stray piece of hair that was falling down onto her neck.

"You'll be fine, Lanie. This is going to be fun. Just smile."

Lanie relaxed a little and it was just in time for the music to start. Turning around to look at Alice, who was shaking as she stood on her own, Bella gave her a bright smile and winked at her. "I bet they look awesome in those tuxes."

Alice just swallowed hard and smiled back, fresh tears threatening to fall. Before Bella knew it, it was her turn to follow Lanie down the home stretch. Edward was giving her the grin she had come to know and love while Jasper was quite obviously trying to see around her to get a look at Alice. Everything seemed perfect and everyone looked happy, even Renee and Charlie, who were sitting towards the back of the church.

When it was Alice's turn to come down, the music changed and everyone stood and turned to the back. Bella watched as the bride stepped through the doors by herself and the second she saw Jasper, her face lit up as if just that was a reassurance that everything would be okay. The vows went fast and in no time, Bella was fixing Alice's train as her friend was kissing Jasper for the first time as husband and wife.

They were both smiling into the kiss when Bella looked up at them and she caught Edward staring right at her, as if not seeing the bride and groom at all. She blushed and got off her knees to rejoin the line of girls. The procession out was rather funny. Alice and Jasper ran, obviously excited to have a few moments to themselves before the church emptied out. The children followed first, skipping down the aisle happily. No one thought much of it but felt that it was cute.

When the next couple went, Jasper's brother and his wife, they caused a bit of a stir by dancing down the aisle to the macarena-that apparently only they could hear. Emmett and Rosalie went right after and every so many feet Emmett would dip her backwards as if they were a romantic couple out of some sappy movie. As was planned when it was Bella and Edward's turn, he just simply scooped her up bridal style and carried her to the back of the church. The guests were clapping and definitely amused at this point...obviously the unconventional exit was planned. Her parents just laughed and shook their heads at the whole thing when they went past.

The gang lined up to thank the guests for coming as they headed out of the church and that's when things got a little interesting. Just when their group was starting to break up, as there weren't that many people left in the church by then, Bella noticed a couple who were not smiling at all. In fact, they looked like they were attending a funeral more than a wedding. Sharply dressed and pursed-lipped, they glanced over Bella and the rest of the party. Jasper was just on the other side, giving envelopes with tip money in them to his mom to go deliver to the organist and a few others who helped. It genuinely surprised her when she saw Alice take a quick step back and lose her own smile as the two approached.

"Hello, Mary," the grumpy woman frowned.

Bella spun towards Alice to see her friend's face go completely white. Edward must have noticed, as well because he stepped around Bella to be beside Alice. The next words out of Alice's mouth shocked Bella even more and she was still trying to recover from hearing them refer to Alice as Mary. In a submissive, weak voice, Alice looked down at her flower-clad hands and said, "Hello, mother."

Bella looked around relieved that no one but the wedding party and a few stragglers were still there. It was obvious things were going to get awkward and she was frozen to her spot. "Mary, how could you do this. Who is this man? I can not believe that you would marry some stranger to humiliate us. Please act your age, Mary Alice Brandon. We accepted that you ran away from home because you were upset with us but we will not accept that you would marry this man to spite us. It is time to show some maturity. Is this your idea of proving you can be an adult? Surely this is all just a big mistake..."

Edward began to say something but Alice crossed her arms, the submissive little girl had left the building. "You accepted that I ran away? You _accepted _it? Your daughter ran away from home and all you could do was _accept_ it?" Okay, so the little girl was gone but her spit-fire self was back...and she was sounding a little hysterical. As nonchalantly as possible, Bella crossed the room to tell Jasper what was happening. She couldn't hear everything that was going on but soon there was yelling behind her.

"I love him! If you two can't 'accept' that than you need to go the hell home and let me live my life without you in it. I'm done. I've been done..."

Before Bella could reach him, Jasper heard his disgruntled new wife and turned around quickly. He nearly knocked Bella over to get around her. She and Lanie watched in awe as even more drama unfolded when Jasper stepped in where Edward had been and Alice's dad practically went nose to nose with him. In a low tone, much too low for Bella to make out, Jasper said something and the two men glared at each other before finally walking out the door.

Alice and her mother stared at the door before looking back at each other. The angry-faced woman now looked regretful and was seemingly trying not to cry. "Mother, please. I love him..." Alice pleaded, taking the woman by her arm.

"Why did you leave, Mary?"

"Because you tried to control me. That wasn't fair. I had no other choice. I couldn't give in and just do what you wanted me to do for the rest of my life."

Bella pulled her eyes away from them to look at the doors where Edward and Emmett were standing with their arms crossed. Both were staring out of the glass doors with serious expression and nervous shifting. The old priest, whether he was just really good at pretending or really had no idea of the drama happening behind him, spoke happily to Jasper's brother and parents. "What's a wedding without family drama?" Rosalie asked from behind her. Bella turned to face her and pulled Lanie around with her. The poor girl was obviously a little shaken by how upset Alice was.

"I feel like we should do something."

"Jasper's parents are talking to her mom now..."

It was true. Mrs. Whitlock was pulling Mrs. Brandon in for a hug while Jasper's father put an arm around Alice's shoulders. All of them were now smiling...just in time for the doors to open and Jasper to follow Mr. Brandon back to Alice and the circle they'd formed. Introductions were had again before her father turned to her. "Mary Alice, if this is what you want...then...we'll deal with it."

"No, you won't," Alice said with conviction, causing Jasper to look at her in confusion. "You're going to be happy for me. You used to tell me when I was a little girl that mom was your queen and that you'd do anything for her because you loved her. Since I was little, I dreamt of finding a man who felt that same way about me. I swore to myself that I wouldn't settle until I found him. This is him. I'll always be your princess but he's my prince and you need to realize that."

The look of pride on Jasper's face was totally apparent and her father just nodded. "Alright, Ally," the gruff man relented. "If this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with, then I supposed I need to get to know him."

"And not by looking at old police reports?" she asked for clarification with a raised eyebrow.

He turned a little red. "No. By being a part of your life."

Alice just smiled at this and her mother pulled her in for a hug. "You look so beautiful. You are beautiful. God, I've missed you sweetheart."

"I've missed you, too. Oh! There's so many people I want to introduce you to!"

Pictures were a little rushed due to the sudden and very odd reunion of the Brandon family but the weather was perfect for them. It had rained that morning but everything was dry enough for a few fun pictures on the ground and the cloudy day made it so they weren't all squinting in the photos. A few pictures were taken of her, Edward, and Lanie that would look awesome framed at the apartment. The reception hall was ready for the guests before the ceremony had even started so even when they arrived a little late, no one seemed annoyed about it. The Brandons even seemed to be in fairly good spirits across the table from the Whitlocks.

The group was announced couple by couple as they walked in to Katy Perry's 'Firework' and the cake was cut...and thrown...so that guests could have that as dessert immediately after the buffet-style dinner. Bella was a little bummed that she and Edward were sitting at the head table on opposite sides of the bride and groom. Edward must have felt the same way because he kept looking over at her and making funny faces while they waited for their meals. During the father/daughter dance, while Bella danced with Charlie, Edward danced with Lanie. When Bella looked over at the siblings who were laughing about something, she couldn't help but feel completely happy.

"So...um...do you two like...love each other or whatever?" Charlie asked in his very Charlie-like way. Bella just shook her head and blushed.

"Yeah. Dad. Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"You really want to discuss this right now?" Bella asked with a are-you-kidding-me attitude.

"No. Still, though, you two might as well be living together already. I don't like it."

"I know, Dad. We're still kind of figuring things out."

"Well, um...no babies."

"Dad!" Thankfully, and she had a feeling Charlie was relieved as well, the song ended and she was free to seek out Edward.

"Why are you so red?" her boy chuckled when she approached. Lanie had skipped off to dance with Jasper.

"My father just gave me his version of the birds and the bees talk."

"Ah. Well, Lanie's pretty preoccupied and I could really go for a cigarette. Will you come outside with me?"

"Sure. I hate that you smoke, though."

"I'm trying to quit. I don't do it often. Old habits die hard, Bells."

The cold night air met them as they pushed the doors open and he immediately pulled off his jacket to put around her arms. "Well," she smiled up at him, "I suppose I have developed this weird attraction to the taste of whiskey and cigarettes."

"Oh, really," he whispered against her lips. "That's pretty convenient considering I've been drinking Crown Royal all damn night."

"Light it up, Cullen. It's freezing out here." He did his thing and she looked towards the doors. "I wonder what's on the agenda next."

"Bouquet toss I do believe. I'll hurry so you can get in there."

"I wasn't planning on trying to catch it." He raised a questioning eyebrow and she figured she might as well explain. "Well, you're uncomfortable with marriage. Why would I try to catch it and have us predicted as the next two to marry when it would make you uncomfortable."

"Bells, it wouldn't make me..."

"Really, it's fine, Edward. It is cold out here, though. Lanie seems to be enjoying herself tonight."

"She is. I figure I'll wait until the adults get a little more rowdy and then I'll talk her into going to that birthday party. Come on, I'm finished," he said, taking her hand.

Sure enough, as they walked into the reception hall, the DJ did a last call for the single women to join the floor. Lanie looked a little disappointed from her seat beside Bella and Rosalie's parents. The DJ had made it clear that the girls had to be at least sixteen. It made sense to Bella...a man putting a garter on a little girls leg was insanely awkward to watch.

"Bella, why aren't you out there?" Renee asked as they approached.

"And risk falling on my face in front of all these people? No thanks. I think I'm going to go get a drink." Bella had almost made it to the bar before the most ridiculous thing ever happened to her. She had just made eye contact with the bartender and stepped up to order her fuzzy naval when his eyes widened and he opened his mouth urgently to say something. The word 'look' was all she got before she felt it...and then she smelled it. What felt like a floral scented brick nailed her in the back of the head. Spinning around, she looked down in time to see the bundle of flowers fall at her feet. _Are you kidding me?_

Accepting her fate, Bella picked them up off the floor and glared over at Alice, who was now waving to her with a devilish grin. The spotlight landed on her as the DJ spoke, announcing to everyone that the maid of honor had caught the bouquet even though she was nowhere near the dance floor. It must be fate, he'd said. Ignoring the attention, Bella held the flowers tightly in one hand and turned to the bartender. "I'll have a fuzzy naval...without the orange juice...and could you add a little vodka?" He looked at her with a knowing smile and did as she had requested.

Sipping her alcoholic concoction, Bella made a mental note to tip the guy on her next trip over there and looked around for Edward. He was up front with the rest of the guys as they each knelt down on one knee to provide Alice with a makeshift chair to sit on. Some sultry song came on and Bella watched in great amusement as Jasper climbed under Alice's dress and pulled off the garter with his teeth. She blanched then, praying to God that Edward would be the one to catch the garter. He'd probably break the poor guy's face that was unlucky enough to have to put the piece of lace on the leg of 'his Bella'. She watched on with much amusement as he stood in a crouched position, ready to grab the thing.

Emmett, being Emmett, was trying to get in front of him to block Jasper's toss and Bella decided if anyone caught it other than Edward, it would at least be funny if Emmett was her suitor for this awkward moment in her life. The guys were really getting into it and Bella counted about fifteen altogether vying for the chance to grab it. Emmett and Edward were still play-shoving and just as Jasper tossed it, Edward was shoved hard enough that he was pushed out of the group who was in the path of the projectile.

Just as Bella had caught the bouquet by divine intervention, Edward managed to end up with the garter when it was bumped out of the group of men and slid across the floor to land beside him. He seemed shocked as well and snatched it up before Emmett could get it. Bella let out a breath of relief.

"Ah! The best man!" the DJ was announcing.

Edward found Bella in the crowd and gestured for her to come over. The guys bent down into chair formation again and Bella blushed deeply as she sat down. Edward was smirking but she truly felt he'd keep it as PG as possible. Lanie was right behind them watching, after all. The sexy music started again and he gently got down on one knee. Seeing Edward in that position made her heart race despite the real reason he was doing it. He took her foot in both of his hands and gently, slowly with the music, pulled off her stiletto. Bella swallowed hard as his middle finger stroked the bottom of her foot.

The DJ was giving provocative commentary about it but she couldn't concentrate on anything but Edward. The garter was around her ankle now and his teeth had just bitten down on it. Slowly, in front of a room full of people including his little sister, her parents, their friends, and a shit-ton of strangers, he brought the garter up her leg with just his mouth. Feeling flushed but completely aroused, she bit down on her lip and refrained from closing her legs tightly when he worked it over her knee and kept going. _Holy shit. This is way too fucking erotic. Surely, no one else has even died of a heart attack from this experience. People do it at weddings all the time!_

"Every inch up means another year of marital bliss for the future Mr. and Mrs!" the DJ put in.

Bella and Edward, she hoped, were the only two who realized just how many extra years of bliss they would have if this saying held true. She thanked God for the full skirt that was hiding the fact that his head was nearly against her hip. Finally, just when she thought she might pass out from holding her breath in excitement, she felt him retreat and his face appeared from under the dress. All she got from him was a quick wink before he took her hand and pulled her off of his friends' bent knees.

People everywhere were laughing and clapping but all she could think of was him. Their relationship had started on strange terms where they'd hid their feelings for each other and even lied to keep their hookups a secret. Since then, they had evolved into something much stronger. Edward had brought a girl home for the first time ever and that girl had come to never want to leave there. He had introduced his little sister to a girl and that girl couldn't walk away from Lanie if her life depended on it. Now, he was using his teeth to practically partake in oral sex foreplay on a dance floor in front of everyone they knew.

Edward had changed and Bella realized that she had as well. There had been other men before Edward but he would be her last. She was sure of this. Whether or not she would ever legally become Mrs. Edward Anthony Cullen, she knew he was her end-all. She wanted to marry him and purchase a home together and have his children but she knew those things may never happen. He'd already changed so much for her that she refused to push him to change anymore.

Until the day that he decided for himself that all of that was what he absolutely wanted as well, she would just keep praying and being thankful that they had each other, the little apartment, and Alana Mae. He was her future and she knew he felt that she was his. After tonight, though, she so hoped that they'd eventually be able to cash in on all that marital bliss Edward had just earned for them.

**While this is the end of Part I, the next part will be up as usual next weekend. We're going to be jumping ahead a little in time and it's definitely not short of drama, new life situations, a Lanie who's a little older, and of course, hardcore Edward and Bella bedroom situations. Stay tuned and let me know what you thought! I'd love to read a review from you!**


	31. Adult Conversations

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Our Place Upon the Ashes Part II**

**Chapter 31**

**Adult Conversations**

****This chapter is set two years after the last chapter. **

"He's completely lost his mind," Lanie whispered to Bella as they watched Edward pace back and forth in front of the kitchen table where they were sitting.

"Edward, she's not marrying him..." Bella said softly. Calmly.

"Not...she's not...marrying..." Edward gave a desperate kind of laugh and ran a hand through his hair before shaking his head. "Girls, I'm fine. Really. I'm just... I'm fine."

Bella looked over to see the now-thirteen-year-old Lanie roll her eyes. "Look, Lanie, we'll go this weekend and look at dresses. I bet Ally and Rose will go with us. Go work on that Pre-Algebra homework and I'll deal with...him."

"Thanks, Bells," Lanie beamed, jumping up and hugging her quickly before heading back to her bedroom and slamming the door in typical teenage fashion.

"Edward, you need to stop it. She's not even calling him her boyfriend. Your teenage sister was asked to be someone's date to Homecoming. Embry seems like a nice enough kid. He's only a year older than she is..."

"I know. I should be happy that she's being a normally functioning teenage girl with friends...hormones..."

"Baby, relax..." Bella went to reassure him when the neighbor next door began yelling at the dog...or maybe his wife...or possibly both. "Ugh. He's at it again! Really?"

Walking over to her, Edward put his arms around Bella and kissed her forehead. "I love you."

"I know," Bella relented, breathing him in. "We'll get through the homecoming dance in one piece. I promise. I should really head home, though. It's getting...late."

The kisses he was trailing down her face were completely distracting. "Just stay a little longer..."

"Edward, I can't," she whispered, pulling away from him reluctantly.

"Alright, let's go. I'll walk you out."

While she slid on her shoes and grabbed the car keys from the table by the door, they could hear the man's voice getting louder. Reaching up to touch his cheek, Bella kissed Edward again but could tell he was irritated with the new neighbor. "You should complain to the landlord," Bella said softly, wanting to say something completely different but stopping herself from doing so...just like she always did. She always tried to avoid that particular topic.

"You okay?"

_No. _"Yeah. I really have to get going, though."

"I know. I have to try to convince Lanie to get to bed at a half decent time tonight. The girl's been a night owl lately ."

"Go ahead. I can go down by myself."

Edward clenched his teeth as he looked at the wall which hid the loud man from them. "Not tonight you can't."

Bella just rolled her eyes and headed out the door. She didn't speak again until he opened the door of the Jeep for her and leaned down to kiss her. "Don't forget, we're watching Jacks tomorrow for Rosalie. Emmett wants to take her out for their anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year already."

"Yeah." The way he said it made her sick. He knew why her voice sounded so rough when she talked about their four friends and their two happy marriages. It wasn't so much the baby factor...it was just that she was getting antsy for them to move in together and refused to be the one to bring it up.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. Rose will bring him over to my parents and I guess I'll bring him over here."

"Bella, be careful, okay? It makes me nervous when you drive home this late."

"I will."

Pulling into the near-empty city street, Bella put her head back against the head rest and groaned. After Rose and Em were married a year ago, just after Alice and Jasper decided to by a home together and get rid of the apartment, Bella thought for sure he'd come through with a proposal. They'd been together two years now and things were getting more and more ridiculous.

While their friends had settled down, started families, and lived as normal adults in committed relationships would, she and Edward were living two separate lives still. They each had their own jobs of course but lived separately, Edward was doing what he could to care for Lanie but even she seemed a little frustrated with their current situation. There was also an issue with a few new neighbors such as the angry, yelling man who had moved in next door a few weeks ago, that were driving the other tenants insane.

Besides the fact that there was not much progression in their relationship, things really were still running very smoothly. Jackson Andrew McCarty, Rosalie and Emmett's little boy, was absolutely perfect and Bella loved the chances she and Edward had to babysit him. Lanie liked playing with the little boy and had said on more than one occasion that she looked forward to becoming an aunt. Edward never commented on that nor did he show much expression that would give his feelings away to even Bella.

He was great with baby Jackson, he would make a great father, yet after two years of fun, passionate sex, Bella had yet to feel him inside of her without a sheath a latex between them except the one time when they were first together. Bella's birth control was in full effect so that told her he either didn't trust that she was taking them properly or he was terrified of the idea of it failing and her becoming pregnant. After being with someone for so long and not even having more than playful banter about marriage, all of it together made her wonder what he wanted in the long-term.

Luca was laying on the front porch when she pulled up and immediately jumped up in attention at the sight of her vehicle. She smiled in spite of her...discontent...and held out her open palm for him to lick it. "Bella! Hey!" her mom called from the porch. "Can you bring him in with you?"

"Come, Luca!" Bella called to the furry creature who was watching her with avid attention.

As they stomped up the stairs, Renee just shook her head and pulled the flannel blanket she was wrapped in tighter around her shoulders. "You and Edward ever decide to marry...you're taking the mutt with you. He doesn't listen to me or your dad."

Bella just rolled her eyes. "You'd miss the hell out of him."

"Yeah. I would. Still, he claimed you as his the moment we brought him home," Renee replied with a sweet smile. Bella sighed when her mom put an arm around her. "You okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah. I'm just going to head up to bed."

"Are you and Edward fighting? Is it because of that Tanya..."

Bella couldn't stop her wince. Even her mother knew that Tanya Denali was forever a problem. "No, mom. Everything is...normal. I'm just really tired. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, mom."

Edward took a long draw from his cigarette before opening his eyes and looking down off the fire escape he was currently sitting on. To his best knowledge, Lanie was asleep in her room and his crazy neighbor had decided to quit screaming at whoever it was that had pissed him off so much. Slowly blowing the smoke into the air, he tried to come up with a plan. Hell, who was he kidding? He'd been trying to come up with the same damn plan for almost a year now.

The time had come to, as Jasper had put it, 'shit or get off the pot'. Edward saw it in her eyes, in the way her smile no longer reached them, that Bella was longing for something different. It killed him to think that her wanting more from him could drive her to want anything from someone else. The idea of her with someone else made him feel like there was a rusted, blunt knife twisting in his gut. While she felt distant lately, their sexual relationship was nearly dangerous. His dominant nature and passionate feelings for her, ones he had never in his life felt, nearly brought him to lose it when she was clinging tightly to him. It was like she was trying to portray something to him just as much as he was trying to stake his claim on her.

He was a bastard. He knew what she wanted, needed...and deserved. A real man would have put a ring on her finger, vowed to love her for the rest of their lives in front of family and friends, and possibly even created a new life with her. She'd be an incredible mother. There was no way he could ever repay her for the love and care she showed his little sister.

Through Isabella Swan, over these past two years, he had even come to terms with his mother's death. She had not been a good mother to him or Lanie, she had hurt him and failed to protect him when he so desperately needed her to, but it was her death that he had trouble forgiving her for. Bella made him understand. His mother couldn't live in a world where his father no longer existed; he was a cruel, evil man but she had loved him with her whole heart. Edward felt that she would have had to or else she never could have sat back and let what happened to her own son unfold.

Bella was pure and good but Edward liked to think that he wasn't evil, either. He may not deserve her but he would never let harm come to her. That's why it killed him to contemplate the consequences of his two choices in their entirety. There would never be another Bella in his life no matter how hard he tried to find her. If he lost Bella now, he'd lose her forever as no other person would ever be enough to fill the void she would leave on his entire being. Still, he had to do what was best for her.

Closing his eyes, he thought of the best option. It was the one that fulfilled him completely and felt like he could live off of just that feeling for the rest of his life. He could see her beside him when he woke up every morning, living with him and Lanie, married to him knowing that she'd never need another man in her life...except maybe her father, and even giving birth to their first...second...or third child. That was where option number two slammed into his head, bouncing around the back of his mind even as he tried to close his eyes and shut it out.

He'd been sexually abused as a child. He was basically a product of domestic abuse...as well as substance abuse. Then, of course, there was the physical, sexual and emotional abuse he'd sustained from his own parents and their sick friends. That was a lot of abuse. Before Bella, he'd never had a relationship to worry about because he'd been terrified he'd become part of the vicious cycle his parents had started. Now, though, he had her. Bella was his everything and the most important thing, after Lanie, that he'd ever gotten a chance to have.

Option number two would mean letting his love go. Her calm, loving manner made it feel okay that they were together...that they could conquer all. As much as he loved her, he couldn't bring himself to completely believe it, though. That killed him. With the responsibility of his little sister completely on his shoulders, he couldn't let his mother's mindset become a part of him. If he let Bella go and saw her happy, watched her thrive with some other man, he'd be able to live knowing she was okay and alive...and safe. There was no guarantee that he could keep her safe the way he knew some guy with a nice, cozy family and a big, warm home could.

Long story short, if he couldn't protect her, he couldn't marry her. It was that simple. That little fact was the whole damn reason he refused to allow anything to connect them indefinitely in the long term. If she found someone else, he'd give her the chance to realize that was better for her. If they married...or she became pregnant...they'd be linked together even more than they already were. Even though, if he was honest with himself, he nearly shuddered in happiness at the thought of Bella being with him forever. The bottom line was, he would never survive her death. He wanted her safe, happy, and cared for. He could live with that. He couldn't live with something happening to her and especially not if it was because of him or something he couldn't do.

Edward knew for Lanie's sake that he'd try to hold on but if Bella wasn't out there getting her happily ever after, he'd have trouble coping with his own life. It was that little tidbit that made him understand how his mother could leave her children and take her own life. Isabella Swan was the reason he breathed now. It wasn't fair to continue this relationship if it meant the chance she wouldn't be happy and content with what he could give her nor was it fair to Lanie to be overcome completely with Bella. As much as he hated it, option number one didn't seem fair to either of them. He would end up hurting Bella if he chose to let her go but she was smart, beautiful, and he knew she'd be okay in the end. He prayed to God she would be. Her survival was what he now lived for. That's how he knew he was in too damn deep.

Realizing that his cigarette was now almost completely all ash, he dropped it of the escape to the sidewalk below and climbed through the window into his bedroom. Stripping down to his boxers, he walked over to the tall dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer. From the very back, left side, he pulled out a small pouch and pinched the object inside between his thumb and forefinger. Unable to put it down, he shook the diamond ring into his hand and clenched his fist. The ring slid onto his pinky finger and grabbed his phone off the bed stand before climbing into bed. He only had one message. **I'm home and safe. **

With the light off, he tried to rest with that reassurance. Charlie and Renee's was the safest place Bella could have been at the moment and that was what allowed him to nod off to sleep. Before he could give away to the calming darkness, he kissed the small ring on his hand and felt completely torn up. He didn't want her living with him at his shitty apartment anymore than he wanted Lanie there. Option two was exactly what she needed but option one was what he so desperately wanted.

"Edward, your phone's ringing!" Lanie called to him from the kitchen.

"I hear it!" he called back a little louder than was necessary. He was in the process of brushing his teeth and decided to just let it ring for the time being.

"It's saying that a girl named Tanya is calling!"

"Shit," Edward muttered through the toothpaste. Rinsing his mouth quickly, he found the phone on the table in front of his sister and stuck it in his hoodie pocket.

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

"No. Not...right now."

"Who's Tanya?"

"She's not important. Are you about ready? I have to be at the site a little early..."

"You're deflecting."

"Deflecting? What are you? Thirty? Where did you get that word from?"

"Bella," Lanie smirked. "She always tells you you're deflecting when you don't want to answer her questions."

Edward had to smile at that. "Go grab your bag, Lanie. Really, we need to go."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really excited about Homecoming. Embry's really...nice."

"Well, he better be nice. You better tell him I said that, too."

"Thank you for agreeing to give Bella money to take me shopping for a dress. I know sometimes we don't have a lot of extra money."

"Don't. Alana, I've told you before. We're fine. In fact, I've been able to save money lately. This is good. Maybe someday we'll get out of this stupid apartment."

"Well, eventually you're going to have to. When you decide to finally marry Bells...you'll need another room for like...kids...and stuff."

Edward didn't know what to say and just frowned. "You worry about homecoming and I'll worry about Bella and me."

"She wants to marry you. I think she's sad sometimes because she thinks you don't want to."

"Has she told you that?" Edward asked curiously but feeling a little frustrated.

"No. Edward, I'm not ten anymore. I read books. When girls fall in love, they get excited about marriage."

"I'm trying to figure it out, Lanie. All I can say is you better not be falling in love or contemplating marriage for like...another twenty years."

"All_ I'm _saying is you better start _before_ another twenty years," his baby sister shot back. Edward was stunned for a minute, realizing just how old she was now. She was a teenager now. He was officially terrified.

After dropping her off at school, he headed off to the site but couldn't resist driving past Lanie's old school and Bella's current place of employment. His heart picked up as he spotted her standing outside in a brightly colored dress and leggings. She was talking to Danny and laughing about something while monitoring the students as they hopped off the buses. Forcing himself to keep driving and focus on the road, he heard the beep that signaled a voicemail had come in. Pulling into the work area for the day, he put it to his ear and listened.

_"It's me. I know you're probably pulling yourself away from Bella before heading into work but can you give me a call? I have...news. My brother's going to go ballistic, Edward. Um...so...if you could give me a call soon that would be great. I hope you're doing well. I... Bye."_

Edward sighed and tucked the phone back into his pocket. There was no way in hell he was up for dealing with Tanya Denali this early in the morning. If Jimmy was going to be pissed at what she had to say, Edward assumed she was using again and that ship had already sailed. Twice. He had talked her into rehab already. Twice. A third time was just ridiculous. He thought about just giving his phone to Bella and letting her finally say what she so obviously wanted to say to his ex. Maybe Tanya would quit calling then.

"What's that smirk for?" Emmett asked with a devilish smile. "Get some this morning?"

"If you mean some shit from my thirteen year old sister about my settling down or some irritation from a phone call with Tanya, then yes. I scored big," he replied dryly.

"What's the bitch's problem now? You guys haven't talked in...what? A year or so?"

Edward winced, biting his tongue to keep from reminding his friend that Emmett himself had taken advantage of Tanya's ways when he was on a...confused break...from Rosalie. Tanya might be a problem in his life but Bella had made him realize that the girl he used to mess around with at least deserved _some_ respect. Not much. Some.

"I couldn't tell you, my friend. I haven't heard from or even about her for a few weeks and was hoping to keep it that way. My guess is she's back into her little addiction. She mentioned something on the voicemail about Jimmy 'going ballistic'. Basically, it's not my problem anymore. I can only do so much for her."

"So...what about the other part of your morning?" Emmett asked as they got to work placing cones and dragging tools and equipment off the trucks.

"Same old song and dance. I should settle down and marry Bella. It's the same thing everyone's been saying since Ally and Jazz's wedding."

"Dude, you ended up putting the garter on Bella's leg again at ours. I think it's time to accept it. So...you aren't getting married because why?"

"Because, Em. Just because, okay? I'm not going to have this discussion with you."

"I'll let that go then but I will ask you one thing. Are you and Bells having troubles? I mean, I don't want to pry but Rose said that Bella's been almost...what was the word she used... I can't remember now but Bella's not acting like she normally does. Usually when she has Jackson she's bubbly and smiley but I've even noticed that she just seems...sad. Lethargic! That's the word Rose used. It's true, though, man."

Edward swallowed the lump in this throat and shook his head. It might have been a lie but he shrugged and said, "No. I mean, not that I know of. If she's upset...it's not our relationship."

"Well, I hope everything's okay with her family, then. Something's definitely off."

"I'll talk to her."

"I don't know, Edward. Maybe she wants more of a commitment. It has been two years now. With Ally and now Rose both married..."

"I said I'll talk to her, Em. Really. I'll figure it out."

During lunch, while he and Emmett ate their sandwiches from the coolers at their feet, Edward looked at his phone to check the time and noticed two texts and another voice mail. All were from Tanya. All were asking him to call her 'when he had the chance'. Tossing his sandwich bag into a garbage bin, he walked a few feet away from the guys and called her. To his surprise, she didn't answer and it went to her voicemail.

_"Tanya, I can't help you anymore. Not again. Bella was kind enough to let me make visits to you but this has to stop. I can't do it anymore. It's not fair to her. We have enough going on right now." _As soon as he said that last sentence he immediately regretted it. Wanting to put his foot in his mouth, he settled for his feet ending up back by his cooler.

Of course, Tanya being Tanya tried to call two more times and he ignored them both, only leaving his phone on at all in case Lanie needed him for something. At the end of the day, he was sore, needed a shower, and wanted to crawl into bed until the next day. Tomorrow was Friday and he looked forward to it as weekends were his and Bella's time. Of course, Lanie stayed with them whenever they went out unless she was with a friend but it was the only time he had with Bella during the week except for a little bit of time after work when the two girls would be waiting for him at the apartment-Lanie walked over from her school, which was about a quarter of a mile away from the elementary school, so Bella could give her a ride home.

Anticipation of seeing Bella, knowing that she was waiting for him in his apartment, caused there to be a little more pep in his step than normal. He wondered if she'd stay for dinner again tonight and if he should bring up the behavior Emmett had tipped him off about. He knew she wasn't exactly content with their situation but he wouldn't have used the words 'sad' and/or 'lethargic'. Unlocking the door quickly, he stepped inside and found Lanie watching TV. "Hey, Lanie. How was school?"

"Boring. Embry got to be my chemistry partner for the new project so it wasn't all bad, I guess."

Edward just nodded, making a mental note to revisit that excitement over Embry later. First, he needed to de-stress. "Where's Bella?"

"In your room. She said something about a phone call. It must have been something she didn't want me to hear," Lanie replied, whispering that last part as if Bella underestimated her ability to handle adult conversations.

Edward just rolled his eyes and headed back to his room. The door was closed but he couldn't hear talking on the other side so he knocked and turned the knob. It opened right away and he smiled as soon as he saw her. "Hey, baby. I like you on my bed..."

His words trailed off as soon as she turned to look at him. Up until that point, she'd been facing the window with her arms crossed over her chest. He saw her pained expression and immediately went to her. "What is it? Please just talk to me. I know you've been frustrated lately but Emmett told me today that you haven't been yourself around even Rosalie and I'm worried now..."

"I received a phone call this afternoon...when your little sister and I were letting ourselves into the apartment..." her voice cracked a little and he frowned. He hoped it wasn't something with Charlie or Renee. He loved them dearly as well.

"Oh, God..."

"Do you already know? Is that why you're avoiding her?"

"Who?" He asked, his face twisting in confusion.

"Who," she snorted, looking away from him.

Now he was completely lost. "Look, you have me really worried about you and your family...and our friends. I have no idea what you're talking about. Was there an accident... Is it something with Ally?"

"No, Edward," Bella said irritably, "it's not about Ally. How many times has Tanya tried to call you today? How many?"

"This is about her?" he asked in surprise. "A few... I just told her that I couldn't help her this time. If she's using drugs again that's her deal. I put my time in the last time she decided to become a junkie. I'm not doing it again. That was the deal. I promised you, Bella. Those few visits were it. She knew I wasn't in this for the long haul. I know she's still struggling and not completely sober which is why I stopped by a couple months ago to visit with her and Jimmy both but if she is doing this again...it's all her this time."

"She better not be doing them, Edward! Because you ignored her all day she decided to call me and break the news. I'm not stupid. I know things have been weird with us for a while now. Just fess up."

Edward was scared and Bella's tears amplified that. He preferred her angry. Seeing her cry made him hate himself. "Bella...why are you so upset? Her problem has nothing to do with you..."

"She's pregnant, Edward! She's_ two _months pregnant!"

**Please have faith and don't try to castrate our Edward yet. I prefer him with all his parts... Happy Mother's Day to all those moms, grandmas and other parental guardian figures who love a child like your own. I hope you all had a wonderful day! Letzy xx**


	32. Misguided Ghosts

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 32**

**Misguided Ghosts**

Bella sprang to her feet at that point, causing him to stand as well to keep eye contact with her. "You visited with her...that I knew of...two months ago. After all this time... Dammit, Edward, when we started dating your promised me that you wouldn't let this happen. I trusted you. For two damn years I trusted you! Why did it have to be her?"

"Bella, please, Lanie's in the next room..."

"That's all you have to say to me? What were you? Completely drunk? Getting high with her? As I recall you go to tremendous lengths to make sure you're not tied to me in that way." Thankfully, this came out as an angry whisper and not as an angry shout.

Edward forced himself not to cry. This was a nightmare and he'd wake up soon. He wanted to come home to her, to spend the evening with her, it was all he wanted. For whatever sick reason, Tanya had lied."I...I didn't sleep with her. Bella, you have to believe me. She might very well be pregnant but that baby isn't mine! Please, just let me see if Ally will come take Lanie out for a little while and we can talk..."

"I don't want to talk. I'm tired of talking. All we do anymore is talk and I just..." She stopped, crossing her arms again, and looked at the floor.

"You just what?" he asked quietly, wanting her to say it.

"I'm tired of all of it. I'm tired of Tanya and I'm tired of this happy but disconnected relationship we have. I love you. God, Edward, I love you so damn much that I've literally been shaking since she called me. I've tried to give you time because the idea of living without you is sickening but I long for more. I'm scared that there's going to come a time when this isn't enough. I swear to God if I find out this child is yours I will leave and you won't see me again. I have family out in Chicago and they desperately need teachers in the city. I'd have to leave if we're over. I'd never be able to live in the same place as you if we weren't together anymore. It would kill me."

He'd never see her again. Bella didn't talk out her ass the way Tanya did. She always did what she said. "You have to believe me, Bells. Please. I kept my promise. I've never been with someone else since before that first time I was inside of you. Between the needles and the other guys Tanya has been with...I'd never risk my health that way. I'd sure as hell never risk yours!"

"Edward? What's going on?" Lanie asked from the doorway.

Edward couldn't take his eyes off of Bella as she swiped quickly at her tear stained cheeks and turned to the window so Lanie couldn't see them. "Nothing, Lanie," Edward finally answered.

He turned to see his sister shake her head as if to say yeah-right and walk away. The sound of her bedroom door closing made him jump. Grabbing his phone from his pocket, he went to call Alice when Bella strode over and grabbed it from him. "What are you doing?"

"Calling Alice to see if she'll come pick up Lanie for a little while."

"Don't bother. I have to meet Rosalie at my mom's. She's bringing Jackson over, remember?"

"Are you coming back?" he asked anxiously.

"No. I think you have some shit to work out, don't you?"

"Bella, don't leave me alone in this! You said it yourself that she's manipulative. This is what she wants. She was trying to call me today and I told her I couldn't help her. I didn't know what the problem was. I can guarantee you that it's not _my_ problem. I have stayed faithful to you. When I went to meet with her Jimmy was always there. I've never been alone with her in all that time since I checked her into the hospital a couple years ago."

"I think I just need a break from this for tonight, okay?"

"This as in...what?"

"Just...everything..."

"Us?" Her silence answered his question and he nodded. "Okay."

Without another word, she brushed past him and out the door. As soon as she was headed down the stairs to her Jeep, Lanie appeared once again. "You're an idiot."

Bella was surprised by her composure. It scared her that she wasn't a mess. Less than an hour ago, Tanya Denali had called her cell phone and asked if Edward was with her. Bella had told her no, that he was still at work and even had the decency to ask her what was wrong. The girl on the other end just gave a deep sigh and said, "I really need him to call me. I went to the doctor today and I'm two months pregnant..."

That was all Bella had heard. There was a span of at least five minutes that everything went silent as she sat on Edward's bed and tried to catch her breath. Her body strained so hard for her to breathe that her chest felt like it was on fire. Bella couldn't remember if she had hung up on Tanya or if she ignored the girl enough for Tanya to hang up on her. It didn't matter. Had this happened a year ago, or even six months ago, Bella would have sucked it up and fought to get the details. Honestly, she would have laughed it off and told the blonde where she could shove the phone she'd called her on. Now, she wasn't sure of anything.

For the past two years, Edward had said that she was changing everything. He'd said that he never even considered marriage until he met her. Bella now realized that didn't exactly translate into him saying he definitely wanted to or planned to marry her. He was definitely more distant and when their future was brought up, he'd deflect the question and get a far away look on his face. It was especially bad when she would get sentimental over something Jackson did when Rosalie was around with him. The only reassurance she'd had that their future meant anything to him was how intense sex had become. Well, it had always been intense but never like this. It was the only time when she felt that he wanted to hold her there with him forever.

Rosalie was waiting on her front porch with Jackson sitting on her lap. Luca was being a good sport as he sat their stoically and allowed the little boy to 'pet' him. Really, Jackson was just hitting his little hands off the dog's back. "Hey, Bells!"

"Sorry I'm late. I...um...had something to deal with."

"Uh-oh. Problems with that kid again? I'm telling you, let Emmett go in there and give him a talking to."

"No. It's not about my students. Rose," Bella began but stopped herself quickly, trying to figure out what all she should say. Sitting down on the wooden glider beside her best friend, Bella reached down to pet her dog and whispered, "Tanya's pregnant."

If Rosalie wasn't one of those hovering moms, Bella wouldn't have been surprised if Jackson went tumbling to the floor. The look on Rosalie's face was that shocked. "No. Not Edward's, surely..."

"I confronted him about it and he denies that the baby is his but..."

"But?"

"She's two months in, Rose," Bella breathed out. "It's been almost exactly two months since Edward stopped by to see her."

"What's going on with you two, Bells? It's no secret that you're unhappy."

"I've lost myself to him, Rosalie. Two years ago I met a man who made my world come to a halt. I love him so much it feels like my stomach is in knots just to think about him but my world did just that. It's stopped completely. I'm ready for more from him. Every hour...every second that I'm with him makes what I feel for him more intense and it makes me crave something with him that he obviously doesn't want to give me. I want to get married and have his children and it would be different if he acted like that was what he wanted. He can say it all he wants. He's been saying it for years but his actions are completely opposite. Is he just playing me? Is he just that good of a liar?"

"Sweetie, you need to talk to him about this."

"I did."

"You told him that you think he doesn't really want to be with you?"

"No...kind of. I alluded to it. I won't tell him all of that. Rosalie, him telling me that I'm crazy or that I just need to give him time is not what I need. I need a commitment."

"Bells," Rosalie sighed, shifting Jackson a little, "you're not happy right now but if you break up with him, I'm afraid you won't be able to cope."

"I thought about that, too. I think about it all the time. Do you remember my cousin Lisa? She's the one who lives in Chicago." Rosalie nodded. "Well, I think I might look into teaching there next year. I've spoken to her a few times and she has a couch I can crash on for awhile."

"Bella! No. You can't leave here. This is your home!"

"I can't see him with other girls and you know that's what will happen as soon as I walk away from this."

"Alright, I'll admit that I've had some...strong...opinions of him but I'll tell you right now that he has changed. I don't think he'd be so quick to find someone else. Even if he did, it would just be sex to him. What you two have..."

"Is just sex. That's the only time we're connected anymore." Bella surprised herself when a tear slid down her cheek.

"Oh, Bella," she whispered sadly. Baby Jackson leaned forward with his arms out towards his favorite aunt. Bella scooped him up and kissed his cheek.

"I feel like I'm wasting my time but I'm afraid that even all I have with him now is enough...and that I won't realize it until he's gone. I'll never love someone the way I do him. I couldn't even imagine sleeping with someone else. Rose, I don't own a pair of panties anymore that weren't bought with him in mind. He has complete dominance over that part of my life."

"Well, could you handle a relationship that's just friends with benefits?"

Holding Jackson against her as if he kept her grounded, Bella shook her heard. "That's what I feel we are now and I'm dying because of it."

"I just..." Rosalie's phone interrupted whatever she was going to say and she frowned. "It's Em. Look, I can take a rain check with him..."

"Absolutely not," Bella exclaimed, startling Jackson a little. "Happy anniversary, sweetie. God, I'm such a horrible friend!"

"You are not. I'm glad you told me what's up. Like I said, even Emmett is noticing that you aren't yourself. You're just like a walking zombie anymore."

"Gee, thanks..."

"You know what I mean. You're still a beautiful walking zombie. Look, I know it's a school night so we won't be late. He'll probably be hungry in a couple hours. He ate some puffs before we left my parents' house. He has baby food in his diaper bag and plenty of diapers. He had a good poop today so that probably won't be an issue for you. There's a sippy cup of milk in there and a bottle. Only give him the bottle if we're running late and it seems like he's getting tired. He'll fall asleep that way. Honestly, though, we'll probably only be a few hours."

Bella just smiled up at her friend. She could remember when Rosalie had contemplated not even continuing the pregnancy. Now, her best friend was an awesome, way dedicated mom. Emmett wasn't such a shabby father, either. "Go have fun. We'll be fine. At least it won't be like last time when he crawled for the first time when I left the room to grab his diaper bag and came back to find an empty blanket and no baby in sight. I thought I lost your kid, Rose."

Rosalie just laughed. "I still can't believe that you experienced his crawling before any of us did."

"He just wanted to get to Luca," Bella pointed out, remembering how she'd found Jackson on the other side of the living room with the dog's fur in his hands.

After their final goodbyes to Rosalie, Bella made her way into the house with the baby on one arm and the diaper bag on the other. Jackson was trying to get down and she set him on the carpet in the living room after sticking the cup and bottle in the refrigerator. More than anything she wished that she'd be heading over to Edward's but Rose was already gone and she didn't have a car seat for him. It was half way through a Baby Einstein dvd that it began. Jackson, entranced by the little kids on the TV was completely oblivious to it and she was grateful her parents weren't home to hear her sobs.

It was Friday and it was dragging. The kids were ready for the weekend and Bella didn't know _what_ she was ready for. In fact, she didn't know where her life was headed at all and this new depression freaked her the hell out. She'd always been independent, looking forward to an evening by herself when she could sit at home on her nice, soft bed and read an entire book because she had nowhere she needed to be. Now, she was bothered by the fact that she had nowhere to be and no one to spend time with. Edward and Lanie had become so much a part of her that she didn't know what to do when she wasn't with them. She wondered when that change happened.

At lunchtime, Bella had been asked by some of the other teachers to join them for dinner and drinks later that evening and she'd politely declined. At that point, she was still hoping to see Edward so that they could try to hash out their fucked up relationship. Still, when she called him, it had gone straight to voicemail and her texts went unanswered. Finally, she hated herself for it, but she sent Emmett a text asking if he could have Edward call her. Emmett promised that he would have but couldn't. Edward hadn't come into work.

Since finding out that tidbit of information, Bella hadn't felt right. A twisting, aching feeling was taking place in her stomach and she felt like her chest was caving in. He never took off work but she supposed he would if he had just found out that someone he was sleeping with was pregnant. A part of her didn't really believe it. There had been a constant debate going on in her head since she spoke to Tanya yesterday. By the time school let out for the day, the student's had come to the conclusion that she wasn't feeling well and one even told her he hoped she'd feel better soon.

Bella had ten minutes between the dismissal bell ringing and Lanie showing up to try to call him again. Still, there was no answer. Feeling jittery and frustrated, she sat down to grade papers and was finished before she knew it. It was a half hour later and Lanie never showed. Half panicked that something could have happened to her and half pissed that Edward could have just picked her up himself and not said anything, Bella grabbed her purse and shut off the lights. Driving slowly, she went to Lanie's school and when she didn't see her anywhere and noticed that the place was all locked up already, she sent Edward a text politely telling him that she didn't have Lanie and didn't know where she was.

Two seconds later a text came through. **I picked her up. Sorry. I didn't think to tell you.**

Fuming and hurt, she sent him back the first thing that popped into her head. **Glad to see you thought about me at all today. **

Tempted to turn the damn phone off completely, she decided that it wasn't in her to stay home by herself. She should at least get to go out and have some fun with her friends. She was home fifteen minutes later and scrolling through her contacts, looking for the only coworker whose number she'd ever gotten...besides the principals. Her call was answered quickly. "Hello?"

"Danny? It's Bella. Sorry to bug you...I don't have anyone else's number but do you know when they're getting together tonight for dinner...or where?"

"Um...yeah. Are you going? Lynn said you told her you had something going on."

"Uh..change of plans."

"I'm driving. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"No," Bella replied quickly. That wasn't what this was about. All she wanted was a night out with friends. "I'll just meet everyone there."

That was how she came to be seated beside Danny at a swank restaurant that she would have typically tried to avoid had she not been desperate for friends. Rosalie was visiting with her aunt and uncle and Alice and Jasper were going to the movies. Typically, the teachers would have gone for somewhere a little cheaper but it was one of their birthday's. Bella must have checked her phone twenty times in the hour and a half that they were there. There hadn't been a reply from Edward after her comment after school.

The last time Bella had drank too much without Edward around, she had made a very poor decision and nearly went home with some man she didn't know who had added to her drunkenness by buying her even more drinks. That would not happen again. Still, even her one glass of wine gave her a little bit of a release and she found herself laughing along with her coworkers. Danny had been especially kind to her and yet bile still rose to her throat when he put his hand on hers accidentally as they were passing around the rolls.

Danny was your typical, athletic physical education teacher who lived and breathed what he taught. She suspected that there wasn't an ounce of fat on his body...only he'd achieved that with self-control and working out not from a strenuous day job such as Edward's. His skin was naturally tan and his eyes were softly framed by thick eyelashes. There was stubble on his well carved chin and when he smiled, his whole face lit up. It was obvious that he was happy with his life, content to just go with the flow. It made her wonder what it would be like to have that type of a happy, easy life. If Edward hadn't ruined her for anyone else, she might have considered finding out.

Large, frozen margaritas were brought out in huge goblets and one was placed in front of each person. They toasted first the birthday girl and then the guidance counselor who had bought them for everyone. It was delicious and made her shiver at the same time. "Are you cold?"

Bella's attention was brought to Danny who was leaning toward her with a concerned expression. "Oh...no. It's just the ice. It's giving me the chills."

He opened his mouth to say something and it was then that she noticed he was getting closer to her. She never learned what he had to say, though, because someone asked where they were headed next and plans began to form. Before she knew it, she was back in her car alone and following the line of vehicles to the same club she and Edward had first been to at the same time.

The music was as loud as usual but the alcohol in her cup didn't seem to settle her anymore. Her heart was breaking and what happened after school had finally sunk in. Had he really forgotten something as important as telling her he'd pick up Lanie? How was that even possible with him? Surely he would known that she would be worried when Lanie didn't show up. It made her angry but there was another part of her that felt numb. "Bella? Are you okay?" Lynn, the fourth grade history teacher, asked.

"Yeah. I've just had a long day. I might cut out a little early."

"Aw. Why don't we go dance? That always cheers me up!"

"Let me just grab a bottle of water from the bar and I'll meet you out there. Danny's already living it up on the dance floor with the birthday girl." Bella had to smile at the twenty-something Danny bumping and grinding playfully with the just-turned fifty-five year old secretary.

Bella leaned into the wooden rail of the bar and closed her eyes, suddenly too exhausted to even consider heading to the dance floor anytime soon. A familiar voice beside her made her jump.

"Bella? Hey!" Jacob Black stood beside her with his perfectly white teeth grinning at her before his mouth turned downwards. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah...I'm fine...just tired."

"Oh. Are you here with Edward?"

"No," she breathed, realizing that Jacob didn't know and that question shouldn't hurt so much...nor should the answer. "I'm out with a few people I work with."

"You look different. Thinner..."

"Isn't that a good thing?" she asked, trying to act playful but feeling like she wanted to throw up. It wasn't like only picking at her meals would cause her to maintain her weight.

Things had become awkward when he didn't know how to respond and she didn't know what to add to fix it. Thankfully, the bartender showed up and asked what he could get for her. With water in hand, she went to tell Jake she'd see him around when he let out a little laugh. "Looks like you might be here with him after all."

Bella spun around quickly to see Edward approaching her. The dark jeans and gray v-neck he wore did funny things to her and she tried not to let him see her swoon. "I'll...um...see you around, Bella."

She went to respond but couldn't. There it was. That numbing sensation in her brain. Rose was right. Bella felt like a fucking zombie. He stopped in front of her like he didn't know what to say, either, but then stepped closer and reached out to touch her arm. Instinctively, she pulled back and that clearly pained him. "Who are you here with?" he asked softly. It wasn't accusing nor was it friendly.

"Friends from work. I just now ran into Jake. He thinks I look thinner." Bella had no idea why the hell she blurted that one out but couldn't seem to care. It hurt to be this close to him when he was hurting her from such a distance. "Who are you here with?"

"Jasper and Ally are meeting me after the movie."

"You don't have Lanie tonight and that seems to be the only time you want to be around me yet even with the problems we're having, you just want to hang with Jasper and Alice," Bella replied and she didn't think he'd be able to hear her with all the noise around her.

"What are you talking about? Jasper's mom is keeping Lanie because his brother is in visiting and the kids are over there. I tried to call you about an hour ago when I found out and you didn't answer so..."

"I called you and sent you texts and then you pulled that shit with Lanie today that's going to take me a long time to forgive you for!" Yup. Her brain had snapped into action again. Zombie Bella was gone.

"I had a bad night last night, Bella."

"Why? Trying to plan the baby's nursery without knowing the sex yet? I'm sure that can be frustrating!"

He just shook his head. "Do you really think that it's mine?"

"I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe when I left your place yesterday I didn't but after I was trying to get a hold of you today and you never bothered to return my calls and then just somehow forgot to tell me you were picking Lanie up when I do it every damn day and the fact that you took off work the day your ex tells you she's pregnant..."

"She never told me that! She told _you_ that."

"So you don't believe _me_?"

"Of course I believe it but I haven't called her to confirm that she _is _pregnant and not just trying to stir up trouble for us. I have no reason to call her! It's not mine and if I do call it'll just make it so that she thinks I want to talk to her. I don't. I want nothing to do with her after what she said to you yesterday because I know for a fact that it's an absolute lie and if I couldn't talk to_ you_ last night, I sure as hell wasn't going to call and talk to her. Had you stayed, I might have called her and confronted her on speaker phone so you could hear everything but you left and..."

"I had to watch Jackson!"

"You had planned to bring him over to my place. You left me alone to deal with Tanya. You put me in that position. I don't even know how the hell she got your number but I'm done with her."

"None of this explains why you ignored me all damn day today or didn't tell me about Lanie."

"I was sleeping when you called this afternoon and I went to pick up Lanie literally without thinking. You know I hate texting. I didn't mean that I hadn't been thinking about you. You're all I've been thinking about since you walked out of my place and I was trying to give you space. I planned to call you as soon as I was home from picking her up but you made it clear you weren't in the mood to talk to me and that's when she started asking questions about..."

"What?"

"Bella, is everything okay?" Danny asked, stepping around Edward and walking over playfully. Being that Edward had backed away from her during their exchange and the club was busy, Danny obviously didn't recognize Edward at all. He knew Edward was her boyfriend and she was off limits. Had he realized it was Edward she was talking to, he wouldn't have even approached her.

"Danny, uh, I found Edward..." she smiled, gesturing behind him. Danny turned and his face immediately turned red.

"Sorry, Bells. You looked upset and I didn't see who it was that you were talking to. I just wanted to let you know that we're heading to a different bar."

"I'm going to stay here. I might me up with you guys later. I'll let you know if I decide to join up again."

"Alright, see you Monday!" he called over his shoulder as he made his way towards the door.

"Coworkers, huh?" Edward asked.

Shocked as hell, all Bella could do was stare for a good thirty seconds. His voice had actually cracked with that last question. "I'm going home, Edward," she huffed, trying to get past him.

Grabbing her arm, he held her back and she turned to face him. Zombie Bella was back and she just really wanted to cry. "I have nothing else to say to you. I'm serious, Edward. You're hurting me. Let me go." The double meaning behind the last two sentences was evident.

**Things get completely crazy in chapter 33 and I can't wait to unleash it. Then, chapter 34 is one of my favorites in the whole story, dealing with a lot of dialogue from our boys. I hope you keep joining me and that you'll let me know what you think of this one. See you next week. Letzy xx**


	33. Who Knew

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :) **

**Chapter 33**

**Who Knew**

"I can't," he said quietly, barely loud enough for her to be able to hear but he did loosen the grip on her arm. "Let me walk you to your car. I want to talk."

"Fine. Let's go."

The cool, fall air made her shiver and she wished she'd worn a thicker long-sleeved shirt. "Bella, I don't want us to end."

"And you think I do?" she asked, closing the car door she had just opened and turning to face him instead. "Do you see me at all? Jacob's right...and he's never around me. I'm losing weight. I'm actually depressed because I'm so completely dependent on you and now you're not here. I couldn't even stop crying when I was babysitting Jackson and he and Luca are the only things right now that make me smile. Jesus, Edward, my best friend compared me to a fucking _zombie_!"

"Bella, I was going to talk to you about all of that. Emmett said he was worried about you..."

"Emmett? Emmett said he was..." Bella gave a sarcastic snort, "I'm glad he has to tell my boyfriend that he thinks something's wrong! Thank God _someone _cares!"

Edward stayed quiet for a long moment before just nodding his head. "You're right, Bells. I've fucked this up for long enough. I was up all last night drinking...with Lanie right in the next room...because I can't fucking decide if I'm good enough for you. It's obvious, though, isn't it? Tanya was right from the beginning. I'm breaking you."

"So this is it?" she managed to rasp out.

"If you want to go, I'm not going to stop you. I can't. Do you think I'd force you stay? Even if I could, which I can't, I wouldn't."

While a very flustered Edward rambled on, what he said about the night before sank in. "That's why you didn't call me last night? You were drunk? You drank with _Lanie_ there?"

"Yes. I couldn't... I needed something to fix that sick feeling that you were done with me. I can't blame you for wanting this to end. If I can't get my shit together even now, after these past couple years, how the hell can I be the man who you should be with? I approached you in there with Jacob right beside you and our conversation ended when Danny Alexander wandered over. You could have anyone, become anything, do whatever you dream of doing without me there to hold you back."

Bella began to cry, a heavy, chest crushing cry. "Dammit, Edward, I want you. Forever. I love you so much that it pisses me off. I want us to be okay. Really okay. That's what I want to be. I want to be beside you. I want every other girl you've ever fucked to understand that you are mine. I want to claim you as my own. I want to dominate your world as much as you've dominated mine. You build this wall up, though, that I can't even dream of seeing over. You are the only one holding me back from what I dream of becoming and you're going to be the reason it never happens. You're the one person I love more than anything or anyone in this world and you_ are_ going to be the one who breaks me. I don't know what to do or what to say to fix us. You're the only one who can change anything!"

"Bella, I'm sorry," he replied, his voice broken. Bella couldn't help but step closer to him. He looked so lost, so unsure of himself and confused with everything. She surprised herself by putting her arms around him and pulling him in close to her. Wetness formed on her neck as he nuzzled her and his tears fell. "I just want what's best for you but I'm too fucking in love to let you go. I've tried everything. I've even prayed about it and you know I haven't been in a church except for weddings and christenings.

"All of this...with us...makes me feel like being with you is the wrong thing for me to do but no matter how hard I try to fight it by putting space between us and trying to breathe without you, I just fall a part even more and end up desperate for you anyway. I'm fucked, Bella. I have no other options here. If you aren't with me, I can't be what I need to be for Lanie. I can barely breathe. I don't give a fuck that Tanya's pregnant or Lanie's upset because we're having problems or even that I need to move out of that fucking apartment before Lanie and I both lose our damn minds. Even after all that, last night the only thing I could think about was that you leaving could kill me. I was an idiot to believe I could be the one to leave you. There is no other option."

"I'm still hurt by how you acted today. Lanie is important to me, too. I was really worried when she didn't show up. I don't care what you meant by that text. It still hurt. We can't keep doing this, Edward. I can't. I'm not who I want to be anymore."

"Because of me," he said, full of self-loathing.

"No. Because of what you are becoming. Please don't become that man who hates himself. I don't hate you and no one else does, either. Please quit doubting yourself. I don't really get it but I fucking need you."

There were tears in her eyes and she could only imagine how ridiculous they much look to people passing them by. Her fingers slid down to the hem of his shirt, though. Sneaking under it, she felt the skin of his lower back against her fingertips. Goosebumps formed over his skin and found her lips on his. He pulled her into him and held her there as close as he could get her.

For a fleeting, and rather stupid moment, Bella considered pulling away and refusing him. She was upset and emotional but also a fool to think she could stop this. Surrendering to him, as she always had and always would, she let him enter her mouth greedily. After the wounds he inflicted on her heart earlier that day, her soul needed this to heal now. A few moments later, when he pulled away to catch his breath, she looked up at him.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"Please don't take this away from me."

The car was still unlocked and before she knew what she was doing, Bella reached behind her and pulled the door to the backseat opened. Grabbing him by the belt, she pulled him into her and he bit down on his bottom lip before smirking. "Not here, angel. Let me take you home."

Edward had followed Bella through the city after they left the club and had sent her a text asking her to slow down. Still, he kept up and then she lectured him for texting while driving for all of two seconds before they were kissing again. He did take a few seconds to mention the fact that she'd slipped off the tights she wore under her dress before getting out of the Jeep. The two of them stumbled up the steps, his long legs getting entwined with her newly bare ones until they got to his floor and he finally just picked her up and all but through both of their bodies against it-his pressing into hers. He felt her move against him, trying to rub the apex of her thighs on his erection to get the right amount of friction. It had never been this desperate, not even their first night together.

With Bella's body propped between his and the door, he worked his key into the lock and turned. During that say time, Bella worked his fly and desperately tried to pull his penis from his boxers. Forgetting about the unlocked door momentarily, he fisted his hands in her hair after putting his keys back in his jacket pocket and kissed her deeply. He kept her pressed against the door, completely not caring that they were technically in public and anyone could see them.

Helping her to free himself, he then pushed her dress up her thighs so that it fell over his exposed dick and made the situation a little more discreet. The head of his cock hit skin and he froze but only for a minute. "No panties, angel? I thought you were just fucking out with coworkers?" he bit out, only pretending to be angry with her.

She nipped his ear and whispered, "They're in my car with the leggings, baby. This was only for you."

With a grunt, he finally decided to take her inside but the second they stepped over the threshold he kicked the door shut and turned to push her against the wall just inside the door. The next thing that happened surprised him but he couldn't seem to stop himself. With her dress up, his cock beneath it, and her bare pussy against his shaft, he should have saw it coming. Bella let out a guttural cry as he felt what it was like to be skin on skin inside of her. She grabbed at his hair and clawed at his shoulders while he kept his hands on her hips and pushed her even harder into the wall with each thrust.

He felt like he could stay there, holding her up for hours if he could continue to feel this good but when he saw that a picture was close to falling off it's perch, he moved again. This time, they sidestepped until there was an opening in that wall and he backed her into the kitchen, sliding her past the kitchen counter. Almost dropping to the floor, he turned at the last second and ended up with her spread legs wrapped around him as she sat on the kitchen table. Lanie homework papers didn't stand a chance.

Lying back, she let him keep thrusting and he could see her white knuckles grabbing at the table as she arched her back. He knew her body well, having claimed it as his for years now, and he'd found that perfect spot. He couldn't help but smirk when seconds later, she was coming apart beneath him. Her body shuddered as her walls contracted around him and he could no longer hold back. He meant to pull out, that had been his plan after his absent brain let him go without a condom to begin with but that went out the window when he realized she was still riding out her orgasm and her legs were around him like a vice grip.

The second he let go, his juices mixing with hers, she stilled and looked up at him with those wide, doe eyes of hers. Her mouth open in surprise, the rise and fall of her chest as she tried to catch her breath, and the flowing purple dress sprawled around her to hide where they were connected made him ready to go again. He had to kiss her. He needed the connection with her more than he needed air. He was such an idiot today. Of everyone in his life, she was the one he'd never want to hurt. But now she was crying.

"No..." he choked, not really knowing what to say and desperate for her to smile again. Over the years, he'd gotten many reactions after sex from women but crying had only happened once...and he was told by the girl that it had nothing to do with him...she'd just broken up with her boyfriend and it was an emotional time for her. For Bella to cry after sex, though, it was ripping him apart.

When she wouldn't talk to him, he did the next best thing with her mouth and gently kissed her lips, placing kisses along her top lip first and then the bottom. To his surprise, despite the still-falling tears, she was the one who deepened it. She leaned up so that she was in a sitting position again and he slid out of her. Running his hands under the dress and up her legs, he could feel that they were cold and picked her up once again. She knew what to do, her legs wrapping around him as if it was instinctual. They didn't kiss again until they were in his room, both naked and under the covers.

"Bella, please talk to me."

She stared up at the ceiling, pulling away from him to lay on her back. The loss of contact was sickening. After a while, she finally cleared her throat. "I'm just very confused. I shouldn't have let this happen."

Edward noticed the way she looked down as if she was ashamed. His chest constricted. "Let what happen?"

"This. Tonight. We're not okay, Edward. We've been together for a while now and things were good...great, really. Now, everything's changed. A part of that I realize is my fault. I want things from you that you might never be willing...or even able to give me. I tried Edward. I tried to wait things out and I thought that two years ago I could handle it. I thought that I was okay with just being intimate with you and that I could be okay with this continuous cycle of a relationship we're in..."

"Bella..."

"No. I need to say all of this. I don't want just this anymore. I've gotten so far away from myself because of loving you and I don't know that I'll ever be the same. I depend on you...I depend on seeing you. I haven't read a book in weeks. Jacob was right. I am losing weight. He could tell that after seeing me one time. It took Emmett to say something for you to even realize I wasn't happy anymore."

"I knew you weren't..."

"Don't. I tried not to be that girl that drops hints every time there's an opening for it in conversations about wanting to get married...or even just get engaged. I realize now that I should have said something, that now I don't even want to because I feel like I've given you enough time to at least try to figure your shit out. I feel awful for this because I know that it's your past that's holding us back from having a normal future. I want to love you and be there for you. I want to give you that love that your parents never did. I love Lanie. There just comes a point when I need to realize that I'm the one who's suffering now. I realized that today, Edward."

Edward was frozen, unable to say anything and he knew she'd just tell him to quit talking anyway. Bella was right. He'd done enough talking. It had all been talk...except in the beginning. If there was ever an I-told-you-so moment, this was it. This relationship, what he was doing to her, wasn't okay. He had been so focused on trying to figure out what was right for her that he hadn't paid attention to what was actually happening to her. He'd been a selfish fool to think that she was happy enough that his second option would hurt her.

Even after last night when he had that long discussion with Lanie, the one about what she might think if he and Bella were to marry, even after Bella had walked out on him, he'd seriously thought that marriage was what she would have wanted. He knew in a way that it would make their situation easier on her but Jacob was right and that's what nearly killed him. Bella was becoming someone different from the shy, innocent girl he'd first met. That didn't mean he didn't love who she'd become but he didn't want her to have to change for him. She was perfect as-is.

The fact that a man who she hadn't even been romantically involved with, a man who she just ran into at the bar for a few minutes, was concerned enough about her to speak up and tell her, made him rethink everything. He was hurting Bella. If she walked, he would be hurting Lanie now, too. His little sister was already mentioning wedding colors. God, he had fucked this all up. It was too late. While he was unsure of if he should speak and really didn't have words anyway, Bella stayed silent for almost five minutes. There was no talking until she whispered to the ceiling. "Why did you do this tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Was it because of what I said about Tanya?"

"What?"

"The condom thing...or the lack there of."

"Bells, that had nothing to do with Tanya. What happens between us intimately has nothing to do with her. It never has."

"Then why tonight? When everything is falling apart for us why is this the only way we can be completely together?" Tears rolled even as she had a blank look on her face.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let this happen tonight, either."

"I need...God, I can't believe I'm saying this after all the distance you've given me...but I need some space to get things together. My cousin Lisa mentioned me going up there for a visit at the end of October..."

"Over Halloween?" That truly bothered him. Halloween had always meant something special to them as it had been their first time they were together. _She's leaving you, jackass. It doesn't matter if she goes away on your fucking birthday let alone Halloween. It won't matter if you aren't together._

"Yes."

He had to try. "Is this about that job? Please don't do this. Not yet. I'll give you space. I won't visit...or call...and I'll get Alice to pick up Lanie but please, please don't just leave like this."

"It's not about the job. It's not permanent. It's been a while since I've seen my family up there and I'll probably just drive up there for a few days."

"Why over Halloween?" Yeah, he was pretty much begging her now.

"Edward, please..."

"Fine. Halloween is over a month away, though."

"I need time."

"Christ, Bells," he whispered.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"I can't go that long without you."

"Should we just end it then?"

"Is that what you want?" He was going to throw up. Grabbing his jeans off the foot of the bed, he threw off the blanket and made for the bathroom. She didn't try to stop him. He was losing her, the only one he wasn't responsible for who ever loved him. He felt like he was going to be sick but the heaves never came. He knew what it was like to lose his parents, or at least his mom, but this hurt a thousand times worse.

After she had left the night before, after Lanie called him an idiot and they'd discussed what he should do next, he had grabbed the new bottle of Jack that he'd bought a few days before. Never, not once, after his parents died had he brought alcohol into the apartment before last month. The bottle his mother had was now kicked because less than a week ago he had drank all of it...along with one of the new bottles. Last night he'd almost finished off the second bottle and he knew he shouldn't have had it with Lanie there. She was in bed, though. He'd told himself that she'd never know.

His sister wasn't stupid. When he was vomiting in the bathroom and calling off work that next morning, Lanie seemed to shut down on him a little. The girl had seen her mother do the same thing...only in that instance, there hadn't been a job on the line. He was hurting and he wanted to talk to Bella but it wasn't right to do that to her. This wasn't her battle. It had been inevitable that he'd eventually fall into the same habits as his mother.

Sinking down to the floor, he rested his back against the wall by the toilet and tried to tell himself that this was her out. He had to let her walk away because if he didn't, he'd drag her down. His father was a drug addict, worse than his alcoholic mother in his book. He was enjoying alcohol to keep the frustrations he felt at bay while Bella was pure and good. He was pulling Bella down just as his father had pulled down his mother.

Forcing himself to his feet, to go in and tell Bella that she was right, he was shocked to find the bed empty. Stumbling over to the window, he practically fell through it as he shoved it open and tried to step out onto the fire escape. He righted himself in just enough time for every bit of breath he had to rush out as he watched her drive away.

Bella turned into her driveway with a deep sigh and an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had left a note for him on his pillow, written in her fifteen dollar eyeliner on a tissue. It had been three simple words. Three words that were sounding over and over in her head in a perpetual echo. She did love him. She was just afraid that love was no longer enough. A part of her wanted to go home, curl into a ball, and cry for as long as it took her to get over him. A second part wanted to track down Tanya and beat the hell out of her just to say she did it. The third part, though, was screaming at her to turn the hell around and go back to her man.

It was exhausting, though, and he needed to figure out what he wanted. She'd given him two years of her life. The ball was in his court now. Slamming her Jeep into park, she put her head back against the head rest a little harder than necessary and punched her steering wheel, realizing this wasn't the first time she was taking her aggression out on her vehicle in the last few months. She'd really thought he would try to stop her from leaving. He hadn't. He'd just gotten up and left. Maybe this really was over.

Luca was apparently inside already and she stomped through the door, practically running into her dad as he stood in the laundry room unlacing his shiny, black shoes. He was still in uniform and looked exhausted. "Your beast dug a nice whole in the yard. We gotta figure out a way to get him to stop. Your mom's livid."

That's all it took. Bella had kept the tears at bay but there was no containing them now. All it took was for Charlie being upset to trigger them. Her father, a man who never showed emotion, raised an eyebrow and actually backed away a little bit. "Renee!"

Him calling for her mother caused her to start crying even harder. "Bella! Sweetie..." Renee pushed past Charlie to get to her.

"Mom, I can't...I just really need some sleep..."

"Bells, I know it's not your fault...about the dog. I'll fill in the hole tomorrow..."

"You're crying over the hole in the yard?" Renee asked, her face scrunching up in confusion.

"No! I've just had a really bad night..."

"Bella, is it something with Edward? I know last night..."

"Mom, I just need rest," Bella blurted, pushing past both of them and stepping into the hallway that would lead to the stairs and then her room. Through her tears, Bella flung the door open to see Luca on her bed. There was dirt on her comforter, no doubt from his paws, and he his head tilted to the side as soon as he saw her. He only ever went into her room when she wasn't home if he had been yelled at and he couldn't access his kennel. "Bad day, buddy?"

As she laid down beside him, leaving on her dress and kicking off her flats, she cuddled up with the dog. Holding onto him, she dug her face into his fur and let the tears come. Two hours later, Bella opened her eyes, which were thick with sleep and dried tears. Her head felt heavy and her throat was so dry it was burning. The dress was twisted, wrinkled, and because of Luca, dirty. Forcing herself up off the bed, as Luca let out a loud sigh, she began to undress and noticed her phone was lighting up when she pulled it out of the pocket in the side of her dress. It was a missed call from Rosalie. Bella groaned.

Sitting in just her bra and a pair of panties...which needed changed after the little sexual encounter she'd had, she noticed there were actually a number of calls and she let out a loud sigh. Ignoring the texts from Alice or Jasper, she was not in the mood to deal with them tonight, she decided to bite the bullet and call Rosalie.

"Rose, I'm not up for this. I"m just trying to give him space and I need you all to respect that..."

"Bella...stop. You two broke up?"

"You didn't know?"

"We kind of figured," Rosalie huffed. "Bella, Lanie's sick..."

"Did Edward go to pick her up?"

"No. She's with Jazz and Ally...we all are...but she wants to go home."

"So call Edward. I don't understand. I thought she was staying with Jazz's parents. Edward will just pick her up..."

"He's not answering his phone.'

"What?" Bella asked, completely appalled. Her heart began to beat faster and she now had a death grip on the phone.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I know you're going through a bad time right now and I know Lanie isn't your responsibility..."

"Is she with you? Dammit, Rosalie, don't say that in front of her!"

"She's inside. I'm out on the front porch. Emmett just left to go over to the apartment and see if he's there. Lanie's been throwing up, though. Alice has her on the couch in the living room but she's asking for Edward..."

Opening the first drawer she came to that held clothes, she grabbed a new pair of panties, a pair of jeans and a college hoodie while Rosalie explained the situation. They'd tried to call Edward about ten times amongst the four of them and when they couldn't get a hold of Bella either, they'd assumed the two were either together or something had happened. Luca was watching Bella intently and even he looked stressed.

"Why were you there? Where's Jacks?"

"Jasper has him in the kitchen...away from Lanie...so I could take this call. Jasper's mom called Edward and then Jasper since Edward was supposed to be with him. Emmett and I were called by Jasper, apparently they thought maybe he'd be with us or we'd know where you were at least. Bella, what the hell happened in his past? Why did Em insist on driving over there by himself to check on him? Is he suicidal?"

Bella swallowed hard and bit back tears. This couldn't be happening. This was a nightmare. All of the lights were off in her house and she didn't bother to let her sleeping parents know what she was doing. "I don't know, Rose... I have to go. I'm on my way to Edward's. Is Lanie okay, though?"

"Bella, no! Emmett told me to tell you to let him handle this. Just come over here. Lanie's thirteen, she's not completely upset. I think she's more angry and worried about her brother than she is upset that she has the flu."

"I'm on my way," Bella relented, hanging up and dialing Edward's phone.

She was halfway to Jasper and Alice's when she just couldn't take it. Turning down the familiar city street, she parallel parked like a champ and dove out of the Jeep. Rosalie's car was in front of her and she swallowed hard when she saw that Edward's bedroom light was on. There was no ambulance but she could hear the ticking of Rosalie's engine. Emmett had just gotten there.

Taking the steps two at a time, she heard yelling as she made her way up the stairs, and braced herself. This time, though, it wasn't the crazy old neighbor. Sure enough, the voices were clearly Edward and Emmett's. One was completely pissed and the other was completely drunk. Bella could barely make out Edward's words. This was ridiculous. Edward _didn't _drink. Not like this.

Opening the door to the apartment the rest of the way, as it already wasn't latched, she stepped cautiously through the door and heard Emmett yelling. "What the fuck are you trying to do? What? Edward, out of all of us...out of all of us, man...your shit could come back to bite you in the ass. Not just you but Lanie, too! How much did you have tonight? There are shit ton of bottles there, man. This shit is hereditary!"

Bella just barely heard the slurring Edward tell him that he only drank a couple since she had left him. The sounds of glass clinking together filled the place and Bella imagined Emmett gathering up beer bottles. She about threw up when she saw just what Emmett was carrying out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Whiskey bottles practically filled his arms. He froze when he saw Bella standing there. "Bells..."

That sure as hell got Edward's attention. Bella heard a loud bang and then watched Edward emerge from the room, his eyes were bloodshot and he leaned against the wall for support as he made his way towards her. Emmett continued his path to the kitchen, the sounds making it obvious that he was pitching out the bottles, but Bella couldn't breathe. She had never seen Edward really buzzed let alone drunk. The man in front of her could barely stand. "Bell..." he began but stopped when he reached her. Touching her cheek, he tried to kiss her but only succeeded in falling into her. She was pinned between him and the wall.

"Edward, let her go, man!"

Bella had begun to cry again but tried to talk calmly to her lover. Emmett was trying to get Edward to let go of her, though. She placed her palms on his chest and tried to push. "Edward, you need to sober up! Lanie's sick and..."

"Kiss me."

"Edward, no!" Bella exclaimed, trying to wriggle out from between him and the wall.

"Edward, stop! What the hell's wrong with you tonight?"

Bella froze as Edward Cullen, the man whom she had submitted herself to during sex numerous times, leaned down and bit her neck. Shock mixed with fear and she tried not to panic. Bella knew what he could be capable of when he lost that sexual control. Sober, he'd never hurt her. Drunk...she had no idea what he would or would not do. Before she knew what happened, Edward was being yanked away from her and fell to his knees a few feet away. Emmett put his body between them and quickly asked if she was okay. "I'm fine. I'm not afraid of him..."

She wasn't so sure about that but didn't want Emmett to hurt him. "Bella, he's drunk. He's not himself. If you want to help him, go check up on Lanie. Everyone's over at Jasper and Alice's."

"Em..."

"Bella, go. I'll stay with him. As much as I want to punch him right now, I owe him for staying with me all those nights I was going through shit. I got this."

Taking a deep breath, she nodded her head but went around him and crouched down to look at Edward. "Angel," he breathed, his eyes reflecting only hurt...and a little of what reminded her of betrayal.

"I meant what I wrote. I love you," she whispered to him before leaning in and kissing him on the lips. "There's your damn kiss. I'll go take care of Lanie. We have a lot of talking to do when you get this shit out of your system."

**Sorry this is a day late. I know, it's never late, but it is a holiday weekend :) I hope you all had a good Memorial Day and I want to say thanks to all the military men and women who are out there, if any of you are reading this, THANK YOU! A new chapter will be up next Sunday! Letzy xx**


	34. We're Not Worthy

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 34**

**We're Not Worthy**

When Bella pulled up to Jasper and Alice's, Rosalie was no longer on the front porch but Jasper was. He was on his cell phone and she knew who he was talking to when she heard all the swearing. Going up the stairs, she shook her heard before heading past him into the house. Bella heard him tell Emmett he'd call him back and felt him reach out and put his hand on the door to keep her from opening it.

"Bella, wait. Emmett told me what happened. Are you okay?"

"I've never seen him like this," Bella whispered back, realizing how badly her voice was shaking.

"I know. From what Emmett's telling me, though, this isn't the first time he's hit the bottle in the past few weeks."

Lowering her voice, Bella looked away and replied, "He told me he drank with Lanie at home a few nights ago. We were fighting and I guess I just thought it was a one time thing."

Jasper just nodded before sighing deeply, "You know alcoholism is hereditary, right?"

"Yeah," Bella nodded and before she knew it, her face was scrunching up and she felt the tears come before she could get a hold of herself. "I'm sorry, Jazz. I have to..."

"Just wait. Breathe. Are you sure he didn't hurt you? I'm his best friend, Bells. I wouldn't, like, call the police or something."

"I'm not hurt. Jasper, I'm so sorry."

This time, it was Jasper's turn for his face to contort, only this time it was in confusion. "For what?"

"I did this."

"No..." he replied quickly but she kept going.

"He drank the night we fought. With Lanie there. Jazz, that's huge. That isn't him. Now, tonight..."

"You two fought again?" he asked knowingly.

"No. Worse. We slept together and then I told him that I thought I needed some space."

"You thought?" he responded, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know what to think anymore. Did you know Tanya's pregnant?" Bella added, unable to focus her thoughts on one exact path.

"What? Jesus Christ!"

"No. It's not what you think. It's not his. She wanted me to think so but I trust him. She told me before she told him."

They both became quiet for a minute, Bella wrapping her arms around herself to try to pull herself together and Jasper deep in thought. Finally, just as she was about to go into the house, he said, "I'm sorry, too. I should have been the one to go over and check on him. I should have been there."

"I'm just glad you stayed back to help with Lanie. I'd say I'd take her home now but it's not like it would be better for her if she were there with her him. God, I thought I'd never say that. He loves her so much."

Before she knew what was happening, she was wrapped in Jasper's arms and the tears were flowing freely. After a long time, the sobs ended and the door opened to reveal Alice looking out at them in concern. He didn't let her go, though. Instead, he looked over at Alice with a loving smile and then said to Bella, "He's not too far gone. I'm pretty sure this is kind of a recent thing with him. If you broke up with him tonight..."

Bella pulled away from him. "I didn't break..."

"You told him you wanted a break. Breaks are bullshit. You're either that unhappy to the point that you two could break up or you found someone else. Either way, I could see why he'd get hammered. A lot of people turn to alcohol to deal with shitty situations. The problem with him is that it could become a disease for him. I'm going to go over and stay with those two tonight at his place.

"Give him time to sober up and I know tomorrow he's going to be harder on himself than any of us could ever be. He loves you, Bella. He's never loved anyone besides his sister. Imagine living in a world where you don't even love your own parents. That's who he is, though. Finding out that he left her to be sick on her own is going to devastate him. Finding out what he did to you is going to kill him."

"Are you going to tell him if he doesn't remember?"

"Yeah. I am. Your boy can self-loathe like no one else I've ever met in my life but in this case he deserves it. He needs to realize how bad shit could get if he keeps drinking."

"Thanks, Jazz. For doing this for him."

"Yeah, well, I need you to do me a favor. You need to make up your mind about what you want from him. He needs support right now if this drinking thing is this bad. He loves you...so...don't attempt to take that away from him but don't string him along either. The last thing he needs is to be on a 'break' from the only thing besides his baby sister that he cares about. He needs stability. Love him or leave him but make up your damn mind."

Alice stepped over to her and into the conversation. "Lanie's asleep and I think the vomiting is done for awhile. You can go home and get some rest..."

"No," Bella replied quickly before frowning. "I mean, if it's okay, I'd like to stay with her."

"Absolutely," Alice smiled. "Go ahead. I'll be in soon. Just let me tell Jasper goodbye and I'll make us some tea. Rosalie took Jackson home because she didn't want him around the flu germs if that's what Lanie has. Emmett called and filled her in on what happened and she was going to come back but he told her you weren't hurt."

After a quick back and forth text session with Rosalie, Bella took the cup of tea Alice was handing to her and tried to smile. "I'm sorry to keep you up. You can go to bed if you'd like."

Alice just rolled her eyes. "Talk. Tell me what's going on."

So, Bella let it spill. Everything, from her feelings of needing commitment to what was going on with Tanya to Edward's drinking, came out. It felt good to finally let it go but it didn't change anything. That was all still her reality. Alice just listened quietly before reaching across the table to take Bella's hand.

"I don't know him as well as Jazz does, obviously, but I've known him for awhile now. He's a good guy but he's definitely emotionally broken. Bella, from a strangers point of view, he's a stable man who is a good parental figure. We know that behind the strong front he shows, he's a mess inside. He might know his way around in the bedroom but in other aspects, he's unsure of himself. He loves you but he's afraid of what will happen next. Neither of us have gone through what he did with his parents..."

"He told you what happened?" Bella asked in surprise.

"Jazz did. He told me how they died."

"There's a little more to it."

"I figured but I wouldn't push for that information. Jasper has his own demons to deal with and I sometimes worry about him going back to his old ways but I love him too much to walk away from him. I refuse to take the risk of walking away from the only man I may ever feel this strongly for. I'm blessed to have found him."

"Rose told me about Em's situation..."

"Yeah. Jazz told me about all that. He's protective of me and I couldn't understand why he was so weird about Emmett being around me when he was mad," Alice saw Bella's worried expression and patted her hand. "Don't worry. Em's a gentle giant now. He wouldn't hurt Rosalie. Jazz just overreacts.

"That's just it. Emmett's problems are in his past. If Jasper's demons are just that he's protective, then your really are blessed. Edward has to live with this, though."

Alice bit her lip and looked thoughtfully over at one of her cupboards. Standing she opened it and pulled out an orange prescription bottle. Setting it in front of Bella, she turned on her heel and went back to her seat before clearing her throat. "Have you ever noticed anything about Jasper when we're out at the bar?"

Bella stared at the bottle that was now in her hand and shook her head, completely confused. "Not really. He seems his usual happy self. Of our three leading men, he's the most calm and together."

"No. He's not. Not naturally, anyway. Those are anti-depressants, Bella."

"Jazz is depressed?" Bella asked, confusion and surprise mixing in her voice.

"No. I honestly believe that he's happy now. He's been on those things for a long time, way before I met him. He knows how to handle them. Do you ever notice that he doesn't really drink a lot when we go out? I mean, he has a few but doesn't over do it? Those pills can't be mixed with alcohol so he's always careful. Still, it scares me that something will click in his brain again and he'll try to..."

It was Bella's turn to take her friend's hand. "To what, Alice?"

"I guess it happened his senior year of high school. He'd been fighting with his parents about something stupid, or so he says, and just felt this overwhelming sadness. He said he was having trouble getting through school, and just life in general, when he had a huge blowout with his dad over college. Instead of taking off like I did with my parents, he um..." Bella felt Alice shudder through their connected hands. "He decided to end it."

"End it?"

"The night after the big fight, he took his dad's gun... Bella, he just couldn't deal with life anymore..."

Bella watched in horror as her friend began to fall apart. Tears slid down Alice's cheeks. "He was going to end his life?"

"He was," she nodded.

"What happened? I mean, he must not have succeeded."

"Here's the ironic part. He went into the woods to do it, the ones just outside the park a little ways from his parents' house. That same night, Edward and his dad apparently got into it and Edward took off for the park as well. He found Jasper and when he saw the gun, he knew."

"What did Edward do?" Bella asked, sliding forward even further on her chair. The tea was completely forgotten.

To her surprise, Alice gave a small chuckle. "Edward reamed him out verbally, as only Edward could, and then proceeded to tell Jasper the shitty situation he was in with his own parents. I think it made Jasper realize his life could be worse. Jazz never said what all Edward told him but that's why I figured he couldn't have had a very good life. Jasper started seeing a counselor at school, because Edward called him out, and Jazz was sent to a psychiatrist, who prescribed that miracle drug there. He's been functioning normally ever since."

"I had no idea," Bella whispered.

"No one does. Not even Emmett."

"Thank you for sharing that with me."

"I thought it might help. You know, Edward isn't a lost cause. He's a little lost but it's not total. He still loves you. I agree with Jazz, though. Don't pull him along. You're either in this for the long haul with him or you accept that he might never want to commit and you walk away. Either way, we both know he must have damn good reasons in his head to not have married you already because of how much he does love you. That's all I'll say about it. This is your decision. I'd feel the same way if Jazz was dragging his feet about getting married like Edward has been. I can see your point."

"Thanks, Ally, and I'm glad you were here to take care of Lanie."

"Not a problem," her friend smiled and rested a hand on her belly. "I have to get used to being up with a sick kid..."

"You're pregnant?" Bella asked with smile.

"Yes," Alice grinned but Bella could see an odd mix of emotions on her friend's face. "We're not telling anyone until I'm at least a couple months in. I thought you could use some good news tonight, though. I'm heading to bed. I already put some blankets on the recliner. If you guys need me, I'm right upstairs."

"Bells?" Edward tried to get vertical. His breath tasted horrible and white, hot pain slammed through his skull while his fists throbbed. Giving up the stand-up possibility for the time being, he grunted as his head hit the pillow in defeat. Wondering when the hell he'd been hit by the mack truck, and why Bella hadn't taken him to the hospital, he winced when he looked up and saw that his fists were actually covered in caked blood.

Finally, he heard footsteps and had his brain not been so damn fuzzy he would have realized they weren't Bella's. These footsteps belonged to someone big. Still, he called out to her again. "Angel, is that you?" When the door flew open, he bolted upright and clenched his jaw as if that would keep the room from spinning.

"You seriously don't remember last night, do you?"

"Em...what..."

"I mean, if you did remember, you sure as hell wouldn't be expecting her to be here to clean up your stupid ass."

"I don't know what's..."

"Yeah, well you can blame that on your new BFF's Jack, Jim, and Jose who were keeping you nice and fucked last night."

Edward looked away from him then, closing his eyes against the memory of going to the liquor store the night before, right after Bella had left._ Fuck. Bella's gone. I didn't try to stop her. _The memory of their reunion after he'd found her in the bar with Jacob fucking Black and Danny Alexander came filtering through his exploding skull and then the idea that she was leaving for Chicago really sank in. His stomach felt empty but there was a heavy feeling there, like he'd swallowed a box of nails.

"Dude, are you fucking crying?" Emmett's incredulous voice broke through his wallowing.

Bringing a hand up, he felt wetness on his cheeks and knew that it wasn't blood from his knuckles. He supposed he was. Anger replaced his depression and he hoisted himself up off the bed. "Where are my keys?"

From Emmett's pocket came the key ring Lanie had gotten him for his birthday last year. "I hid them from you last night."

That must have been the reason he hadn't gone after her. "Why would you do that? Give me my fucking keys, McCarty."

"_Why?_" Emmett asked in shock. "Why? Maybe because your blood alcohol level was about a thousand times over the legal limit and you were trying to chase down your girl..."

"Jesus Christ, Emmett! She's gone now. Don't you get it?"

"Look, she's not dead. Neither are you. You've hit a shitty patch." Edward was in the process of changing his shirt and determining if he should leave the pants on or change them. Coming to a decision, he grabbed his jacket and made for the door. "Where do ya think you're going? Calm down for a minute."

"I don't have a minute. Bella's leaving for Chicago. For all I know, she's on a damn plane right now chatting up some rich kid on his way back home to the Windy fucking City."

"Um, no. She isn't."

"She told me last night that she was going over there to stay with family if we broke up. I might not remember much of last night, or why the fuck you're even here, but I remember that part quite fucking clearly. Get out of my way. I'm going to her place to make sure she's not there. I need to know if I'm too damn late."

He tried to push past his behemoth friend as Emmett stood blocking the door but came to a halt and took a step back further into the apartment when the guy blurted, "She's not on a damn plane. She's with Lanie over at Jazz's. Your sister's caught the flu bug and..."

"Why the hell did no one call me? Emmett, for God's sake, she's my sister! I'm responsible for her!"

"Alright, asshole, I'm trying to be here for you, truly I am but you need to calm the fuck down and listen to me. You really don't remember?" When Edward just held his arms up like he was giving up on trying to figure it out, Emmett took a deep breath and finally started to talk. "The Whitlock's tried to call you a few times but eventually gave up and called Jasper to see if you were with him. Lanie got sick at their place. They would have kept her, it's not like they've never had to deal with a sick kid, but she wanted to come home. Jazz and Ally tried to call you, too."

The figurative light bulb showed up above him. It was dim but there. "But I was drinking."

"Yeah. They couldn't get a hold of Bella, either, so they called Rose. We went over to Jasper's since we were heading home from my parents anyway and I told them I'd run over and check on you. When I walked in, you were about a trillion sheets to the wind and leaning against the window for the fire escape, mumbling something about choices."

"Holy hell."

"It gets worse. When I was on my way over here, Bella finally called Rose back. She was asked to go over to be with Lanie, Rosalie told her to stay away from here, man."

"What are you saying, Emmett?"

"Bells didn't listen. She walked in as we were arguing about the alcohol and when I went to throw the empties away, there she was. You heard her, came out of the room, and it ended with you pinning her to the..."

"No. Fuck no." He wanted to deny the entire story. This was a nightmare. He'd never hurt Bella.

"...wall. You bit her neck. I got you off of her and told her to leave..."

"No. No, no. _No_. That's not what happened."

"She kissed you before she left, though. Said something about writing something and that she loved you. Rose called me a little later and said she sounded okay and was staying with Lanie and Ally. Jazz came over and crashed on the floor but you passed out in the bathroom after a half hour of puking your guts out. I wanted to leave you there but Jasper insisted I help get you onto the bed. He's out getting..."

"He's back. Jesus, Em, you literally do make a better door than a window," Jasper's voice carried from out in the hall. Edward could have made his escape when Emmett stepped out of the way but he could barely stand let alone get his brain to work his legs and move him even a foot. Jasper came in with a bag of something greasy and coffee in Styrofoam cups. "Glad to see you woke up after last night."

"I wish I hadn't." The words came out before he could stop them and even more pain filled his chest when Jasper's eyes flashed with a disconcerted look.

"You don't mean that, Cullen."

"I hurt Bella," Edward's voice cracked.

Emmett rang in again. "She's fine. Come on, man. Remember the time I caught you two in the bathroom stall the night of my rehearsal dinner? You had her pinned up against the wall then but I don't think she was complaining. Rosalie told me about how you guys can be sometimes. She's had to borrow scarves from Bella before..."

"_That's_ why Bella always wears scarves? I thought she was just always cold," Jasper commented thoughtfully.

"Do you hear this?" Edward asked, finally finding his voice again. "I shouldn't be fucking her in the bathrooms of restaurants or pinning her to walls in my apartment on a _normal_ night! What happened last night was awful. I fucking violated her."

"You surprised her. She wasn't afraid of you. Just shocked."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"Just have a doughnut and try to get your head on straight, Eddie," Jasper said in a tone someone would use to stop a man from jumping off an eighteen story building.

"Get out of my way. Both of you. I'm going to get Lanie and make sure Bella realizes that she never has to be responsible for either one of us, me or Lanie, again."

"She likes to take care of her, Edward. She's always loved that little girl," Jasper reminded him. "She knew we'd take care of her but she wanted to stay last night."

"She shouldn't have to, though. I don't deserve to be with Bella. She deserves so much more than shit like this. She deserves more than a man who pins her to walls and takes her whenever he wants her."

Emmett and Jasper just looked at each other and shared a look that really pissed him off before Jasper took a deep breath and said, "That's the way it should be. You should feel like she deserves more. You love her. We only want what's best for the people we love, especially those girls."

"Eddie, come on. I cheated on Rosalie. She was pregnant with my son and I was out banging Tanya Denali. You think my wife deserves that? Fuck no. She deserved a man who would force her to tell him why she was being so distant so that he could take care of her no matter what the reason was. She took me back. I still hate myself for what I did. I always will. I love her too much to let her go, though. I consider the fact that she's too good for me every damn day."

"Ally had a miscarriage last year," Jasper began, his eyes fixated on the floor. "We never told anyone and no one even knew she was pregnant so we didn't feel the need to. She wanted to talk to Rosalie and Bella. They're really the only two close girlfriends that she has. I got pissed off at her for it. I fucking let her struggle with grief on her own while I self-medicated with extra doses of my pills. I was too fucked in the head to realize that she needed more support than I could give her.

"Ally's always been independent. When I asked her why she never just went to them despite what I wanted, like she should have, she told me she was ashamed. She thought it was her fault we lost the baby and she was also pissed at herself for not going to them. Al said she let herself become too wrapped up in our relationship and that she felt she was suffocating. I asked her if she wanted to leave me. She said yes."

"Holy shit, Jazz. I had no idea," Emmett replied, stealing the words straight from Edward's mouth.

"No one did. I should have done the right thing and let her go. What I did to her was incredibly wrong. I begged her to stay, though. I literally was on my knees, begging her like a three year old, to not walk out that door. Her bags were packed and her wedding rings were lying on the kitchen table."

"You convinced her stay," Edward finished for him.

"No. I didn't," Jasper said with a sad smile. "She left. Ally made it halfway to her parent's house before turning around. She found me crying like a pussy where she left me on the living room floor. "I don't deserve her. I think that every damn day. Still, we love each other and we've made it work."

"There was also the time I had sex with that girl in the parking lot..." Emmett added.

"And the time I told Alice it was her fault we forgot to make our car payment a few months ago."

"And the time I made Rosalie get up with Jackson even when she had a migraine and I was too tired to get out of bed and take care of him myself."

"And the time I asked Alice..."

"I get it," Edward blurted, figuring this could literally go on for the next hour and he really needed to figure out what to do about his own situation. "I get the point you're trying to make. No relationship is perfect. Bella's not just another girl, though."

"To us? Yeah, she is just another girl. To you, she's probably your world. I know Rosalie is mine. I'm sure Ally is Jazz's. You feel that way because you love her."

"Well, I'm sure she's gone. She's probably boarding a flight as we speak."

"Here's the deal. Bella's at my place, probably sleeping off an emotional night, not on a one-way trip to Timbuktu like you seem to think. Eat a damn doughnut, drink some fucking coffee, and get your head together. We'll take things from there."

"Fine. If she leaves before I get over there, though..."

"She won't. Ally's been trying to convince her to head home all night and she won't. She's stubborn. You two have more in common than you realize." Jasper muttered the last part under his breath.

"I can't understand why you don't just marry her already. You'd both be a hundred times happier. Man up," Emmett grumbled before biting into an eclair.

Leaving the two men standing in his doorway, he went back to his bedroom and dug out the ring. "I have something to tell you guys but you have to swear you won't say anything to Rosalie or Alice. I'm serious. Don't even hint about it."

"Oh no," groaned Jasper. "What did you do?"

"That baby better not be yours, man. I mean, I told Rosalie that you'd cut off your dick before you'd stick it in that stupid..."

"I didn't sleep with Tanya. I didn't cheat on Bella." Placing the ring on the stand by the door he looked pointedly at it and then up to see them both gaping at him. "I want to get Goddamned married."

Emmett seemed to find something about that hilarious and Jasper had set down his doughnut. "You don't sound too thrilled about it."

"I _want_ to marry Bella. I've wanted to marry her," he said with conviction. Frustrated conviction but conviction none the less. "I waited too long and now this."

"It's not too late. It's never too late. Bella loves you and you love her. Apologize, grovel, cry on the scotch-guarded carpet like one of the whipped pussies all three of us are, and make her never want to leave your sorry ass again. After you eat your doughnut...and wash your damn hands. You look like an extra from a Rambo movie."

"Fuck the doughnut. I'm going over there. I have to get Lanie."

"I can't believe we're really standing around having this conversation. If you asked me five years ago if Edward Cullen would ever be in love, let alone get married, I would have laughed myself to death at the possibility. Now, he's rushing off to..."

"Tell her goodbye," Edward finished for him. "I won't hurt her again. I'm just going to check and see that she's really okay and get my little sister."

"Well, if you are planning to do so, you have plenty of time before you go rushing off," Emmett said with a cocky grin as he walked over to the counter and opened the cupboard. Em had obviously hidden liquor bottles from him last night. "You're going to sit there and watch as I pour these down the drain. All...what would you say...fifty dollars of them?"

Edward hated to waste that money but he got the point. Biting into a doughnut instead of his tongue, he sat back and let his friend have at it. He didn't plan to drink again for a long, long time.

**Please review and let me know what you think! See you next Sunday! Letzy xx **


	35. Becoming a Priority

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 35**

**Becoming a Priority**

Bella didn't sleep at all that night. Lanie, thankfully, slept straight through and seemed to be fine. She was up the next morning around eight and the second she saw Bella, she jumped up and hugged her. Bella didn't care about the germs. When a thirteen year old girl hugged you because they missed you, it was a big deal. Germs be damned. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here earlier last night. What happened? Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah. I need to brush my teeth, though," she grinned. "Where's Edward? Is he in the kitchen?"

"Um, no. Lanie, actually, why don't you just come back to my house and you can brush your teeth there? We can hang out..."

"Lanie?" Alice interrupted them, coming to stand in the doorway of the living room. Both Bella and Lanie hadn't even seen her approach. She looked nervous. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to go get a light breakfast at Jasper's parents?"

"I kind of just want to see Edward. Bells, can you just take me home?"

Bella looked behind Lanie to Alice, who was shaking her head and mouthing 'no'. "Edward went with...Emmett...because Em's mom is sick. He's not even there..."

"Can I call him then? He's probably worried. You know how he gets."

"Lanie, just go ahead with Alice."

"Fine. I'm really not hungry. At all." sighed Lanie, obviously knowing there was something odd going on.

"Are you sick again?" Bella asked in concern, wondering if she should just take her back to her own house anyway.

"I'm fine. Really. I guess...it's just weird that Edward isn't here."

When she stomped away up to the upstairs bathroom, Bella strode over to Alice. "What's going on?"

"Edward's awake and hung over but not handling the retelling of his night so well. He wants to see you. I'll take Lanie out. You two can talk here."

"I'm not ready..."

"He's already on his way. He won't take no for an answer. Believe me, I tried."

Ten minutes later, Bella watched the girls pull out of the drive and onto the main road. Not even three minutes later, she heard someone pull up and the slam of a car door. She'd recognize that rusty door anywhere. Bella held her ground, sitting at the kitchen table and clutching the edge in front of her. She knew what she had to do. The second he was through the door, though, her brain snapped off and everything but him was pushed from her mind. He was a fucking mess.

They made eye contact for a split second before he strode towards her and she couldn't help but jump when he grabbed her head, tilting it to the one side and then the other. Bella knew what he was looking for and could almost feel when he found it. His grip on her tightened slightly before he released her completely and took a step backward. "How bad? How bad did I hurt you?"

Bella forced herself to look him in the eyes again. "Not bad. You've done worse during sex..."

Edward's eyes were bloodshot and his jaw was clenched tight as he stared at her. "Where's Lanie?" he managed to choke out. His voice was hoarse.

"Oh, um, she's with Al. They went to Jasper's parents'," she replied absently, still staring.

"No...she's sick. They told me she was sick. She should be at home. With me."

"Edward," Bella began, "they tried to call you last night but..."

"I was drunk and attacking my girlfriend..."

"N...no..." Bella stammered, unable to blame him like she knew she should be. He was so distraught.

"I knew this was going to happen. I _knew_ I was going to hurt you."

"You did hurt me but it wasn't about the physical, Edward. I love you. I wanted to marry you..."

"Wanted..." he whispered, then nodded his head as if he understood something. "Look, I have to go find my sister."

"She's fine, Edward."

"I have to...go."

Bella bit down on her lip, tearing her eyes away from him, she looked down at the wooden table top and gave up. Doing what she planned to do from the time she knew he was on his way, she just kept her eyes locked on the surface in front of her and nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

"So this is it," he breathed.

"Yeah. I guess...I guess it is."

"Goodbye, Isabella." The way he said it, the way it came out broken and formal at the same time, broke her heart. She stayed there, though, holding onto the edge of the table as if it could keep her from going to him. She wondered who the fuck she was kidding as the front door closed and she heard his feet on the porch stairs. Her chest tightened as it began to sink in. He was leaving. He was leaving for good because they were hurting each other and he was broken.

He'd always been broken. She stood abruptly, nearly knocking the chair over. He needed her. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. He never knew how upset she was about them not planning to marry. Her stomach was clenching. He was walking away for all the wrong reasons and she was letting him. The sound of the door creaking open was what did it. The second her hands left the table, she was sprinting out the door. "No!" she called as soon as she flung the front door open.

He stopped just before climbing into the car and turned to face her. He looked confused but she couldn't stop herself. Nearly tripping on the stairs, she jogged over to him, shaking her head and letting her tears fall. "No!" she began again. "You can't leave. I can't do this. I was wrong..."

"Bells, I can't hurt you again. You're _right_. You haven't been happy and it's because of me. Last night just added to that."

Instead of talking to him like a civilized, dignified person would, she basically flung herself at him and dug her hands under his arms, wrapping her own arms around his waist. "I love you. I don't care about the stupid wedding...or having a baby..."

She felt him pull her away from him but just enough that he could look at her face. "What are you talking about? What stupid wedding?"

"Ours!" she exclaimed, more than annoyed over the situation. He had to at least have an idea of what she'd been feeling so anxious about lately.

"You want a baby?" he asked, his frown deepening.

"No! Not right now. Not...like, tomorrow."

"Bella, calm down a minute. You're shaking."

"I'm stupid. I want to get married and eventually have a family and I thought that maybe I could find that with someone else but it's never been the same. Jacob and Danny mean nothing to me because they can't. You've become my entire world and I just feel like we're stuck and now Alice is pregnant and they're all married and we're just...here. I'm tired of leaving you at night and I'm tired of Tanya. You wouldn't marry me. Okay. Fine. You are still _mine_, Edward!"

"Baby, please, please just try to calm down..."

Bella desperately tried to catch her breath and clung to his arms, her lungs burned and she choked back a sob. "We...we need...to fix this. There _is_ more to us than just sex, Edward. I'm not her. I'm _not _Tanya."

"I _never_ said you were. She's just a friend. That's all she's ever been."

"You still have a connection with her. You both have these pasts and now yours is back, Edward, and I didn't know. I didn't know how bad it was. You've lied to me. You were so damn worried about hurting me but what you're doing to yourself could kill us both. You say you blame your mother for not being able to live without your father but I get it. If you give into an addiction and something happens..."

"I'm not my father," he snapped.

"No. You're not. You're not her, either. You're not your mother. Not yet. I won't let it happen."

"I tried to force myself on you last night, Bella. How can you even stand for me to be breathing the same air as you?"

"You tried to kiss me...that's all it was. You were upset that I left and you tried to kiss me when I went back!"

"I fucking bit you!"

"Rosalie told me not to go to you, that you were really bad, and I didn't listen..."

"Isabella," he retorted, stepping back and breaking their contact, "fucking listen to yourself! Someone had to tell you to stay the fuck away from me for your own safety! I'm supposed to fucking protect you! I'm a monster! Jesus Christ, Bella, I know what it's like! Of all people, I know what it's like to be small and vulnerable and to have someone do things to you that you don't fucking want! I know how it feels to be held down and..."

Bella wanted to throw up. She could see that he was fighting back tears now and taking shallow breaths. This was not her calm, collected Edward. This was the little boy left behind by the parents he should have been able to trust, should have been able to love. Jasper's words haunted her. _Imagine living in a world where you don't even love your own parents._ Bella knew what he needed but he had to let go of what happened the night before. They both knew that what he had done was wrong but unconditional love made it maddening to stay angry with him. There was only one solution. She had to keep him. She had to be his so he could heal.

Instead of telling him that he did fuck up, she tried to reason with him. She tried to rationalize it for both of the sakes."Stop! Edward, please. I'm constantly covering up love bites from you...I have a damn scarf collection just for that purpose. You knew it was me. You were glad that I came back. You wanted to be close to me and I was so caught off guard by the drinking that I couldn't respond. Emmett over reacted...and so did the both of us. You letting alcohol do that to you was what hurt me."

He just shook his head and swallowed hard, "I have to go. I lost every right to be with you. I kept the drinking from you. I was too wrapped up in my own problems to notice that you needed to be taken care of-you lost weight over this shit, Bella. I didn't love you the way you deserved and there is no one to blame but myself. You're right. This isn't about Lanie anymore. This is about me."

Bella swallowed hard at his admission but stepped closer and reached out to make contact with him again. Touching his arm, she gripped him tightly. "It is about you. I want my life to be about you just as much as you seem to want your life to be about me. I see now that it wasn't you that is causing our problems, it's the alcohol. Why? Why did you start drinking? You've been so careful with it because of Alana."

"I don't know. Things just aren't...right...with us anymore. Our relationship means a lot more to me than you realize. Bella, I'm sorry. I know you want to get married and start your own family but I don't know if I'm ready for that..."

"So you're drinking because of that?" Bella asked in disbelief.

"No. Not exactly. I'm drinking because I just want to forget about things for a while."

"Things with us?"

"Everything. When I think about getting married, I think of not being able to provide for you or give you a big expensive wedding. I think about the fact that once we're married, you're going to want become a mother and the idea of becoming someone's father terrifies me."

"I can't understand that. You have Lanie..."

"It's different. I didn't have a choice. After seeing what happened with my parents when it came to her, I swore to myself that I wouldn't bring a child into this world unless I was absolutely positive that I could care for it. Last night, I abandoned Lanie and hurt one of the only people I've ever loved. I'm not made for being responsible for someone."

Bella was hurt by this. She shook her head, silently arguing with him before blurting out, "You lied to me about that too, then. You said you'd consider kids..."

"I have considered. Dammit, I consider it all the time. I love Jacks. The kid is amazing. I love seeing you with him...like holding him and feeding him and all that..."

"You're great with him, too. He loves you. Even for as little as he is, you can get him laughing more than even Emmett can. I also don't expect you to provide for me. Edward, we both know that you aren't working a horrible-paying job. You make enough to live in the city and take really good care of your sister. I'm not exactly poor, either. I can take care of myself a lot better than I could when we first met. We could get a small house just outside of the city. Lanie wouldn't even have to move schools unless you'd want her to."

"I'm not ready to be a father, Bella."

"Okay. Alright. I wasn't asking you to knock me up right now. I wasn't asking you for anything. You want to know why I've been depressed lately and it's because I'm tired of the way things are with us right now. I want to be married to you. I want to be your wife and live with you. I want to help out with Lanie and make a home and a life for ourselves."

"You said in the house earlier that it was what you wanted. Past tense. Does that mean you don't want that anymore?"

"I didn't mean it like that. Right now, if that's what we both want, things need to change before we can even consider marriage. God...I hate this," Bella blurted, wiping at tears which were escaping again. "Why couldn't we have just had this discussion months ago? Why didn't you just tell me what you were feeling?"

"Bella, there is a chance that I'll never want to get you pregnant. Do you understand that? I know how much you love children. I've seen that look you get when you hold Jacks and rock him to sleep. Marriage to me has always been a joke because of my parents but you made me want it. Still, I won't commit to you for life knowing that I can't give you something that I, as your husband, would be expected to give to you. I never asked you to marry me because I couldn't get that out of my head and I didn't know how to explain it. I was selfish and I didn't want to see you walk away from us. I didn't realize I was hurting you this badly. I don't know why I started drinking. I'm just..."

"Scared?" Bella asked, crossing her arms and looking him in the eyes.

He was quiet for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, Bella. I am. You don't deserve that and you sure as hell don't deserve what happened last night. It hurt me that you said you wanted to leave. You know Halloween is kind of...special...for us. To know that you were planning to leave that weekend and that you told me about it when you were telling me you needed space, I guess I just figured it was done. Then, you just leave. I was sure that you were gone for good."

"I did need space. I probably still kind of do."

"Then I need to go find my sister and head home. I realize now that keeping my feelings towards marriage away from you was basically what ruined us and I deeply, deeply regret it. In fact, it's one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It's pathetic but the only reason I have is that I love you and I was too selfish to let you go. The only thing I've ever learned is that love is selfish. Love makes people do awful, selfish things."

Bella let him talk because it was more talking than he'd done with her in months and it felt good to hear his voice, even if she didn't completely agree with what he was saying. She understood where he was coming from but that didn't mean she had to agree. When he seemed to be done and he stood looking at her with a strange, confused expression, she bit her lip and thought carefully about how to word what she wanted to say. Deciding to continue where she left off, she finally found her voice. "I probably still do need time, Edward, but I don't want it."

"I'm betting you don't after last night..." His voice was so full of hatred for himself that it made it hard for her to breathe.

"You're right. I don't need it after that. I'm not walking away from you."

He looked at her like she was completely insane. "Bella..."

She kept going, reaching down so that she could take both of his hands in hers, and then looking back up into his eyes. Tears filled hers again as she said, "The person who I love more than anyone else in the world is hurting himself and he needs my help."

Edward looked like he wanted to argue but instead, he suddenly began to cry. This was a completely different man than what she was used to. He wasn't his usual cocky, sexual, joking self. He wasn't the strong, independent man she had first met. He was being the man she only caught anguished glimpses of. Not knowing what to do or say, she stepped into him and was surprised when his arms wrapped tightly around her, lifting her slightly as he brought his lips to her forehead.

When she realized his body was shaking from sobs, she moved so that her head was resting on his shoulder so she could whisper, "Thank you for letting me in, Edward. This is what I've needed from you. I needed to know all of this."

"You'd be willing to give up motherhood because of me?" he asked in response.

"No. First of all, there's always Lanie. She's older and in no way our daughter but I want to be there to help her when life gets rough. I want to be the one to eat a whole tub of ice cream with her when a boy breaks her heart. I want to be there to take pictures when she heads off to prom. I want to cheer her on at graduation, help her move into her college dorm, and then watch her graduate again and be shocked that it was just yesterday when we moved her in."

"That's not the same as having a little one of your own, Bella. I don't want you to regret anything."

"Are you truly serious about never having children?"

He shook his head, "No. I just can't foresee myself agreeing to it anytime soon."

"Well, then, the only regret I will have is never finding out what could have been between us. I want to focus on the kid we already have and, possibly more important right now, on you. I will risk the chance of us never having a child if you swear to me that you'll get better. You have to promise me that you'll see someone. Not having a baby is something I could tolerate. Watching you fight a losing battle with a bottle of Jack every night is not a life I could live, nor is it a life to expect Lanie to live."

"How can you love me this much?" he asked in a whisper.

"If our roles were reversed, you'd understand. You gave up on some of your dreams to ensure the well-being of your little sister. I was selfish _too_, Edward. _You_ were hurting, too. I didn't realize what was happening to you because I was so upset over not getting married. If I'd given a shit about what was really going on with you and quit worrying so much about having a ring on my finger, last night may never have happened. I'm sorry, love."

"Don't apologize. Please, don't do that. This isn't your fault."

"How much did you drink last night?"

He froze in her arms and remained silent for a few beats. Relaxing slightly, he looked away from her face and said, "Enough that it was too much."

"You have to promise me you're going to go to counseling. How often has this actually been going on?"

"Not that long. A month or so and I haven't been drinking constantly. Maybe there were only about three times that it was really bad. Em poured everything down the drain last night. He made me sit and watch."

"Good. That's a lot of wasted money but it should have been done."

"I agree."

"Well, at this point, I don't think I'd consider you a full-blown alcoholic but I don't want you drinking for awhile. Also, I don't even care if the person you see has anything to do with the drinking aspect. I really think you need to talk to someone about what happened to you in the past. Baby, you were sexually abused by your parents and their friends. You were neglected and forced to care for a baby when you were still so young yourself. Talking to someone about it is not a shameful thing."

"You're the only person who knows everything."

"I know," she said softly, hearing the panic in his voice, "and if I could be the one to help you fix things, you know I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'm not a professional, though. You need to find someone who is certified. It's all confidential. No one has to know except the three of us: the counselor, you, and me. That's it."

Edward just nodded and she had to laugh at what he told her next. "Yeah, Jazz threatened to kidnap you and Lanie both if I didn't agree to the counseling. He knows that something happening to just one of you would be enough to get my ass in gear, if it were both of you, I'd lose my fucking mind. He'd just call me out and have the damn counselor make a house call or some shit."

"Karma, huh?" Bella asked, not thinking.

He frowned. "What?"

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. "Alice told me about Jasper last night. About how he was in high school. She said you blabbed to the school counselor."

Edward just smiled. "Hey, it got him the help he needed."

"You have good friends."

"The fucking best. I doubt I would have survived without Jazz over these past few years."

"Well, even though I want you to talk to someone, that doesn't mean I don't want you to talk to me. I want to know when you're feeling depressed or upset. I want to know when you're scared or feeling overwhelmed. This is what should have been discussed from the beginning."

"That goes both ways. You need to talk to me, too. Also, I love you even more for the fact that you want to stick by my side through this shit I've managed to get myself into. I'll understand, though, if you later decide that you can't accept the way things are with me."

Bella just shook her head, "I just want you to think about something before you say that again, Edward. Think about me walking down the aisle in the perfect cream dress, not white because we both know I shouldn't be wearing white that day, and I'm smiling and all of my family is there...and waiting for me, smiling and happy at the alter, is _Jacob Black_. I want you to think about me waiting anxiously for Jacob to come home from work so we could try to have a child together. I want you to think of me giving birth to his baby..." She stopped there because she could hear and feel the shuddered breath that ripped from his chest.

"I can't...I don't..."

"Shh..." she whispered against his neck. "I feel the same way about that as you do. I'd rather be living in sin and baby-less with you than living out an old dream with him. I love you more than enough to be able to handle that. I was stupid for ever thinking differently. We can't just break up when things get tough, though, and then get back together. In my life, Edward, you are number one. I want to be there for you and support you. You're my priority. I'm sorry I ever made you question how much I love you."

She could feel his shoulders begin to shake again. When she apologized for upsetting him, he shook his head. "It's not...you. Fuck. I've never...no one's ever... No one has ever loved me like that. I've never been anyone's priority." _Not even your parents', _Bella thought to herself and her heart shattered for him all over again.

Edward was still trying to pull himself together and figure out what the fuck was supposed to happen next after the two of them stumbled into Jasper and Alice's house. Jasper was going over to his parents for a bit and it was weird to be in their house without them. He couldn't take his eyes off of Bella, as was normal. She was so beautiful and he didn't care how saintly she was, he deserved for her to slap him across the face and curse him out for his behavior the night before. It was just that he'd been so, so sure she was leaving him for good and when she came back...hearing her voice...it was the only part of the night that he remembered after the alcohol had sunk in. He remembered her voice and everything else was a blur.

With shaking legs, he leaned back against the counter top and looked down into her eyes. They were wide and beautiful and he would never feel that he deserved her. An idea was already forming in his mind for them but he knew that now was not the time. Walking away from him, Bella took out two glasses from the cupboard and filled them with water. It pained him that her hands were shaking and her smile was gone. It had been gone for awhile. He'd just been to damn selfish to notice.

"Come here, Bells," he whispered before taking her glass from her and setting it on the counter by his own. With both of his hands in hers, much like she held his out in the driveway, he rubbed the backs of her hands with his thumbs and kissed her cheek. "I love you. I'm going to fix this. I swear to you, Bella, I'm going to make things okay for us."

"I'm not going to go Chicago that weekend and I'm going to put off looking into working up there. I was only considering that an option if we would ever break up. I can't take the risk of seeing you after that. It would kill me every time. I'll go a couple weeks before Halloween. I'll make sure I'm back here to spend our...anniversary together."

"Anniversary? Is that what we're considering it?"

"I guess. It's been two years since we've been together come October. It's about time we set an official date to remember our first...encounter."

His lips caught hers but just briefly. Something else came to mind that needed to be addressed. "I was thinking that maybe we should take a break from the sexual side of things for awhile..."

The forlorn look on her face made him frown. He had thought that she would be all for it...wanting more romance and less of the hardcore sex that had so far defined their relationship together. In no way did he expect her to look like she wanted to cry over taking a break from just that. He gave her a questioning look and asked if she was okay. When she looked away, her mouth open as if trying to figure out what to say, he tried to explain.

"I just feel like I sometimes take you for granted and that's not fair. Sex is something we always end up doing when we need to feel that we're fixing things but just like last night, it played a part in making things worse. We get carried away and resolve nothing. I want to show you that I can be what you like. I can be...cuddly...and stuff. No more of the kink for a while."

Bella laughed a little at that but then went back to pouting a little. "But...I kind of like the kink. Like, really like it."

"I know you like the pretty lingerie..."

"And the toys. I really like the toys..." Her face was almost completely red.

He kissed her again and smirked. It was definitely true that his Bella loved to play. She'd been so innocent to it all before he had her. According to her, she'd only slept with two other guys and it had always been very vanilla. The lingerie she bought for their first Christmas together had seemed to be just as exciting for her as it was for him. The toys he bought for her or the ones they picked out together, had made her extremely excited about their little trysts. He had never been one for sex toys or even lingerie. In fact, he had never even picked out lingerie for anyone...not until her. He absolutely loved getting to experience those firsts with her because they were firsts for him.

His timid, shy bookworm was very playful when the time was right. If he ever interrupted her while she was reading one of her romance novels, though... Well, he learned not to make that mistake again. When Bella, or even Lanie for that matter, was enthralled with a printed page, he was as good as chopped liver. His girls could have worse habits. "I need to go call Al and see what's up with Lanie. Bells, you're not the only one I hurt last night."

"Lanie doesn't know. We told her you went with Em to help his parents out. We told her that they were sick."

"Thank you," he replied with as much conviction as he could muster. The way Bella cared for his sister was one of the many things he loved about her.

Bella just smirked over her cup of water, "I didn't exactly do it for you. I don't want her to be scared that her brother is slipping."

Right there. That was why he loved her. Unlike the other women he'd been with in the past, the ones who usually did as he asked because they hoped for more with him, Bella wouldn't put up with his bullshit. Most of the time, it was to protect Lanie. Her cell phone rang then and she answered it, heading into the living room and leaving him on his own. Edward watched her walk away and then chugged down the rest of his water glass.

He'd dodged a bullet the night before and was still confused about how everything had played out this way. Why she loved him enough to stay was still not something he could understand and he didn't think he ever would. He was still dehydrated and filled up the glass with water once again. His head was pounding, his eyes were heavy-which could have been from the crying more than the hangover, and he was slightly sick in the stomach.

A few minutes later, Bella came back in and set her phone on the counter. "That was Rose. She wanted to call and check on me, she's thinking about having everyone over tomorrow for dinner. Ally called as well and I missed it. I sent her a text to let her know we'd be over soon to get her."

"We?"

"Is that okay?"

"Bella, last night you were completely sure you needed space from me. I don't want time away from you but I think maybe you should head home. Relax. Maybe get some sleep..."

"I look like hell don't I?"

"No. You're beautiful. You look sleepy, though."

"Edward, not even Lanie got much sleep last night. I think this calls for a classic movie and napping on the couch kind of day for all of us. Let's go get her and go home. I...may have wanted space last night but I need to be with you today."

"I'm not going to drink." He realized after it was said that he sounded a little more defensive than was really necessary.

"Given the fact that you are drinking heavily, even if you can control it, there's obviously something going on with you. I want to be here for you."

"Bella, I don't get it. Why did you change your mind so much from how you felt last night?"

"I messed up, too. I just wish that we had talked about all of this before. I still want to get married, Edward. I can settle for us deciding not to have kids right now...or anytime soon...but I'm tired of living the way we are. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm ready for and need a commitment."

"I'll work on that. I promise. Just...give me a little more time, Mrs. Cullen. Let me get some help before you decide that I'm really who you want to spend the rest of your life with."

"I can do that. Let's go get Lanie. I'm still concerned that she might have the flu and she really doesn't need to be out all day."

**I can't believe we've hit over 700 reviews. Thank you for all of the support! Let me know what you think of this one and we'll meet again next week! Letzy xx**


	36. I'm Sick

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 36**

**I'm Sick**

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked the second Bella stepped into the townhouse Rose and Emmett now shared. With Jackson in one arm, Rosalie pushed Bella's hair back to look at the bite mark Emmett had undoubtedly blabbed about. Bella didn't want to be reminded of it; she had spent enough time looking at it in the bathroom mirror at home. Thankfully, it was only slightly worse than some of the 'love bites' he'd given her in the past.

"Rose, really, it wasn't that big of a deal. The fact that he was drunk was the big issue...not that he was trying to kiss me."

"He pinned you to the wall!"

Bella raised an eyebrow and Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Okay, so that's not _abnormal_ for you two but come on."

"Let it go, Rosalie," Bella pleaded. "He's on his way over with Lanie and I just..."

Knocking at the door interrupted her and she reached out to take Jackson from Rose so her best friend could play hostess. Emmett stumbled down the stairs as Alice came through the front door. Jasper was practically being pulled behind her while she carried a large bowl of salad. This seemed to spark Rosalie's memory and she turned to Bella. "You were in charge of dessert and rolls. I don't care about the rolls, Swan, but you know I'm a monster without my dessert..."

Bella just laughed and played with Jackson's fingers. "Relax, Hale. Lanie and I made homemade rolls and that strawberry shortcake creation Emmett claims he wanted to marry you over. It should be here soon."

"I'm glad Lanie's over whatever was going on with her the other night."

"We are, too."

"Poop!" Rose burst out. Bella tried to hide her amusement. Rosalie had always been known for her potty mouth and she was trying to compensate for it with words that were appropriate for her son's ears.

With a smirk, Bella shifted the baby and asked, "Do you have to go or..."

"No!" Rosalie cried. "Bells, I'm sorry. I didn't think..."

"About what?" If she didn't cut to the chase soon, Bella was going to end up slapping her.

"The wine! I bought wine and beer!"

"Yeah, you've lost me."

"Agreed," Emmett commented, giving Bella a big hug to say hello and checking out her neck cautiously. She had to refrain from rolling her eyes at him, knowing her friends were just concerned for her.

"Edward! He can't have it!"

Emmett looked at Bella again before turning to his wife, "Rosalie, it's fine. He can have a glass of wine or a beer...if he wants it..."

"He won't," Edward spoke up, coming through the door. Rosalie immediately turned red and Bella hugged Jackson to her, wishing she could take the pain out of Edward's expression. The way his face lit up when he pushed the door open enough to see her, though, brought her a little relief.

"Edward, I'm sorry," Rosalie frowned.

"Jacks!" Lanie exclaimed, pushing past Edward to get over to where Bella was holding the baby.

Edward's face noticeably fell again but Bella passed Jackson over to the awaiting girl and walked over to wrap an arm around Edward's waist. He kissed her forehead and whispered a hello before moving down to kiss her cheek. The smile that spread across her face was a ridiculous one and she leaned into him. "I love you," she whispered softly in reply.

"Okay, okay, you two!" Alice laughed, pulling them back to the roomful of people around them.

"Yeah, really," Lanie cringed.

"How do you put up with this all the time, Lanie Mae?" Emmett asked, nudging her arm. Bella knew Lanie wanted to tell him to quit calling her that but they both knew that Emmett would never stop...and neither would Edward.

Lanie, to Bella's amusement, just shrugged. "I ignore them. They act like I don't realize that they're making out in the next room."

Alice and Rosalie laughed at that one and Jasper just gave Edward a pat on the back. "She's not a kid anymore, man."

"Alright, let's eat, wife!" Emmett proclaimed, heading for the kitchen.

"Ew..." Lanie cringed, holding the baby away from her a little.

Rose gave her a knowing smile. "He always does this right when we want to sit down to dinner..."

"I've got him," Bella said, reaching out to take him back in her arms. "Rose, I know you have stuff to get ready in the kitchen."

While the rest of them high-tailed it out of the little foyer when the topic of a dirty diaper was breached, Bella and Edward were left alone. That strange, pained expression returned to Edward again and Bella shifted Jackson to her other arm. "You okay?"

"Yeah..."

"Alright," she said slowly, a little concerned. "I'll be right back down after a quick visit to the nursery."

"Bella, wait."

She turned back and saw him swallow hard. "I wouldn't have room at the apartment for a nursery..."

"Um..."

"Never mind. I'm sorry. He's probably uncomfortable."

"Edward," she began but decided that now was not the time to have this discussion again. Instead, she finished her sentence with, "Go save me some of that fresh bread."

Edward was having trouble focusing. There was conversation all around him but the only thing he could think about, as was normal, was Bella and how he was changing her future. She loved him. She loved him enough to stay by his side even after what he did. Despite their discussion yesterday, she had still made it clear that she would not yet roll out children. This concerned him maybe more than any other part of the situation they were in. He supposed, if he could get his shit together, that it wouldn't be a horrible thing. He still couldn't imagine holding a child he helped create in his arms but he couldn't bring himself to think of it as a bad thing.

The image she had drilled into his head the day before, of her and Jacob together made his hands shake as he picked up his water glass. He had never hated a man he barely knew before. Jacob didn't deserve hate, if anything, he was a pretty good guy. Still, if the guy so much as winked at Bella, Edward wouldn't be able to stop himself from throwing a punch. The possibility that she could end up marrying Jacob made him crazy. The idea that she could have the guy's baby, or the simple fact that they did the deed that would give her that baby, made him feel like he could murder someone. Never in his life had he ever felt this possessive. This girl brought every basic male instinct out in him.

"Edward, you okay?" Jasper asked from across the table as he realized everyone else was already helping themselves to seconds and he'd only drank two glasses of water. Bella chose to come back in then, baby in her arms, and his focus was drawn to her.

"Eddie, what's up?" Lanie asked, interest peaked now that he ignored Jasper and was obviously staring at Bella. He tried to control himself.

"I'm fine. I'm just tired."

Just as he said it, Rosalie was pulling the cork from the fresh bottle of wine and he swallowed hard. The idea of drinking was a little too...comforting to him. Fighting to keep the bile that was rising in his throat, he put his head in his hands and covered his eyes. He would not break down in front of his friends and definitely not in front of Alana. He thought about having just one glass, like Emmett had said seemed to be acceptable, but realized that it wouldn't be just one glass. He'd need another because Bella had given everything for him and he couldn't leave her. He loved her and wanted her to be his forever and that thought pained him.

He contemplated that drink again. Just one. It would make things easier to figure out. He gulped down a little more water and that's when it hit him. His mother's face as she looked at him in confusion, slurring her words, covered in her own vomit. That was what she had always told him-she only had one glass or she only needed one more. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Edward realized what he had done. He'd given in to the disease. After years of fighting it, of telling himself he was above it, he'd let it into his system. In just a few months, his outlook on alcohol had changed completely. Trying to suppress the lump in his throat, he put his hands back to his face and tried to keep breathing normally. _I'm an alcoholic. _

Suddenly, a hand touched his leg and it startled him enough to turn to her. Bella was leaning into him, the hand on his leg was holding her up and she was leaning in to whisper something to him. "I love you." As if there was too much tension building up in his body and that just added to it, he literally felt himself shudder. Standing quickly, he walked around the table where his friends were enjoying each other's company and strode towards the bathroom.

As the dry heaves began, he heard the door open with no preliminary knock and glanced up from the porcelain bowl to see the love of his life with wide, worried eyes. "Bella, go. I'll be out in a minute..."

"I brought you some more water. Do you need me to..."

"I need you to...leave," he choked before another wave of heaving struck him. He knew it came out harsher than he'd intended. Still, he did want her to let him have some privacy. She didn't need to see him like this. He had to pull himself together.

"Here, just let me..." she persisted, stepping towards him and beginning to kneel down beside him.

"Bella, just stop!"

She leaned back away from him now, looking like she'd been slapped as he knelt there pitifully over the toilet. She didn't leave, though. She just knelt beside him, frozen at his words. He decided to let her stay there. If she insisted on seeing him like this than he was done trying to stop her. Tears of frustration and humiliation slid down his cheeks. He had no idea how long he sat there like that before he felt Bella's arms pulling him away from the still-clean-toilet and closing the lid. He was sobbing and had no idea how long he'd been doing so.

"Edward, do I need to take you to the hospital..."

"I need help, Bella," he whispered, disappointed with himself.

"Okay," she said with conviction, touching his face and wiping away some of the wetness on his cheeks. "Is it your stomach? You're completely white."

He realized then that she had meant did he need the emergency room. "I'm sick..."

"I know, baby," she replied, getting closer to him. The sorry son of a bitch that he was let her and he even let himself lean into her chest when she pulled him into her. She knelt there like that beside him, smoothing his hair down.

"No, I mean... Oh, God, Bella. I love you and Lanie so much."

"Shh. I know. I'm right here."

"I fucked up. God, I fucked up so bad. What the hell am I supposed to do to fix this?"

"We found a therapist that you agreed to start seeing. We'll call her tomorrow if you'd like. I still owe Lanie a shopping trip to get that Homecoming dress. I'll take her while you go see the guy. Edward, is it bad? I mean, I know how bad you were last night and I know you are obviously sick but...like...what are we dealing with here?"

The anxiety in her voice told him what she wanted to know. He couldn't lie to her. He had been able to not mention certain things but just blatantly lying was not something he was good at-or okay with-when it came to her. Unable to look at her, he pulled away and leaned back against the wall. He never felt so disappointed in himself in his entire life. He was going to end up letting his sister down-as if he hadn't already with what happened the night before. All he could bring himself to say was, "It's bad, Bella."

She didn't judge or slap him. Instead, she nodded and took his hand in her own before responding. "Okay. We're going to fix this."

"I don't know what to say to Lanie."

"What do you _want_ to say to her?"

"Nothing. I fought this situation for years, Bella. Years. I fucking knew that if I started to drink that I could suffer the same fate as my mother. I let it happen. How do I tell her that I'm having the same problem with the thing that killed her mom?"

"Use that, Edward. You have fought it. I know you can keep fighting and I know that the person you are when you drink is not you."

"I'm sorry I got you sick," Lanie cringed when he came back into the kitchen and sat down at his place. Bella never let go of his hand and he ended up choking down some of the salad and potatoes that were already on his plate while using his left hand. The adults around the table all gave him a bunch of mixed looks ranging from sympathy to hesitation. They knew what had happened wasn't about the stomach flu. He caught Bella throwing a glare in the direction of Rosalie.

Making a mental note to talk to the blonde bombshell, Edward managed to get down most of his food and even a little of Bella's dessert, that she insisted on feeding to him from her fork. The conversation eventually turned to one of their typical inside jokes and everyday discussions. He tried his hardest to join in and smile once in a while but he was still struggling with his new reality.

"Want to go for a walk?" Bella asked, setting down her fork after her plate was scraped clean.

He was about to say about not wanting to leave Lanie hanging but Rosalie jumped in, knowing that Edward and Bella needed some time. "Lanie, do you want to look through some of your Uncle Em's baby books?"

"Yes!"

Unlike anyone else faced with that embarrassing possibility, Emmett just clapped his hands once and nodded. "Hell yeah. I was adorable, Lanie Mae!"

"As long as everyone puts there dishes into the dishwasher. No groaning. I cooked and you all know how to load the thing," Rosalie announced over Emmett's excitement.

When the kitchen was cleaned up, Bella led him over a few blocks and towards a more populated area where a few local shops were. It was warm and Bella pulled her sweatshirt off to reveal one of his t-shirts underneath. "Will I ever get all of my clothes back?" he asked her, giving the first genuine smile since dinner.

"Will I quit wearing them? No. Will they be back under your roof someday? Yes. When we're living together."

"We will be. I don't know quite when but I swear to you, we will be together for as long as you want it."

"You gonna make an honest woman out of me, Cullen?"

Edward gave a playful laugh, "As if I could, you little Tomcat in the sack. You know, you really had me fooled."

"Fooled?" Bella asked with a laugh.

"Yes. When we met you were in the most conservative clothes..."

"I teach sixth grade!"

"...and you and Rose both fed me the crap that you were shy and quiet..."

"What are you trying to say?" she grinned.

"That you're not afraid to tell me exactly what you want in the bedroom or when I need to get my shit together."

"You did this!" Bella accused, poking him in the chest with a smile on her face. They had quit walking and were facing each other now. "You made me into some...sex kitten..."

That got an odd look from an older couple that was passing them by. He watched them walk by and started laughing again. Suddenly, though his smile faded into a frown. "I never meant to change who you were, Bella."

"You made me better. I love that I met you and that you let me get to know you. I had no idea when I took my job that because of one little girl, my entire world would change. You became one of the most important things in my life."

"You have to admit, though. Your life would be much easier without me in it. You'd be married and planning a family, not dealing with a man who has commitment issues and is dealing with an unhealthy addiction."

"I love you. I am planning a family: you, Lanie and I. Even if it would have just been you and I, we would be each other's family." They were both quiet for a few seconds before Bella asked. "Speaking of babies, have you spoken to Tanya since she called me?"

"No. Bella, there's no chance that kid is mine. I may be a shitty boyfriend but I promised you I'd be faithful and I have been."

"I'm shocked she hasn't called you...eighty times a day."

"She's been texting me but I won't answer any of them. She has yet to tell me anything about the baby. All she says is she needs me to call her. I'm not going to do it. She knows that kid isn't mine and when she came to you about it, that was far enough. I want nothing to do with the situation."

"That poor kid. That's all I keep thinking about. I think of what your parents did to you because of drugs and alcohol and it makes me so scared for her little one."

Edward snorted. "Could you imagine? If this was my kid, which it isn't, history would likely repeat itself with the alcohol not the abuse... No. It wouldn't. I wouldn't let him or her get hurt, not the way that I was."

"I know you wouldn't. You've kept Lanie safe all these years. You'd never let something happen to your own child. I trust that implicitly."

"Are you free the night Lanie's going to that dance? There's somewhere I want to take you. I've been...meaning to take you there for awhile but...yeah. What do you say? Will you go with me?"

"Yeah. Of course. We should be heading back, though. I have a few things to do for school yet and Lanie said that she has a paper to work on."

They made there way back to the McCarty's without a word of the doom and gloom they were both feeling behind their stoic faces. If it was true that love conquers all, that theory was going to be put to the test. Edward had at the very least, a promise that needed to be made. Bella couldn't slip through his fingers again. He would trust her to make the decision of whether or not she wanted to be with him.

If he was going to get himself better, he needed to know he had her and Lanie both there. It gave him something to work towards. As much as he wanted to continue in the circular path of him pushing her away and her coming back to him because he felt bad about the shitty deal she was getting, he knew she was a grown woman. If she wanted to walk, no matter the result of the upcoming weekend, he'd let her go and understand why.

**I hope you all enjoyed it! It would have been up a bit sooner but on account of a True Blood season premiere party it didn't quite happen. This chapter was a little bit chill but I think we needed it. Things get exciting, mostly for the good, next week. Stay tuned and review ;) Letzy xx**


	37. Family Bonds

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 37**

**Family Bonds**

"Lanie, I really like this one!" Alice exclaimed, clapping her hands as she bounced on her toes. Alana was standing behind her in a pretty red dress with black and gold sequins covering it. The bottom of the dress was cut so that the front was up higher and the back dipped down into what looked like a short train. It wasn't so short in the front that Edward would have a problem with it and it didn't show the cleavage that the last dress did.

"It's really pretty on you," Bella agreed, snapping a picture of it with her phone. Lanie spun around in the big mirror on the wall in the dressing room and smiled.

"Do you think...that Embry will like it?" she asked, looking down at her flip flops underneath the dress.

Bella crossed her arms as a smirk crossed her face and Alice gave a sly smile before saying, "I thought he was just a friend."

"He...he is," Lanie stuttered. "I'm just going to go change."

"Wait," Bella laughed, pulling her back towards the mirror. Meeting Lanie's eyes in the mirror, she stood behind her and put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Is this it? You just say the word and we'll go check out somewhere else if you don't want it. I don't want you to wear a dress you don't like."

"I love this one but the price is ridiculous."

"Well, Bells and I are splitting the cost so the price doesn't matter," Alice spoke up, coming up behind Lanie's other shoulder.

"You guys don't have to."

"We want to," Alice shrugged. "So, tell me about Embry. Is he cute? How old is he?"

"Alice..." Bella began, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear all of this.

"He's really cute and really sweet and he's a year older than me. He's a sophomore."

Bella couldn't help but smile at that. "Edward isn't going to let you go if he thinks you two are more than just friends."

"That's not fair!" Alice exclaimed. "She's not a nun. He needs to let her live a little."

"He'll let her go," Bella sighed and then hinted. "It's just that he'll be uneasy about it...if we tell him that you like this guy."

"If?" Lanie asked, raising her eyebrow.

"I won't say anything if you don't," Bella conspired, "but you are going to tell me if you two become more than just friends and we're going to have a _long_ talk. Got it?"

Alice just smirked, knowing exactly what talk Bella was going to have with the teenager. Bella didn't plan to spill everything to Lanie but she did need to know the girl had a grasp of what the consequences could be of giving into hormones. Bella hated that even thinking about babies made her chest tighten a little.

"Deal," Lanie smiled in appreciation at the lady she looked at as a parental figure as well. "Speaking of, when are you and Eddie going to get married and have a baby?"

Bella laughed out loud, her face turning red. "What do you know about having babies?"

Lanie just gave her a knowing smile and Bella blushed even deeper. "Alright, you two, let's go pay for this dress before Edward starts calling Bella's phone and demanding for us to bring his sister home. I think this is definitely the one and, Lanie, I'd love to meet Embry."

Bella just led Lanie back to the dressing room to unzip the back of her dress, leaving Alice looking after them with a smile on her face. "I won't lie to him for you but I do want you to be honest with me and I promise that in return, I'll keep what you tell me between us. Unless, that is, you tell me something that could hurt you. Just know that you can come to me, okay? I know you're going to come up against things that you don't want to discuss with your big brother. Know that you can come to _me_."

"Thanks, Bells. I know you two have your fights and stuff but I really want him to marry you. You kind of...make life better for both of us."

Edward stepped into Lanie's room on Friday night and smiled. Her hair had been done by Rosalie, her make up by Alice, and Bella had helped her get dressed. It scared the hell out of him that she looked so grown up. Edward wanted to talk to his sister one more time before she headed out for her first big dance. Now, though, he realized he wasn't sure what to say.

"Hey, Eddie. Embry's mom and dad should be here soon to take us to the school."

"You look awesome, Lanie Mae."

"Thanks. Are you okay?" she asked with a smirk, knowing that he was stressed by the situation.

"I just...can't believe you're in high school and everything. Time freaking flies." Neither sibling said anything for a long stretch before he spoke again. "Well, you know to call me if you need anything tonight. I can drive out and get you."

"I'll be fine. Sarah's going to meet us before we even go in. Her date's parents are chaperoning."

"Did they need chaperones?" he asked, wondering if he'd missed the note home.

"No. She's on the PTA. You know, you don't have to do that kind of stuff. Mom and dad never would have."

He sat down on the bed and looked up at her. "That's not a good enough reason."

"Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"I know you're the one that took care of me, even before they died. Next year, I'll be as old as you were when I was born."

Edward didn't know how to respond, wondering how she could possibly know about the late nights he'd spent getting up with a newborn when he was still basically a kid himself. "I don't regret any of it," he finally said.

"I also figure that without you, things would have been really bad for me. So, thanks. Oh, and Bella's pretty awesome, too. She's like the perfect girlfriend for you."

Edward smiled up at his sister, knowing that their bond was one that not many people would ever experience. "I think she's pretty perfect, too. I love her very, very much, Lanie."

"I know. I told her when we went to get my dress that I hope you two get married. I kind of love her, too."

"Lanie!" Bella called from the hallway, "they're here!"

Standing up, Edward tucked a stray piece of hair behind his sister's ear and kissed her forehead, "Can't wait to meet him."

"Be nice!" she laughed as the two walked down the hall towards the front door.

To his relief, none of their new visitors made any comments or even descending looks concerning their meager home. "Edward," Lanie began, "this is Embry's mom and dad. Guys, this is my brother, Edward."

"It's wonderful to meet you," Embry's mom smiled, reaching out to shake his hand. "We've heard such wonderful things about you."

"Lanie seems like a very sweet girl," the dad said with a handshake as well.

"Oh!" Lanie added, pulling Bella towards them. "This is Bella. She's Edward's girlfriend..."

"Remember Miss Swan, mom?" Embry asked.

"Of course, we heard impressive things about your teaching, Bella."

"Well, we better be going. The dance starts in like twenty minutes," Lanie prompted.

Edward nodded and held his hand out to Embry, "It was nice meeting you, bud. Keep an eye on her for me, okay?"

"Wait! I want a couple pictures," Bella jumped in, pulling out her phone.

After getting a picture of Lanie and Embry before snapping a few of Lanie and Edward, Embry's mom took a photo of Lanie, Edward, and Bella together. When the door was closed behind the group, Bella kissed Edward's cheek. "You handled that well."

"He seems like a good kid with a good family. She could have picked worse."

"Come on. I have something that I want to show you," Edward smiled and kissed her on the lips. "Go grab your coat, I just have something to grab and we'll get going."

He opened the car door for her and then stalked over to get behind the wheel. Bella couldn't take her eyes off of him and despite his sexual, calm demeanor, she could tell that something was a little...off. The grip he had on the steering wheel confirmed that. To her surprise they drove out of the city and continued down a strip of highway for about fifteen minutes. A few people were out decorating their houses as they passed through a more residential area before eventually turning into what looked to be a nursing home.

Confused, Bella went to ask him who they were going to visit when he continued past the brick building and up a long drive. The house, or mansion for lack of a better word, was set back into a small hillside and lit with lamp posts and dangling lights that reminded her of the white lights her mother put on their house at Christmas.

"What are we..." Edward stopped the car immediately in front of the building and popped his door open. In seconds, he was pulling hers open as well and offering her a hand to help her up. "What is this place? It's beautiful. Who lives here?"

Edward just smiled down at her before taking her hand again and leading her towards the front doors. "No one lives here. Not anymore, at least."

"Are we allowed to just go in?"

Edward didn't answer but he did open the door and step inside, waiting for her to follow. She was slightly shocked and a little confused so she was glad he didn't pull her along by the hand he was holding. She just wanted a second to take the place in. The front entrance led back towards a staircase that came down both sides of the hallway. As they stepped through the entrance way, they passed the bottom of the stairs where a red ribbon roped off both staircases.

"No one's here, Bella, relax," Edward said as they came to a large room with tables and chairs set up. It looked like a dance hall but was small enough to make her wonder how many people could really fit in their comfortably. To her surprise, he walked right over to the back door and opened it.

Once again, they were outside and standing on a brick patio. Looking down over a little hill that had wooden steps cut into it, she saw a small amphitheater section that a small band could fit on, a gazebo, and even a small, overgrown garden. "Edward, who owns this?"

"My mother's uncle."

Bella wouldn't be more shocked by this if he said he owned it himself. "What? I don't..."

"Even alcoholics have family," Edward replied.

Immediately worried that she offended him, Bella shook her head, "That's not what I meant..."

"Relax. When we were younger my mom brought Lanie and I out here and I don't know...it was the only happy place I have of my childhood. My mom's uncle is a good man but he's been in the nursing home behind us for years. He's on a ventilator and needs constant care. This place is still his, though, and he rents it out for parties and things. Would you like a tour?"

"Absolutely," Bella gushed, a smile breaking across her face. "This place is beautiful. Did he build it?"

As the descended the stairs that lead to the second level where walking paths into the woods began, he looked back at her. "Yes. He had it commissioned for my great-aunt who was suffering with Tuberculosis. She was unable to leave her home very often and so he moved her out of the city and into this place. She died long before I was born but my mother still kept in touch with my great-uncle. I suspect it was because she wanted his money but he always treated Lanie and I kindly. He's one of the only men to ever have done so when we were growing up."

Pointing to a little bridge that lead to the area with the stage and large field, Edward told her of the birthday party he had attended for his grandmother before Lanie was even born. "They had a polka band and I can remember people dancing on the grass. The little tents were set up here but the food was served in the house. That room you walked through to come out here is what he rents out. Well, I'm assuming someone else does that for him now. I'm not sure who I spoke to when I called the other day to make sure there weren't any parties going on tonight. It has been a long time since I've been here. I'm glad to see the place still doing well and being taken care of."

To the side of the large grassy area they were standing on was the entrance to the garden. "Can we go in there?" Bella asked, nodding in it's direction.

"Sure. It looks a bit overgrown but some of the plants seem to still be in bloom. Come on."

The wooden fence around it looked like it could use a little work but Bella noticed the large sundial in the middle of the garden and the cute plaques that had a little drawing and description of what plant was planted in that particular spot. There was lavender and hosta but also bleeding hearts and what looked like grape vines. Where there was no soil, a stepping stone path created a walkway. She only tripped once on the uneven stones that had shifted over the years and Edward was quick to steady her. As they made their way around the loop to go back to the entrance, Bella noticed an angel statue with a little plaque beneath it.

"In loving memory of Elizabeth Spencer Blue. Elizabeth? Was that your mother?" Bella asked in confusion. She may have a rocky grip on his family tree but she was more than sure of his mother's first name.

"No but my mother was named after her. Elizabeth Spencer Blue was my grandmother's sister. My mom was her namesake. My family wasn't all fucked up. I truly believe that had my father not met my mother, she would have remained a good person."

"But you wouldn't be here," Bella whispered, aware of the fact that without saying anything he was leading them towards the gazebo.

As he sat down on a little bench that was built into the small gazebo, the look on his face told her that he didn't know what to say. She stood there awkwardly, not knowing if she upset him by saying that or if he was waiting for her to do or say something else. Finally, he took her hand and pulled her onto the bench beside him. Sliding closer to him, she put her head on his shoulder and cuddled into his side. His hand came to rest on her inner thigh as he held her to him. "I love you very much, Bella."

His tone was absolutely serious and it was almost like he was trying to figure out what he really want to say. The look on his face reminded her of determination as he stared up at the beautiful mansion and scrunched his face up in concentration.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Bella asked softly, taking his hand that wasn't on her leg and entwining their fingers. This seemed to pull him back to reality and he gave her a small, sad smile. "Is this about Dr. Reiner? Are you okay?"

He laughed harshly and shook his head, "I'll be okay. He seems like an okay guy."

"Did you talk about what happened to your parents?"

"No. Not this time. We talked a lot about Lanie and my status as her guardian. I went to him admitting that there was a problem and he said the typical cliche, ya know, that was half the battle. I mentioned AA and he said that it was up to me but he didn't think it was absolutely necessary. In other words, he wasn't really trying to push me into it but he thinks it would be a good idea. God, I'm so fucked up that I don't even know if I'm addicted to the shit or not..."

"Edward..."

"There's something else I want to talk about. If you still want to talk about Reiner later, I'll even tell you his shoe size but I just want you to know that I'm trying to fight this."

"I know you are."

"There's something that I want to say, though...or I guess ask... I'm sorry. I'm not good at this kind of stuff."

"What is it?"

"I know I don't have the right to ask you this right now...maybe I never did...and after last weekend especially..." His flustered sentence trailed off and he shook his head as if to clear it. Squeezing his hand harder, she brought her head to rest on his shoulder again. To her surprise, he took his hand from hers and brought it to her face, lifting her head back off of his shoulder so that he could look her in the eyes. A silent moment passed before he used his newly free hand to reach into his jacket pocket. It stayed there as he drew breath into his lungs again.

"Bella, I've been thinking about this for a long time now and I hate the fact that it took what happened last weekend to convince me that, even though this isn't a good thing for you, I can't seem to walk away and do right by you."

He was breaking up with her. She could feel her heart splintering and her chest was constricting. "I love you," she blurted, panic suddenly flooding her veins. She could only think of how she'd chosen to stick by him despite everything they'd been through and would be going through.

"I know. Bella, you're everything to me. I love Lanie but I couldn't _survive_ without you. I want to let you go and be okay with you being happy with someone else but I can't. I know I have no right to ask you this in my current state and you don't have to completely agree to anything until we're sure I'm sober and... God, I'm fucking this up so badly..."

Bella was so confused that she took to biting her lip and desperately searching his face for clues as to what was happening. "I don't..."

"I knew from the moment I met you that you were absolutely the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen but you're so much more than that. You give everything of yourself to those around you and I don't know if you realized it or not...but you've saved my life, Bella. Those girls and the life that Tanya was trying to pull me into...you made me want to be a better person. Every girl I've ever been with put together wouldn't hold a candle to you. When I'm with you, I feel satisfied...and safe.

"I hope that someday you'll forgive me for what I've put you through over the past couple of years but I just want you to know that I'm working on myself. I want to give you everything. I want to give you a safe, happy home. I want to give you a baby but I'm not sure about being a dad yet and...that's something else I'm working on."

He was all over the place and she was just about to ask him what he needed to ask her when he removed his hand from his pocket and her breath rushed out of her. She couldn't have spoken if she wanted to-and she did want to. She so badly wanted to ask him if he was getting at what she thought he was getting at. Her brain was cloudy and she now felt flustered as well. Her hands were shaking.

"Bella, I swear to you, I'm going to kick whatever the hell has been going on with me but you don't have to make a decision right now. I won't marry you until I know I can give you the family you want but I promise you that I will. I will give you that family and I will marry you and I..."

Unable to think, Bella had to feel him and know that this was real. She had to be dreaming. After two years of struggling to accept that they would never have a child and possibly never marry, her brain couldn't even process what he was now telling her. Launching herself into his chest, she began to cry and clung to his shirt. With the diamond ring still pinched between his thumb and pointer finger, he rubbed her back and kissed her hair.

"Is this a no?" he asked, his voice breaking but he sounded like he was trying to find humor in what he was convinced was a rejection.

"No. No!" Her head shot up off of his chest and she pulled herself into his lap, kissing his lips and completely caught up in the moment.

"It's a yes?"

She nodded quickly and pulled back away from him. "Edward, this is all I've wanted. I promise, I can accept you not wanting children. I just want you. I want to start a new life with you and if you decide later that we can create new life...than we will. Until then, I want us to be married. I want to be with you forever. Can't you see? That's all I wanted for the past year now!"

Grabbing her hand, he brought it up to slide the ring on her finger. "Does it fit?"

"Yes. Oh, Edward, it's perfect!"

He just chuckled shyly and met her gaze. "I've had it for awhile. I just...mentally wasn't ready yet. I was such a fool, angel. I can't believe I ever thought that my life would be okay without you. I hate that you were hurt because of me. I promise to spend my life making everything up to you."

"When can we marry? Edward, I don't want to wait..."

"Calm down. Don't you want to make sure this is what you really want after what happened last weekend? I can't promise you that I want a baby right now..."

"No. I've waited long enough. A baby isn't a deal breaker. I know that if something happened and I unexpectedly became pregnant that you'd take care of me and our baby. I'm fine to wait it out with you. I'm fine to just hope that someday you'll be okay with it. Right now, I just want to marry you and become Mrs. Edward Cullen. I'm...so fucking excited!"

Edward just laughed and kissed her again. "This is why you've been so sad lately?"

"Yeah," she said shyly. "I felt like we were stuck. If you didn't ask me to marry you, or to even move in with you, I knew we'd drift apart. We were already drifting. We're getting married. Holy shit, you asked me to marry you. I'm going to be Mrs. Cullen."

"Breathe, angel," he smiled against her lips before kissing them to silence her. "It's getting cold now that the sun's completely down. Are you ready to head home?"

She nodded before looking up towards the big house. "How many people do you think we could fit here?"

"I'm not sure. Inside I'd say only about fifty but we could fit a lot more if we're outside."

"Let's have the reception here! It's so beautiful and perfect."

"You barely saw the inside. Come on, we'll go check it out."

The inside was beautiful with hard wood floors, a large kitchen, and even glass enclosed book cases lining the ballroom. Bella was sold. "Well, if you don't want to wait, when do you want to marry me?"

"Today. Tomorrow. Soon."

"Let's give it at least a few months," Edward smiled. "I'm not kidding, Bella. I need to know that I have control over my drinking."

"I'm sorry," Bella said softly, stepping closer to him. "I know this is a lot for you. I never expected this and especially not tonight. I'll wait for as long as you need me to."

"I wish we could marry on Halloween but I know that's too soon and even though I do want to wait a little, I don't want to wait a whole year."

Bella let out a small sigh. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Let's make our own holiday. Is May enough time? We should be clear of bad weather by then."

"Absolutely."

"I want to keep things small, anyway. A simple white dress and a few family and friends. That's all."

"Your mom isn't going to let it be just something simple," Edward reminded her.

"Good. We'll use that to negotiate with my parents."

"Negotiate what?"

Biting down on her lip, she looked up at him. "Can we...I mean, it's not like we're particularly religious... Would you consider us moving in together before the wedding?"

He smiled down at her and kissed her lips. "Definitely."

"Well, then, we'll tell my mom that we wanted to have the wedding sooner but we don't have time to plan it if we do it that way. She'll help me smooth things over with my dad. He'll just be worried about us getting pregnant before the wedding. I swear he thinks that the second two people live together, a baby pops out."

"Well, I can assure you that I'm not ready yet."

"Honestly? Neither am I. I can be patient. When you're ready, then we'll conceive. I know, though, that you'll eventually warm up to the idea. You're a good man, Edward. You're going to make an amazing father."

**I would have updated last night but when I went to reread over it (I wrote this months ago), I decided that I wasn't happy with the finished piece. It was a pretty tough rewrite but here it is! Please let me know what you think! Letzy xx**


	38. Girl Fight

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 38**

**Girl Fight**

Bella swallowed hard as she caught sight of the way Tanya was staring at her fiance. Edward leaned down to whisper in her ear that she should relax. He wanted so badly to construe that Tanya meant nothing to him but he could see why Bella might doubt him when it came to his conviction that he wasn't the father of that baby. His Bella put on a good front for him but he saw the longing in her eyes when they were around small children. He had vowed to himself that he would give her a little one of her own but he knew they weren't ready for that yet. Still, he hated that Tanya was parading herself around, thinking that the baby in her belly would rip him and Bella apart.

Edward held tightly to his bottle of water, drinking only water and some soda had been the norm for when they were out with friends and he was okay with that. Still, he knew that all of his friends felt guilty for drinking around him. They even attempted to not drink for his sake but that made things even more awkward for him. Eventually, he bought them a round of beers and told them to get drinking. He didn't need a pity party.

His second visit with Dr. Reiner had gone well and had mainly been about his drinking. It didn't take a trained professional to figure out that guilt made him want to drink and it was something he had discussed with Bella while Lanie was at the homecoming dance the night before. He knew that if he walked over to talk to Tanya, Bella would be livid. He couldn't help but wish he had a drink in his hand. He should have called Tanya weeks ago when she had tried to call him and eventually called Bella about the baby. He should have nipped the whole damn situation in the bud. Instead, things were left unsaid and on the night that Rosalie had decided to invite everyone out for an informal engagement celebration, Tanya had appeared-and obviously wanted to get some words in.

"She's going to want to talk to you," Bella whispered.

"I know. Bella, that baby isn't mine."

"I swear to God if you tell me that one more time, I'm going to start doubting you. She doesn't even look pregnant. Maybe she lied about the whole thing."

"This is a night to celebrate our engagement with family and friends. Hell, your mom and dad were even here for a little bit. Don't let her upset you."

"She's walking over..." Bella muttered, looking over Edward's shoulder. Suddenly, Edward felt Bella push past him to stand between them. With her arms were crossed, she looked like she wanted to murder the blonde.

"Tanya, how are you?" Edward asked as calmly as possible, trying to bring some calm to the situation. He didn't want Tanya to hurt her and he knew that Bella wasn't exactly a fighter.

"Can we talk?" Tanya asked, her hand coming up to play with her hair. It was obvious that she was nervous and that shocked him a little. He expected her to come at him swinging.

He opened his mouth to tell her no when Bella spun around to face him. Gripping his shirt, she pulled him down to her and stuck her tongue in his mouth during one of the most intense kisses they'd ever had. He forgot about his ex and everyone else in the bar by the time she pulled away and he could barely breathe. His lower anatomy had sprung to life and he had to literally force himself to let go of Bella's hips as she stepped away and left a dazed Edward and an annoyed Tanya behind.

"Very tactful," Tanya muttered, rolling her eyes.

"I think she acted with tact," Edward smirked. "Given the situation. I do believe the definition of tact is acting in a way that fits the circumstances. You completely deserved that."

"I tried to call you. I needed someone to talk to. Jimmy's not exactly my go-to for issues such as those."

The sadness in her eyes worried him. He expected her to be angry and full of hatred but she really just looked lost. Now that she was closer to him, he agreed with Bella. The girl in front of him was thin. Too thin. "Are you back on the drugs? You know it's not good..."

"No. I'm done with that. Jimmy threatened to kick me out. He's the only family I have and he's threatened it before but this time I know he's serious."

"That's good to hear."

"What? That Jimmy hates me now, too?"

"No. That you're off the drugs. I don't hate you, Tanya, but what you did was wrong."

"Which part?" she asked, sighing and shaking her head.

"The part where I didn't answer my phone so you called my girlfriend. That was fucked. We haven't had sex since before I met Bella...two years ago. That baby is not mine."

"I never said it was!" she protested.

"Bullshit," he shot back, stepping closer to her. "You called her and told her that you were pregnant and just far enough along that would make me prime suspect number one concerning the father of your child!"

"I never told her it was _yours_," Tanya said again.

"You sure as hell implied it!" Still, Edward wondered just what was said. It was very possible Bella had overreacted but that didn't give Tanya the right to orchestrate it.

"Well, now she doesn't have to worry about it."

Edward was just about to ask what that meant but Bella was back at his side and stepping between them again. "Okay, you're done here, Tanya. Please just leave us alone."

When Bella brought her left hand up as if to say for the other girl to back off, Tanya caught a glimpse the diamond shining on Bella's ring finger. "Y...y...you're engaged," Tanya stuttered, the look on her face was one of absolute shock.

"We're celebrating. That's why we're all here."

"What did you mean about the baby? Did something happen?" Edward interrupted them.

Standing as tall as she could, it wasn't lost on Edward that her eyes were still tearing up despite the display she was trying to put on. "I...took care of it."

"What the hell does that mean?" he ask, cocking his head to the side as if that would help him understand.

"I had no one, Edward. Who was I supposed to raise it with? Jimmy? Yeah right. I never even told him about the baby! I had an abortion. I tried to call you but you wouldn't call me back and I was running out of time. I know you didn't get me pregnant but you were raising Lanie and thought you'd have some advice for me. They told me if I waited any longer, it would be too late. Some offices will only perform them if you're under a certain amount of time along and...I couldn't get a hold of you so I went on my own and had it done. They told me it was safe but I ended up with a ridiculous infection and..."

_I'm part of the reason that baby is dead? _Edward's head began to spin. Bella looked back at him and before he knew what was happening, his little school teacher lost her temper. "Don't you dare fucking put this on him!"

"Bells," he began but she swatted his hand away as he tried to take her by the arm.

"You know what, you little whore?" Tanya spat at Bella. "He was one of the only friends I had! We fucked and it was fun but he was it. He was the only person besides my brother who I could talk to! I called you because I knew it was your fault that he wasn't calling me back!"

"Calling another woman to tell them that their boyfriend got you pregnant is not something that would help the situation if that were the case!" Bella fired back.

"I _never_ said he got me pregnant! I told you I've been trying to get a hold of him because I was pregnant and needed someone to _talk_ to! I didn't even say I needed _him_ specifically...I just needed someone! I had no one else! You let him help me through rehab but you hated it! You're insecure and you're afraid you're going to lose him because you're too damn perfect to be able to cope with the way he is! You ruined a friendship because you couldn't keep your legs closed long enough to let him have his own fucking friends!"

Edward grabbed Bella around the waist and pulled her back to him as his girl stepped forward a little. They were definitely drawing attention now. "Bella, don't..."

"I do plan to keep him and I have the fucking ring to prove it! What did _you_ ever get from him? A few nights of mind blowing sex? A few visits in the hospital while you were puking your guts out from withdrawal because his girlfriend was allowing it to happen? Well guess what, Tanya? All that lingerie you wore for him that you picked out yourself and probably wore for a bunch of other men? He fucking _buys_ me my lingerie and it's only for _him_. You mean nothing to him!"

Edward understood why Bella was so mad but she was being insanely cruel. Before Bella hurt the other girl any further emotionally, he opened his mouth to say something when Tanya's inner bitch came out and erased every feeling he'd ever had about helping. Patrons were watching them and the college girl working the bar was looking over at them, nervous as all hell. Edward could feel the tension and Tanya just added fuel to the fire.

"He's only attaching himself to you so that you can raise the little sister he went and got himself stuck with. He doesn't want children because he doesn't want them with you! How could you ever be fucking good enough for him? You think he's being faithful to you? That's a total fucking joke! Edward Cullen is not a one-woman man. He likes it rough and considering that you're still with him and you still want more, I'm willing to bet he doesn't get what he needs from you. You're just a little school teacher who only teaches kids like Edward and I who don't stand a fucking chance at ever becoming someone. Look at Lanie..."

Edward had heard enough and was just about to say something when Bella flung herself away from him and right at Tanya. Grabbing the blonde by the hair, Bella yanked the girl backward and they slammed into a high table. "Out or I'm calling the cops!" the barmaid yelled at them, trying to take control of the situation as Edward and Rosalie stepped in. Rosalie grabbed Bella but not before Bella's fist connected with Tanya's nose. Blood spilled to the floor and Bella struggled against her friend. Edward had never in his life seen a woman so mad. He also never in his life expected that woman to be Bella.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rosalie asked in surprise while Edward hoisted Tanya up off the floor and towards the doors to get her away from Bella. If the police showed up, Bella would be charged.

The last thing he heard his fiance yell was, "You will not fucking guilt him like this! You killed your baby because you chose to!"

There was that word again. Guilt. Tanya was breathing hard and she pushed herself away from him to lean into the building. "A real fucking winner you got there, Edward," she bit out.

"I expected this from you but I didn't expect this from her. She's a hundred times better than you'll ever be. Leave us the fuck alone, Tanya. When the cops get here, tell them you won't press charges."

"Why the hell would I do that? The bitch broke my fucking nose!"

"It's not broken or else you'd be in a lot more pain."

"Ha! How do you know how much pain I'm in? I can tolerate it, remember?"

Edward shook his head and looked away. "Do this for me. I was there for you during rehab and if she hadn't allowed it, I wouldn't have done it. Don't bring charges against her. Please."

Tanya looked away and shook her head; blood continued to poor and he did feel a little bad for her. "I really don't want to deal with the police right now but if you haven't noticed-my nose is gushing blood."

Before he had the chance to respond, she slid down the brick wall and began to cry. Jasper came to join them and Edward gave him a helpless look. "Alright," Jazz eventually spoke, "do you need to go to the hospital?"

"I don't know..."

"Let me see." As Jasper squatted down to look at her, Edward knew he had to get back in there and check on Bella. She hadn't been hurt but he didn't know if Rosalie had gotten her to calm down or not.

Bella couldn't believe that he was outside at that very moment with the girl she'd just clocked a good one. She was absolutely shocked that it had happened but she felt good about it. Tanya had deserved that for a long time. To his credit, he wasn't outside long and when he returned without Jasper, he strode right to her and said, "I don't think she's going to press charges. We should leave, though."

"Charges?" Bella blinked, realizing the severity of the situation. She'd never been in trouble with the law before. Her father_ was_ the law. "Oh, God."

The fight died out in her and she leaned into Rosalie while looking up at him. Tears were wetting her eyes by the time he put his arms around her and pulled her away from her best friend. "Let's go home, come on."

"I...I hit her," Bella said as they exited out the back and took the long way around to avoid Tanya.

"Yeah. You did. Really hard."

"Is she okay?"

"Not right now but in a few weeks the bruises should go away." He sounded amused but also a little irritated.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. You were defending yourself and Lanie. Although, I do think you may have over-reacted just a little. I've never seen you like that before."

"It's just...I've had so much anger built up against her since I started dating you and I just couldn't...take it...anymore. She wanted you to feel bad, Edward. She wanted you to feel guilty for what happened with her kid and that's not fair. I just kind of lost it."

He opened the door for her, grateful that the barmaid told them she hadn't actually called the cops. Apparently, she thought Tanya had up and left anyway. "Are you alright?"

"Nice of you to ask now," she said dryly but gave him a smile.

"I know you're not hurt. I mean are you...calm?"

"I really just want to go home."

"Lanie's out with Sarah's family so she'll probably end up spending the night there. Want to stay with me?"

"Yes. Should I be worried that the police are going to show up and arrest me?"

"Your father wouldn't let that happen. Tanya's an addict and she's been picked up for it before, as well as an assault a few years ago. Who are they going to believe: an elementary school teacher or an ex-druggie. I think the chances are slim of you going to jail tonight."

"That not fair, though. I mean, yeah she had it coming but if she wanted to press charges...I mean...she should be able to..."

"Bella..." he sighed, knowing she was gearing up for a save-the-world speech despite the situation. She could tell he was definitely amused now, though.

"No. Just because she was an addict doesn't mean that she still is!"

"It's the same with Em. He stays on the straight and narrow because he knows he has a past. It's just the way it is."

"It's stupid. Is it that way with you because of being...questioned...about your parents?"

"Baby, I don't want to talk about all that tonight but I don't think it's as bad with me. Although, if they find a dead body in my apartment than I'm probably pretty fucked. Come on, Mrs. Cullen, let's use that adrenaline you have going on for something else."

"Ugh..." Bella half groaned, half grunted. "Edward...fuck..."

Shifting to get a better grip on the duvet cover, Bella let her head fall back and pushed her core further into Edward...where he was currently licking...and had been for at least ten minutes. Bella never thought men truly liked to go down on women but Edward seemed to crave it. Who was she to deny him the opportunity to indulge? He was kneeling on the floor, still fully clothed except for the fact that his button up shirt was hanging open exposing just enough chest hair to make her girly parts tingle. Now, they were tingling for other reasons.

It has been ten minutes and it wasn't because he wasn't good. Usually, she'd have come within seconds of his tongue touching her but tonight he just wouldn't let up. She knew he didn't want to stop and every time she got close, he'd slide up to a different spot and she'd be lost again, never able to actually climax. Looking down at her hand, the left one with the new shiny item on it, Bella's girly parts exploded in what was possibly her favorite orgasm ever. There were no words-she couldn't even make any noises to let him know how much she enjoyed it.

Her body lay limp on top of the bed and she only shivered as his hard body laid down beside hers. The length of his arousal pressed into her side and she felt him wrap an around around her as he pulled her into him and kissed the spot between her breasts. "You still alive, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Ung..."

"That's all you have for me?"

"Ung..."

"What if I," he began, licking up to her right nipple and sucking hard, "did this?"

Already out of breath and feeling over-sensitized, she cried out and arched her back. All that managed to do was grant him more access. "I'd want you to take your clothes off. I always want you to take your clothes off..."

Edward chuckled and unbuttoned his shirt the rest of the way before working on his pants. When he was only down to his boxers, she grabbed them and pulled. That image alone almost made her come again. Her brain was now firing on all cylinders again and she bit down on her lip as her mind went to something she was completely unsure of. He'd asked her to marry him and she wanted to do something special for him. Still, there were very few things the two of them hadn't done together in bed and it wasn't like he was new to all of that before her. Deciding to go for it, she kissed his neck and climbed up his body to position herself for him to take her. He was inside of her, thrusting as she leaned over him, before she knew what was happening.

He seemed content to just stay that way but Bella went against every bit of her woman's sense and forced him to stop when he was just starting to really get into it. "Baby...stop..."

"Huh?" he squeaked out. Yes. He fucking squeaked. Bella had to try to not laugh at him, remembering she was the one who was causing his desperation. She'd never done this mid-fuck before. He'd never had to stop and she almost felt bad for it. To his credit, he quit thrusting, but she could feel him moving his hips underneath her, desperate to keep going.

"I want to try...it..."

"Bells, baby, I have no idea... Can we please just finish this and then we can discuss anything. Anything. We'll negotiate world peace as soon as..."

"Anal," Bella blurted.

"For the love of God, Bells, your killing me here! Let's just keep... Holy fuck! What did you just say?" Suddenly, she completely had his attention.

Biting down on her lip, she nodded, knowing he heard her the first time. "I want to." She could tell he was struggling. Her boy desperately needed release.

"I can't...I can't think straight when I'm...inside..." She chuckled before sliding up and then off of him. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah. I mean, why not? Why do you look so nervous? I'm the one who's never done...that...before."

"Bella," Edward laughed a strange laugh and looked away from her, still out of breath. "I just...it's not something that I'm quite comfortable with. It's...intense. I mean, it would be for...you...and...I..."

"Hey, stop," Bella whispered softly, seeing how distressed he was over this. She felt awful for even bringing it up as he'd gone from desperate for her to trapped in his own thoughts in a matter of minutes. She just started to ask him why he was so upset when it hit her, an idea that made her feel slightly sick and...angry at the people who hurt him when he was just a child. "Edward, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"I'm not like, completely against it. It's actually kind of ridiculous that I'm this uptight about it considering the way I can be with you but..."

"It's not ridiculous," Bella interrupted, snaking her arm around a pillow and laying her head down so she could look at him more comfortably. "Believe me, you keep things plenty interesting in the bedroom. I don't need...that. I just thought... I mean, I've heard guys talk about it and some of them like it. I thought you might, too. I guess I kind of completely ruined the mood, huh? Is it okay that I...touch you still?"

Whatever had him staring at the wall behind him and holding the blanket tightly left as soon as the words were out of her mouth. He looked almost startled. "Bells, you don't have to ask me that. You of all people never have to ask me that."

"You just seem like you have the fight or flight thing going on and I'd rather you not try to fight me for trying to hold your hand. How has work been?"

Edward seemed unfocused and confused as he answered her. "Okay I guess. The boss still likes me."

Seeing as changing the subject didn't seem to help matters, Bella maneuvered them both so they were under the covers and cuddled into his side. "I hate what happened to you. Edward, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of that." To her relief, he seemed to relax with the contact and she felt him start to rub her back.

"We're going to have a better life. I won't let anyone hurt you...and I sure as hell won't be the one that does it. I really fucked us up in the beginning but I'm going to try to make it right. I love Lanie and all of our friends but you're the best part of my life. I can't take that for granted anymore."

**This is one of those chapters that flew by but still made me smile. I'd love your opinion! Letzy xx**


	39. I Need You To Fix This

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 39**

**I Need You to Fix This**

There was something about leather that did something to her every time she came in contact with it. Whether it was a feeling of anticipation from seeing a leather strap in Edward's hand or a feeling of sexiness when she tried out a leather corset for Edward's amusement, it always invoked deep feelings in her. Today, though, the leather beneath her made her nervous and she couldn't help but squirm a little. Taking a deep breath, she sat in the cushy leather seat across from Dr. Gregory Reiner and tried to keep her breathing even.

He was younger than she'd expected, having pictured him as a gray haired old man with bifocals and a white lab coat. He was actually young enough to have just recently gotten his college degree as a traditional college student. Suddenly, a vision of Edward talking to this guy about his former conquests like the good doctor was an old, college drinking buddy tore through her mind. When they high-fived in her head, she forced herself to get it together. She was here to support her future husband. Bella wished Edward was in the over-sized leather chair beside her.

"So, the future Mrs. Cullen," Dr. Reiner smiled, "it's nice to finally meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too," Bella said, trying desperately to smile an easy smile.

"Why do you look like you're sitting on a seat of nails, then?" he chuckled. "Would you like some water?"

"No. I'm good. Thank you, though." She smiled genuinely now before fidgeting a little. "Should I tell you about myself or something?"

He laughed a little at that, "Unless Edward is lying, I know that you're a school teacher, your father is the chief of police, your mother works at a bank, you have a dog you're attached to and a best friend who gave birth to your favorite little boy. You also have an almost-ex named Jacob Black, have not had as many...relations...as your future husband, and seemingly love Edward unconditionally-as well as his little sister."

Bella could just sit there and gape at him. "I...um..."

Dr. Reiner smirked, "That's why I invited you here. I know way more about you than I'd ever intended to learn but know very little about Edward. I know about Alana, I know about the drinking, and I know about his parents. I have no details about any of it, though."

Bella didn't understand where any of this was going. Reiner himself shifted a little and cleared his throat. She was glad she was no longer the only uncomfortable one. Was this a normal meeting to have with the shrink of your fiance? "Look, Doc, is this a normal thing? I mean, with the whole confidentiality thing...and I mean...you called me. Is he in trouble? Are you like...sending him away or something? Can you even do that?"

"No! No. I have no reason to want to send him anywhere. Look, he's very hung up on his present life and he's repressed almost every part of his childhood. I can say this to you because he's given his consent. Edward is very much going to be okay."

For some reason, despite the fact that she knew that he would be, hearing a professional confirm that made her breathe a sigh of relief. She felt like an idiot when tears formed in her eyes. All she wanted was for him to be okay. Since yesterday afternoon when she'd gotten the call from the therapist's office, her stomach had been in knots. She'd asked Edward why his doctor wanted to meet with her but he'd just shrugged and said that she was such a big part of her life that the doctor wanted to meet her. "Are you okay?" His words brought her back again.

"Yeah. I just...worry about him."

"I'm glad you do. Besides his friends and probably his sister, I don't know that anyone really, truly has. I believe he realizes that as well which is why I called you in today. I want to know what you think of him."

Bella stared at him again, no less confused than she was at the beginning of this. "I think very much of him," she breathed in response.

"Good. That's what I told him. Look, Bella, you usually go by Bella right?"

"Yeah."

"Bella, he's worried about you..."

"Me? What?"

"So far, every session we've had, no matter how hard I push him to confront his past, comes back to his worry for you. He's scared that he's hurting you."

_Woah. Was Edward talking to this man about their sexual relationship? _She figured it did make sense when she really considered it. The way he was in bed, the aggression he sometimes gave off, was more than likely directly linked to his past experiences. Bella couldn't stop her face from turning red but knew she couldn't ignore the guy across from her. "I...like it. Sometimes he's a little rough when we...but he's never really hurt me. I didn't think the leather strap would be fun but..."

"Um, I think he was worried about the um, emotional part." His face was now a little red as well and Bella wanted to sink into the stupid chair. "Alright, Bella, I'm just going to apologize. I've never had a client ask me to speak to a family member like this and I feel like this is turning out all wrong. I called you here today because he asked me to meet you. In fact, he's asked me after nearly every session we've had. I try to keep him positive as he truly seems to have come to terms with the fact that what happened to him as a child did happen to him but it doesn't mean it doesn't effect him subconsciously. After every one of his sessions, which usually consist of me asking him about his drinking and trying to push him for more detailed information on what happened to him, I ask him what he feels happy about in his life.

"Most people give me a different thing every once in a while. They are having a good time at work, a family member had a new baby, things like that. For him, it's always you. It's always about how he was excited that you were coming over to visit or about how you two are talking about a wedding date or about how you cooked his little sister tacos. Then, he almost always asks if I would meet with you. He says he's happy but he's worried about you."

"Well, it is a little ridiculous that he only talks about me. He has a lot of good things in his life."

"That's not the part that concerns me. I wanted to meet you because I wanted to see if you were really having seconds thoughts about this wedding. The way he talks, like he's the most difficult person to be with, made me wonder if you acted like that..."

"I've never even implied that I'm unhappy or that I'm hurting...accept at obvious times when he does something or says something that might have upset me. Dr. Reiner, I love him. I've dated this man for two years now, knowing that I may never have the chance to marry him when getting married is something I've dreamt about forever. If I didn't love him, if I wasn't completely invested in him, I wouldn't be sitting here right now, confused out of my mind over what is going through your mind, and thinking about everything I can do to make this wedding go as smoothly as possible for him because I know he's scared!"

"I didn't mean to upset you, Bella. I apologize. I was only following his wishes in speaking with you and making sure you were okay..."

"Well, now I'm not okay! He's not okay! Come on, doc, _this_ is not okay! He beats himself up and it kills me every time. This is what hurts and I tell him that. I know he's not drinking anymore and I'm not even completely sold on the idea that he had become an alcoholic..."

"I'm not either."

"But this has to stop. This is why he's here to see you. He has no self-worth and he's so, so amazing. Do you know how hard it is to love someone who is constantly thinking they aren't good enough? He takes care of Lanie and our friends...and me. God, he is so good with me. I'm just so tired of this and that's why I wanted him to come to you. He needs help. He's not 'okay'!" Bella through air quotes at the guy and realized she was crying. The relief was gone and now replaced by that familiar feeling of unease.

"Bella, please. I never meant to... Here, have some tissues."

"You told me he was okay. Don't tell me that if he isn't. He drank because he felt he was doing something wrong and he wasn't and..."

"Are you done yelling at me?"

Bella looked up at the young doctor and immediately felt bad. He was just trying to help. "Look, I need you to help him. I need you to fix this. Please."

Dr. Reiner looked away from her for a moment before nodding his head. "I'm trying. That's why I gave in and asked you to meet with me. This wasn't meant to scare or upset you. I needed to know that he was completely delusional in how he thinks you feel. It's not completely unprecedented for an adult to feel this way when they've been harmed in the way he has. It's the same with a lot of other rape victims. They feel like what happened was their fault and then have trouble accepting when good things come their way. He shows a lot of the same signs that I've seen in others who have experienced the same thing he has. I'm going to do everything in my power...for both of you."

"I'm sorry I was yelling. I'm just worried about him and I love him too much to accept that he'll be this way for the rest of our lives. I'm glad that you are going to try but I just don't know that it's possible and that frustrates me."

"Well, I'm going to do what I can. I thank you for meeting with me and if it gives you any relief, please know that what he's feeling is normal considering what he has been through."

"Even the sex? I mean," Bella blushed furiously again, surprised that she had blurted that out but she was truly curious, "is it something that is okay to...encourage?"

Being as professional as possible this time, the young doctor gave her a nod and looked down at his papers. "As long as it is consensual, yes. I'm assuming from what you've said before that he likes to be the dominant one in your sexual relationship and that is sometimes what people who have been through sexual traumas use to function properly. If it makes him more comfortable and you are supportive of it, then yes, Bella. You're fine."

Bella drove right to his apartment. It was a Friday and she couldn't say that she hadn't planned to see him anyway, but she had some confronting of one Mr. Edward Cullen to take care of. Lanie was out with Embry at Sarah's and she had no reason to hold back on him. As usual, it was difficult to find parking at the apartments and once she did, she bound up the stairs and didn't bother to knock. She found him in the kitchen messing around with the pipes under the sink. "Hey, baby..."

"Your much younger than I'd envisioned shrink condones the fact that I like rough sex," she blurted, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. That got his attention.

"What?" he asked, bumping his head as her words startled him enough to move back from under the sink. She almost felt bad for how upset he looked by this. Almost.

Walking over, she knelt in front of him and reached up to touch his face. He actually flinched away from her, obviously upset by her words. "Relax. If I had known what he was meeting with me about, it wouldn't have even gotten brought up. You should have told me what he wanted. You lied to me through omission."

"So, you didn't fuck my shrink?"

"No! You ridiculous, frustrating man! I love you. I'm marrying you. It's going to take more than some handsome, young doctor to take me from my chosen path."

"Mhm," Edward muttered. "You have lawyers and doctors..."

"And construction workers. Don't forget about that group. They're wild in bed."

He smirked at her. "I never told Dr. Reiner about the...fun...we have. How the hell did that get brought up?"

"I brought it up because I thought that's why he wanted to talk to me. It's normal, FYI. You can dominate me and it's considered healthy," she said a if telling him it was supposed to be sunny the next day.

"I'm glad that was established," he said dryly, sitting back against the wall.

"I'm not happy that you lied to me and said you didn't know why he wanted to meet. I was scared. I've been worried since he called yesterday."

"You wouldn't have gone if I told you the truth."

"Yeah because I think you're being ridiculous. I love you. Get it through that think skull of yours. You make me happy and I want to marry you...and live a life of balancing kinky sex and doing what we can to raise a teenager. You need to focus on_ you _when you're at your appointments, not me."

"Can I make it up to you?" he asked.

"Depends on how." He licked his lips and she knew what he wanted. Rolling her eyes she slid back to lean against the wall opposite of him. "You look kind of busy. Maybe you should finish doing whatever it is you're doing under there."

"A pipe's leaking. It can wait. I have better things to worry about that are leaking. Especially after my fiance was woo'd by my young, handsome therapist."

"No leaking here, Cullen," Bella played along.

Crawling over to her until they were face to face, he grinned his infamous Cullen smirk and grabbed her around the hips. Standing up with her, he threw her over his shoulder and carried her to the bedroom. "Prove it."

Practically dropping her on the bed, he unclipped the top of her dress pants and pulled them off with her panties in one, quick move. Kneeling beside the bed, he cupped her ass and pulled her towards him. "Now do you believe me?" Bella asked breathlessly.

He must have because his only response was touching his tongue to her center and breathing her in deeply. Trying to focus, she thought of the possibilities they had with Lanie gone for the evening. "How long do we have?"

"A while. She just left," he breathed against her now very much 'leaking' center.

"Still have that leather strap?" she asked and he lifted his head completely, eyebrow raised.

"What are your safe words, Miss Swan?" Edward asked, walking over to where she was now standing in the middle of the bedroom and putting a fist in her hair. Pulling her head back, he looked her in the eyes and waited for her to respond.

"Yellow pepper, red pepper."

"Onto the bed. Hands above your head," he commanded, letting her go and stepping away, breaking all contact. Edward was still in his sweatpants but he was barefoot and it was making Bella crazy. He was currently shuffling through a drawer so she decided to do as she was told. Laying still, her pink, lacy bra-clad chest lifted and fell in anticipation. Things were usually kept pretty tame, despite the aggressive nature. They weren't like suffocating each other or cutting into each other's flesh but Bella had to admit that it was still a little difficult to wrap her head around the fact that she liked to be hit. It was completely exhilarating to her.

Shivering in anticipation, she felt goosebumps break out over her flesh just as the one side of the bed dipped down and her hands were tied together and then to a bar on the headboard. When he was back between her legs, spreading and licking as he went, Bella smiled when she realized he didn't plan to tie her legs. He wanted her to squirm. Arching up, she cried out loudly just about to come when his head came up and he smiled at her. She shivered again, kegal muscles tightening.

"Edward..."

"Nope. You wanted the strap. I wanted to make sure," he grinned, running his hands up and down her legs, "that your skin is nice and buzzing with excitement."

Sliding up her body, his abs brushing against her belly, he leaned up over her and took her by the hips. Careful with her wrists that were attached to the headboard, he turned her onto her belly and rubbed her ass. He was no longer above her and she turned her head to see him walking back to the drawer he was in earlier. He pulled out a sleep mask and the strap. Lying it right beside her face so it was the last thing she saw as he put the mask on her, he got to work making sure she was sufficiently blind. He'd never used the mask on her during spanking. She'd always been able to see.

She fought panic for a minute, feeling slightly pathetic for that. "Yellow pepper," she breathed and he was there in an instant. The weight of his body pressed down onto hers again as he literally laid on top of her, moving her hair and kissing the back of her neck.

"I love you," he whispered. Edward stayed quiet then, laying down beside her and giving her the chance to relax and decide what she wanted. She hadn't called for a red pepper-so he wouldn't undo her ties or remove the mask.

She began to feel stupid. It was Edward, her fiance and lover, he wouldn't hurt her...that badly...and if she really wanted to, she could untie her hands. This kinky thing they had going on was still pretty new to them as they hadn't been participating in kink quite like this until about four months ago when Rosalie had an Undercover Wear party. Bella had been curious and Edward was already liking things a little rough. They'd looked through the catalog together and the fun had started after that.

"Green peppers."

Bella braced herself for the feeling of leather as he would drag it up and down her body but she flinched for nothing when it was his hand that made contact with her bare bottom, patting it gently. She smiled. He was trying to make sure she was definitely okay with everything. He rubbed one cheek and then the other, lightly running his finger between them and causing her to tense a little, excitement beginning to pull at her core. She wanted him. Suddenly and without warning, the sound of his palm on her rang out and the sharp slap made her jump in surprise. She was on fire for him. "Ugh!"

The rubbing continued, as well as the teasing between her cheeks, until he spanked her again, this time sitting on her legs so she had to hold still. She felt like she had no control as she was unable to see and pretty much couldn't move. She wriggled her fingers to calm herself. Her heart beat, though a little quicker than normal due to sexual excitement, was no longer threatening to pound out of her still bra-clad chest. Then she felt it, her heart speeding up again. The cold material was teasing her naked side as he brought the strap down towards her ass. She froze as he ran it gently between her cheeks and tears sprang to her eyes when the first sharp sting came.

"What are your safe words, Bells?" he asked calmly but sternly.

She breathed them out and bit down on her lip when another smack was delivered. She could feel herself getting wet. She couldn't wait until her ass was smarting from the hits later and she'd feel his cool hands on her hot skin as he cupped her ass and thrust into her. It was getting harder to stay still and he had mercy on her, climbing off her legs. She counted in her head as he delivered the assault on her backside and cried out in pleasure when he seemed to be slowing down and his finger teased her back entrance. She wondered again what that would really feel like.

Sweaty from the excitement, her body straining against the bindings on her wrists, her hair being slightly pulled by the elastic band on the mask, she was breathing heavily and waiting as patiently as possible for his next command. It didn't seem like he was on the bed anymore but she soon felt herself being towards the right side of the bed. Turning her head in that direction, she wished she could see but soon felt smooth skin against her lips.

"Open your mouth," he commanded but his tone was gentle.

She complied, knowing what he wanted and remembering what he'd done for her when she'd first arrived. He tasted wonderful. It took everything to keep from pressing her legs together in an effort to feel some friction. She knew he'd tell her to stop if she tried. Bella imagined what she must look like, bound to the bed, ass on display for him as it stung with pink lines, her hair mussed up as she lay there blindfolded with his dick in her mouth. It turned her on to know that her current state was surely working him up even more. She needed him. It was a desperate need now and she tried to tell him but it came out muffled due to the fact that he was thrusting across her tongue as she tried to speak.

Suddenly, though, he froze. She waited, expecting to feel him release into her mouth but all too soon he pulled out and she heard him walk away quickly. This was odd but she was too ready for him, she didn't care what he had in store. "Shit," he hissed and he sounded genuinely irritated. Worried that she did something, possibly that she hurt him, she started to feel scared again. Listening quietly to try to figure out what was going on with him, she heard it-a shuffling at the front door.

"Red peppers!" Bella yelled, suddenly terrified of being found this way by Lanie. She hadn't meant to yell it so loudly but she had just simply reacted. She knew something was up when Edward didn't immediately release her like he always had and she could hear the ruffling sound of clothes being slid across skin. He was dressing and he was in a hurry.

"Hello?" Emmett's voice could be heard from the front door. Bella couldn't tell if he was in the apartment or just yelling from the doorway. Emmett was going to find her like this. Footsteps that were definitely not Edwards were coming down the hallway towards them.

"Don't!" Edward called out, obviously telling whoever it was to stay the hell out of the room.

Bella desperately tried to rub her face against the sheets in an attempt to at least get the blindfold off and she tugged desperately at the restraints, unable to untie herself this time like she usually could. "Edward, please," she half whispered, half cried.

Suddenly, Edward's hands were on her face as he pulled the mask off of her and tossed it to the side. I'll get rid of them, I'll be right back. Do you want me to untie you?"

"Just get rid of them," Bella hissed back in sexual frustration.

He smiled at her before kissing her on the lips and striding over to the door. She worked it so that she was now on her back and cringed at how badly her backside stung. _He better hurry the hell up._

Edward was hard as a rock, painfully making his way down the hallway to the front door where Rosalie was now standing with her son on her hip and husband in the doorway. "Thank God you're here! We've been trying to get a hold of Bella and saw that her Jeep was here. Edward, they took Charlie to the hospital..."

Suddenly, sex was no longer on his mind. "What? What happened?"

"They think it's something with his heart. I don't know. We were visiting with my parents when the ambulance pulled up outside Charlie and Renee's and then we saw them take Charlie out of the house on a stretched. I ran over and Renee was hysterical. I told her to go with him and I'd call Bella. We've been calling both of you for a half hour now..." Looking behind him, Rose finally asked, "Where the hell is she?"

"Um..."

Rosalie pushed past him and made for the bedroom door he'd come out of. "Rosalie..." Edward began but the blonde just knocked loudly on the door.

"Bella! Wake up!"

"Um...she's..." Edward tried to figure out what to say but was drawing a blank. As gently as possible he pushed his wife's best friend and her son out of the way and snuck into the room. The gasp he heard spoke volumes as he quickly closed the door behind him. It made sense why the noise had torn from her lips, she'd just witnessed her best friend tied to a fucking bed. He could tell by the look on her face that Bella had heard everything but she looked kind of frozen. As quickly as he could, he undid the restraints, rubbing her wrists where the straps had left red marks.

"Bella, hey, come on. We'll go see him..."

"Edward..." she whispered before shaking her head and beginning to cry.

"I know, angel. Come on. Get dressed."

Leaving her to get herself together, he grabbed his phone from the kitchen as he moved back to the front door. Rosalie looked a little dazed but she snapped out of it and gave him the oddest look. "What the crap _was _that? Bella would never..."

"You'd be surprised," he muttered dryly before the blonde snapped out of it and swallowed hard.

Bella strode right past him. "Who's going? What's going on?"

"Your mom will need a vehicle. Let's take your Jeep," Rosalie blurted.

"I'll follow you in my car..." Edward began.

"I'll follow you in mine, too," Emmett added. "Bella you're not driving. Rose you drive her in the Jeep and I'll meet you there. We'll leave the Jeep for Renee and have a car to get home in later."

"I have to go get a hold of Lanie," Edward said, stepping away and of course not getting through to her at the Nichols' apartment. "Bella just go. I'll meet you there soon. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay. Let's go, Rose," she practically begged.

Rosalie handed her son to Emmett and followed Bella out. Edward realized as soon as they were gone that Bella hadn't grabbed a coat. "What did Rose see?" Emmett asked, completely unfazed by the situation.

Edward just glared at him as he tried to call Sarah's apartment again. "Dude, seriously not now. Shit. I'm going to have to drive over there. Look, both girls are upset. You should be there for them. I'll be there as soon as I track down Alana."

Jackson was fussy and Emmett looked at the little boy in a frustrated way that only a stressed parent could. "He's usually in bed by now. He's probably hungry for his last bottle. He only gets one before bed..."

"Uh, do you have a bottle for him?"

"There's one made up in his diaper bag. It's out in our car but the girls are probably gone already..."

"Come on, we'll get it and grab his car seat. I'll feed him and keep trying to contact my sister. As soon as he eats and I find out if I can either pick her up now or if she can spend the night there, I'll bring him with me to meet you guys." Edward couldn't believe he was offering this. He hadn't been alone with a kid as young as Jackson in years.

Emmett looked just as shocked. "Um, yeah, okay."

"Let's go now. Seriously, I'm worried about Bella. Em, please just make sure she's okay until I can get there." His voice was shaking and he was frustrated, too. He hated being stuck here, knowing Lanie was supposed to be dropped off in a little less than an hour and they'd be at the hospital later than that. As much as he hated it, it made logical sense for him to help with Jackson while Emmett went after the girls.

As Edward stood on the sidewalk outside of his apartment with a diaper bag over his shoulder, a car seat in one arm and a crying baby in the other, he wondered what the hell had just happened. He'd planned on a fun night with Bella and here they were. She was going through a nightmare and he was alone with a child who was currently screaming his head off. Nope, life could never just give them a break.

**There were quite a lot of mixed reviews on the last one and I'm sure this chapter will be no different. What do you think of the doctor? lol (As if that's what you really want to comment about!) As I said before, this story will be dark and while things have calmed down for these two main characters, shadows are coming up on the horizon. All I can say, especially to any bashers, is if you don't like the story, please just don't read it. This is something that is a fun project for me. I'm experimenting with my writing and love to do it. I love hearing from you all, usually both good and bad comments, and look forward to hearing from you again. Lots of love, Letzy xx**

**PS For any fans of The Role of a Lifetime, I did a futuretake of our favorite fire family for Fandom4LLS. After what happened to those nineteen young firefighters who lost their lives in our real world, my heart has been broken for those families that lost their loved ones. Keep them in your prayers. (The futuretake has nothing to do with that real life event as it was written before. The timing was just coincidental.) If you're interested, let me know and I will help you find the page where you can purchase the compilation that the futuretake is a part of. It's for a really good cause!**


	40. Seeking Comfort In His Arms

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 40**

**Seeking Comfort In His Arms**

Edward received a call from Bella just as he sat down with a warm bottle and the little boy. The second the nipple was near the kid's mouth, he was going to town on it. Edward just chuckled and told his little nephew that he completely understood when his phone went off and he had to get back up and answer it. He'd hoped it was Lanie, really annoyed that he couldn't get a hold of her, and found that it was Bella.

"Baby, what's happening? I'm here with Jacks but I'll be there as soon as..."

"His heart isn't beating like it's supposed to. I don't really understand it all but they said something about a pace-maker..."

"Bells, I'm so sorry. I feel like shit for not being..."

"Stop. I've just been talking to my mom and the nurses. There's paper work to fill out and Rose and Emmett are both here with me. Em ran down to get us all coffee. I don't really even like coffee...but I guess that's normal etiquette in a hospital. It's probably going to be a long night. If they end up dropping Lanie off, you don't have to drag her and Jackson both down here."

"I'm coming. As soon as I find out where she is and know she's safe, with me or not, I'll be there. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll call again as soon as I know anything else. Don't get upset with Alana. I'm sure she's somewhere with the Nichols. Did you try Sarah's mom's phone?"

"Yes. Twice."

"Alright. Keep trying. I'll talk to you in a bit."

Edward hung up and looked down at the little boy who was clenching his little blanket and chugging down the formula. Despite the talking, Jackson's little eyes looked heavy and Edward kissed his forehead, gently rocking him to sleep. He had strapped the car seat into his car before heading back inside so his plan was to get him to sleep, put him in the car, and drive over to Sarah's. Finally, though, after another ten minutes, his phone rang again.

"Hello?" he asked quietly, careful not to jostle the baby.

"Eddie? Is something wrong? I'm so sorry we didn't answer. Sarah's mom took us bowling..."

"We'll talk about it later. Where are you now?"

"Leaving the bowling alley. I was going to see if it was okay that I spent the night, anyway. I didn't think you'd be trying to get a hold of me so early..."

"Charlie Swan is in the hospital..."

"Oh God..."

"Lanie, calm down. He's having trouble with his heart. I was waiting to hear from you to head over. I didn't want to just not be here if you were dropped off."

"Edward, I'm thirteen. I could handle myself for a few hours..."

"Let's not argue about this right now. I'd rather you stay over there tonight so that's fine. I'm going to head over to the hospital and check on Charlie and Bella."

"You were waiting to hear from me? Eddie, really I'm sorry..."

"It's fine. We'll talk tomorrow morning, okay? I'll pick you up whenever you need me to. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll call your cell when I get up."

Ending the call, he relaxed a little now that he knew she was okay. He constantly worried about her being out in the city and possibly alone with the boy who she'd been hanging around lately. That still didn't sit well with him. Realizing the sucking sounds had stopped, he noticed that the bottle was empty and Jackson was sound asleep. Carefully standing up, he wrapped the blanket back around the boy and was glad he hadn't taken off the little guy's jacket. By some divine miracle, he got the sleeping child into the car and to the hospital without waking him up. When he took him back out, cradling him to his chest as he grabbed the diaper bag from the seat beside the car seat, he realized how natural it was.

He was a guy so he wasn't exactly all about babies but he was a lot more connected to Emmett's son than Bella realized. The truth was, he loved taking care of him and spending time with him. He made a mental note to mention this to Dr. Reiner during his session on Tuesday. Maybe it was time he gave in and started to consider giving Bella what she wanted most. A little one of her own.

Bella watched the millionth doctor walk past Renee and her as they sat on the bench outside of the waiting room. They had perched themselves there due to the fact that they could hear everything at the nurse's station from their bench. Honestly, Bella wanted to stand and pace the way Rosalie and Emmett were but didn't want to leave her mom. She wasn't the type to pace but Edward had done a number on her and neither had the time to use some of the cooling gel he'd bought for occasions such as what they were doing before shit hit the fan. Her ass stung, her eyes burned from tears, and she just wanted to wake up in Edward's bed and find this all to be a horrible dream. _Why can no one tell us what the hell is going on?_

"I need to use the restroom, Bells. I'll be right back. You come find me...or call my cell...or whatever if a doctor comes over, okay?"

Bella saw that her mom was a little flushed and nodded, watching her walk away. Rosalie joined her soon after and sighed. "Do you think I should call him?"

Bella just grinned at her friend despite the situation. "Rose, he knows how to take care of kids. He's taken care of one since he was fourteen. If you want to call him, though, I know he wouldn't blame you."

"I'm glad that Edward offered to feed him before bringing him over. I know he wants to be here with you, though. He seemed really worried. Emmett said he practically begged him to leave and check on us."

"He's a good guy," Bella whispered with a small smile. "Both of them are."

"You okay, babe?" Rosalie asked, reaching over to put an arm around Bella's shoulders.

"Yeah," Bella sighed, leaning into her best friend. "I'm just wondering what the hell is going on. There's nothing anyone can say until the doctor says_ something_."

"They'll be able to tell us something soon," Rosalie reassured her before lowering her voice and changing the subject. "So, what the _hell_ did I interrupt back at Edward's? Bella, you were _tied_ to his fucking bed!"

Knowing that her face was as red as a hot coal, Bella bit down on her lip and decided to just be forward about the situation. "You _know_ what you interrupted. He was about half a second away from...finishing... when you and Emmett showed up. Sorry I didn't answer my phone. I had no idea something like this was going to happen and we were in the zone."

"You were into_ something_."

"Oh stop it, McCarty!" Bella laughed with Rosalie but then her friend stood up quickly and Bella hoped that a doctor was coming towards them. Instead, it was the only person besides the doctor she cared to see in that moment. Edward was coming down the hallway with a blanket-swaddled Jackson resting his head on his shoulder. Any man with a baby was a huge turn on but Edward with a baby made her ovaries kick into automatic ovulation-at least she was pretty convinced that was what happened.

"How was he?"

Handing over the little boy, Edward nodded with an easy smile. "Very fussy until he had that nipple in his mouth..."

"I'm sorry, Edward. It's just that he always eats around the same time..."

"Not to worry. I completely understood...he's a guy at heart. As soon as he had his milk, he was happy and ready for bed. He hasn't woken up since he finished that bottle off. I put a couple cheerios in the bottle to help him sleep a little better. They always sleep better with their tummies full. It's a trick I learned from when Lanie was a baby."

Bella literally wriggled on her stinging butt and clenched her legs together. He was going to be an amazing father...if he'd only agree to procreate with her. She tried not to pout. Rosalie just smiled a knowing smile and said, "Bella's making a good choice for her future children, marrying you and all. You two would be awesome parents. Thanks for taking care of him. I was a little flustered. Charlie is like a second father to me."

"It was my pleasure. I had to wait to get a hold of Lanie anyway."

Rosalie then took him by surprise, as Bella could clearly see the shock on his face, when she stood on her tip-toes and kissed his cheek. "Well, it means a lot. Thank you."

With his arms free and Rosalie heading over to Emmett, Edward sat down beside Bella and pulled her into his side, kissing the side of her face. "You okay, love? Have you heard anything yet?"

"No!" Bella exclaimed louder than was probably necessary. "No one wants to stop and tell us what the hell is going to happen!"

Edward shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around her. "Can I get you anything while you wait?"

"No," Bella sighed, leaning into him farther and breathing in deeply. "Did you find Lanie?"

"They were bowling. I don't like that Sarah's mom didn't answer when I called but I didn't answer when Rosalie called about your dad so I realize things like that happen."

"This wouldn't happen if she had a cell phone to use..."

"What? She recruited you to talk me into it now?" he smirked.

"No. I've heard her ask you and I've heard you turn her down...but I agree with her."

"Traitor," he teased.

"Edward, come on. You don't have a land line for her to use, she has to use your phone. I mean, honey, you have half of her classmates in your contacts. Admit that it's a little weird."

"I don't _call_ them!"

"That's not the point. She's older now. What if she's home by herself and there is an emergency?"

"That's part of the reason she's not left at home by herself yet."

"Edward, I was by myself a lot when I was her age. She's mature and responsible. You can't keep her locked away with someone older than her for the rest of her life. I'm not saying give her a phone and leave her by herself constantly. I'm just saying that it would be good to have a phone for her to use when she's out with friends and you have to get a hold of her. What if she needs you? You can't give her your phone because then she would have no way of contacting you..."

"Okay. You're right. I swear you two connive things."

"We share a period week. It's just natural."

Bella laughed in earnest as Edward shook his head and cringed. "Even mother nature is against me."

"Is Renee Swan here?" a woman asked, causing Bella to jump up. Finally, a doctor was standing beside them.

Bella approached the woman, beginning to text her mom. "No. I'm Charlie's daughter. My mom's in the bathroom..."

It wasn't thirty seconds before Renee came towards them like the place was on fire. "Oh God, is he okay? Please..."

"Mrs. Swan, he's stable but a little groggy yet..."

As the doctor launched into the details with concerning words like arteries, a heart valve, and a pace-maker, Bella leaned into Edward and tried to keep herself together. No matter what the details were, the bottom line was that her father had to have open heart surgery first thing in the morning. By the time the doctor mentioned the odds of people making it through surgery like that, Bella was shaking and she could tell her mom was barely standing. Edward now stood between them, holding them both up and Rosalie was on her other side, rubbing her arm.

"Can we see him?" Edward asked for the two girls he was supporting.

"Soon. Let us get him settled." Looking around the group she gave an apologetic look and said, "We'd prefer that it be only immediate family in the room with him right now. It's late and he needs rest for tomorrow. I'd say go in and see for yourselves that he's okay but then it might be a good idea to just come back in the morning..."

"I'm not leaving him!" Renee exclaimed.

"Mom," Bella began but the doctor spoke over her.

"With all due respect, we just want to be sure that he's..."

"With all due respect," Renee threw back, "we have no idea what will happen tomorrow and this...he's...not well. That's my husband. I'm staying with him."

Bella knew her mother had tried to say that they didn't know if he'd pull through the surgery and it made her sick. She suddenly felt like that little girl who was waiting by the door for her daddy to come home from work on a night when he'd been responding to a dangerous call. "Can we just see him now? Please?"

The doctor looked at her with a sympathetic smile. "I'll show you to his room but you have to wait until he's settled."

"Mom, go ahead with her. Text me the room number. I'll be there soon."

Renee turned to Edward and gave him a hard hug. "Thank you. Please take care of her."

Edward just nodded and Rosalie approached them. "I'll be back first thing in the morning, okay? We need to get Jackson down for the night. If you need anything, call. I'll be here in a heartbeat, I don't care what time it is. Love you, Bells."

Bella pulled her into a hug. "Love you, too. Take my little nephew home and get some rest. You don't have to come back..."

"I do and I will. Text me when he goes in for surgery. I'll be here."

"Thanks."

Emmett pulled Bella into a hug next. "You just call if you need anything. Whether Rose believes it or not, I'm capable of handling our son by myself."

Bella just laughed and nodded before waving a goodbye to them. Turning to Edward, she put her arms around to his back and pulled him towards her. She rested her head on his heart and tried not to imagine what her mom was going through. "Do you want me to call you..."

"No. I'm staying. I'll sit outside his damn door all night if I have to. Lanie's staying at Sarah's. Tomorrow's Saturday. I already failed at being here for you when I wasn't able to find Lanie. I have no reason to leave you now and I won't."

"I'm not going to stay. My mom probably will but if you want to just hang here with me until I see him, we can go back and try to get some sleep."

"Sounds like a plan. Did your mom send you a room number yet?"

Bella sniffled as they made their way out of the hospital. Edward was being super supportive and was currently texting Rosalie to tell her what time the surgery was scheduled for the next morning. Emmett offered to have Lanie over the following day so she didn't have to hang out at the hospital with them. Bella knew he had issues leaving Lanie alone with certain people and Emmett was one of them. It surprised her, and made her feel happy for Emmett, when he readily agreed to let Emmett pick her up from Sarah's the next morning.

Edward opened his rusted car door for her and gave her a hug before letting her sit. Leaning against the roof and looking down on her, he frowned. "Have you eaten anything yet tonight? It's almost ten thirty. I was going to make you something after we were done messing around but then everything happened..."

"I'm not hungry."

"That's not what I asked."

Bella rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile at his concern for her. "No. I have not eaten supper."

Wordlessly, he gently closed her door and drove in the opposite direction of his apartment. "Edward, really, I'm not that hungry. I don't want to go out anywhere right now."

"Trust me. I'll have you home in fifteen minutes."

True to his word, they had two bags of Chinese takeout and were entering his apartment right on time. Despite her ever-growing anxiety about her father's surgery, the smells of lo mein were too much for her to resist. When she turned to go into the kitchen, he stopped her. "Let's eat in the living room."

She went along with it, setting the food on the coffee table and responding to a text from Rosalie using Edward's phone. When she looked up, she had to smile again. He'd put three blankets of the floor, grabbed the pillows off the bed and was setting two jar candles on the coffee table with their food. At eleven o'clock, by candlelight, the two of them sat down to eat on his living room floor. She was stressed, she was terrified, but this was perfect for the situation.

When all of the food containers were half empty and spread all over the coffee table, Bella sat back and burped loudly. "Attractive," Edward laughed.

"Oh, we're not even going to discuss your bodily functions, Mr. Cullen."

With both of them stuffed, Bella slid over to where he was leaning back against the foot of the recliner. Cringing, she bit down on her lip and the concern returned to his face. "Shit. Baby, I'm sorry..."

"It's fine. You didn't hit me harder than you normally do or anything..."

"Let's get you into something more comfortable and I'll take care of it, okay?"

Bella changed quickly into his clothes, though she had clothes stashed in his room for times when she did spend the night. When she joined him again, he motioned for her to lay down on the floor, the tube of salve in his hand. She obeyed and rested her head against one of the pillows as she lay on her belly. When he gently pulled the sweatpants and panties over her sore butt, she sighed in relief. Soon, the pain would start to recede. There was nothing sexual about what he was doing now but it was very sweet. Gently, he rubbed the cream onto her carefully.

"So beautiful..." she heard him whisper, though she wasn't sure if she was supposed to have heard it.

Before laying down beside her, Edward kissed her naked lower back where his shirt bunched up on her. It took Bella about three minutes to start crying once she was in his arms but couldn't stop for almost fifteen. He let her cry, holding her face to his chest and allowing her tears to soak his shirt. When her sobs turned to sniffles, he kissed her lips softly and made sure she was resting comfortably on his bicep. That night, with her father in the hospital, Lanie at her friend's house, and her mother a total wreck, Bella and Edward slept on his living room floor. There was no where else she'd rather be.

**Gotta love a good bicep pillow :) Let me know what you think! Letzy xx**


	41. It Needed To Be Said

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 41**

**It Needed To Be Said**

Standing up slowly, Bella cracked her back and stretched. Her mom, who was anxiously clutching a rosary in her hands, looked to her in surprise. It was almost as if Renee forgot Bella was even still there. Striding over to Edward, who's hood was pulled down over his face as he tried to catch up on some sleep, she made sure he was really out and snuck out into the hallway. Just as she rounded the corner, Rosalie stepped out of the bathroom and gave her a small smile. "Any news yet?"

Bella shook her head, a numb feeling making her want to just do what Edward was doing and fall asleep. Rosalie just frowned and nodded. "Where are you headed?"

"I just...need some air."

"Let's go for a walk. There's a coffee shop across the street. We can go grab us all some doughnuts."

Bella agreed and found herself sitting on a bench outside the hospital with a box of doughnuts beside them and trying to get herself together. "...really good with Jacks. Any anger he had before..." Rosalie was going on about Emmett but Bella couldn't follow her. She knew her friend was trying to give her something else to think about but it wasn't helping. She jumped when her phone vibrated in her pocket.

Telling Rosalie that it was Edward, she stood and walked a few feet away before answering it. "Hey."

"Where are you? I woke up and your mom said she wasn't sure where you or Rose went off to. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just needed air. We'll be up soon. We have doughnuts."

"Do you want me to meet you? You don't have to come back up here."

"No. Just stay with my mom until we get back. I need a few more minutes."

"Alright. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Walking back to her friend, Bella sat down and stared straight ahead. "I'm sorry this happened to Charlie, Bella. He'll be okay. He told Edward that he'd be there for the wedding no matter what he had to do. He said he has too much to look forward to. He's not ready to leave you and your mom behind."

"I know. I'm just scared. I didn't realize you overheard what he was saying to Edward. I really didn't expect him to want to talk to Edward alone at all."

"I didn't hear the whole conversation but I showed up when Edward was in there with him and you and your mom were talking to the one nurse."

"I think Edward's going to...have a baby...with me."

"Really?" Rosalie asked with a smile. "I thought you said he was against it. I didn't hear anything with them talking about a baby."

"It's just I think he's starting to give in to the idea, especially after taking care of Jacks last night."

"Do you guys have room for a baby at the apartment? I mean, for the first year it's probably not a big deal that it sleeps in a crib in you and Edward's room but the baby's going to need..."

"I've actually been thinking and with his promotion at work and my past couple raises since we started dating...if I trade in my Jeep for something a little more practical than we can probably swing paying for a different apartment. He works on the other side of the city anyway so we could get a cheaper one out of the immediate city area and it won't be as much as living right in downtown."

"Well, have you talked to Edward about this yet?"

"No. I don't want to overwhelm him. There's just so much going on right now. Between his counseling and..."

"You have to speak up for what you want too, though. I know you can be a bit timid but he loves you. If you tell him what you think, that you really want to make some changes like this, I think he'd at least hear you out. The counseling might help because he can talk about it with his therapist or whatever."

"I'm glad that Emmett is treating you guys well."

"Edward's treating you as he should...it's just that he has a lot more baggage than Emmett does. Edward's shit is still going on. At least Jazz and Em have found ways to fix things. Edward might take a while to get to that point...or he might not ever."

"It doesn't matter if he doesn't. I mean...as far as my feelings towards him go. If he truly, without a doubt, never feels comfortable with being a father, than I'll deal. I mean, Rosalie, what choice do I have? I'd never be able to leave him just so some other guy can get me pregnant. The idea of living a life without him makes me sick. I'm even ridiculously attached to Lanie. I already consider her my responsibility and I love her, too. All I can do is stand behind him and be there if he decides this baby thing is something he wants."

"Well, I think that if you say it to him like that, he'd be an ass for not wanting that with you. You're giving a lot of yourself to him. Besides, you'd be an excellent mom."

The rest of the morning was slow and agonizing. When Rosalie pulled a few wedding magazines out of the wall-mounted magazine rack, Renee even got into looking through pictures of cute bridesmaid's dresses. After eating a doughnut, Edward had fallen back to sleep, letting them do their thing. Bella tried to remind them...and herself...that there wasn't even a date set yet. His proposal was kind of a sticky one and she wasn't sure when he would be ready to become a husband, either.

By the time Charlie was finally out of surgery and the doctor came to talk to them, they had a color scheme worked out, bridesmaid's dresses selected, a cake chosen, and even a good hairstyle for Bella. They had been laughing up until the doctor asked for her and her mom to join him in the hallway. They stood quickly, the magazines forgotten, and immediately followed him out. As she walked past Edward, she saw that he was awake and giving her a hopeful smile. Holding her breath, she took her mom's hand and waited for the news that could change things forever.

Edward watched the girls walk out of the room and realized it was just he and Rosalie in the suddenly too-small room. Another family had been in there but they must have left to go grab something to eat for lunch. Whether it was because of the discussion he'd had with Charlie before the surgery or it was just the nervousness of being left alone with Bella's best friend, he blurted out, "I have a date in mind for the wedding."

Rosalie's head snapped up quickly as she put the magazines into a neat stack on the corner table. "When?"

"I haven't discussed it exactly with Bella yet so I'd rather not say, but it will be sometime in May. She does know that much already. I just wanted you to know that I'm working on this. My hesitation with her is nothing to do with her. It's all about me not being...normal...right now. I don't want her to get into something she'll regret later because she feels bad for me."

Rosalie just shook her head and looked down at her hands. "Bella loves you. I've told you that a million times now. I'm glad you're finally ready to make an honest woman out of her but you should know that she's not going to walk away from you. Unless you cheat on her, she's in this for the long haul. Whether you marry her this minute, next week, or three years from now...she's in it for you."

He couldn't help but smile. "That's good to hear. I couldn't survive without her. I'm glad you told me."

With a harder voice than he'd expected, she said firmly, "It _needed_ to be said. You need to _know_ that she is willing to change what she wants to fit what you want. Don't lead her down a road you can't navigate right along with her, Edward. You say you love her and I believe it, truly I do. Still, you need to keep in mind all of the sacrifices she has made and will make for you. I told you that she's not going to walk away from this and I only said it because you needed to hear it. You have her but I'm still wondering about what you want _for _her. Please, just promise me, you'll give her everything in your power that you can."

"We're not talking about the wedding anymore are we?" he asked, knowing exactly what she was hinting at but not wanting to have this discussion with anyone but his future wife.

"No. I'm not. I know you'll marry her, the ring is already on her finger. Afterward, though, she's yours to have and hold forever. Don't take her for granted."

The door opened then and they both became quiet as Bella's smile became contagious. "He's doing really great with the pacemaker. The surgery went well!"

Pulling her down into his lap, Edward kissed her on the lips and rested his forehead against hers. "That's so great, Bells."

While he held her, Rosalie got the details from her about how Charlie handled everything and what all was done. He was happy and distracted and had trouble focusing on the conversation. Smiling to himself, he was relieved that Charlie would be there to bear witness to the things the two of them had discussed before the doctors wheeled his future father-in-law away.

Rosalie stood once the retelling of Charlie's ordeal was over. "I'm going to go call Emmett and give him the good news. I'm sure Lanie's worried."

"Tell him I'll be over to pick Lanie up on our way home. We'll probably be here for a little while yet, though. Just let him know to call me if he needs me to pick her up earlier..."

"Don't worry about it. She's a huge help with the baby. She makes an awesome big sister," Rosalie said with a wink, leaving Bella to look at him in confusion. He just smiled and told her not to ask. As the door closed behind the blonde, he snuggled into her and kissed her neck. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"May twelfth."

Bella scrunched up her face in confusion. "What?"

"I want you to marry me."

"Then?"

"Yes."

"Okay. May twelfth it is. Any reason that's the date you picked?"

"I want to have it where we planned, where I asked you to marry me, but if we want a tent outside we have to do it when it's reasonable for the weather to hold up."

"I'm assuming it's a Saturday?"

"Yup. I picked one closer to the middle of the month. May twelfth has a nice ring to it. Any objections?"

"None at all. I'm going to go tell Rosalie!"

"Hold on a minute," he replied, wrapping his arm tightly around her to keep her still. "I'm really glad your dad is okay. I also understand if you want to wait until we're married to live together. I'm leaving that decision up to you. Your dad made it pretty clear that he wants us to wait and I just feel like we shouldn't put anymore stress on him right now. I've waited twenty-six years for this Bella, I can wait a few more months."

"Thank you. I was going to talk to you about it but I thought you'd be upset. What did my dad say to you before he went in this morning?"

"Some of it he probably doesn't want me to tell you but it was the typical thing. You know, that he wanted me to take care of you and make sure I help Renee take care of things around the house if something had gone wrong this morning. Don't cry, Bella. He was just making sure his bases were covered. I'd do the same if it were me talking to Lanie's future husband and I was in his position."

Wiping at her eyes, she leaned into him and then looked up curiously. "Edward?"

"Yeah, love?"

"What does happen to Lanie if something happens to you?"

"Well, we have no family so...she'd go to the state..."

"No," Bella whispered in shock. "Why don't you have it set up that...I mean...someone would take her in! The Whitlock's...or even Jasper and Alice..."

"Bella, I can't ask my best friend's parents to take responsibility for my sister like that. I've thought about Jasper and Alice but Alice wasn't in the picture until a few years ago and I couldn't ask Jasper to raise her. Emmett was a mess, Jazz still has his own problems, and that's it. I hate it, too, Bella, but it's the best I could do for her..."

"I want her. If...I mean..."

Edward watched her struggle to consider losing him and he tightened his hold on her yet again. "Bella, she's thirteen. You're twenty-six. I love you but right now, at least until we're married, I'm not comfortable with that. I have a pretty good life insurance policy with work. When we're married, we'll rearrange things so that if you really want to become a legal guardian for her you can...but I won't do it until you're the main beneficiary if something does happen. I can't expect you to be financially responsible because that's the main issue. She's getting old enough that I know she can take care of herself, that she just needs supervision from an adult once in a while but now it's becoming her needing money for going out with friends, new clothes that she wants, and even stuff like books and things. It's a lot to support a teenager, Bella."

"I don't care. I don't want her in foster care. I'll wait until we're married but if I'm not going to become a legal guardian for her, I want it written that she'll be under my care if..."

"Deal. Bells, you have no idea how much I love you for this. I just want you to keep in mind that I don't expect it."

"You _should_ expect it, Edward. Like you said before, we're a family now...all three of us. Lanie might not be our child but she's the child we're raising and we're pretty much doing it together. I love her, too."

"So, how is Bella's father doing?"

Edward looked up at Dr. Reiner and smiled for the first time since he had walked in. The doctor had been trying to no avail to get him to open up about some of the abuse his father inflicted on him but Edward would only deflect the questions. They both knew he was doing it but those memories were too disturbing for him to remember. It overwhelmed him and that was terrifying. "Charlie's good. They released him a couple days ago and he's home now. He'll be off work for an extended leave but the pacemaker is keeping things going normally and Bella said he seems a lot more relaxed than she can remember him ever being."

"I'm glad to hear it. It sounds like she has wonderful parents."

"They're the best," Edward replied honestly.

"What do you think makes a good parent, Edward? You are parenting a child but do you feel that you're doing your best?"

"I'd like to think I'm doing the best I can. Lanie's been getting awesome grades. You should see her report cards. Once in a while we have an issue where she'll act out over something at school but she hasn't done that since starting at the high school. Bella and I both work with her and she really has bonded with Bella. They spent most of the last two summers together while I worked. Believe it or not, she actually stayed with Charlie a good bit, too, during the summer. He works a lot of evening shifts and was home. She loved it. Charlie's actually really great with her."

"Why does that surprise you? You say he's great with Bella."

"Bella's his daughter. Lanie was basically someone he was babysitting. I wasn't exactly okay with the idea of her being left with Charlie."

"Really? Why is that?" Edward knew why it was and looked away, waiting for the doctor to sigh and ask another question. Dr. Reiner didn't give in this time. Instead, he made an assumption and that irritated Edward even more than the original question. "An older man hurt you and you were scared that he'd hurt Lanie."

"That's not fucking true. He wouldn't hurt Lanie. He never hurt Bella. Bella had a normal life."

"You don't have to get angry, Edward."

"I'm here for my drinking problem, Doc. My past is my past."

The doctor, only slightly older than Edward, gave him a small smirk then. Edward was confused. This was so not how he imagined therapy to be. The next words spoken shocked him a little and he couldn't help but smile. Dr. Reiner crossed his arms and sat back in his seat. "Bullshit. Edward, I'm not entirely convinced you even_ have_ a drinking problem..."

"I fucking pinned my girlfriend to a damn wall and I was too drunk to realize that I was hurting her! Don't tell me that's not a fucking problem!"

To the doctor's credit, the guy kept his cool and pushed on. "So, you've never seen a man pin a woman against a wall during sexual situations? Edward, tell me what you wanted from her when you did that. Why did you pin her to the wall? Were you angry with her? Did you want to hurt her?"

"No! I'd never hurt her intentionally. Ever. She left but...I wasn't angry. I was happy. She came back."

"So you two fought and she left but you were so happy that you roughly pinned her to the wall?"

"You know the story. I told you all of this already. It was because I was drunk. I wanted to kiss her. She didn't want to kiss me. She didn't come back because she wanted to fix things, she did it because she was worried when she found out about me drinking so much that night. I held her down and did something I shouldn't have done and..."

"So, she didn't consent to being kissed?"

"No. I don't think she did. I can't remember but Emmett had to pull me off of her."

"Was she fighting you?"

"No. I told you already. He said that she just stood there. I think she was scared...or at least shocked."

"So, let's summarize one more time. You two fought. She came back because she was surprised that you were so drunk and she was worried about you. You got...excited. You tried to kiss her, she refused, you pushed her against the wall and from what you said before left a bruise on her neck from the kiss you did give her. If you want to call it a kiss. She didn't fight you. Your friend pulled you away, you said he told her to leave, and she did."

"Yes," Edward replied in annoyance, wondering how many times he was going to have to relive that.

"The next day, when you sobered up, you realized what you did and you deeply regretted it. It hurt you that you did to her what someone else did to you. You know that what happened to you was wrong. Still, you prefer to be the dominant during your sexual relationship with Bella. Would you like my opinion?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and leaning across the desk a little, he had to know Edward wanted to just leave.

"No. What I do with Bella is not your business. _She's_ not your business."

"I think," he pushed on, ignoring Edward completely, "that your past is the cause of your problems today."

"It's not..." Edward knew it was. Really, he'd always known it was but it wasn't an excuse. He was better than that. He was better than those people who said that it was a 'cycle' and history was 'repeating itself'. That was bullshit. They were weak.

"Tell me how it isn't then. Tell me why you were drinking. What were you trying to escape? Did you hate Bella for a while? Did you want to forget about her? Did you want to go out and sleep with other women but if you committed to her like she wanted you to that wouldn't be possible? You had that ring for almost a year, Edward. What kept you from giving it to her? If it wasn't your past than that says you didn't know if you wanted her..."

"Fuck you!" Edward didn't care if that made sense. Bella meant everything to him. He didn't even consider the idea of being with anyone else now. "You have no fucking clue what you're talking about. I would die for her. I was scared that I'd hurt her. I_ hate _that I _did _end up hurting her!"

"What did your mother do when she was confused about things?" Edward just glared at him. "You said you worked at not drinking because you didn't want to become your mother. You said that you haven't touched alcohol since the night you lost it with Bella when Emmett was there. Do you still crave alcohol, Edward? Is it hard for you to go out to a bar and not drink? Is it hard to be around friends who have alcohol?"

"For a little while it was but no. I didn't drink a lot before and I don't really need it. I just don't drink anymore."

"Could you stop having sex?" Edward froze. Was this man seriously asking another man if he could stop having sex? The anger melted into disbelief. Surely, this guy had fucking lost it. As if the other man knew what Edward was thinking, he chuckled a little and said, "Let me reword that. Could you see yourself engaging in only occasional, vanilla sex with Bella? Sex isn't something to be ashamed of. Our bodies sometimes make it difficult but could you stop having sex until the wedding?"

Edward nodded that he could. Of course he could. He wasn't an addict. He tried to remember the last time he was alone at home with Bella and they didn't engage in some sort of sexual activity. The doctor let him think before asking this time, "Did Bella enter into a consensual sexual relationship that involved BDSM before she was with you? Was this new for her?"

"She'd never...no. She hadn't been with many people before me at all."

"And she knows about the other women."

"I didn't do that with those other women. Only with Bella."

"Whose idea was it? Have things become progressively more extreme or did they start off extreme?"

"I have a girl who I was rougher with. She liked it that way. She'd ask me to hold her down or even to grip her harder...I've left bruises on her because she wanted me to do it. I was, I guess, closer to her than the other girls."

"She's the one you said you had a connection with before Bella? The one that causes issues still with you and Bella?"

"Yes. Well, Bella said she liked it a little rougher but what I did to Tanya wasn't right. I know that. I couldn't do that to Bella. Over time, we started looking into the BDSM idea and worked at it safely. Doc, look, I know we're kind of strange compared to other couples but I swear that I'm careful with her. The second she tells me to stop I do and I let her pick and choose what we do during our scenes. I would never make her let me spank her or something like that. She has to want it...or it disgusts me. She likes it just as much as I do...or at least she says she likes it. She asks me for it now..."

"Alright. I know. Edward, BDSM, if carried out properly, is fine. My point is this. She knew that it might be something you needed. She knew you liked rough sex. She knew that you were with many other women. Could you stop, though? You're planning to marry her. For better or for worse. If she told you she wasn't interested in rough sex, could you stop?"

"For her, yes."

"Why do you like to tie her up and make her vulnerable to you? It must be a turn on if you consent to do that to her."

"I don't know. Look, I don't like talking about this with you. Bella's very...innocent. She's not a bad person..."

"I never said she was. Why do you think that I would feel that way about her?" Edward wouldn't answer that. He knew what the shrink was trying to do. Well played. The next question came out a little more loudly from the doctor's mouth. "Edward, do you feel like you were a bad person before you met Bella?"

He was still telling himself he wouldn't answer that even as his mouth opened. "No. Those girls were willing to go home with me. I told you, I never hurt them...except Tanya...and she wanted it."

"Do you think that sleeping with multiple women over just a few weeks, or even the course of a weekend, is normal behavior?"

"For some. I don't see what was wrong with it..."

"Do you agree it wasn't healthy?"

"I always used protection and..."

"I mean _emotionally_ healthy."

"I was fine."

"As long as you got the end product you were craving right? You would be irritable if you went home by yourself. You would get agitated when women turned you down?"

"No...I just...I mean it was frustrating sometimes but..."

"Has Bella ever turned you down?"

"Not really..."

"What if she did?"

"I'd step back and accept it. I love her."

"Would she be willing to stop for a little while?"

"Of course. I'm usually the one who engages it..."

"Okay. Well, our times up for the day. See you Thursday?" Edward just nodded, confused about how this ended and the abruptness at which it did. He wondered what the point to the whole session was.

"I don't understand," Edward finally said. "I know you know I have a shitty past but I'm not a fucking sex addict. I'm not."

"Then prove it. You say you were addicted to alcohol and you stopped. If you're not addicted to sex, then it should be easier to stop, right? I'm not saying celibacy is the answer. I'm saying to slow things down a little so that you can see the effect sex has on your life. What your father did to you was wrong. What you do now with Bella is not wrong, nor is it the same thing, but I do believe your childhood experiences influence you today.

"When you pinned Bella to that wall, the night you were really drunk, I believe you were acting on your need for sexual release more than being an angry drunk. Your judgment was impaired due to the alcohol-that Bella was surprised about by the way-but you were acting on sexual impulses. I've heard her talk about the way you treat her and I've heard you talk about it as well. You seem protective of her and you said yourself today that you'd die for her.

"When she came back to you that night, you didn't just hug her or try to talk to her. You wanted her to kiss you, which is more sexual of an experience than most people give it credit. You pinned her against the wall as well, you didn't _just_ kiss her. You...sucked hard on her neck. No one can know what you were feeling in that moment except you and you can't remember it except for what your friend and Bella have told you so my thoughts are on the fact that you were craving sex with her and even though you wouldn't have reacted sexually like that in front of your friend, Emmett, the alcohol impaired you enough to do so.

"So, Edward, which do you think is the bigger problem? Your history with alcohol or your history with sex? Either way, both are about your past. The sex is what concerns me, though. Until you admit that it is an issue...or we at least talk about the stem of the problem, which is your experiences when you were younger, we're going to keep hitting a wall. You're here because you want my help. I can't help you until you let me. I'll see you Thursday."

**Does anyone else want to hug poor, conflicted Edward? Let me know what you think! Letzy xx**


	42. A Cold and Broken Alleluia

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just using the names that she created for her wonderful story. **

**X-NessieCullen-X, as always, has preread and beta'd this little project of mine. She's fantabulous and keeps me sane :)**

**Chapter 42**

**A Cold and Broken Alleluia**

Edward let himself into his apartment and tried to keep a smile on his face when he walked into the kitchen. Both Bella and Lanie were sitting at the kitchen table with their glasses on and heads bent over papers. From the looks of it, Lanie was into her Pre-Algebra homework and Bella was grading papers. Steam rose from pots that sat on the stove behind the girls.

"Wow, if someone broke in here, you guys wouldn't have even known."

Both of their heads whipped up to look at him. Lanie just rolled her eyes and went back to her homework. "Dinner will be ready soon. I'm making spaghetti with meat sauce," Bella mumbled, still focused on her papers. Edward stirred the noddles and went back to his room to change into a pair of sweatpants and put on a clean shirt. He hadn't been home yet since going to work. Just as he yanked an old Pittsburgh Penguins t-shirt over his head, Bella walked through the doorway, closed the door, and plopped down on the bed.

"How was work?" he asked her.

"Exhausting. This group of kids...they're awful with independent work. I'm getting a new student tomorrow, too, so I've been getting ready for him. I'll probably be at the school later than normal tomorrow. I'll bring Lanie over when I'm done unless you want to pick her up on your way home. How was your day?"

"Same shit different day."

Bella frowned, leaning back on her elbows. "You seem a little agitated tonight. You okay?"

He tried to shake the confrontations he'd just had with his therapist off but remembering it all just pissed him off more. "Yeah..."

The way she was sitting with her button-up white shirt and black skirt, leaning back onto his bed, her hair pulled up in a messy bun and her glasses on, Edward had to fight to hide the bulge now forming in his sweatpants. He knew Lanie was in the kitchen but if he could just have Bella real quick before dinner... Frustrated with himself and knowing it was impossible as his sister_ was_ in the kitchen, he closed his dresser a little rougher than was necessary and ran a hand through his hair.

"Seriously, what's going on? Was it your session today?"

The fact that her breasts were practically on display for him since she had the first two buttons undone and the realization that he really was craving sex made him even more annoyed. _Maybe that damn doctor does have an idea of what my problem is._ "It's nothing. I'm just tired. It's been a long, tiring day."

"Alright. I'm dropping the subject. I have a bunch of stuff to get done tonight so I'm probably going to head back home after dinner." Standing up, she walked over and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you."

"I love you, too. How's your dad?"

"Good. Great. He's doing really well. I think he's starting to itch to get back to work, though. Luca's loving the fact that someone's home with him all day."

"You look great in that skirt. Did I ever tell you your glasses really turn me on?" He was saying it to be playful but wondered if he sounded creepy. _Damn doctor..._

"Yes. Every time I wear them and I always tell _you _the same thing. You're crazy. Come on, Lanie's probably starving and I have to throw the salad together yet. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Therapy just kind of sucked today."

"It's not going to be easy, baby."

"I know."

"Come help me with the salad. I'm sure Lanie could use some Algebra help and that's all you. I'm so not a high school math person."

Edward helped his sister while Bella buzzed around the kitchen, humming to herself. He watched her when he wasn't cutting cucumbers or talking to Lanie. It felt good to see her happy. They had decided to wait until after the wedding for her to move in but he was getting more and more antsy. Now that it was actually happening, he felt like such an idiot for fighting it. If he'd gotten anything out of therapy so far, it was that he was definitely a little ass backwards in how he rationalized things like that.

Unable to look at Bella while he thought about his past, he looked down at the cutting board and wondered if there was truth in what Reiner was saying. In the back of his mind, a little voice was practically screaming at him to quit being an idiot and accept that his past sexual experiences were still with him today but another voice was trying to strangle that one. It was too painful to remember and, therefore, half of him couldn't even consider it without flinching away.

There was only one other person he knew that had struggled with almost the same thing he had. A sick feeling formed in his stomach as he let himself consider where she was at emotionally and even physically today. Before he could contemplate that any further, Bella twisted the knob on the stove and broke through his inner ramblings. "It's ready!"

They were all fairly quiet during dinner and, when she was done, Lanie grabbed her used copy of Treasure Island that she was reading for her English class to sneak back to her room with. Bella stood up from her seat beside him. To his surprise, she straddled him, sitting on his lap so that they were face to face. "You look so lost."

With a small smile, he shook his head. "Reiner was just being a prick..."

"You pay him good money for that," Bella teased.

"I know. I just...I don't like talking about my past."

"Which is why you're going to therapy. Edward, you have to let this out. I know you don't want to do it with me and you've told me enough that I know what I need to. With him, though, you have to say it. You have to tell him the whole story. He can't help you if you don't."

"How is he going to help me if I do tell him? He wants us to quit having sex." Edward whispered this last part.

To his surprise, a smile turned up on Bella's lips. "Why do you think that is?"

"Why aren't you upset about that?"

"I'm kind of...indifferent. I'm sure he doesn't mean stop forever. Then, I'd be knocking on his door so that I can kick his ass." Lifting her off of his lap, he stood and started to pick up dishes. "Edward, I'm going to stay for a little while. I know I said I was going to leave but I think I'd rather hang out here."

"Bells, if you have work to do..."

"I can do it when I go home later. Let's clean this up and then sit down and talk. I can tell there's something on your mind. I was on your lap and you weren't even hard. Something's going on up there," she teased, poking him in the back of the head.

"You don't want to hear it. Seriously, it's not something that you should have to listen to me talk about..."

"Well, I'm staying. You can talk or we can waste my time and watch TV. Either way, I'm not getting my work done until you seem okay."

"I'm not going to bust out a bottle of Jack if that's what you're worried about," he muttered.

"Don't be like that."

"I'm sorry. Go relax. I'll clean this up and we can...talk."

When he finally plopped down beside her, he felt drained and would have rather just turned on the TV and vegged out for the night. Still, she stayed to try to help him and he wasn't going to take that for granted. "We talked about my past but we also talked about my recent past."

"Like Tanya?" Bella muttered.

"And the other girls. Yes."

"And now you're all out of sorts. That doesn't make me comfortable..."

"It's not that. I'm not even...considering...my old ways but I can't help but wonder if I have more wrong with me than I realize."

Bella gave a loud sigh and leaned her head on the back of the couch. "Seriously? The reason you're going to this guy is to realize that you aren't totally fucked up. I thought you said he didn't think you had a drinking problem..."

"Tanya was abused by her dad when she was little," Edward blurted out, looking away and feeling like he was betraying Tanya. Remembering everything Tanya had said to Bella and about her, he tried not to roll his eyes at himself and continued. "She was so young the first time that she can't even remember when it actually started. Her mom took off when she was three. Her brother is her twin. Jimmy wasn't abused sexually but she was until she was sixteen and they ran away from home. Thankfully, her dad died about a year ago when he killed himself."

"Holy shit," Bella breathed, her face was a little flushed.

"I just think about all of the problems she has and..."

"You do not have the same issues, Edward. You don't. She's a mess. You have a steady job, are taking care of a child that isn't yours, and are getting married in a few months. She's been in and out of drug rehab, has aborted a baby that was probably conceived during a one-night stand, and is living off of her brother. She's still struggling with addiction."

"Do you think that I am?"

"Struggling with an addiction?"

"Yeah. Reiner seems to think that I've either had a sexual addiction or I still do. I mean, it makes sense. I still think that what I did before you came along was somewhat normal behavior for a single man but I'll admit that I acted very rashly the night when I went out with the girl you found me with at Jasper's... Don't worry about it. I really don't like talking with you about this. You shouldn't have to relive it."

"Edward, it happened. Neither of us can say it didn't. You didn't cheat. I told you we were over completely. I blame myself for most of that. Are you, still, having those urges. I mean, like, do you think about other women a lot or...want them?"

"No," he honestly answered, taking her hand in his. "Never. I mean, I'm a guy. A girl walks past with a short skirt on and I might look but that's where it stops. I'd never...pursue her. I wouldn't hurt you that way and I wouldn't risk losing you over something that stupid. Sex is not a replacement for _you_. There's _never_ going to be a replacement for you. You're my life now. Most men, though, don't feel the need to have themselves tested for STD's before having unprotected sex with the girl they are in love with. I'm fucked up. I know that."

"Edward, you're dad..."

"Don't," he whispered, possibly in the harshest tone he'd ever taken with her, not wanting to hear what she had to say.

Bella was stubborn though and if she had to listen to him talk about Tanya, he would sit and hear her out when she began to talk again. "He hurt you. You never saw what a normal relationship was and the experiences you had with sex were obviously forced on you at a young age. Edward, I'm not going to say you aren't addicted but if you are, Reiner can't determine that until you are honest with him. Tell him what happened to you and tell him how you were before you met me. I know it hurts to talk about this stuff but he can't make an honest diagnosis without knowing. It's obvious that you don't think you are addicted but I will say that most men your age can't go three, four, or sometimes even five times in one night. You aren't comfortable discussing things with friends or even me and I get that completely. We both know that sex has affected you differently than others. Reiner's a professional that understands that."

"I told you I'm fucked..."

"Stop it," Bella bit out, sliding back onto his lap and taking his face in her hands. "You didn't ask for any of this, Edward. Hold your head high and be proud that you _aren't_ like Tanya. None of this changes how I feel about you. I love you and Lanie loves you and it's because you care enough about us to save yourself. Your sister is proud of you for getting help. Speaking of Tanya, though, I didn't really get to talk to you about the bomb she dropped the last time we ran into her."

"Because you were busy cleaning the blood off your hands," he smirked, not able to hide how proud he was of her for doing what she did.

"Are you okay about the situation, though?"

"It's not my business to care. It wasn't my baby and I'm pretty sure that baby wouldn't have made it anyway. Bella, I'm going to be honest. She's back on the drugs."

"How do you know that? Have you seen her since the night at the bar?"

"No. I could tell then. She didn't want to go to the hospital but she should have. She made it sound like she was going to get her nose checked out but Jasper said she refused to go do so. She just called Jimmy to pick her up."

"That means she's on drugs?"

"It means she didn't want to go to the hospital because she knew she was high."

"Oh," Bella sighed.

"I'm done with it. I've tried. I fucking checked her into the hospital two years ago myself. She knows it, too. There's been no contact at all with her since that night at the bar and even before that I haven't heard from her since the whole pregnancy thing came out."

"It's kind of ironic if you asked me. Edward, if it wasn't for the way she approached the situation between you and I, or the way she got so defensive towards me when we first met, I would have been supportive of a friendship between you two. It would have been hard and it would've had to stay completely non-sexual. If it wasn't for the drugs and her flaunting your sexual relationship in my face, I would have understood the connection you two had. In fact, it might have been healthy for you to have someone to relate to."

"I'll be honest. If it wasn't for you, there's a chance that she would have ended up pulling me down with her. I related a little too much to her and that would have only made me stick closer to her. I felt...feel sorry for her. I hate that I do but..."

"You know what she went through," Bella finished. "I'm sorry, Edward. I don't trust you two together, though."

"I understand. I have some serious hatred towards a lawyer you never even ended up dating and a certain, fairly harmless, phys. ed teacher."

Bella giggled and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm all yours, Edward. There's no reason for your jealousy."

Yelling could be heard from their neighbor and Bella jumped a little in surprise, instinctively his arms tightened around her. "It's getting late. Why don't I walk you down?"

The next day, Bella sat at her desk at the end of the day and stared straight ahead. It had been a hell of a day with the new kid and she made the decision to take Lanie straight to the apartment when she arrived. This new child did not act as a typical sixth grader and Bella had tried every behavioral management trick she knew. The day ended with the boy having none of his work done. A part of her wanted to dive into her work and get things done but the other part of her was too distracted with this new student. She'd gotten everything from last night done after getting home from Edward's and felt a little bit more caught up.

Lanie came in with her book bag slung over one shoulder and sighed. "I feel the same way," Bella muttered, turning to look at the girl. When she really looked at Lanie's face, she knew something was up. The girl was glancing at her and bouncing on her toes like there was something she thought she should ask.

"Should...I...get my homework out?"

"No. I think I just want to go home. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm... Yeah."

"Is this about Embry? Did something happen?"

"No. I think...it's not a big deal."

"Alright. I'll take the hint. Let's get out of here."

They were a block away from the apartment when one of them spoke again. Lanie turned to her and Bella was dying to know what was going on with the girl but she didn't want to push. What Lanie asked her, made her sick. "Bella, do you know...does Edward have any blonde friends? I mean, besides Rose and Jazz. Like...a girl."

All the breath rushed from Bella's lungs. "Um..."

"Never mind. Really. I just...I must be confused."

Deciding to drop it but to ask Edward about it, she noticed his car wasn't outside and frowned. Telling herself that she was just being paranoid, that he'd just gotten caught up at work, she followed Lanie into the building. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Tacos?" Lanie asked with a smile, the first smile Bella had seen on the girl since she had walked into Bella's classroom. Digging through the cupboards, Bella found the packet of seasoning and made sure there was hamburger.

"I suppose. Salads or tortillas?"

"Salad but Edward will want the shells."

"Alright. I'll cut us up enough lettuce for two salads and start defrosting the meat. Get out your homework. I'm going to check some papers..."

They fell into their typical routine and an hour later, when Edward still wasn't home, Bella watched the meat grow cold and started to become anxious. Unable to play the non-clingy girlfriend anymore, she grabbed her cell and headed back to his bedroom. There was no answer on his phone and she sent him a text instead of leaving a voice mail. Ten minutes later, just as she was about to tell Lanie to set the table for the two of them, Edward strode through the door. Physically, nothing seemed off about him...until he turned to face her. His eyes were red.

"Where were you?" Bella whispered, leaning into him. He didn't smell like alcohol. Thank God.

"I didn't realize you'd be here this early. I thought you'd be at the school. Is dinner done already?"

"It's been done. You could have let me know you were running late. Where were you?" she asked again, crossing her arms.

"I went to see Reiner."

"Does it have something to do with your sister asking me if I know if you have any blonde friends? What about your neighbor asking if the blonde girl found the right door? " When he just gaped at her, Bella tried to stay calm. "Your sessions with Reiner are on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I love you enough to know that."

"Bella..."

"How does Lanie know about your blonde friend?"

"Tanya stopped by here last night," he admitted.

"How the hell does she even know where you live?"

"I don't know. I didn't tell her. I didn't call or text her. She showed up here last night at midnight, waking both Lanie and I up. She was strung out again. I was right, she's back on the drugs. I called James to come get her and that's the extent of it. I didn't realize Lanie saw her. I thought she had gone back to bed..."

"Well, she's obviously curious and if she saw a strung out girl all over her brother, no wonder she's so upset..."

"All over me? Bella, I barely understood what she was saying and she never touched me. She leaned against the door, slurring about something..."

"Is she why you went to Reiner?"

"No. I went online after you left last night and looked up the...addiction...we discussed before you went home. I wanted to talk to him about it. Tanya is not a part of my life anymore. Seriously, I have no idea why she was here, how she managed to get here, or how she_ knew how_ to get here."

"I'm putting a lot of trust in you here..."

"Dammit, Bella..."

"Don't act like that with me. If Jacob came to my house you'd be pissed and he hasn't tried to jump me!"

"Taco's are ready," Lanie said from the doorway to the kitchen, causing both of them to turn in surprise. The girl looked annoyed and slightly embarrassed, Bella wondered how much of that she heard.

Edward looked at Bella as if that was her fault and Bella just rolled her eyes. When Lanie was out of sight and Edward started to follow, Bella pulled him back and put her arms around him. "I'm sorry. I was worried about you and I've had a day of hell. Then, your sister brings up you having a blonde friend and your neighbor asks me about the girl finding _our_ apartment. He assumed we were living together. I'm just...annoyed."

"I know. I should have called. We're going to be married soon. I need to start remembering that," he said with a half smile.

"You'd do well to remember that," Bella teased.

"So I guess the neighbor is the missing link on how Tanya figured out where I live. She could have figured out the building itself from just about anywhere if she looked hard enough. I possibly even told her but she didn't have the apartment number. I wondered how many people she had to ask. She was pretty incoherent."

"Why wouldn't someone call the cops if they saw she was that strung out and kind of lost?"

"In this neighborhood, people are really good at keeping to their own business," he replied in a clipped tone and Bella's heart clenched. They sure as hell hadn't been concerned for the little boy who was being so badly abused and neglected by his parents.

"We'll finish this discussion later. Lanie's hungry."

Edward walked into the kitchen and pulled out his chair before realizing what was in front of him. "Tacos? Again?" he asked Lanie, acting like it was all he'd eaten for years.

Bella just crossed her arms as she sat down beside him. Smiling over at Lanie though, she said, "After last night, I think she deserves it."

Edward just shook his head, although at least now he was smiling as well. They were just forcing Edward to eat one more taco to get rid of the leftover meat when a knock sounded on the door. Bella absently stood to get it without when Edward told her to wait. With a messy taco in his hand and a mouthful of food, Edward looked helplessly at the kitchen doorway and Bella patted him on the shoulder. "I'll be fine."

The knocking sounded again and Bella ignored Edward's annoyed look. He'd always been weird about either of the girls opening the door, especially when they weren't expecting anyone. Bella understood his concern, as the neighbors could be pretty rough. Cracking the door open, and wishing Edward had a peep-hole, she took in a blonde man with a black hoodie. "Can I help you?" she asked as politely as possible. Edward had her feeling paranoid.

"I need... Is Edward Cullen here?"

"Um, may I ask who's asking?" Bella asked timidly. The tattoo that wound around his neck and up his cheek and the way his bloodshot eyes tracked her made her even more nervous.

The man shifted nervously and eventually said, "James Denali. Look, I know you don't know me but I really need to see Edward. I've been trying to call him. If he's not here..."

"Bells?" Edward asked, stepping up behind her. Figuring it was safe, Bella opened the door the whole way, her stomach queasy.

"Edward, I really need to talk to you."

"Look, Jimmy, my little sister's here," Edward cautioned and Bella became even more scared.

"Well, mine's..." the man snapped but then closed his mouth and looked down. He was trying to compose himself.

"Alright. Five minutes. We'll go down to the lobby. I'm serious this time, Jimmy. She's not my problem..." Edward stepped past Bella, kissing her forehead. "Stay up here with Lanie. It's okay. Jimmy's...okay."

Bella watched the men walk away and closed the door behind them. Completely irritated and over the entire Tanya situation, Bella stomped back to the kitchen and started clearing the table. "Who was that?" Lanie asked.

"A friend of Edward's. Don't worry about." Seeing how annoyed Lanie looked, Bella sighed and said, "Edward went down to talk about a friend of his. Really, it's not a big deal. Do you need any help with your homework?" Wishing she could be as positive as her words sounded, Bella began to do the dishes, counting the minutes until Edward returned.

The two men didn't say a word to each other until they got to the bottom of the stairs and into the doorway that was the entrance to the whole building. With his voice still low, Edward decided he wasn't going to wait while James stood there and gave him that odd, almost-blank look. "Look, I don't know what you want me to do. It's obvious after last night that no matter what you tried to do for her, she just went back to the drugs. Bella isn't going to put up with her being a part of my life anymore. I was there with her when I could be during her rehab stints before but I'm done. I'm not her boyfriend."

"Edward, she's..."

When James's voice broke, Edward cut him off. He felt bad but the two of them had the same conversation over and over again since the first time he got her into the hospital and this time James looked even more devastated. Edward wanted to make himself clear. "I can't save her anymore, James."

As the man in front of him scrunched up his face, Edward braced himself to tell the guy no to helping his sister yet again. "You don't have to. She's already dead."

**WARNING! I will post this now and I will post this at the top of the next chapter as well... The next chapter will contain very dark situations. I will not give the exact situations here because it can ruin the story for some and I don't want to just blurt it out. Just be warned. With that said, I know this story is not for everyone. If it is not for you, I understand if you bow out kindly. I do not mind if you drop a nicely put 'negative' review but to anonymously give a review of how much you hate it every chapter is not giving constructive criticism. **

**A huge THANKS, though, to all the wonderful support this story has been given by 99% of you. You never cease to amaze me and I read every single review you leave for me! I hope most of you will stick this thing out with me because I think next chapter will be something you won't necessarily enjoy but you will at least be made to feel a little for the abuse Edward himself has been a part of. Love you all! Letzy xx**


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